fic: Moments for ladydrahem by inell
Title: Moments
Author: inell
Giftee: Ladydraherm
Rating: R
Word Count(for fic): 3660
Characters/Pairing: Zach/Cedric, mention of Cho/Cedric
Author/Artist's Notes: Thank you to my beta
Summary: Moments in time put together to create a past that he’ll never forget.
****
Tri-Wizard Tournament to be held at Hogwarts for the first time in 10 years.
The headline of the Daily Prophet catches Zach’s attention as he walks past the vendor in Diagon Alley. He stops in his place on the cobblestone sidewalk and stares at the words as memories flash through his mind. Has it really been ten years? It seems like it was just yesterday. He remembers it all so vividly still, all these years later; moments in time put together to create a past that he’ll never forget.
He gets a few sickles from the pocket of his robe and hands them over in exchange for the paper. Oblivious to everything happening around him, he finds a blank space of wall and leans against it as he opens the paper. It’s like someone has kicked him in the gut when he sees a picture of Cedric Diggory smiling up at him. Why can’t those vultures of the press just let things go? Ten years is long enough to let Cedric rest in peace without having the story of his death retold all these years later.
After he scans the article, he rips out the picture and then tosses the rest of the paper into the nearest rubbish bin. He folds the photograph carefully and puts it into his pocket before he changes directions and heads towards Gringotts. Cho will have seen the paper by now and probably needs him. Despite the directions of their lives and everything that has happened in the decade since Cedric died, they have a connection that no one else will ever understand. They know what it is like to have been loved by Cedric Diggory.
*****
The broom won’t go fast enough. Zach can feel dampness on his cheeks as he flies hard, gripping the broom so tight he’s surprised he hasn’t broken it. He tries to outrun everything, to lose himself in the flight, but it’s still there. He’s alone, but he can feel Cedric flying beside him, which makes him urge the broom higher.
He hates it. Nothing is right anymore. How can this world be magical when something like this can happen? They won’t tell them anything. There are whispers all over the castle of Voldemort and war and death, but it’s all rumor. Potter knows but he’s not talking. He hardly says anything and people seem to think what he does say is just lies. Zach has no idea what rumors are true and what's simply gossip or why no one will give them any fucking answers, but it makes him so angry that he can’t see straight.
People are crying in the hallways, mourning the loss of someone they didn’t even know, and he wants to tell them all to shut up. They never knew Cedric, not really. They saw the Golden Boy of Hufflepuff, the Captain of the Quidditch team and future Head Boy. They never saw him grin after a great flight, never heard him laugh as he teased with his lips and hands, never saw his face flushed after orgasm, never knew what it was like to know someone that special.
He knows, though, and it hurts so bloody much. He doesn’t know what to do or how to act because no one knew about them. He can’t say anything because no one would understand. He’s too young, in their eyes, and Cedric was perfect. It didn’t matter that he hated being thought of as perfect or that he had dreams of flying around the world with Zach once they were both out of school. It didn’t matter that he had hopes of becoming a professor because he liked to share knowledge or that he didn’t want to be a hero. He just wanted to be Cedric.
It’s pointless to try to outrun the past. It’s not going anywhere regardless of how fast he flies. Cedric is part of him and has been since they first met. Zach just wants it to stop hurting, to understand and not miss him so much, to not catch glimpses of him out of the corner of his eye and hope it’s really him. It’s something he’ll never understand, he knows, because it doesn’t make sense to him that Cedric can actually be gone.
The last time he saw him was before the Third Task. Cedric had smiled and kissed him before ruffling his hair and promising that they’d celebrate the end of the bloody tournament regardless of outcome. Cedric had winked at him and then was gone. All Zach can think about is that promise and the feel of Cedric’s lips against his for that last kiss.
When he lands his broom, he wipes his face with the back of his hand. He refuses to cry but can’t help it when he’s flying. He remembers all the days when they’d go flying and can feel Cedric so clearly that the loss hurts even more. He notices someone watching him and is surprised when he sees Cho. They’ve not spoken since Cedric died, but he’s seen her looking at him a few times.
He notices that she’s been crying and sighs when their eyes meet. They don’t bother to speak. Really, what is there to say? For the first time since he lost Cedric, he feels like he might not be alone. Someone else does understand and maybe that helps a little. He lets his broom fall to the ground and opens his arms as she steps forward to hug him. Her tears soak through his shirt as she cries in earnest, clinging to him as she lets go and mourns the boy they both love.
****
It’s stupid to be jealous. Zach knows this but he can’t help feeling that way. It was bad enough at the Yule Ball, having to watch Cedric dance with her and be a charming date. It didn’t matter that, after, Zach was the one on his knees with Cedric’s fingers tangled in his hair or that he’s the one Cedric held close in the shadows of the sixth year dorm.
Now, though, Cho bloody Chang is the thing that Cedric would miss most. Zach is so angry that he can barely sit through the entire task. Bones gives him a sad little smile, which makes him wonder if they’ve not been as discreet over the last year as they thought, and he glares back because, really, what else is there to do?
As soon as it’s over, he gets the Hell away. If Cedric wants Cho, fine. He can have the uptight little priss. Zach somehow doubts she’s likely to get on her knees and suck Cedric off whenever he’s stressed over this Tri-Wizard shite, and that gives him some satisfaction before he just feels lost and empty.
He ignores Cedric for an entire week after the Second Task; seven whole days with nothing but glares or sneers. He studies Slytherins to get the entire ‘fuck off’ sneer perfect, and feels pretty proud that he hasn’t gone running back for any attention Cedric is willing to give him. He develops a habit of going to the lake to throw rocks into the water, needing some outlet for his anger, and a habit for flying so hard and fast that he nearly crashes a few times.
He considers sucking off Krum, wondering if that would make Cedric jealous so he can see what it feels like, but Krum hasn’t looked at anyone but that Granger bitch since he arrived. He considers letting the bloody Weasley twins have him, one on each end, so long as Cedric walks in to see, but can’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he sulks and hates everyone and everything.
On the seventh day, he’s at the lake when Cedric approaches him. Zach looks at him and then deliberately ignores him, not caring if he’s acting like an immature arse or not. He’s only fifteen, a skinny foul-mouthed git with shaggy blond hair who barely pays attention in class unless it’s something that interests him. She’s older and smart with nice tits and pretty hair. It’s no wonder Cedric wants her instead of him.
“She’s not you,” Cedric says quietly. “I like her, though, and enjoy spending time with her. But, Zach, she’s not what I need.”
“I don’t think you know what you need,” Zach mutters crossly. “You want it all, don’t you? You want to have me around to suck you and fly with you and listen when you need an ear but you want her because she’s acceptable and smart and has nice tits.”
“God, it’s times like this that I remember just how young you are,” Cedric murmurs before he sighs. “I knew you were too young but couldn’t resist. I had to have you and never considered anything else.”
“Selfish git.”
“Yes, I am.”
Zach turns to look at him and glares, for good measure. “It’s not fair,” he points out. “She thinks you’re her handsome, doting, loyal boyfriend and here you are with me. She and I deserve better than this.”
“You do,” Cedric agrees quietly. “But it’s not that easy. I want her, yeah, but I need you. And quit acting as if I’m only around for a shag because you know that’s not true and I hate when you do that.”
“It’s never gonna be more than that, Cedric,” Zach says with a snort. “She’s someone you take home to meet your parents and I’m the guy you sneak out to fuck on your lunch break.”
“Zach, please,” Cedric whispers in a tone Zach’s never heard before. “I know it’s not fair and that I shouldn’t ask, but it’s all confusing and I don’t know what to do right now. With the tournament and my dad and Cho and school, I just need something that no one can interfere with. I promise, when this is all over, I’ll decide. I just can’t right now.”
“There are times that I hate you,” Zach tells him softly, knowing he’s not strong enough to resist.
“I know,” Cedric says with a wry smile. “There are times that I hate me, too. I think Cho knows about us. I didn’t tell her but she’s smart and…well, I think she’s figured out something during the last week.”
“Good. She deserves to know if you care about her,” Zach says stubbornly. He may hate sharing Cedric but that doesn’t change right from wrong when it comes to this stuff. If Cho does know and hasn’t forced Cedric to make a choice, then things are fairer, he guesses. Someone is gonna get hurt by the time Cedric decides, and Zach is pretty sure it will be him, but it’s worth it.
“I’m scared,” Cedric admits as he moves closer. “The Third Task is soon and I don’t feel ready for it. What if I fail? My dad will be so disappointed. So will all these students who could have cared less about me until this bloody tournament. I wish I hadn’t joined it, you know?”
Zach doesn’t answer. Instead, he pulls Cedric closer and kisses him. The trees provide shelter and hide them as they fall to the ground. Hands touch, lips kiss, and they grind against each other as they escape for a few stolen moments where nothing else exists but them.
*****
The mood in the changing rooms is somber instead of celebratory. Diggory is quiet, which makes the rest of the team follow suit. Zach undresses slowly and wonders why it feels bad to have won. He likes to win, especially now that he’s part of the team, but not today. They all know it wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t a level playing field, and the victory is hollow.
He takes a long shower, needing to focus on something so he doesn’t get angry. He gets angry a lot these days, more so than before, and it tires him out. Hogwarts has become his refuge, the dream he hopes he never wakes from, and he hates to think that summer will be here soon. Summer is his father with drunken insults and hard fists that challenge him to show why he’s so special. Summer is his mother looking at him as if she’s scared of him because she doesn’t understand why he is the way he is.
He thinks back to his first year and remembers when he didn’t trust anything without explanations. Now, magic is all he really trusts. He still doesn’t understand how it works or why he has the gift, but this place is a refuge from a home life that has become something out of a bad dream. They say Potter is crazy, and Zach isn’t sure the kid is completely sane, but he can’t help thinking that maybe Potter has his own bad dreams.
“I hate this.”
The voice speaks from beside him and is quiet, reflective, and thoughtful. Zach turns and frowns when he sees Diggory leaning forward to rest his head against the wall as he showers. “Hate what?” he asks as he turns and leans his head back to wash his sweaty hair. They’re the only two left, it seems, and he figures Diggory thought he’d be alone since he waited so long to shower.
“I don’t know,” Diggory says with a soft laugh. He straightens up and begins to wash. “I just hate feeling this way, I guess. Do you ever get a feeling like there are things happening that you don’t know about but you think you should know?”
Zach blinks soap out of his eyes and admits, “I have no idea what you just said, Diggory.”
“Cedric,” Diggory corrects for possibly the hundredth time since they started flying together last school year. He shrugs. “I don’t know what I meant, either, so I guess we’re even. Sometimes I just feel there’s some involved game going on and we’re all just pieces on a board without any real control over what we can and can’t do, you know?”
“Not really, but I can sort of understand,” Zach decides as he turns back around and frowns. “It does seem like stuff is happening, with that escaped convict and those creepy fucking dementors.”
“Language, Zach,” Diggory scolds with a slight grin. Zach rolls his eyes and curses under his breath for good measure. “Yeah, maybe that’s why it all feels so weird lately.”
“You wanna go flying?” Zach asks, knowing that things always seem better when he’s on a broom high above the world, especially when Diggory is with him.
Diggory turns off his shower and turns to look at Zach, smiling as he nods. “Flying makes it better, doesn’t it?” He stares at Zach and frowns slightly as he reaches up to push his wet hair away from his face. He picks up his towel and wraps it around his waist, but keeps staring as if he’s seen something that he can’t figure out.
“Something wrong?” Zach finally asks as he turns off his shower and scratches his belly before he gets his towel. He dries off before he wraps it around his waist and rubs the back of his neck as he looks at Diggory. His eyes widen when Diggory leans forward suddenly and kisses him. It’s a quick kiss, just a press of lips against his, and then Diggory is pulling back.
“Oh fuck,” Diggory mutters as he looks anywhere but Zach. “I’m sorry, Zach. I don’t know why I did that. Oh, God.”
“Language, Di-Cedric,” Zach murmurs as he licks his lips, which are chapped and tingly. He figures he should be upset since most blokes wouldn’t want to be kissed by another one, but it’s Cedric, not some random bloke. He thinks it was a pretty bad first kiss, though, and wonders if all kisses are that brief and shy.
“I think we should go,” Cedric stammers as he finally looks at Zach.
“In a minute,” Zach tells him before he steps forward and kisses Cedric.
Time is forgotten as he learns that there are many kinds of kisses and many places that can be kissed.
*****
Quidditch is amazing. Zach has watched every practice since first year and attended every match, even those for other houses. He tries out for the team his second year, but knows he’s not good enough. He just can’t master flying, which frustrates him more than he lets anyone know.
When he’s on a broom, he just isn’t able to stop thinking about what’s keeping it in the air. He’s learned a lot in the last year and a half at Hogwarts, but magic is still something he doesn’t really trust. He knows it’s probably wrong to have the skill and not truly believe in it, but he can’t help how he feels.
When he doesn’t make the team, he’s angry at himself for trying when he knew he wasn’t ready. He spends all his free time trying to fly and play without dwelling on the hows and whys involved. He’s thirteen, after all, and should be able to be like the other kids who just blindly trust all this stuff they learn.
He rarely speaks in class anymore because all he wants to know is how magic works but no one seems to be able to answer that. It’s all about faith and trust and a bunch of other things he doesn’t really understand.
It’s late March when Diggory finds him practicing. Zach is embarrassed that someone who is such a natural at the sport has to see his terrible efforts. He lands and tries to think of some excuse to explain what he’s doing. Before he can, Diggory smiles.
“If you keep getting better, you’ll make the team next year for sure,” Diggory says knowingly. “You know, not many second years get chosen, even if they’re pretty good.”
“They don’t?” he asks, thinking about Potter and that git Malfoy.
“No, they don’t,” Diggory tells him firmly. “There are exceptions, but it usually takes more practice and initiative to get good enough. What do you think about when you fly?”
The question startles him and Zach draws a blank. He shrugs. “I dunno,” he admits.
“I think about freedom,” Diggory says. “I think about the wind in my hair and the feeling of escape as I just let everything go while I fly.”
“I think about how the broom stays up,” Zach murmurs, feeling pretty stupid compared to talk of freedom and letting go.
“There’s your problem, Zach.” Diggory smiles. “You shouldn’t be thinking about anything except flying. When you’re on a broom, it’s just you and the sky. You’ve got total control of everything: how you move, how fast you go, where you go. There isn’t room for hows and whats when you’re flying.”
“I like hows and whats,” Zach replies with a sheepish smile.
“I know.” Diggory ruffles his hair, which makes Zach scowl and him laugh, and says, “Come on. Let’s go flying. I could use a break and I’ll make sure to hex you if I see you thinking too much.”
*****
The Great Hall is full of students, and Zach can feel all of them watching him when his name is called out. He walks down the long path between two tables and tries to hide how nervous he is at the moment. He’s been listening as the other kids are sorted and knows that he doesn’t want to go to the table with all the green or the table with all the blue. The students at those tables aren’t friendly and seem to glare a lot. The other two tables are okay, though, as they’re loud and cheer whenever a new student is placed with them.
When he reaches the front, the old woman puts the ugly hat on his head. Zach shifts in place and frowns as he hears someone muttering. He figures the hat must be magic, but he’s still not entirely sure he believes in all this stuff. It’s like something out of a comic book or a cartoon on the telly, and he fully expects to wake up back at home one day to find that it’s all just been some weird dream. After all, it doesn’t make sense that hats can talk and people fly on brooms.
It becomes awkward as time passes and the hat just murmurs about stubborn skeptics, which he doesn’t really understand. He wants to ask questions, demand answers to satisfy his curiosity about this strange world that he’s suddenly a part of, but his parents hate when he talks so much and asks ‘why’, so he stays quiet. He scans the tables of students and notices the older boy in yellow and black who spoke to him on the train. He was the only student who bothered to say anything to Zach except for the girl with the frizzy hair who was looking for a toad and the rude blond kid now seated smugly with the sneering kids in green and silver.
The boy in yellow and black smiles at him, and Zach finds himself smiling back. The hat makes some strange noise and then declares, “Hufflepuff.”
Zach glances at the old woman and frowns, not sure he’s happy with some hat deciding what table he sits at when there are many professors who seem more qualified for such decisions. She gives him the look that his teachers back at school used to give him before they threatened him with notes to his parents for disrupting class with his questions. With that look, and the thought that he might get sent home before he’s figured out everything about this strange place, he hurries over to the table with the yellow and black.
The friendly older boy points to a place opposite him and reaches over to shake his hand. “Zach Smith?” the boy asks with a friendly smile. “Welcome to Hufflepuff. I’m Cedric Diggory.”
The End
Author: inell
Giftee: Ladydraherm
Rating: R
Word Count(for fic): 3660
Characters/Pairing: Zach/Cedric, mention of Cho/Cedric
Author/Artist's Notes: Thank you to my beta
Summary: Moments in time put together to create a past that he’ll never forget.
****
Tri-Wizard Tournament to be held at Hogwarts for the first time in 10 years.
The headline of the Daily Prophet catches Zach’s attention as he walks past the vendor in Diagon Alley. He stops in his place on the cobblestone sidewalk and stares at the words as memories flash through his mind. Has it really been ten years? It seems like it was just yesterday. He remembers it all so vividly still, all these years later; moments in time put together to create a past that he’ll never forget.
He gets a few sickles from the pocket of his robe and hands them over in exchange for the paper. Oblivious to everything happening around him, he finds a blank space of wall and leans against it as he opens the paper. It’s like someone has kicked him in the gut when he sees a picture of Cedric Diggory smiling up at him. Why can’t those vultures of the press just let things go? Ten years is long enough to let Cedric rest in peace without having the story of his death retold all these years later.
After he scans the article, he rips out the picture and then tosses the rest of the paper into the nearest rubbish bin. He folds the photograph carefully and puts it into his pocket before he changes directions and heads towards Gringotts. Cho will have seen the paper by now and probably needs him. Despite the directions of their lives and everything that has happened in the decade since Cedric died, they have a connection that no one else will ever understand. They know what it is like to have been loved by Cedric Diggory.
*****
The broom won’t go fast enough. Zach can feel dampness on his cheeks as he flies hard, gripping the broom so tight he’s surprised he hasn’t broken it. He tries to outrun everything, to lose himself in the flight, but it’s still there. He’s alone, but he can feel Cedric flying beside him, which makes him urge the broom higher.
He hates it. Nothing is right anymore. How can this world be magical when something like this can happen? They won’t tell them anything. There are whispers all over the castle of Voldemort and war and death, but it’s all rumor. Potter knows but he’s not talking. He hardly says anything and people seem to think what he does say is just lies. Zach has no idea what rumors are true and what's simply gossip or why no one will give them any fucking answers, but it makes him so angry that he can’t see straight.
People are crying in the hallways, mourning the loss of someone they didn’t even know, and he wants to tell them all to shut up. They never knew Cedric, not really. They saw the Golden Boy of Hufflepuff, the Captain of the Quidditch team and future Head Boy. They never saw him grin after a great flight, never heard him laugh as he teased with his lips and hands, never saw his face flushed after orgasm, never knew what it was like to know someone that special.
He knows, though, and it hurts so bloody much. He doesn’t know what to do or how to act because no one knew about them. He can’t say anything because no one would understand. He’s too young, in their eyes, and Cedric was perfect. It didn’t matter that he hated being thought of as perfect or that he had dreams of flying around the world with Zach once they were both out of school. It didn’t matter that he had hopes of becoming a professor because he liked to share knowledge or that he didn’t want to be a hero. He just wanted to be Cedric.
It’s pointless to try to outrun the past. It’s not going anywhere regardless of how fast he flies. Cedric is part of him and has been since they first met. Zach just wants it to stop hurting, to understand and not miss him so much, to not catch glimpses of him out of the corner of his eye and hope it’s really him. It’s something he’ll never understand, he knows, because it doesn’t make sense to him that Cedric can actually be gone.
The last time he saw him was before the Third Task. Cedric had smiled and kissed him before ruffling his hair and promising that they’d celebrate the end of the bloody tournament regardless of outcome. Cedric had winked at him and then was gone. All Zach can think about is that promise and the feel of Cedric’s lips against his for that last kiss.
When he lands his broom, he wipes his face with the back of his hand. He refuses to cry but can’t help it when he’s flying. He remembers all the days when they’d go flying and can feel Cedric so clearly that the loss hurts even more. He notices someone watching him and is surprised when he sees Cho. They’ve not spoken since Cedric died, but he’s seen her looking at him a few times.
He notices that she’s been crying and sighs when their eyes meet. They don’t bother to speak. Really, what is there to say? For the first time since he lost Cedric, he feels like he might not be alone. Someone else does understand and maybe that helps a little. He lets his broom fall to the ground and opens his arms as she steps forward to hug him. Her tears soak through his shirt as she cries in earnest, clinging to him as she lets go and mourns the boy they both love.
****
It’s stupid to be jealous. Zach knows this but he can’t help feeling that way. It was bad enough at the Yule Ball, having to watch Cedric dance with her and be a charming date. It didn’t matter that, after, Zach was the one on his knees with Cedric’s fingers tangled in his hair or that he’s the one Cedric held close in the shadows of the sixth year dorm.
Now, though, Cho bloody Chang is the thing that Cedric would miss most. Zach is so angry that he can barely sit through the entire task. Bones gives him a sad little smile, which makes him wonder if they’ve not been as discreet over the last year as they thought, and he glares back because, really, what else is there to do?
As soon as it’s over, he gets the Hell away. If Cedric wants Cho, fine. He can have the uptight little priss. Zach somehow doubts she’s likely to get on her knees and suck Cedric off whenever he’s stressed over this Tri-Wizard shite, and that gives him some satisfaction before he just feels lost and empty.
He ignores Cedric for an entire week after the Second Task; seven whole days with nothing but glares or sneers. He studies Slytherins to get the entire ‘fuck off’ sneer perfect, and feels pretty proud that he hasn’t gone running back for any attention Cedric is willing to give him. He develops a habit of going to the lake to throw rocks into the water, needing some outlet for his anger, and a habit for flying so hard and fast that he nearly crashes a few times.
He considers sucking off Krum, wondering if that would make Cedric jealous so he can see what it feels like, but Krum hasn’t looked at anyone but that Granger bitch since he arrived. He considers letting the bloody Weasley twins have him, one on each end, so long as Cedric walks in to see, but can’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he sulks and hates everyone and everything.
On the seventh day, he’s at the lake when Cedric approaches him. Zach looks at him and then deliberately ignores him, not caring if he’s acting like an immature arse or not. He’s only fifteen, a skinny foul-mouthed git with shaggy blond hair who barely pays attention in class unless it’s something that interests him. She’s older and smart with nice tits and pretty hair. It’s no wonder Cedric wants her instead of him.
“She’s not you,” Cedric says quietly. “I like her, though, and enjoy spending time with her. But, Zach, she’s not what I need.”
“I don’t think you know what you need,” Zach mutters crossly. “You want it all, don’t you? You want to have me around to suck you and fly with you and listen when you need an ear but you want her because she’s acceptable and smart and has nice tits.”
“God, it’s times like this that I remember just how young you are,” Cedric murmurs before he sighs. “I knew you were too young but couldn’t resist. I had to have you and never considered anything else.”
“Selfish git.”
“Yes, I am.”
Zach turns to look at him and glares, for good measure. “It’s not fair,” he points out. “She thinks you’re her handsome, doting, loyal boyfriend and here you are with me. She and I deserve better than this.”
“You do,” Cedric agrees quietly. “But it’s not that easy. I want her, yeah, but I need you. And quit acting as if I’m only around for a shag because you know that’s not true and I hate when you do that.”
“It’s never gonna be more than that, Cedric,” Zach says with a snort. “She’s someone you take home to meet your parents and I’m the guy you sneak out to fuck on your lunch break.”
“Zach, please,” Cedric whispers in a tone Zach’s never heard before. “I know it’s not fair and that I shouldn’t ask, but it’s all confusing and I don’t know what to do right now. With the tournament and my dad and Cho and school, I just need something that no one can interfere with. I promise, when this is all over, I’ll decide. I just can’t right now.”
“There are times that I hate you,” Zach tells him softly, knowing he’s not strong enough to resist.
“I know,” Cedric says with a wry smile. “There are times that I hate me, too. I think Cho knows about us. I didn’t tell her but she’s smart and…well, I think she’s figured out something during the last week.”
“Good. She deserves to know if you care about her,” Zach says stubbornly. He may hate sharing Cedric but that doesn’t change right from wrong when it comes to this stuff. If Cho does know and hasn’t forced Cedric to make a choice, then things are fairer, he guesses. Someone is gonna get hurt by the time Cedric decides, and Zach is pretty sure it will be him, but it’s worth it.
“I’m scared,” Cedric admits as he moves closer. “The Third Task is soon and I don’t feel ready for it. What if I fail? My dad will be so disappointed. So will all these students who could have cared less about me until this bloody tournament. I wish I hadn’t joined it, you know?”
Zach doesn’t answer. Instead, he pulls Cedric closer and kisses him. The trees provide shelter and hide them as they fall to the ground. Hands touch, lips kiss, and they grind against each other as they escape for a few stolen moments where nothing else exists but them.
*****
The mood in the changing rooms is somber instead of celebratory. Diggory is quiet, which makes the rest of the team follow suit. Zach undresses slowly and wonders why it feels bad to have won. He likes to win, especially now that he’s part of the team, but not today. They all know it wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t a level playing field, and the victory is hollow.
He takes a long shower, needing to focus on something so he doesn’t get angry. He gets angry a lot these days, more so than before, and it tires him out. Hogwarts has become his refuge, the dream he hopes he never wakes from, and he hates to think that summer will be here soon. Summer is his father with drunken insults and hard fists that challenge him to show why he’s so special. Summer is his mother looking at him as if she’s scared of him because she doesn’t understand why he is the way he is.
He thinks back to his first year and remembers when he didn’t trust anything without explanations. Now, magic is all he really trusts. He still doesn’t understand how it works or why he has the gift, but this place is a refuge from a home life that has become something out of a bad dream. They say Potter is crazy, and Zach isn’t sure the kid is completely sane, but he can’t help thinking that maybe Potter has his own bad dreams.
“I hate this.”
The voice speaks from beside him and is quiet, reflective, and thoughtful. Zach turns and frowns when he sees Diggory leaning forward to rest his head against the wall as he showers. “Hate what?” he asks as he turns and leans his head back to wash his sweaty hair. They’re the only two left, it seems, and he figures Diggory thought he’d be alone since he waited so long to shower.
“I don’t know,” Diggory says with a soft laugh. He straightens up and begins to wash. “I just hate feeling this way, I guess. Do you ever get a feeling like there are things happening that you don’t know about but you think you should know?”
Zach blinks soap out of his eyes and admits, “I have no idea what you just said, Diggory.”
“Cedric,” Diggory corrects for possibly the hundredth time since they started flying together last school year. He shrugs. “I don’t know what I meant, either, so I guess we’re even. Sometimes I just feel there’s some involved game going on and we’re all just pieces on a board without any real control over what we can and can’t do, you know?”
“Not really, but I can sort of understand,” Zach decides as he turns back around and frowns. “It does seem like stuff is happening, with that escaped convict and those creepy fucking dementors.”
“Language, Zach,” Diggory scolds with a slight grin. Zach rolls his eyes and curses under his breath for good measure. “Yeah, maybe that’s why it all feels so weird lately.”
“You wanna go flying?” Zach asks, knowing that things always seem better when he’s on a broom high above the world, especially when Diggory is with him.
Diggory turns off his shower and turns to look at Zach, smiling as he nods. “Flying makes it better, doesn’t it?” He stares at Zach and frowns slightly as he reaches up to push his wet hair away from his face. He picks up his towel and wraps it around his waist, but keeps staring as if he’s seen something that he can’t figure out.
“Something wrong?” Zach finally asks as he turns off his shower and scratches his belly before he gets his towel. He dries off before he wraps it around his waist and rubs the back of his neck as he looks at Diggory. His eyes widen when Diggory leans forward suddenly and kisses him. It’s a quick kiss, just a press of lips against his, and then Diggory is pulling back.
“Oh fuck,” Diggory mutters as he looks anywhere but Zach. “I’m sorry, Zach. I don’t know why I did that. Oh, God.”
“Language, Di-Cedric,” Zach murmurs as he licks his lips, which are chapped and tingly. He figures he should be upset since most blokes wouldn’t want to be kissed by another one, but it’s Cedric, not some random bloke. He thinks it was a pretty bad first kiss, though, and wonders if all kisses are that brief and shy.
“I think we should go,” Cedric stammers as he finally looks at Zach.
“In a minute,” Zach tells him before he steps forward and kisses Cedric.
Time is forgotten as he learns that there are many kinds of kisses and many places that can be kissed.
*****
Quidditch is amazing. Zach has watched every practice since first year and attended every match, even those for other houses. He tries out for the team his second year, but knows he’s not good enough. He just can’t master flying, which frustrates him more than he lets anyone know.
When he’s on a broom, he just isn’t able to stop thinking about what’s keeping it in the air. He’s learned a lot in the last year and a half at Hogwarts, but magic is still something he doesn’t really trust. He knows it’s probably wrong to have the skill and not truly believe in it, but he can’t help how he feels.
When he doesn’t make the team, he’s angry at himself for trying when he knew he wasn’t ready. He spends all his free time trying to fly and play without dwelling on the hows and whys involved. He’s thirteen, after all, and should be able to be like the other kids who just blindly trust all this stuff they learn.
He rarely speaks in class anymore because all he wants to know is how magic works but no one seems to be able to answer that. It’s all about faith and trust and a bunch of other things he doesn’t really understand.
It’s late March when Diggory finds him practicing. Zach is embarrassed that someone who is such a natural at the sport has to see his terrible efforts. He lands and tries to think of some excuse to explain what he’s doing. Before he can, Diggory smiles.
“If you keep getting better, you’ll make the team next year for sure,” Diggory says knowingly. “You know, not many second years get chosen, even if they’re pretty good.”
“They don’t?” he asks, thinking about Potter and that git Malfoy.
“No, they don’t,” Diggory tells him firmly. “There are exceptions, but it usually takes more practice and initiative to get good enough. What do you think about when you fly?”
The question startles him and Zach draws a blank. He shrugs. “I dunno,” he admits.
“I think about freedom,” Diggory says. “I think about the wind in my hair and the feeling of escape as I just let everything go while I fly.”
“I think about how the broom stays up,” Zach murmurs, feeling pretty stupid compared to talk of freedom and letting go.
“There’s your problem, Zach.” Diggory smiles. “You shouldn’t be thinking about anything except flying. When you’re on a broom, it’s just you and the sky. You’ve got total control of everything: how you move, how fast you go, where you go. There isn’t room for hows and whats when you’re flying.”
“I like hows and whats,” Zach replies with a sheepish smile.
“I know.” Diggory ruffles his hair, which makes Zach scowl and him laugh, and says, “Come on. Let’s go flying. I could use a break and I’ll make sure to hex you if I see you thinking too much.”
*****
The Great Hall is full of students, and Zach can feel all of them watching him when his name is called out. He walks down the long path between two tables and tries to hide how nervous he is at the moment. He’s been listening as the other kids are sorted and knows that he doesn’t want to go to the table with all the green or the table with all the blue. The students at those tables aren’t friendly and seem to glare a lot. The other two tables are okay, though, as they’re loud and cheer whenever a new student is placed with them.
When he reaches the front, the old woman puts the ugly hat on his head. Zach shifts in place and frowns as he hears someone muttering. He figures the hat must be magic, but he’s still not entirely sure he believes in all this stuff. It’s like something out of a comic book or a cartoon on the telly, and he fully expects to wake up back at home one day to find that it’s all just been some weird dream. After all, it doesn’t make sense that hats can talk and people fly on brooms.
It becomes awkward as time passes and the hat just murmurs about stubborn skeptics, which he doesn’t really understand. He wants to ask questions, demand answers to satisfy his curiosity about this strange world that he’s suddenly a part of, but his parents hate when he talks so much and asks ‘why’, so he stays quiet. He scans the tables of students and notices the older boy in yellow and black who spoke to him on the train. He was the only student who bothered to say anything to Zach except for the girl with the frizzy hair who was looking for a toad and the rude blond kid now seated smugly with the sneering kids in green and silver.
The boy in yellow and black smiles at him, and Zach finds himself smiling back. The hat makes some strange noise and then declares, “Hufflepuff.”
Zach glances at the old woman and frowns, not sure he’s happy with some hat deciding what table he sits at when there are many professors who seem more qualified for such decisions. She gives him the look that his teachers back at school used to give him before they threatened him with notes to his parents for disrupting class with his questions. With that look, and the thought that he might get sent home before he’s figured out everything about this strange place, he hurries over to the table with the yellow and black.
The friendly older boy points to a place opposite him and reaches over to shake his hand. “Zach Smith?” the boy asks with a friendly smile. “Welcome to Hufflepuff. I’m Cedric Diggory.”
The End