Fic: Hidden for pettydreams
Title: Hidden
Author: screaminglungs
Giftee: pettydreams
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Warnings: Slash not smut :-P
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After the death of Voldemort life returns to normal back at Hogwarts but for Harry and Snape who have been through so much nothing will or could ever be the same.
Author's Note: The request was: ”in character-edness, teacher/student, meeting in secrecy, wanting someone and knowing you shouldn't, desperation, angst, Harry no younger than 15 (and 15 is pushing it)” I’ve REALLY tried to include as much of this as I could so I hope you enjoy! Beta by the lovely jadzia7667
“Stop, stop it! Potter, desist!” Severus Snape clutched the younger man around the shoulders and pushed him so that he was at arms length. Snape tried to control his breathing. This couldn’t happen. He would not allow this to happen. Those startling green eyes looked up at him, the colour swirling in a way that entranced Severus and made him dizzy. He was not a man who enjoyed losing control especially not at the hands of another, a student at that, and he could not allow himself to continue this.
“What did I do?” Harry whispered. They were, after all, hidden behind a statue even if they were so far down into the dungeons that even Severus didn’t quite feel at home. There were no portraits here to spread rumours about teachers and students, rumours about roaming hands and mouths in the middle of the night.
“We cannot do this Potter, not here, not now, not while you are my student.” Severus’ voice was as harsh as he could muster. He glared into those green eyes with as much intensity as he could, ignoring any effect they might have on his body. Damn it all, the boy was smirking. Where had he learned that blasted expression from? When did he begin socialising with Malfoy?
“Well, Severus maybe you shouldn’t have crossed that line before Christmas,” the boy sniggered, his face a picture of amusement and defiance. Typical Potter, he took nothing seriously, thought nothing of the consequences of his actions.
“Things were different then and you know that perfectly well.” Severus pushed Harry and stalked a little way along the corridor in an effort to gather his thoughts.
It had taken the brat six months to kill him, from the end of his sixth year to the Christmas of what would have been his seventh. Snape had found the boy in late July. With the help of a pensive memory of Dumbledore’s and a letter the old man had written for the boy before his death, he managed to convince Potter that killing him was probably unwise. It had taken far longer to get the boy to trust him but when the time came to do the deed in late December, he had managed to convince Potter that he was worth trusting, that Harry needed him and that he needed Harry.
Weasley and Granger had been persuaded to return to Hogwarts in September and Harry had remained with him. It was unwise of him; he knew that, to have gotten attached. Nonetheless, he had. He couldn’t help it; surely if he was forced to spend all his time with Sirius Black he would have found some worthwhile attribute about the man. Harry was not entirely distasteful. Even more surprising was that the boy had fallen for him, had told him so right before they faced the bastard together. Harry had kissed him and told him that he cared for him. Stupidly Severus hadn’t discouraged it, the boy was sure to die, how could he reject him when he was sure to die?
Snape loathed admitting that he had wanted it too. Harry had killed Voldemort; it was done and dusted, quite literally in fact, and the Aurors had swept Voldemort’s powdery remains from the steps of the Ministry of Magic where the final battle had commenced.
Inevitably, with the death of Voldemort everything changed. Snape showed the Ministry what he had shown Harry and he was pardoned and given his job back immediately. Harry returned to Hogwarts in January to complete his seventh year with the rest of his friends. Their dynamic shifted once more: he was Harry’s teacher once again, the boy wasn’t dying, there were no more reasons for them to spend time together. The sooner the boy got over his ridiculous infatuation the better, for both their sakes. It was better that he get bored now, before Severus invested anything into him, rather than a year down the line when Snape was comfortable and would inevitably get hurt. No, it was better to end it now, before someone else found out and he once again lost everything he had worked so hard to regain.
“What are you saying?” Harry’s voice was carefully controlled. He sounded scared that if he used the wrong tone or words that Severus would bolt and their conversation and time together would be over without any explanations about their precarious future.
“What I’m saying, Potter, is that this can’t happen,” Severus replied coolly as he turned back to look at Harry who remained leaning against the statue they had just been hiding behind. He looked gorgeous with his uniform shirt untidily pulled from his trousers, his hair mussed and his lips kiss swollen. Severus physically ached to walk the short distance back to the boy and tell him to dismiss all the things he had just said but the rational part of his mind wouldn’t let it lie.
He is your student.
The words relentlessly repeated in his mind until he was unable to ignore them.
“What do you mean this can’t happen? This is happening Severus. We were just kissing; it’s not the first time. You can’t ignore it or me or the fact that we obviously have feelings for each other.” Harry sounded disgustingly mature about the entire affair. Where were the teenage tantrums? He certainly wasn’t used to this.
“I can try, Potter. I will not have my career jeopardised again. If it takes ignoring you, that’s what I’ll have to do.” Snape’s excuses were feeble. Where was his acerbic wit? Why did this stupid boy bring him down like this? If he had been told twenty years ago that he would one day feel like this about James Potter’s son then he would have offed himself and saved himself all this trouble.
“Well, you’ve never been able to ignore me in the past, have you? Even when I was twelve years old you had to antagonise me.” There was that smirk again. It infuriated him. He wanted to scream at the boy. Didn’t he understand?
“I’m going to have to try aren’t I?” With a flare of robes, Severus walked away along the corridor towards his office without even a backwards glance, leaving behind a boy who wasn’t quite sure how the meeting had gone so horribly wrong.
Severus meant what he said. He was a man of few words; when he spoke, he intended to stick to his word. He changed the passwords to his quarters and office, first. Over the next week he ignored all notes brought to his small window by owl post, particularly a certain snowy owl. He pointedly ignored Potter in class and in the Great Hall and gave the boy no opportunity to catch him outside class. Living this way was exhausting but necessary. He could not allow himself to slip again and thanked Merlin that he had not yet done anything truly incriminating like sleeping with the boy before he came to his senses once more.
The clock in his office chimed and he sighed wearily. It was ten o’clock and he was due to begin evening patrols of the corridors to make sure there were no wayward students out and about. There invariably always were. He had been dreading this point in the day since he opened his eyes that morning, having swapped with other teachers throughout the week by saying he had lots of marking; he had managed to avoid this particular part of his teaching duties. He stood from his desk and meandered towards the office door. He was desperately avoiding the moment when he stepped out into the hallway. He pulled the office door open and immediately an invisible force pushed him back inside with the intruder following. Severus’ stomach plummeted and he took several deep breaths before looking up into those green eyes which had been unveiled from the cloak.
“Potter, you really need to leave,” Severus snarled. He tried as best he could but he knew his heart wasn’t really in it.
“Why, Severus? Why does this have to end?” Severus stared at the boy, taking in the dark circles under his eyes. His uniform looked unkempt, and not in the wonderfully sexy way it had a little over a week ago when they had last been alone together. He looked a state.
“Don’t you understand, Potter?”
“Stop calling me that, you sound like…”
“Like what?”
“Like you hate me.” Harry sighed and glared at the floor.
“How simple things would be if that were the case,” Severus muttered almost to himself.
“Well then if it’s not that, why are you ignoring me?”
“You cannot be so naive that you don’t understand the multitude of reasons why we cannot be together; surely you’re not as thick as I’ve been telling you that you are all this time?”
“I don’t care about the rules, about being kicked out of school; you’re all I care about!” Severus sighed resignedly, there were times when he sounded every bit his seventeen years.
“Well, I do care Harry! I care about the people who worked hard to get me my job back, about the people who died so that I might live. I am not willing to throw that away for…”
“For what? For me?” Harry glared at him, his cheeks had grown red and he was obviously angry.
“For something you’re going to get bored with in a few months!” Severus finally bellowed after a moment of tense silence.
“How can you say that? How can you honestly think I would get bored in a few months? I told you I loved you, does that count for nothing?” Harry shouted back.
“People use that word all the time and it’s absolutely meaningless.”
“Like when you said it back, is that what you’re trying to say?” Harry sounded like he had been kicked in the gut and Severus wished he were not the cause of that winded defeated tone but he was.
“You were going to die,” Severus whispered.
“So you thought you’d take pity on poor Harry Potter? Lost his parents, lost his Godfather, nobody cares about him so why not make him believe he’s loved? Wonderful, fucking wonderful, except I don’t believe a word you’re saying.” Harry was panting now, utterly furious. “I know you’re a malicious bastard; you always have been and I doubt you’ll change now. I saw something in your eyes that night that I have never seen before. Nobody kisses like that if they don’t care,” Harry ranted at him as he stood on the inside of the office door.
“Well then you’ve obviously not kissed enough people,” Severus snapped back and turned to stare at the flames flickering in the small hearth.
“Well maybe not but I know enough to know that you do care and you’re scared, after everything you’ve been through, we’ve been through, you’re scared of a few school rules!” Harry wailed; he sounded positively desperate.
“I am not scared!” Severus clenched his fists and glared harshly at the flames. He was frustrated beyond belief; that he would admit to. He would not admit to being scared, not to Potter, not to anybody.
“Then prove it,” Harry snapped and Severus turned on him.
“Why should I? You’ve not proven anything to me, you say you love me but what does that even mean? We’re going to run away into the sunset together? Things don’t work like that Harry! You said it yourself; I’m a bastard. Maybe its time you realised how true that is. Now get the fuck out of my office Potter,” Severus snarled and advanced on Harry grabbing him by the arm with one hand and yanking his office door open with the other.
“Why are you doing this? You promised! You said everything would be all right, you said it would. How could you lie like that?” Harry wailed hysterically as strong potion stained hands gripped his arms and he was forcibly removed from the office.
“I became extremely adept at lying a long time ago, Mr Potter. Lying to you, making you trust me, was not that difficult, I assure you,” Severus snarled as he finally managed to shove the boy out the door and into the poorly lit corridor. Harry stumbled on a loose paving slab and dropped to his knees, flinching in pain. He turned to look back up at Snape his eyes shining with unshed tears as the older man glared down at him.
“You can’t mean that, you can’t mean that!” Harry said to himself. He was barely coherent. He had worked himself up into such a state, his head was pounding and his knee now throbbed from landing on it. Severus watched the emotions wash over the boy’s face. He looked wild and desperate; Snape wished desperately to take all back but he couldn’t.
“I mean every single word, I do not want you, and I’ve never wanted you. I merely endured you because,” Snape paused and looked off into space, “because Dumbledore made me promise before he died. He made me promise to make you trust me and help you kill him. I’ve done it, he’s dead, I’ve got my life and my job back and there is absolutely no room in it for you! I will not give these things up again, not for you, you were right,” Snape forced the most malicious expression he could muster onto his face as he seethed at the boy laying sprawled on the floor in front of him and took sick pleasure in the way he cowered away, he’d finally gotten the message and Severus proved to himself that he hadn’t lost his touch.
“Do you understand?” Snape snapped when the boy hadn’t said anything, Harry nodded weakly before he clambered to his feet and willed away the tears threatening to spill as he stood on his leg, which hurt far worse now he tried to walk on it.
“Good night,” Harry whispered as he turned to walk away, his knee threatening to buckle as he took his first step. Gasping from the pain, he gripped the wall and held on as he limped stiffly along the hallway. Harry could only pray that Severus had disappeared into his office and wasn’t witnessing just another display of his obvious weakness.
Snape stood in the doorway and watched him leave, his heart racing and his palm itching to reach out and tell the blasted child to stay. As ever, he controlled himself impeccably and watched as Harry slowly made his way through the dimly lit dungeon. He waited until Harry was out of sight before closing the office door behind him and leaning back against it. Snape willed his breathing to settle and his heart rate to slow. That had been far more difficult that he had anticipated but at least it was done with now and he didn’t have to go to such lengths to avoid a confrontation with the boy.
Severus closed his eyes tightly as he slumped back against the door. He just had to get through the next six months and he would never have to look at Harry again. Then things would be better.
He slept restlessly that night and when he did manage to get some shut eye he dreamt of green eyes and silken black hair that slipped so wonderfully through his long fingers.
Severus didn’t see the boy for the rest of the weekend, mostly because he spent the entire time in his rooms pointedly avoiding everyone around him. He could not stop asking himself how he had gotten into this situation and with Harry Potter no less. He had never gotten involved with a student before, although he could be justified in pointing out that Harry Potter was no mere student. The time they had been forced to spend together was entirely unique; he still could not say that the way he acted was justifiable. He was an authority figure and Harry was only just of age. There were no excuses, yet he couldn’t stop himself from wanting him. Snape couldn’t stop that voice in the back of his head telling him that Harry was the person he cared most about. Harry was the only person Snape could honestly say he had come close to loving. He could not stop that voice, but he did his best to ignore it; after all, Snapes don’t admit such things.
It was not until seven o’clock on Sunday evening that Severus was finally forced to have contact with another human being. That was at the request of the Headmistress. An owl had arrived requesting his company right after dinner that night, so Severus found himself outside the office, his hand poised to knock and his stomach churning with tension. What if she knew?
He rapped his knuckles against the heavy wooden door before entering the room in his usual swift manner.
“Ah, Severus, do sit down.” Severus eyed the two red velvet upholstered chairs sitting in front of the large desk with disdain before choosing the one closest to the door, in case a quick get away were required. He despised sitting in this office without Albus behind the desk. It was not right and continued to remind him of all the things in his life he regretted.
“What is it that you want, Minerva?” Severus thought it best to get right to the point and met the eyes of the older woman. She was dressed in black and purple robes and staring at him over her glasses.
“I want to talk to you about Potter.” Severus couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes; at least he could feign disinterest while he was crumbling inside.
“What about him?”
“He’s not been himself since he came back,” Minerva began and Severus instantly felt rage building up in him.
“Well of course he’s not the same! He’s killed a person, Minerva! He will never be the same, not ever, and I frankly think you’re naive in thinking he would or even could be,” Severus snapped before remembering himself and whom he was speaking to. He took a deep breath and ignored the way in which McGonagall’s eyebrows quirked at him.
“I understand that, Severus. Of course not as well as you do, but I do know that killing a person changes you. It’s just that it’s almost February and he hasn’t seemed to settle down yet. I thought once it was over, he would be all right. I thought he would feel better and happier with time. He seemed to be coping rather well until this past week He’s been moody, absent from classes and frankly I don’t know what to do. Maybe you could talk to him?” Severus felt himself go cold.
“Absolutely not. What happens to Potter now is none of my business. I have done my duty. I helped him save the world and now I want my life back. I am not his father!” Severus raged, completely forgetting who it was behind that desk and the authority she held over him.
“All right, Severus. You might have simply said that you’re the cause of his mood swings and that maybe it was better someone else talk to him.” Minerva crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him in defiance, a uniquely Gryffindor trait.
“What on earth are you saying?” Severus glared at her. He felt his blood run cold; she did know.
“That maybe it would save a lot of heartache and mood swings if you were open with me about your relationship,” Minerva stated, far too plainly for Severus’ liking.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Severus snapped, but she looked at him with that glare that made him feel like he was a first year in her office all over again.
“Don’t think me stupid and don’t patronise me Severus. I may not be Albus but I do know what goes on in this castle, and I knew as soon as I saw you both after it was all over. You could not keep your eyes away from him. Every time he limped you flinched, every time he so much breathed differently you knew. You’re in love with him,” Minerva replied.
“And you’re a stark raving looney!” Severus jumped from his chair and began pacing in the small space between the office door and fireplace. He couldn’t look at her. He needed to work out what he was going to do. Where he would go now that she was to throw him out once more?
“Sit down, you foolish boy,” she snapped. Snape looked at her incredulously before obeying.
“We may not have gotten along well over the years, you’re a cantankerous bastard at times, but I care about you and Harry both and I know what you have been through this past year. Things need to change for you both, they need to get better and I believe I’m in a position to help.” Minerva finished her sentence just as there was a knock at the door and Harry Potter entered. Severus’ eyes widened as did those green ones he had become so used to.
“Ah, Mr Potter. Sit down.” Potter nodded his head dumbly and took the other chair next to Severus’.
“Is there something wrong Headmistress?” Harry asked softly, his voice cracking and his eyes desperately trying to look at anything other than the man next to him.
“Well, Potter, nothing that can’t be remedied. I was just informing Professor Snape of my awareness of your relationship.” Harry looked between Minerva and Snape then, his eyes wider than Severus had ever seen them.
“What relationship? What are you talking about, Professor?” Harry stammered and tripped over his words.
“Don’t worry, Harry. Nobody is getting into trouble.” Her voice was kind and her eyes twinkled a bit, as Albus’ always had. “I’ve just noticed that you haven’t seemed yourself this week. I believe it has something to do with Professor Snape and your relationship. I’ve known about your feelings for one another since before you both returned to Hogwarts and since it has not caused a problem before I did not bring it up. As it seems you were both being discreet and since you are both who you are, I decided to look the other way but I cannot continue to do so.”
“Professor there is no relationship, not anymore,” Harry said softly as he examined his lap, he looked the picture of the troubled teenager.
“Which explains the bad temper and the mood swings.” Minerva nodded at them both accordingly.
“Minerva, what are you getting at? If you want someone to leave then I’ll gladly do so, Potter should not be punished because I abused my position.” Severus sounded almost noble and Harry was about to protest when McGonagall interrupted.
“No, Severus. That is not what I want. Harry, you are only taking three NEWT level classes, is that right? One of which is potions?”
“Yes Professor.”
“What I propose is that Harry ends his formal education here at Hogwarts now,” Minerva ignored the outraged grunt from Snape and the confused look from Harry. “It is only the fact of your student teacher relationship that is a problem, and will be a problem for others, so why not erase the issue? Harry has grown out of being a conventional student and he needs more space than the Gryffindor boys dormitory can offer him. What is to stop Harry from moving into his own quarters as my guest and continuing his tuition outside of class? I’m sure you, Severus, would have no problem tutoring Harry and taking time out of your free time to do so?” Minerva smirked in a very Slytherin like manner at the two younger men who were obviously gob smacked.
“You could do that?” Harry choked.
“I am the Headmistress, and do you really think the Ministry has time to squabble with me over this? If it means that you’re happier then yes it is something I can do.” Minerva smiled smugly, much like her Animagus alter ego, the cat who got the cream.
Severus couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. There had to be a catch somewhere. He could surely not be getting all the things he wanted all at once without even having to ask for them. Was he going to be asked to give up something in return?
“Thank you, Headmistress!” Harry beamed and looked at Severus expectantly, who continued to stare into space in shock.
“Severus, do you not have anything to say on the matter?”
“What do you want?”
“What do I want? I want you both to be happy; I have no ulterior motive I assure you. I do believe you’re spending too much time with your Slytherins,” Minerva chuckled. Finally Severus dared to look at Harry, who was still looking back at him expectantly. Harry smiled; just a quirk of his lips and Severus continued to stare back at him blankly.
“Mostly though, I know it is something Albus would have done for two people he considered to be sons,” Minerva stated. She watched the emotions flicker across both their faces. “Harry, if you wish, I can have your things moved into a room I’ve had Dobby prepare at the base of Gryffindor tower, the entrance is on the sixth floor.”
“And that’s it? I’m not a student anymore?”
“There are a few rules. If you decide to continue your relationship with Professor Snape then you will be discreet. There will be no wild parties. You cannot have overnight guests from outside the castle. Students may not spend the night in your room. You will attend any classes needed to pass your NEWT examinations. In return, you shall have all the privileges of a member of staff. How does that sound?” Harry smiled at her beatifically and leaned across the desk to shake her hand.
“That’s a deal Professor. Thank you so much. I really haven’t felt like I belonged back in Gryffindor, not anymore,” Harry explained hurriedly. They seemed to have both forgotten Severus was sitting there until he coughed nervously.
“Ah, yes. Thank you, Minerva. This has been a most kind gesture. I must, however, return to my quarters. I have marking to be completed before the morning.” Severus swept out of the room before either of its occupants could argue.
Later that night, he was still in his office. He hadn’t heard anything from Harry or Minerva and he guessed the interfering old woman had advised Harry to let Severus cool down a little. Wise advice, as he was an emotional wreck. He didn’t know what to do, say or think, something her certainly wasn’t used to. It was then that he heard a tapping at the window in the corner of his office. He sighed heavily and walked towards the small opening to let the owl in. Hedwig struggled her way through the window and dropped the small note in her beak into his hand. Severus unrolled the parchment and sighed.
Do you want to come and see my new place? On the sixth floor four portraits along from the boy’s washroom.
The boy was so unbelievably innocent sometimes. Snape thought maybe it was time he was a man about this, so he went up to the sixth floor and found the small door that led to Harry’s room. He was sure it hadn’t been there the last time he had walked past this part of the castle. He knocked twice on the door before a wildly happy Harry Potter pulled the door open.
“You came!” He threw himself at Severus and their tangled pile of limbs fell back into the room, the door clicking shut behind them.
“Potter I need to breathe!” Severus wheezed before Harry unwound himself from his body.
“I’m sorry, it’s just been such an amazing evening,” Harry harped excitedly.
“It has been surprising.” Severus looked around the room, surprised by its generous size. There was a huge four poster double bed against the far wall, a fireplace facing it with two book shelves on either side and a plush sofa sitting between the bed and the hearth. There was a doorway leading off the chamber, which obviously led to an ensuite.
“Can’t you just be happy?” Harry asked softly, drawing Severus’ interest back to those green eyes.
“I am happy,” Severus snapped.
“You don’t seem to be.”
“You don’t know me very well. I don’t show a very large range of emotions,” Severus’ lips quirked and Harry smiled.
“So will everything be all right now?”
“I doubt that,” Severus could have laughed as Harry’s face dropped, “but this is a considerable step in the right direction.” Severus stepped into Harry’s personal space and cupped the younger man’s chin, forcing those green eyes to give him all of their attention before he leant in and pressed his lips to Potter’s.
Author: screaminglungs
Giftee: pettydreams
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Warnings: Slash not smut :-P
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After the death of Voldemort life returns to normal back at Hogwarts but for Harry and Snape who have been through so much nothing will or could ever be the same.
Author's Note: The request was: ”in character-edness, teacher/student, meeting in secrecy, wanting someone and knowing you shouldn't, desperation, angst, Harry no younger than 15 (and 15 is pushing it)” I’ve REALLY tried to include as much of this as I could so I hope you enjoy! Beta by the lovely jadzia7667
“Stop, stop it! Potter, desist!” Severus Snape clutched the younger man around the shoulders and pushed him so that he was at arms length. Snape tried to control his breathing. This couldn’t happen. He would not allow this to happen. Those startling green eyes looked up at him, the colour swirling in a way that entranced Severus and made him dizzy. He was not a man who enjoyed losing control especially not at the hands of another, a student at that, and he could not allow himself to continue this.
“What did I do?” Harry whispered. They were, after all, hidden behind a statue even if they were so far down into the dungeons that even Severus didn’t quite feel at home. There were no portraits here to spread rumours about teachers and students, rumours about roaming hands and mouths in the middle of the night.
“We cannot do this Potter, not here, not now, not while you are my student.” Severus’ voice was as harsh as he could muster. He glared into those green eyes with as much intensity as he could, ignoring any effect they might have on his body. Damn it all, the boy was smirking. Where had he learned that blasted expression from? When did he begin socialising with Malfoy?
“Well, Severus maybe you shouldn’t have crossed that line before Christmas,” the boy sniggered, his face a picture of amusement and defiance. Typical Potter, he took nothing seriously, thought nothing of the consequences of his actions.
“Things were different then and you know that perfectly well.” Severus pushed Harry and stalked a little way along the corridor in an effort to gather his thoughts.
It had taken the brat six months to kill him, from the end of his sixth year to the Christmas of what would have been his seventh. Snape had found the boy in late July. With the help of a pensive memory of Dumbledore’s and a letter the old man had written for the boy before his death, he managed to convince Potter that killing him was probably unwise. It had taken far longer to get the boy to trust him but when the time came to do the deed in late December, he had managed to convince Potter that he was worth trusting, that Harry needed him and that he needed Harry.
Weasley and Granger had been persuaded to return to Hogwarts in September and Harry had remained with him. It was unwise of him; he knew that, to have gotten attached. Nonetheless, he had. He couldn’t help it; surely if he was forced to spend all his time with Sirius Black he would have found some worthwhile attribute about the man. Harry was not entirely distasteful. Even more surprising was that the boy had fallen for him, had told him so right before they faced the bastard together. Harry had kissed him and told him that he cared for him. Stupidly Severus hadn’t discouraged it, the boy was sure to die, how could he reject him when he was sure to die?
Snape loathed admitting that he had wanted it too. Harry had killed Voldemort; it was done and dusted, quite literally in fact, and the Aurors had swept Voldemort’s powdery remains from the steps of the Ministry of Magic where the final battle had commenced.
Inevitably, with the death of Voldemort everything changed. Snape showed the Ministry what he had shown Harry and he was pardoned and given his job back immediately. Harry returned to Hogwarts in January to complete his seventh year with the rest of his friends. Their dynamic shifted once more: he was Harry’s teacher once again, the boy wasn’t dying, there were no more reasons for them to spend time together. The sooner the boy got over his ridiculous infatuation the better, for both their sakes. It was better that he get bored now, before Severus invested anything into him, rather than a year down the line when Snape was comfortable and would inevitably get hurt. No, it was better to end it now, before someone else found out and he once again lost everything he had worked so hard to regain.
“What are you saying?” Harry’s voice was carefully controlled. He sounded scared that if he used the wrong tone or words that Severus would bolt and their conversation and time together would be over without any explanations about their precarious future.
“What I’m saying, Potter, is that this can’t happen,” Severus replied coolly as he turned back to look at Harry who remained leaning against the statue they had just been hiding behind. He looked gorgeous with his uniform shirt untidily pulled from his trousers, his hair mussed and his lips kiss swollen. Severus physically ached to walk the short distance back to the boy and tell him to dismiss all the things he had just said but the rational part of his mind wouldn’t let it lie.
He is your student.
The words relentlessly repeated in his mind until he was unable to ignore them.
“What do you mean this can’t happen? This is happening Severus. We were just kissing; it’s not the first time. You can’t ignore it or me or the fact that we obviously have feelings for each other.” Harry sounded disgustingly mature about the entire affair. Where were the teenage tantrums? He certainly wasn’t used to this.
“I can try, Potter. I will not have my career jeopardised again. If it takes ignoring you, that’s what I’ll have to do.” Snape’s excuses were feeble. Where was his acerbic wit? Why did this stupid boy bring him down like this? If he had been told twenty years ago that he would one day feel like this about James Potter’s son then he would have offed himself and saved himself all this trouble.
“Well, you’ve never been able to ignore me in the past, have you? Even when I was twelve years old you had to antagonise me.” There was that smirk again. It infuriated him. He wanted to scream at the boy. Didn’t he understand?
“I’m going to have to try aren’t I?” With a flare of robes, Severus walked away along the corridor towards his office without even a backwards glance, leaving behind a boy who wasn’t quite sure how the meeting had gone so horribly wrong.
Severus meant what he said. He was a man of few words; when he spoke, he intended to stick to his word. He changed the passwords to his quarters and office, first. Over the next week he ignored all notes brought to his small window by owl post, particularly a certain snowy owl. He pointedly ignored Potter in class and in the Great Hall and gave the boy no opportunity to catch him outside class. Living this way was exhausting but necessary. He could not allow himself to slip again and thanked Merlin that he had not yet done anything truly incriminating like sleeping with the boy before he came to his senses once more.
The clock in his office chimed and he sighed wearily. It was ten o’clock and he was due to begin evening patrols of the corridors to make sure there were no wayward students out and about. There invariably always were. He had been dreading this point in the day since he opened his eyes that morning, having swapped with other teachers throughout the week by saying he had lots of marking; he had managed to avoid this particular part of his teaching duties. He stood from his desk and meandered towards the office door. He was desperately avoiding the moment when he stepped out into the hallway. He pulled the office door open and immediately an invisible force pushed him back inside with the intruder following. Severus’ stomach plummeted and he took several deep breaths before looking up into those green eyes which had been unveiled from the cloak.
“Potter, you really need to leave,” Severus snarled. He tried as best he could but he knew his heart wasn’t really in it.
“Why, Severus? Why does this have to end?” Severus stared at the boy, taking in the dark circles under his eyes. His uniform looked unkempt, and not in the wonderfully sexy way it had a little over a week ago when they had last been alone together. He looked a state.
“Don’t you understand, Potter?”
“Stop calling me that, you sound like…”
“Like what?”
“Like you hate me.” Harry sighed and glared at the floor.
“How simple things would be if that were the case,” Severus muttered almost to himself.
“Well then if it’s not that, why are you ignoring me?”
“You cannot be so naive that you don’t understand the multitude of reasons why we cannot be together; surely you’re not as thick as I’ve been telling you that you are all this time?”
“I don’t care about the rules, about being kicked out of school; you’re all I care about!” Severus sighed resignedly, there were times when he sounded every bit his seventeen years.
“Well, I do care Harry! I care about the people who worked hard to get me my job back, about the people who died so that I might live. I am not willing to throw that away for…”
“For what? For me?” Harry glared at him, his cheeks had grown red and he was obviously angry.
“For something you’re going to get bored with in a few months!” Severus finally bellowed after a moment of tense silence.
“How can you say that? How can you honestly think I would get bored in a few months? I told you I loved you, does that count for nothing?” Harry shouted back.
“People use that word all the time and it’s absolutely meaningless.”
“Like when you said it back, is that what you’re trying to say?” Harry sounded like he had been kicked in the gut and Severus wished he were not the cause of that winded defeated tone but he was.
“You were going to die,” Severus whispered.
“So you thought you’d take pity on poor Harry Potter? Lost his parents, lost his Godfather, nobody cares about him so why not make him believe he’s loved? Wonderful, fucking wonderful, except I don’t believe a word you’re saying.” Harry was panting now, utterly furious. “I know you’re a malicious bastard; you always have been and I doubt you’ll change now. I saw something in your eyes that night that I have never seen before. Nobody kisses like that if they don’t care,” Harry ranted at him as he stood on the inside of the office door.
“Well then you’ve obviously not kissed enough people,” Severus snapped back and turned to stare at the flames flickering in the small hearth.
“Well maybe not but I know enough to know that you do care and you’re scared, after everything you’ve been through, we’ve been through, you’re scared of a few school rules!” Harry wailed; he sounded positively desperate.
“I am not scared!” Severus clenched his fists and glared harshly at the flames. He was frustrated beyond belief; that he would admit to. He would not admit to being scared, not to Potter, not to anybody.
“Then prove it,” Harry snapped and Severus turned on him.
“Why should I? You’ve not proven anything to me, you say you love me but what does that even mean? We’re going to run away into the sunset together? Things don’t work like that Harry! You said it yourself; I’m a bastard. Maybe its time you realised how true that is. Now get the fuck out of my office Potter,” Severus snarled and advanced on Harry grabbing him by the arm with one hand and yanking his office door open with the other.
“Why are you doing this? You promised! You said everything would be all right, you said it would. How could you lie like that?” Harry wailed hysterically as strong potion stained hands gripped his arms and he was forcibly removed from the office.
“I became extremely adept at lying a long time ago, Mr Potter. Lying to you, making you trust me, was not that difficult, I assure you,” Severus snarled as he finally managed to shove the boy out the door and into the poorly lit corridor. Harry stumbled on a loose paving slab and dropped to his knees, flinching in pain. He turned to look back up at Snape his eyes shining with unshed tears as the older man glared down at him.
“You can’t mean that, you can’t mean that!” Harry said to himself. He was barely coherent. He had worked himself up into such a state, his head was pounding and his knee now throbbed from landing on it. Severus watched the emotions wash over the boy’s face. He looked wild and desperate; Snape wished desperately to take all back but he couldn’t.
“I mean every single word, I do not want you, and I’ve never wanted you. I merely endured you because,” Snape paused and looked off into space, “because Dumbledore made me promise before he died. He made me promise to make you trust me and help you kill him. I’ve done it, he’s dead, I’ve got my life and my job back and there is absolutely no room in it for you! I will not give these things up again, not for you, you were right,” Snape forced the most malicious expression he could muster onto his face as he seethed at the boy laying sprawled on the floor in front of him and took sick pleasure in the way he cowered away, he’d finally gotten the message and Severus proved to himself that he hadn’t lost his touch.
“Do you understand?” Snape snapped when the boy hadn’t said anything, Harry nodded weakly before he clambered to his feet and willed away the tears threatening to spill as he stood on his leg, which hurt far worse now he tried to walk on it.
“Good night,” Harry whispered as he turned to walk away, his knee threatening to buckle as he took his first step. Gasping from the pain, he gripped the wall and held on as he limped stiffly along the hallway. Harry could only pray that Severus had disappeared into his office and wasn’t witnessing just another display of his obvious weakness.
Snape stood in the doorway and watched him leave, his heart racing and his palm itching to reach out and tell the blasted child to stay. As ever, he controlled himself impeccably and watched as Harry slowly made his way through the dimly lit dungeon. He waited until Harry was out of sight before closing the office door behind him and leaning back against it. Snape willed his breathing to settle and his heart rate to slow. That had been far more difficult that he had anticipated but at least it was done with now and he didn’t have to go to such lengths to avoid a confrontation with the boy.
Severus closed his eyes tightly as he slumped back against the door. He just had to get through the next six months and he would never have to look at Harry again. Then things would be better.
He slept restlessly that night and when he did manage to get some shut eye he dreamt of green eyes and silken black hair that slipped so wonderfully through his long fingers.
Severus didn’t see the boy for the rest of the weekend, mostly because he spent the entire time in his rooms pointedly avoiding everyone around him. He could not stop asking himself how he had gotten into this situation and with Harry Potter no less. He had never gotten involved with a student before, although he could be justified in pointing out that Harry Potter was no mere student. The time they had been forced to spend together was entirely unique; he still could not say that the way he acted was justifiable. He was an authority figure and Harry was only just of age. There were no excuses, yet he couldn’t stop himself from wanting him. Snape couldn’t stop that voice in the back of his head telling him that Harry was the person he cared most about. Harry was the only person Snape could honestly say he had come close to loving. He could not stop that voice, but he did his best to ignore it; after all, Snapes don’t admit such things.
It was not until seven o’clock on Sunday evening that Severus was finally forced to have contact with another human being. That was at the request of the Headmistress. An owl had arrived requesting his company right after dinner that night, so Severus found himself outside the office, his hand poised to knock and his stomach churning with tension. What if she knew?
He rapped his knuckles against the heavy wooden door before entering the room in his usual swift manner.
“Ah, Severus, do sit down.” Severus eyed the two red velvet upholstered chairs sitting in front of the large desk with disdain before choosing the one closest to the door, in case a quick get away were required. He despised sitting in this office without Albus behind the desk. It was not right and continued to remind him of all the things in his life he regretted.
“What is it that you want, Minerva?” Severus thought it best to get right to the point and met the eyes of the older woman. She was dressed in black and purple robes and staring at him over her glasses.
“I want to talk to you about Potter.” Severus couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes; at least he could feign disinterest while he was crumbling inside.
“What about him?”
“He’s not been himself since he came back,” Minerva began and Severus instantly felt rage building up in him.
“Well of course he’s not the same! He’s killed a person, Minerva! He will never be the same, not ever, and I frankly think you’re naive in thinking he would or even could be,” Severus snapped before remembering himself and whom he was speaking to. He took a deep breath and ignored the way in which McGonagall’s eyebrows quirked at him.
“I understand that, Severus. Of course not as well as you do, but I do know that killing a person changes you. It’s just that it’s almost February and he hasn’t seemed to settle down yet. I thought once it was over, he would be all right. I thought he would feel better and happier with time. He seemed to be coping rather well until this past week He’s been moody, absent from classes and frankly I don’t know what to do. Maybe you could talk to him?” Severus felt himself go cold.
“Absolutely not. What happens to Potter now is none of my business. I have done my duty. I helped him save the world and now I want my life back. I am not his father!” Severus raged, completely forgetting who it was behind that desk and the authority she held over him.
“All right, Severus. You might have simply said that you’re the cause of his mood swings and that maybe it was better someone else talk to him.” Minerva crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him in defiance, a uniquely Gryffindor trait.
“What on earth are you saying?” Severus glared at her. He felt his blood run cold; she did know.
“That maybe it would save a lot of heartache and mood swings if you were open with me about your relationship,” Minerva stated, far too plainly for Severus’ liking.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Severus snapped, but she looked at him with that glare that made him feel like he was a first year in her office all over again.
“Don’t think me stupid and don’t patronise me Severus. I may not be Albus but I do know what goes on in this castle, and I knew as soon as I saw you both after it was all over. You could not keep your eyes away from him. Every time he limped you flinched, every time he so much breathed differently you knew. You’re in love with him,” Minerva replied.
“And you’re a stark raving looney!” Severus jumped from his chair and began pacing in the small space between the office door and fireplace. He couldn’t look at her. He needed to work out what he was going to do. Where he would go now that she was to throw him out once more?
“Sit down, you foolish boy,” she snapped. Snape looked at her incredulously before obeying.
“We may not have gotten along well over the years, you’re a cantankerous bastard at times, but I care about you and Harry both and I know what you have been through this past year. Things need to change for you both, they need to get better and I believe I’m in a position to help.” Minerva finished her sentence just as there was a knock at the door and Harry Potter entered. Severus’ eyes widened as did those green ones he had become so used to.
“Ah, Mr Potter. Sit down.” Potter nodded his head dumbly and took the other chair next to Severus’.
“Is there something wrong Headmistress?” Harry asked softly, his voice cracking and his eyes desperately trying to look at anything other than the man next to him.
“Well, Potter, nothing that can’t be remedied. I was just informing Professor Snape of my awareness of your relationship.” Harry looked between Minerva and Snape then, his eyes wider than Severus had ever seen them.
“What relationship? What are you talking about, Professor?” Harry stammered and tripped over his words.
“Don’t worry, Harry. Nobody is getting into trouble.” Her voice was kind and her eyes twinkled a bit, as Albus’ always had. “I’ve just noticed that you haven’t seemed yourself this week. I believe it has something to do with Professor Snape and your relationship. I’ve known about your feelings for one another since before you both returned to Hogwarts and since it has not caused a problem before I did not bring it up. As it seems you were both being discreet and since you are both who you are, I decided to look the other way but I cannot continue to do so.”
“Professor there is no relationship, not anymore,” Harry said softly as he examined his lap, he looked the picture of the troubled teenager.
“Which explains the bad temper and the mood swings.” Minerva nodded at them both accordingly.
“Minerva, what are you getting at? If you want someone to leave then I’ll gladly do so, Potter should not be punished because I abused my position.” Severus sounded almost noble and Harry was about to protest when McGonagall interrupted.
“No, Severus. That is not what I want. Harry, you are only taking three NEWT level classes, is that right? One of which is potions?”
“Yes Professor.”
“What I propose is that Harry ends his formal education here at Hogwarts now,” Minerva ignored the outraged grunt from Snape and the confused look from Harry. “It is only the fact of your student teacher relationship that is a problem, and will be a problem for others, so why not erase the issue? Harry has grown out of being a conventional student and he needs more space than the Gryffindor boys dormitory can offer him. What is to stop Harry from moving into his own quarters as my guest and continuing his tuition outside of class? I’m sure you, Severus, would have no problem tutoring Harry and taking time out of your free time to do so?” Minerva smirked in a very Slytherin like manner at the two younger men who were obviously gob smacked.
“You could do that?” Harry choked.
“I am the Headmistress, and do you really think the Ministry has time to squabble with me over this? If it means that you’re happier then yes it is something I can do.” Minerva smiled smugly, much like her Animagus alter ego, the cat who got the cream.
Severus couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. There had to be a catch somewhere. He could surely not be getting all the things he wanted all at once without even having to ask for them. Was he going to be asked to give up something in return?
“Thank you, Headmistress!” Harry beamed and looked at Severus expectantly, who continued to stare into space in shock.
“Severus, do you not have anything to say on the matter?”
“What do you want?”
“What do I want? I want you both to be happy; I have no ulterior motive I assure you. I do believe you’re spending too much time with your Slytherins,” Minerva chuckled. Finally Severus dared to look at Harry, who was still looking back at him expectantly. Harry smiled; just a quirk of his lips and Severus continued to stare back at him blankly.
“Mostly though, I know it is something Albus would have done for two people he considered to be sons,” Minerva stated. She watched the emotions flicker across both their faces. “Harry, if you wish, I can have your things moved into a room I’ve had Dobby prepare at the base of Gryffindor tower, the entrance is on the sixth floor.”
“And that’s it? I’m not a student anymore?”
“There are a few rules. If you decide to continue your relationship with Professor Snape then you will be discreet. There will be no wild parties. You cannot have overnight guests from outside the castle. Students may not spend the night in your room. You will attend any classes needed to pass your NEWT examinations. In return, you shall have all the privileges of a member of staff. How does that sound?” Harry smiled at her beatifically and leaned across the desk to shake her hand.
“That’s a deal Professor. Thank you so much. I really haven’t felt like I belonged back in Gryffindor, not anymore,” Harry explained hurriedly. They seemed to have both forgotten Severus was sitting there until he coughed nervously.
“Ah, yes. Thank you, Minerva. This has been a most kind gesture. I must, however, return to my quarters. I have marking to be completed before the morning.” Severus swept out of the room before either of its occupants could argue.
Later that night, he was still in his office. He hadn’t heard anything from Harry or Minerva and he guessed the interfering old woman had advised Harry to let Severus cool down a little. Wise advice, as he was an emotional wreck. He didn’t know what to do, say or think, something her certainly wasn’t used to. It was then that he heard a tapping at the window in the corner of his office. He sighed heavily and walked towards the small opening to let the owl in. Hedwig struggled her way through the window and dropped the small note in her beak into his hand. Severus unrolled the parchment and sighed.
Do you want to come and see my new place? On the sixth floor four portraits along from the boy’s washroom.
The boy was so unbelievably innocent sometimes. Snape thought maybe it was time he was a man about this, so he went up to the sixth floor and found the small door that led to Harry’s room. He was sure it hadn’t been there the last time he had walked past this part of the castle. He knocked twice on the door before a wildly happy Harry Potter pulled the door open.
“You came!” He threw himself at Severus and their tangled pile of limbs fell back into the room, the door clicking shut behind them.
“Potter I need to breathe!” Severus wheezed before Harry unwound himself from his body.
“I’m sorry, it’s just been such an amazing evening,” Harry harped excitedly.
“It has been surprising.” Severus looked around the room, surprised by its generous size. There was a huge four poster double bed against the far wall, a fireplace facing it with two book shelves on either side and a plush sofa sitting between the bed and the hearth. There was a doorway leading off the chamber, which obviously led to an ensuite.
“Can’t you just be happy?” Harry asked softly, drawing Severus’ interest back to those green eyes.
“I am happy,” Severus snapped.
“You don’t seem to be.”
“You don’t know me very well. I don’t show a very large range of emotions,” Severus’ lips quirked and Harry smiled.
“So will everything be all right now?”
“I doubt that,” Severus could have laughed as Harry’s face dropped, “but this is a considerable step in the right direction.” Severus stepped into Harry’s personal space and cupped the younger man’s chin, forcing those green eyes to give him all of their attention before he leant in and pressed his lips to Potter’s.