Rough night at work, but the outlook for the next few days is positive. A little heartsore over ending that fling, but I have the love of another, a love that feeds my soul, at the risk of sounding cliche. I'm just so tremendously tired, but a little too lonely to go up to bed. Luckily, bed's looking more attractive by the moment, so this problem ( Read more... )

 As always. I am struggling to make journaling into something at least vaguely resembling a habit. I have no deep or profound thoughts to contribute to the interweb right now. I have a lover and I miss him terribly. I have a fleeting interest in another boy, and I like him very much. This, of course, causes some small amount of emotional confusion ( Read more... )

 everything seems to get so needlessly complicated anymore, until I remember you. You are simple. You are constant. You are bright and shining and pure. No matter what happens, with you and I the damage is already done, the storm is past, and we came out not only alive, but also together, How bad could things be? And hopefully I'm learning ( Read more... )

Well, it's over. I know I'll be ok, but I think it's only appropriate to mourn for a few days. Plus, I don't know that I really have any choice in the matter. But the main point,the important bit, is this: I will be fine. That, and the fact that I'm not alone, not the only one hurting, the only one missing a part of their heart. At least, that's ( Read more... )

Oh I was so terribly foolish tonight. I let all of my wanting get the better of me, let it make me lose sight of what's important, let it make me doubt. Oh it's not the end of the world, it's easily enough to forgive, and at lease I didn't say anything I didn't mean but I really do need to learn patience and restraint. And while I'm wishing I want ( Read more... )

This week has been oddly comtemplative. The forces of change are most certainly at work within me, and I think (and hope) that it's for the better. I've been thinking very seriously, and I've decided a few things: I need to be able to get myself out of my own ruts, which I'm getting better at; being alone doesn't have to mean being sad and bored; ( Read more... )

So much and so many of my insecurities are prompted, not by the actions of others, as I often say, but because of the fact that I'm not secure in myself. The fact that I feel unloved really stems from the fact that I feel unlovable, or at least difficult to love. The fact that I feel so demanding stems from the fact that I feel like a problem, a ( Read more... )

After so much fear and stress, after so much sadness and anger and hurt, I'm trying yet again to put it all back together. This cycle of normal day -> crisis -> survival and coping -> end of crisis -> the reconstruction of my internal equilibrium seems to repeat every few months. I've got it down to a science by now. In the aftermath of the last ( Read more... )

My thoughts keep wandering through the shattered glass filling my mind without seeming to make any connection to one another. Pain slices through me every few moments, and i continually find myself staring into the haze of emptiness surrounding me. This is not an emotion, it is the  vacuum that occurs when all emotion is swept away. I don't know ( Read more... )

Today is a lovely day! Even the prospect of my night class followed closely be doing chemistry homework isn't bringing me down :) It's a nice change. SO, just to organize my thoughts: chemistry right now, hour break for socializing, world politics till four, possible nap, or reading, general relaxation till 5:30, go in and catch up on ideas in math ( Read more... )