i just want to make a change

[meansprout]

[Road's little prophecy did, pretty much, hold true in the end, once the illusion wore off and the mark faded.  Allen certainly felt as if maybe it would best if he just quietly passed away somewhere.  It would make his life infinitely easier, really.  Or maybe he could just officially renounce human contact altogether and become a hermit

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[fallforthesky]

[Guess who's not at home!! Yeah, you got it. She's ALSO not in any of the kitchens, sitting rooms, or... anywhere else in the North Wing that Mean might check for people to apologize to, really. Hasn't been since he started hallucinating, in case they crossed paths again and he decided she'd been up North for a killing spree or something.

Once he reaches the more neutral areas, however, he'll find her curled up in some lounge chair in an alcove or something, dozing fitfully. For once, she isn't dressed in uniform.]

[meansprout]

[She was the one he'd had to search the hardest and longest for, but also one he absolutely dreaded seeing again. Almost lost his nerve and gave up entirely a few times. ...And once he does finally locate her, tucked away in a chair somewhere, there's an immediate stab of panic. He shouldn't have been looking for her at all, he should go, he should really go and not bother her--

He shouldn't... wake her, anyway. Maybe he can just. Leave her a note or something. Yeah. That's only partially cowardly, right? And then she can avoid him forever, because he fully expects she won't want to see him again (again.)]

[So he pulls out a piece of paper and a pen from his bag, that he'd packed JUST IN CASE, and scribbles something. And he folds it up and hesitantly approaches as quietly as he can. Pleasedon'twakeup please...]

[fallforthesky]

[Your luck, Allen, is terrible. Did you know that? Because there's this thing about sleeping fitfully; it's sporadic and light, and also your boot squeaked on the floor just now.

Lenalee stirs. Her eyelids flutter first, then she takes a breath and cracks an eye, keeping almost completely still (soldiers. you know). But when she sees brown hair and a red left hand, she is... very suddenly very awake and all that unfortunately goes out the window. Jolts visibly, taking a flaring breath through her nose and shrinking back in the chair.

Instantly:] I didn't hurt anyone.

[meansprout]

[NOT... NOT AS PLANNED. Goddammit. The second she opens her eyes he unceremoniously stuffs his note into a pocket, and his hands fly up to chest level, palms facing her. He takes a stumbling step backwards and shakes his head. He looks as if he would very much like to just sink into the floor about now.]

I know! I'm-- not... [crazy...]

[fallforthesky]

[It takes a second for her wildly jumbled thoughts to sort themselves out enough for her to notice his face no longer bears Rhode's mark(though several dark bruises seem to have taken its place), and that he's looking far more contrite than when he'd been trying to. Exorcise her. When she does, the colour that'd drained from her face begins to seep back in.]

You're... You're not... --I don't look like a Noah anymore?

[meansprout]

[He just. Shakes his head 'no' again, keeping his hands where they are. He stays rooted to the spot, looking pretty damn apologetic.]

1/...3

[fallforthesky]

[The colour continues to return to her cheeks, and actually, it looks as if it might be fast becoming a sort of... frustrated flush. She jumps to her feet, feeling her stomach drop out with crippling relief and something else, and stands there for a moment, staring at him. The mark is gone and he's all right. He didn't have to die. He didn't... he didn't...]

[fallforthesky]

3/3

[fallforthesky]

[That expectation he'd had? The one about getting smacked? Here we go. She crosses over to him in a few somewhat unsteady but fast steps and punches him, hard, in the shoulder. The right one.] You idiot! Don't ever- ever scare me like that again!

[And as vehement and contrived as her words are, her eyes are watering honestly. She drops her head, grabbing up a fistful of his shirt with the same hand she'd hit him with.]

[meansprout]

[His shoulder jerks back, but he doesn't react otherwise to the blow. He'd expected it, almost welcomes it at this point. She should be upset with him. He lets her grab his shirt without protest, but he presses his own arm to his eyes, like he can hold back tears that way. He can feel them building.

His voice wavers;] I-- I know! I'm sorry! I really am...

[fallforthesky]

[There are very few words to describe just how upset at him she is, and those that do exist she wouldn't dare in polite company repeat aloud. At his apology, she glances up sharpish and promptly feels a cold, sickly feeling diffuse in her stomach. Ah, he's making an expression like that again. For a very brief second she sees the left side of his face split open and the expression he'd worn then, and stubbornly blinks the memory away.

Rather abruptly, she grabs up more of his shirt in her other hand and tries to catch his feet out from under him.]

[meansprout]

[He won't stop her from doing that-- really, if she wanted to beat the tar out of him right now, he wouldn't put up much of a fight. His arm jerks away from his face when he's knocked off his feet (his eyes are a bit red), but he can't exactly fall too far if she's still holding onto his shirt-- he may end up pitching forward instead.]

if you get this about 10 times, I am so sorry...

[fallforthesky]

[Yeah. Realizing that a little. Belatedly. She grunts and gives him a shove back, and while she tries to make it strong enough to knock him down, there isn't any particular... conviction behind it. She's angry, but the last thing she wants is to hurt him. God, it would be so much easier if she could. She can't, though. Just... can't. He already looks so defeated.

Once he goes down however, Lenalee kneels over him and covers his (slightly red) eyes with both hands, fingers threading over his nose. Thickly:] Don't get up. Not until I've forgiven you.

[They're overdue for this conversation.]

[meansprout]

[He falls back, barely catching himself with a small yelp. He ends up propped up on both elbows but makes no move to get up-- just watches her, wide-eyed. When she moves her hands to his face, there's an automatic but aborted attempt to jerk his head away... he manages to keep mostly still. He closes his eyes against her palms.

He takes a a few steadying breaths, fingers curling into loose fists at his sides. He gives a very short nod.] Okay...

[fallforthesky]

[She keeps her hands clasped over his eyes, though when he closes them and his lashes brush her skin, it makes her very strongly want to wrench away. She grits her teeth instead, bowing a little more so her bangs obscure her face. Not that he can see it anyway. He probably thinks she's angry, but this entire... explosion... is fuelled by guilt.]

That side of you scared me, you know. It was like seeing what might happen someday, now that Allen's Fourteenth is... [awake] getting stronger. To have someone I care about turn their back on me because we were suddenly on opposite sides of the war, and for friendships to mean nothing. When I saw you activate your sword, it made me want to run until you could never find me again. Because I thought "maybe that will hurt less". That maybe I wasn't quite fine inside even if I felt it and it would still hurt me. But to do something like that after promising I would keep you safe

[meansprout]

[His shoulders bunch as his neck lowers a bit. He's biting his lower lip by the time she's done speaking, eyes still scrunched shut. The honesty here hurts; they're his fears as much as they are hers. Very hesitantly, he brings his right hand up and lightly covers hers; only for a moment, before dropping it again.]

If-- if anything had happened to you, because of me... How could I-- [If she died trying to help him, how would he be able to live with that? He shakes his head, and swallows.] I was the one who knew something like that could happen to me, and I still... [He trails off again. She doesn't want him to apologize...

With more conviction;] If I can't, then you're not allowed to blame yourself either.