Not related but funny
Okay, I'm going through a file folder of writings and other text things that I had years ago. I've already posted a few of the gems. I think I got this from Eel but it's hilarious.
I was dying reading some of these....
>>
>>
>>
>>The last one is really good, along with the rhino one...hell its
>>all
>>hilarious........
>>
>>Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
>>Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
>>Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
>>Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
>>Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
>>Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
>>Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
>>Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O'
>>Lakes
>>butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
>>Sarah19fca: you like that?
>>Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
>>Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
>>Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
>>Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
>>Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
>>Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
>>Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a
>>fatty. I
>>throw rocks at the cats.
>>Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
>>Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
>>Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
>>Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
>>Sarah19fca: /ignore
>>Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
>>Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
>>
>>---------------
>>
>>Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
>>DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody
>>DirtyKate:Who are you?
>>Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
>>Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in
>>my Geo
>>Storm.
>>DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your
>>car..
>>Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's
>>and make
>>an order
>>DirtyKate: Haha! OK
>>DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping
>>with
>>sauce.
>>Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's,
>>how
>>may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you
>>would make
>>your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
>>DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
>>Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
>>DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
>>DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm
>>home
>>alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
>>Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and
>>then I'll
>>drive to your house.
>>**pause**
>>DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
>>Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
>>Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
>>**pause**
>>DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
>>Bloodninja:How did you know?
>>Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the
>>shower. So I
>>let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
>>table.
>>Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza
>>oven
>>DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and
>>cold.
>>Warm me up baby
>>Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
>>DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
>>Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and
>>unzip my
>>pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan
>>in
>>ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce
>>is
>>deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
>>bathroom, I exit through the front door....
>>DirtyKate:What the f**k?
>>DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
>>DirtyKate:F**k
>>
>>------------------
>>
>>Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
>>MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
>>Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
>>MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
>>Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
>>Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
>>(pause)
>>MommyMelissa: is that it?
>>Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
>>Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
>>MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
>>vegetables...
>>Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
>>(pause)
>>Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
>>Sexily.
>>Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of
>>grains.
>>MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking
>>more along
>>the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
>>Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
>>Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
>>MommyMelissa: ...
>>Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My
>>insides
>>turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
>>MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
>>Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over
>>your
>>olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
>>MommyMelissa: whatever.
>>
>>-------
>>
>>bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice
>>aight?
>>BritneySpears14: Aight.
>>bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
>>BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
>>bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
>>BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
>>bloodninja: Me too baby.
>>BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
>>bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
>>woman.
>>BritneySpears14: Hey...
>>bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8
>>Penis of
>>the Infinite.
>>BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
>>bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the
>>Beyondness.
>>BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
>>ridiculous.
>>bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer
>>of the
>>lands.
>>bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your
>>body
>>explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2
>>Druid.
>>BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
>>bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning
>>shield
>>inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
>>bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr.
>>Robotnik's
>>evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan
>>steals
>>my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
>>bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
>>bloodninja: Baby?
>>
>>----------------
>>
>>bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can
>>keep it
>>ready for you.
>>j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
>>bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
>>j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
>>j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
>>bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you
>>are in my
>>breeding territory.
>>j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
>>j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
>>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
>>j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of
>>the game.
>>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your
>>***.
>>j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
>>bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about
>>to
>>charge your ***.
>>bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
>>feet.
>>j_gurli3: thats it.
>>bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some
>>phallic
>>symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls
>>collide
>>and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll
>>suspended in
>>the air on my mighty horn.
>>bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
>>
>>-------------
>>
>>BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
>>eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
>>BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
>>eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
>>BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
>>BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
>>muscular
>>physique.
>>eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
>>BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
>>eminemBNJA:
>>BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna
>>report your
>>ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
>>eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
>>something
>>
>>------------
>>
>>
>>sweet17: Hi
>>bloodninja: hello
>>bloodninja: who is this?
>>sweet17: just a someone?
>>bloodninja: A someone I know?
>>sweet17: nope
>>bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
>>sweet17: well sorrrrrry
>>sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
>>bloodninja: why?
>>sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
>>bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
>>sweet17: yes?
>>bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
>>sweet17: paranoid?
>>bloodninja: yes
>>sweet17: of what?
>>sweet17: me?
>>bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
>>sweet17: LOL
>>bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
>>bloodninja: This **** is serious!
>>sweet17: What are you hiding from?
>>bloodninja: The cops.
>>sweet17: gimme a ******* break
>>bloodninja: I'm serious.
>>sweet17: I don't get it
>>bloodninja: The cops are after me.
>>sweet17: For what?
>>bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
>>sweet17: For???
>>bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
>>bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>sweet17: You are ******* sick.
>>bloodninja: Send me your picture.
>>sweet17: why?
>>bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
>>sweet17: One of what?
>>bloodninja: The cops.
>>sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
>>bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
>>sweet17: hold on
>>bloodninja: Hurry up.
>>bloodninja: Are you there?
>>bloodninja: **** you, cop!
>>sweet17: Hey sorry
>>sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
>>bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to
>>me.
>>bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
>>bloodninja: Weren't you!?
>>sweet17: thats not it
>>bloodninja: Then what?
>>sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
>>bloodninja: Most cops aren't
>>sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
>>bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
>>sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
>>bloodninja: Just send it through here.
>>sweet17: alright *PIC*
>>sweet17: Did you get it?
>>bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
>>sweet17: That was me back in may
>>sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
>>bloodninja: I hope so
>>sweet17: what?!?
>>sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
>>bloodninja: Did it?
>>sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
>>bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
>>sweet17: yes
>>bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
>>sweet17: kks
>>bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
>>sweet17: this isn't you.
>>bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
>>sweet17: You don't look like that.
>>bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
>>sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
>>bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
>>bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
>>sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
>>bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
>>bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
>>sweet17: Go **** yourself
>>bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
>>bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
>>sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
>>sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
>>sweet17: you hurt me.
>>bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
>>sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
>>bloodninja: Why would I do that?
>>sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
>>bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
>>sweet17: **** YOU!!!
>>bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
>>sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
>>sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
>>sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
>>bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
>>sweet17: No you aren't
>>bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
>>bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
>>sweet17: I'm done with you
>>bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
>>sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
>>bloodninja: Wait a sec
>>bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
>>bloodninja: Wanna start over?
>>sweet17: No
>>bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
>>sweet17: You'll what?
>>bloodninja: You heard me.
>>bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
>>sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing
>>my picture
>>bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
>>sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
>>bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
>>bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
>>sweet17: Like what?
>>bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
>>sweet17: I don't know
>>bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
>>sweet17: I'm afraid to
>>bloodninja: Why?
>>sweet17: cause
>>bloodninja: cause why?
>>sweet17: well lets see
>>sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then
>>you
>>wanna eat me out
>>sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
>>bloodninja: Nope
>>sweet17: well its strange to me
>>bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
>>sweet17: I didn't say that
>>bloodninja: So is that a yes?
>>sweet17: I guess so.
>>bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
>>bloodninja: Are you willing?
>>sweet17: What do you need me to do?
>>bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
>>sweet17: ???
>>bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
>>bloodninja: ok?
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>sweet17: You can't be serious
>>bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
>>bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
>>sweet17: this is retarded
>>bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
>>sweet17: Yes I want it.
>>bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
>>sweet17: sure
>>bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
>>bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your
>>thighs.
>>bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing
>>up
>>against them
>>bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
>>bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
>>sweet17: mmmm yeah
>>bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
>>sweet17: Har
>>bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
>>bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist
>>with
>>every stroke.
>>bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my
>>mouth.
>>bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its
>>way to my
>>nose.
>>bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
>>sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
>>bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
>>bloodninja: going limp
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
>>bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
>>bloodninja: going limp
>>sweet17: this is stupid
>>bloodninja: ...still limp
>>bloodninja: Do it!
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
>>bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
>>bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your
>>ass.
>>sweet17: WTF?!?!?
>>bloodninja: They stink really bad.
>>sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
>>bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
>>bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
>>bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
>>sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
>>bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
>>bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
>>bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
>>sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
>>bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the
>>cabin...
>>bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
>>bloodninja: ...going limp again.
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>bloodninja: Say it!
>>bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>__________
>>
>>
>>Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>>
>>Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
>>heels. I
>>work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
>>36-24-36.
>>What do you look like?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have
>>on a
>>pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also
>>wearing a
>>T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it
>>smells
>>funny.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>>
>>Wellhung: OK
>>
>>Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
>>stereo
>>and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your
>>eyes,
>>smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to
>>fondle
>>your huge, swelling bulge.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>>
>>Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
>>slides off
>>my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
>>
>>Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips
>>a hole
>>in your blouse.I'm sorry.
>>
>>Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My
>>soft
>>breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's
>>stuck. Do
>>you have any scissors?
>>
>>Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
>>undoing
>>the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.
>>My
>>nipples are erect for you.
>>
>>Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
>>inspecting the
>>clasp.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
>>tongue
>>all over me.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
>>breasts.
>>They're neat!
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
>>nibbling
>>your ear.
>>
>>Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
>>phlegm.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains
>>of my
>>blouse.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it
>>with a plop.
>>
>>Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
>>hard
>>tool.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all
>>over, in
>>and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>>
>>Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Can I help?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
>>through
>>the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>>
>>Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
>>cabinet. And
>>now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
>>Where's
>>the bedroom?
>>
>>Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>>
>>Wellhung: I found it.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
>>badly.
>>
>>Wellhung: Me too.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
>>bodies
>>pressing each other.
>>
>>Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>>
>>Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
>>
>>Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
>>glasses
>>on the night table.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>>
>>Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the
>>room and
>>toward the bathroom.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>>
>>Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
>>the
>>toilet. I lift the lid.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
>>but I
>>can't find it. Uh-oh!
>>
>>Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>>
>>Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
>>Sorry
>>again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>>
>>Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
>>your...you
>>know...woman's thing.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
>>your
>>neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't
>>stand it
>>another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
>>on my
>>face.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
>>floppy.
>>I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>>
>>Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
>>underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>>
>>Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
>>table. I'm
>>feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
>>picture
>>frames and your candles.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>>
>>Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One
>>of our
>>candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
>>at it, a
>>shocked look on my face.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>>
>>Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
>>
I was dying reading some of these....
>>
>>
>>
>>The last one is really good, along with the rhino one...hell its
>>all
>>hilarious........
>>
>>Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
>>Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
>>Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
>>Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
>>Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
>>Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
>>Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
>>Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O'
>>Lakes
>>butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
>>Sarah19fca: you like that?
>>Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
>>Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
>>Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
>>Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
>>Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
>>Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
>>Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a
>>fatty. I
>>throw rocks at the cats.
>>Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
>>Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
>>Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
>>Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
>>Sarah19fca: /ignore
>>Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
>>Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
>>
>>---------------
>>
>>Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
>>DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody
>>DirtyKate:Who are you?
>>Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
>>Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in
>>my Geo
>>Storm.
>>DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your
>>car..
>>Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's
>>and make
>>an order
>>DirtyKate: Haha! OK
>>DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping
>>with
>>sauce.
>>Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's,
>>how
>>may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you
>>would make
>>your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
>>DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
>>Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
>>DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
>>DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm
>>home
>>alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
>>Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and
>>then I'll
>>drive to your house.
>>**pause**
>>DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
>>Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
>>Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
>>**pause**
>>DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
>>Bloodninja:How did you know?
>>Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the
>>shower. So I
>>let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
>>table.
>>Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza
>>oven
>>DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and
>>cold.
>>Warm me up baby
>>Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
>>DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
>>Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and
>>unzip my
>>pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan
>>in
>>ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce
>>is
>>deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
>>bathroom, I exit through the front door....
>>DirtyKate:What the f**k?
>>DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
>>DirtyKate:F**k
>>
>>------------------
>>
>>Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
>>MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
>>Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
>>MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
>>Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
>>Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
>>(pause)
>>MommyMelissa: is that it?
>>Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
>>Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
>>MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
>>vegetables...
>>Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
>>(pause)
>>Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
>>Sexily.
>>Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of
>>grains.
>>MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking
>>more along
>>the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
>>Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
>>Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
>>MommyMelissa: ...
>>Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My
>>insides
>>turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
>>MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
>>Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over
>>your
>>olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
>>MommyMelissa: whatever.
>>
>>-------
>>
>>bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice
>>aight?
>>BritneySpears14: Aight.
>>bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
>>BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
>>bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
>>BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
>>bloodninja: Me too baby.
>>BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
>>bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
>>woman.
>>BritneySpears14: Hey...
>>bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8
>>Penis of
>>the Infinite.
>>BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
>>bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the
>>Beyondness.
>>BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
>>ridiculous.
>>bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer
>>of the
>>lands.
>>bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your
>>body
>>explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2
>>Druid.
>>BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
>>bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning
>>shield
>>inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
>>bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr.
>>Robotnik's
>>evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan
>>steals
>>my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
>>bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
>>bloodninja: Baby?
>>
>>----------------
>>
>>bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can
>>keep it
>>ready for you.
>>j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
>>bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
>>j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
>>j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
>>bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you
>>are in my
>>breeding territory.
>>j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
>>j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
>>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
>>j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of
>>the game.
>>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your
>>***.
>>j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
>>bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about
>>to
>>charge your ***.
>>bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
>>feet.
>>j_gurli3: thats it.
>>bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some
>>phallic
>>symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls
>>collide
>>and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll
>>suspended in
>>the air on my mighty horn.
>>bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
>>
>>-------------
>>
>>BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
>>eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
>>BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
>>eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
>>BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
>>BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
>>muscular
>>physique.
>>eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
>>BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
>>eminemBNJA:
>>BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna
>>report your
>>ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
>>eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
>>something
>>
>>------------
>>
>>
>>sweet17: Hi
>>bloodninja: hello
>>bloodninja: who is this?
>>sweet17: just a someone?
>>bloodninja: A someone I know?
>>sweet17: nope
>>bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
>>sweet17: well sorrrrrry
>>sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
>>bloodninja: why?
>>sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
>>bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
>>sweet17: yes?
>>bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
>>sweet17: paranoid?
>>bloodninja: yes
>>sweet17: of what?
>>sweet17: me?
>>bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
>>sweet17: LOL
>>bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
>>bloodninja: This **** is serious!
>>sweet17: What are you hiding from?
>>bloodninja: The cops.
>>sweet17: gimme a ******* break
>>bloodninja: I'm serious.
>>sweet17: I don't get it
>>bloodninja: The cops are after me.
>>sweet17: For what?
>>bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
>>sweet17: For???
>>bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
>>bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>sweet17: You are ******* sick.
>>bloodninja: Send me your picture.
>>sweet17: why?
>>bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
>>sweet17: One of what?
>>bloodninja: The cops.
>>sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
>>bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
>>sweet17: hold on
>>bloodninja: Hurry up.
>>bloodninja: Are you there?
>>bloodninja: **** you, cop!
>>sweet17: Hey sorry
>>sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
>>bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to
>>me.
>>bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
>>bloodninja: Weren't you!?
>>sweet17: thats not it
>>bloodninja: Then what?
>>sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
>>bloodninja: Most cops aren't
>>sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
>>bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
>>sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
>>bloodninja: Just send it through here.
>>sweet17: alright *PIC*
>>sweet17: Did you get it?
>>bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
>>sweet17: That was me back in may
>>sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
>>bloodninja: I hope so
>>sweet17: what?!?
>>sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
>>bloodninja: Did it?
>>sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
>>bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
>>sweet17: yes
>>bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
>>sweet17: kks
>>bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
>>sweet17: this isn't you.
>>bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
>>sweet17: You don't look like that.
>>bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
>>sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
>>bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
>>bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
>>sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
>>bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
>>bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
>>sweet17: Go **** yourself
>>bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
>>bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
>>sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
>>sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
>>sweet17: you hurt me.
>>bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
>>sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
>>bloodninja: Why would I do that?
>>sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
>>bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
>>sweet17: **** YOU!!!
>>bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
>>sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
>>sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
>>sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
>>bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
>>sweet17: No you aren't
>>bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
>>bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
>>sweet17: I'm done with you
>>bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
>>sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
>>bloodninja: Wait a sec
>>bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
>>bloodninja: Wanna start over?
>>sweet17: No
>>bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
>>sweet17: You'll what?
>>bloodninja: You heard me.
>>bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
>>sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing
>>my picture
>>bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
>>sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
>>bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
>>bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
>>sweet17: Like what?
>>bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
>>sweet17: I don't know
>>bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
>>sweet17: I'm afraid to
>>bloodninja: Why?
>>sweet17: cause
>>bloodninja: cause why?
>>sweet17: well lets see
>>sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then
>>you
>>wanna eat me out
>>sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
>>bloodninja: Nope
>>sweet17: well its strange to me
>>bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
>>sweet17: I didn't say that
>>bloodninja: So is that a yes?
>>sweet17: I guess so.
>>bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
>>bloodninja: Are you willing?
>>sweet17: What do you need me to do?
>>bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
>>sweet17: ???
>>bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
>>bloodninja: ok?
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>sweet17: You can't be serious
>>bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
>>bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
>>sweet17: this is retarded
>>bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
>>sweet17: Yes I want it.
>>bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
>>sweet17: sure
>>bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
>>bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your
>>thighs.
>>bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing
>>up
>>against them
>>bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
>>bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
>>sweet17: mmmm yeah
>>bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
>>sweet17: Har
>>bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
>>bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist
>>with
>>every stroke.
>>bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my
>>mouth.
>>bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its
>>way to my
>>nose.
>>bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
>>sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
>>bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
>>bloodninja: going limp
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
>>bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
>>bloodninja: going limp
>>sweet17: this is stupid
>>bloodninja: ...still limp
>>bloodninja: Do it!
>>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
>>bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
>>bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your
>>ass.
>>sweet17: WTF?!?!?
>>bloodninja: They stink really bad.
>>sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
>>bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
>>bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
>>bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
>>sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
>>bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
>>bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
>>bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
>>sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
>>bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the
>>cabin...
>>bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
>>bloodninja: ...going limp again.
>>bloodninja: Hello?
>>bloodninja: Say it!
>>bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>__________
>>
>>
>>Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>>
>>Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
>>heels. I
>>work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
>>36-24-36.
>>What do you look like?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have
>>on a
>>pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also
>>wearing a
>>T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it
>>smells
>>funny.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>>
>>Wellhung: OK
>>
>>Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
>>stereo
>>and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your
>>eyes,
>>smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to
>>fondle
>>your huge, swelling bulge.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>>
>>Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
>>slides off
>>my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
>>
>>Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips
>>a hole
>>in your blouse.I'm sorry.
>>
>>Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My
>>soft
>>breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's
>>stuck. Do
>>you have any scissors?
>>
>>Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
>>undoing
>>the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.
>>My
>>nipples are erect for you.
>>
>>Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
>>inspecting the
>>clasp.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
>>tongue
>>all over me.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
>>breasts.
>>They're neat!
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
>>nibbling
>>your ear.
>>
>>Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
>>phlegm.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains
>>of my
>>blouse.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it
>>with a plop.
>>
>>Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
>>hard
>>tool.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all
>>over, in
>>and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>>
>>Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Can I help?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
>>through
>>the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>>
>>Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
>>cabinet. And
>>now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
>>Where's
>>the bedroom?
>>
>>Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>>
>>Wellhung: I found it.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
>>badly.
>>
>>Wellhung: Me too.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
>>bodies
>>pressing each other.
>>
>>Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>>
>>Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
>>
>>Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
>>glasses
>>on the night table.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>>
>>Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the
>>room and
>>toward the bathroom.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>>
>>Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
>>the
>>toilet. I lift the lid.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
>>but I
>>can't find it. Uh-oh!
>>
>>Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>>
>>Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
>>Sorry
>>again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>>
>>Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
>>your...you
>>know...woman's thing.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
>>your
>>neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't
>>stand it
>>another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
>>
>>Sweetheart: What?
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
>>on my
>>face.
>>
>>Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
>>floppy.
>>I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>>
>>Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
>>underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>>
>>Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
>>table. I'm
>>feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
>>picture
>>frames and your candles.
>>
>>Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>>
>>Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One
>>of our
>>candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
>>at it, a
>>shocked look on my face.
>>
>>Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>>
>>Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
>>