Jaded
A/N: For @nonchabi-chabi-chabster unnir. <3 She gave me a picture, so I merely coloured it in. This is completely her idea, and she named it, too. (much fancy title, better than what I would have thought of lol) Thank you for letting me write it. :)
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The difference in the reaction of her two friends were so vast that Tiffany would have laughed if she wasn’t serious about what she had told them. They were the only ones she trusted enough to talk to, and she really needed to talk it out with someone; it’s been bugging her for months. She needed to at least let it out, get it off her chest, even if she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it. She couldn’t, wouldn't and probably didn’t even genuinely want to do anything about it.
“You’ve got to be kidding, right?” Yoona asked, looking at her incredulously. She didn’t have to say it, but Tiffany knew she disapproved of her having thoughts like that.
“Why?” Yuri threw the girl a questionable look before looking at Tiffany, again. Her eyes much more understanding. “I think I get it, really. It’s been years; you’ve probably got into some sort of routine, you’re bound to get tired of it.”
Tiffany had told them, just seconds ago, that she was bored of her 5 year relationship. Yoona and Yuri were her best friends and inevitably, they had gotten to know and became friends with her girlfriend, too.
Taeyeon was wonderful; she really was and always had been a good girlfriend. They met almost 6 years ago, at a new year eve’s party and it definitely wasn’t love at first sight.
They fell in love slowly, the spark grew steadily and eventually burned like no other, and Tiffany hadn’t been happier with anyone else. They had been living together for the past 3 years and everything was going great, they never had a fight big enough to even scratch the relationship they had but that was when Tiffany assumed the spark was dying out. It was great, but there was nothing extraordinary, per se.
It wasn’t noticeable until that one morning a few months ago; she had woken up and found that the spark was completely gone. They no longer cuddled to sleep, no longer exchanged morning kisses and Taeyeon would kiss her cheek after sending her to work but it was more out of habit, and they fell into a dull routine that never seemed to end. Taeyeon was great, and Tiffany still loved her but she couldn’t help but grow tired of them. She grew tired of Taeyeon.
Yoona looked between the two of them in disbelief. “Wow,” she voiced out, disappointment clearly coated her words.
Yuri rolled her eyes at her before suggesting something that undeniably had crossed Tiffany’s mind more than once. “Why don’t you two take a break?”
Of course, Tiffany had thought of that, probably thrice in the past week itself but then she would look Taeyeon in the eyes, and her words would get stuck in her throat, because how could she say that without at least offending the latter, if not hurting her in any way? She couldn’t do that, not selfishly, and definitely not because she wanted it for herself.
She just wished Taeyeon was a little more fun? She didn’t know how or who she wanted Taeyeon to be, but the girl always preferred to stay at home, not even wanting to follow Tiffany out to meet her friends most of the time. The girl herself was boring, but Tiffany loved her, still, and would never want to hurt her in any way.
“I can’t do that to her,” Tiffany answered, looking out the window. “You know she’s not going to take it lightly.”
“Of course she won’t!” Yoona exclaimed exasperatedly, gaining her attention again. Tiffany was surprised at how the girl really seemed bothered by the topic. “How is this supposed to even be a ‘light’ thing? Come on, Tiff. How did you expect her to react? What are you supposed to tell her anyway? ‘Oh hey, love you but I’m getting bored with you, let’s take a break.’ ? Do you even hear yourself?” she rambled, hands flailing around frantically.
“Oh my god, calm down,” Yuri looked just as surprised as her.
The girl took a deep breath, huffing before continuing, eyes not leaving Tiffany’s even for a second. “Instead being a spoiled, ungrateful brat, you really don’t realise how good you have it, do you? Not everyone has found someone that accepts and willingly lives with all their crap, and here you are complaining that you’re bored of that one person who could and wanted to.”
“Hey, rude,” Tiffany retorted at the name calling. Her best friend was actually standing up for her girlfriend, and honestly, it was touching all the right nerves, effectively making her feel guilty for even having such thoughts.
“I’m just saying. Instead of whining about how ‘boring’ it is, why don’t you start counting your blessings?”
She didn’t have anything to say to that, and Yuri looked dumbfounded too, shrugging as Tiffany turned to her for help. Her phone vibrated and she checked it for something to do, hoping to break the tension and for Yoona would let the topic go. She sighed, looking at the message from Taeyeon.
‘Hey, having fun? Tell them I said hi, and tell me if you need me to pick you up, kay?’
--
Maybe Yoona was right.
Maybe she did have it good. As she watched her best friends and Taeyeon’s best friend, Hyoyeon, sprawled all over on their cold living room floor with only the carpet and the thin blankets she had thrown over to them, she became uncharacteristically aware of the warmth beside her on the small couch.
She hadn’t noticed when they started to cuddle because she was pretty sure they were sitting away from each other when the movie had began. It was cold, but did she move closer or did Taeyeon? She wasn’t sure because they were pretty much taking up the middle of the couch now.
Vaguely following the movie, she became aware of the arm loosely wrapped around her hip, the faint heartbeat beating comfortingly against her shoulder as Tiffany leaned against her and the faint smell of peaches as the girl rested her chin lazily on Tiffany’s shoulder, her head moulding perfectly against the nape of her neck.
She became aware of how her own body was completely at ease, the cold not bothering her one bit anymore and how it was more of whom was keeping her warm rather than the blanket they were sharing between them. It was second nature by now, even their bodies recognised each other, and they hadn’t been cuddling recently but it could never feel foreign, being in Taeyeon's arms- or even holding the girl in hers.
She felt that maybe she did have it good, because she somehow knew that the blanket wouldn’t keep her half as warm as having someone snuggling that close to her.
“Will you be okay for two weeks without me?” Taeyeon asked softly, suddenly, reminding Tiffany that her girlfriend had to go for another business trip. Her flight was the next morning.
It wasn’t something new, Taeyeon had always gone for trips but it had never been longer than 5 days. She thought about it, 5 days wasn’t that long. She was bored anyway, wasn’t she? Maybe this would be a good time to have some time apart. She could have the space she wanted, a preview of what a break could have been, without Taeyeon knowing about it. It was perfect.
She nodded her reply, only to find the hold around her tighten comfortably.
“I’ll miss you,” Taeyeon whispered and Tiffany didn’t want to admit it so she said nothing, but she knew she would miss her too. “I’ll come home soon.”
She inwardly sighed, instinctively snuggling even more into her hold and nodded again. “Okay,” was all she said, and she wondered if Taeyeon had ever wanted to hear more or if she really hadn’t minded as they continued to watch the movie instead.
She didn’t know why Taeyeon made it seem like it was going to be hard being apart for two weeks. They had gone 5 days easily, two weeks surely wouldn’t be a problem, would it? Two weeks would fly by, she probably won’t feel much of a difference.
--
Tiffany was at a loss, because she couldn’t have been more wrong.
She had never gone more than 5 days without Taeyeon and she was starting to feel the difference; she felt it and she didn’t like it one bit. The past 5 days hadn’t been much of a problem, it was okay because she thought of her randomly but it hadn’t been much since she had her away for that long before. It was almost part of their routine, although it only happened twice, at most thrice, in a year.
She vaguely remembered Taeyeon waking her up with a kiss on her forehead, telling her to take care of herself, that she loved her and that she would call often. She vaguely remembered telling her she loved her too, to take care, and merely nodded after getting another kiss on her cheek.
She woke up for real an hour later and received a text from Taeyeon, telling her that she was already on the plane and that breakfast all ready for her in the kitchen, not forgetting to remind her to eat well while she was away. Tiffany had replied, telling her not to worry and to have a safe flight. After that, it had pretty much been bearable, and she had the space she wanted, but went into her own routine whenever Taeyeon wasn’t around. Five days went by without a glitch.
It was the morning of the 6th day that she started feeling the difference. She had woken up, half-sprawled on Taeyeon’s side of the bed and felt cold. She found herself sighing, wishing she had her girlfriend in bed with her because the girl was all-around warm and she had always kept Tiffany warm.
On the 7th day, she found herself sitting alone in the living room after work; the television was on and there was nothing to watch but she thought of how Taeyeon would have insisted that staying at home was better than going to the night market like Tiffany would have suggested. She thought of how she could go to the said market now, and realised, a little sadly, that she had never wanted to go alone. She made a mental note to bring Taeyeon there when she came home. She wished she would come home soon.
It was on the 9th day that Tiffany could feel her ‘freedom’ getting suffocating, because she would come home to an empty house, go to bed alone and woke up alone for far too long; longer than what she was physically - emotionally and mentally - used to. She would find herself trying to drag their talk longer when Taeyeon called to wish her goodnight, even though she hadn’t given the girl the slightest hint of her longing, and the latter never really asked.
She was feeling anything besides herself by day 11th, wondering to herself why the hell did she just dial Taeyeon’s number when it had rained after work, wanting to ask the girl to pick her up. It was purely out of habit, and she had gone straight to voicemail, but she realised with a start that maybe that was a problem she had to fix.
A lot she had done was out of habit, because she knew Taeyeon was always there. She unwillingly admitted to herself as she hailed a taxi, that she had been taking advantage of the mere thought of always having Taeyeon with her, every step she took. When she realised she couldn’t get through to the girl when she needed her this time because Taeyeon wasn’t available nor was she in the same country as her at the moment, it hit her harder than it should.
She wondered how she would go through another 3 days without the girl because right then, as she leaned back against the taxi’s leather seat - semi-drenched and extremely cold - she knew she never, ever, wanted to feel that empty again.
She wanted Taeyeon home.
--
It all seemed to happen in a slow motion because she was getting extremely restless, trying to spot the love of her life amongst the fairly huge group making its way out of the arrival hall. It took 5 minutes before she spotted the girl pushing her luggages on a trolley, looking beautiful despite the slight weight loss; it wasn’t much but she could tell just by the distinctive jawline. She made a mental note to scold her for not eating well despite telling Tiffany to do so.
Taeyeon’s eyes spotted her waving frantically and she noticed the widened eyes before it sparkled with pure joy. Taeyeon was practically glowing and Tiffany couldn’t help but feel happiness and relief seep into her own bones at the sight of the girl. When her girlfriend got close enough, she instantly pulled the girl into a hug, wanting Taeyeon in her arms again.
She held her close, feeling the latter's arms wrap tightly around her in response. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart beating softly against another's and buried her face against the girl's neck, smiling when she smelled peaches. She sighed, feeling her body releasing all the longing and yearning slowly.
She refused to let go when Taeyeon made a move to pull away, making the girl chuckle lightly. The sound rang loudly in her heart, making it swell fondly as Taeyeon gave in, rubbing her back soothingly.
“Hello to you, too,” Taeyeon said softly, making her realised she hadn’t said a word since the girl had approached her. “This is a nice surprise.”
Taeyeon probably didn’t mean much by it but Tiffany suddenly felt like the worst girlfriend ever because it struck her only then, that she had always gone to work as usual or stayed at home instead of picking Taeyeon up at the airport. She had always expected Taeyeon to come home on her own; she had always expected Taeyeon to come back to her because she always did.
She felt horrible and felt like she should say something to her. She wanted to say she was sorry that she ever once thought she wanted Taeyeon to be anything else rather than who she was. She wanted to tell her that no one could love her better, that she never wanted her to leave, and she wanted to thank Taeyeon for taking care of her so well. She wanted to tell her that she loved her so much, that she would try to love her better, and she missed her.
Tiffany wanted to welcome her home but she had another thing to fix because her pride, like always, glued her lips together.
Her body responded instead, unconsciously clutching the back of Taeyeon’s top and sighing lightly against her neck.
“It’s okay. I’m home.” Somehow Taeyeon understood at least the main things she wanted to say, because she pulled Tiffany closer, placing a soft kiss on her shoulder. “I really missed you and I love you, too.”
Taeyeon was home, and Tiffany really wouldn’t want her to be anywhere else than with her.
***
Have a good weekend, everyone! :)
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The difference in the reaction of her two friends were so vast that Tiffany would have laughed if she wasn’t serious about what she had told them. They were the only ones she trusted enough to talk to, and she really needed to talk it out with someone; it’s been bugging her for months. She needed to at least let it out, get it off her chest, even if she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it. She couldn’t, wouldn't and probably didn’t even genuinely want to do anything about it.
“You’ve got to be kidding, right?” Yoona asked, looking at her incredulously. She didn’t have to say it, but Tiffany knew she disapproved of her having thoughts like that.
“Why?” Yuri threw the girl a questionable look before looking at Tiffany, again. Her eyes much more understanding. “I think I get it, really. It’s been years; you’ve probably got into some sort of routine, you’re bound to get tired of it.”
Tiffany had told them, just seconds ago, that she was bored of her 5 year relationship. Yoona and Yuri were her best friends and inevitably, they had gotten to know and became friends with her girlfriend, too.
Taeyeon was wonderful; she really was and always had been a good girlfriend. They met almost 6 years ago, at a new year eve’s party and it definitely wasn’t love at first sight.
They fell in love slowly, the spark grew steadily and eventually burned like no other, and Tiffany hadn’t been happier with anyone else. They had been living together for the past 3 years and everything was going great, they never had a fight big enough to even scratch the relationship they had but that was when Tiffany assumed the spark was dying out. It was great, but there was nothing extraordinary, per se.
It wasn’t noticeable until that one morning a few months ago; she had woken up and found that the spark was completely gone. They no longer cuddled to sleep, no longer exchanged morning kisses and Taeyeon would kiss her cheek after sending her to work but it was more out of habit, and they fell into a dull routine that never seemed to end. Taeyeon was great, and Tiffany still loved her but she couldn’t help but grow tired of them. She grew tired of Taeyeon.
Yoona looked between the two of them in disbelief. “Wow,” she voiced out, disappointment clearly coated her words.
Yuri rolled her eyes at her before suggesting something that undeniably had crossed Tiffany’s mind more than once. “Why don’t you two take a break?”
Of course, Tiffany had thought of that, probably thrice in the past week itself but then she would look Taeyeon in the eyes, and her words would get stuck in her throat, because how could she say that without at least offending the latter, if not hurting her in any way? She couldn’t do that, not selfishly, and definitely not because she wanted it for herself.
She just wished Taeyeon was a little more fun? She didn’t know how or who she wanted Taeyeon to be, but the girl always preferred to stay at home, not even wanting to follow Tiffany out to meet her friends most of the time. The girl herself was boring, but Tiffany loved her, still, and would never want to hurt her in any way.
“I can’t do that to her,” Tiffany answered, looking out the window. “You know she’s not going to take it lightly.”
“Of course she won’t!” Yoona exclaimed exasperatedly, gaining her attention again. Tiffany was surprised at how the girl really seemed bothered by the topic. “How is this supposed to even be a ‘light’ thing? Come on, Tiff. How did you expect her to react? What are you supposed to tell her anyway? ‘Oh hey, love you but I’m getting bored with you, let’s take a break.’ ? Do you even hear yourself?” she rambled, hands flailing around frantically.
“Oh my god, calm down,” Yuri looked just as surprised as her.
The girl took a deep breath, huffing before continuing, eyes not leaving Tiffany’s even for a second. “Instead being a spoiled, ungrateful brat, you really don’t realise how good you have it, do you? Not everyone has found someone that accepts and willingly lives with all their crap, and here you are complaining that you’re bored of that one person who could and wanted to.”
“Hey, rude,” Tiffany retorted at the name calling. Her best friend was actually standing up for her girlfriend, and honestly, it was touching all the right nerves, effectively making her feel guilty for even having such thoughts.
“I’m just saying. Instead of whining about how ‘boring’ it is, why don’t you start counting your blessings?”
She didn’t have anything to say to that, and Yuri looked dumbfounded too, shrugging as Tiffany turned to her for help. Her phone vibrated and she checked it for something to do, hoping to break the tension and for Yoona would let the topic go. She sighed, looking at the message from Taeyeon.
‘Hey, having fun? Tell them I said hi, and tell me if you need me to pick you up, kay?’
--
Maybe Yoona was right.
Maybe she did have it good. As she watched her best friends and Taeyeon’s best friend, Hyoyeon, sprawled all over on their cold living room floor with only the carpet and the thin blankets she had thrown over to them, she became uncharacteristically aware of the warmth beside her on the small couch.
She hadn’t noticed when they started to cuddle because she was pretty sure they were sitting away from each other when the movie had began. It was cold, but did she move closer or did Taeyeon? She wasn’t sure because they were pretty much taking up the middle of the couch now.
Vaguely following the movie, she became aware of the arm loosely wrapped around her hip, the faint heartbeat beating comfortingly against her shoulder as Tiffany leaned against her and the faint smell of peaches as the girl rested her chin lazily on Tiffany’s shoulder, her head moulding perfectly against the nape of her neck.
She became aware of how her own body was completely at ease, the cold not bothering her one bit anymore and how it was more of whom was keeping her warm rather than the blanket they were sharing between them. It was second nature by now, even their bodies recognised each other, and they hadn’t been cuddling recently but it could never feel foreign, being in Taeyeon's arms- or even holding the girl in hers.
She felt that maybe she did have it good, because she somehow knew that the blanket wouldn’t keep her half as warm as having someone snuggling that close to her.
“Will you be okay for two weeks without me?” Taeyeon asked softly, suddenly, reminding Tiffany that her girlfriend had to go for another business trip. Her flight was the next morning.
It wasn’t something new, Taeyeon had always gone for trips but it had never been longer than 5 days. She thought about it, 5 days wasn’t that long. She was bored anyway, wasn’t she? Maybe this would be a good time to have some time apart. She could have the space she wanted, a preview of what a break could have been, without Taeyeon knowing about it. It was perfect.
She nodded her reply, only to find the hold around her tighten comfortably.
“I’ll miss you,” Taeyeon whispered and Tiffany didn’t want to admit it so she said nothing, but she knew she would miss her too. “I’ll come home soon.”
She inwardly sighed, instinctively snuggling even more into her hold and nodded again. “Okay,” was all she said, and she wondered if Taeyeon had ever wanted to hear more or if she really hadn’t minded as they continued to watch the movie instead.
She didn’t know why Taeyeon made it seem like it was going to be hard being apart for two weeks. They had gone 5 days easily, two weeks surely wouldn’t be a problem, would it? Two weeks would fly by, she probably won’t feel much of a difference.
--
Tiffany was at a loss, because she couldn’t have been more wrong.
She had never gone more than 5 days without Taeyeon and she was starting to feel the difference; she felt it and she didn’t like it one bit. The past 5 days hadn’t been much of a problem, it was okay because she thought of her randomly but it hadn’t been much since she had her away for that long before. It was almost part of their routine, although it only happened twice, at most thrice, in a year.
She vaguely remembered Taeyeon waking her up with a kiss on her forehead, telling her to take care of herself, that she loved her and that she would call often. She vaguely remembered telling her she loved her too, to take care, and merely nodded after getting another kiss on her cheek.
She woke up for real an hour later and received a text from Taeyeon, telling her that she was already on the plane and that breakfast all ready for her in the kitchen, not forgetting to remind her to eat well while she was away. Tiffany had replied, telling her not to worry and to have a safe flight. After that, it had pretty much been bearable, and she had the space she wanted, but went into her own routine whenever Taeyeon wasn’t around. Five days went by without a glitch.
It was the morning of the 6th day that she started feeling the difference. She had woken up, half-sprawled on Taeyeon’s side of the bed and felt cold. She found herself sighing, wishing she had her girlfriend in bed with her because the girl was all-around warm and she had always kept Tiffany warm.
On the 7th day, she found herself sitting alone in the living room after work; the television was on and there was nothing to watch but she thought of how Taeyeon would have insisted that staying at home was better than going to the night market like Tiffany would have suggested. She thought of how she could go to the said market now, and realised, a little sadly, that she had never wanted to go alone. She made a mental note to bring Taeyeon there when she came home. She wished she would come home soon.
It was on the 9th day that Tiffany could feel her ‘freedom’ getting suffocating, because she would come home to an empty house, go to bed alone and woke up alone for far too long; longer than what she was physically - emotionally and mentally - used to. She would find herself trying to drag their talk longer when Taeyeon called to wish her goodnight, even though she hadn’t given the girl the slightest hint of her longing, and the latter never really asked.
She was feeling anything besides herself by day 11th, wondering to herself why the hell did she just dial Taeyeon’s number when it had rained after work, wanting to ask the girl to pick her up. It was purely out of habit, and she had gone straight to voicemail, but she realised with a start that maybe that was a problem she had to fix.
A lot she had done was out of habit, because she knew Taeyeon was always there. She unwillingly admitted to herself as she hailed a taxi, that she had been taking advantage of the mere thought of always having Taeyeon with her, every step she took. When she realised she couldn’t get through to the girl when she needed her this time because Taeyeon wasn’t available nor was she in the same country as her at the moment, it hit her harder than it should.
She wondered how she would go through another 3 days without the girl because right then, as she leaned back against the taxi’s leather seat - semi-drenched and extremely cold - she knew she never, ever, wanted to feel that empty again.
She wanted Taeyeon home.
--
It all seemed to happen in a slow motion because she was getting extremely restless, trying to spot the love of her life amongst the fairly huge group making its way out of the arrival hall. It took 5 minutes before she spotted the girl pushing her luggages on a trolley, looking beautiful despite the slight weight loss; it wasn’t much but she could tell just by the distinctive jawline. She made a mental note to scold her for not eating well despite telling Tiffany to do so.
Taeyeon’s eyes spotted her waving frantically and she noticed the widened eyes before it sparkled with pure joy. Taeyeon was practically glowing and Tiffany couldn’t help but feel happiness and relief seep into her own bones at the sight of the girl. When her girlfriend got close enough, she instantly pulled the girl into a hug, wanting Taeyeon in her arms again.
She held her close, feeling the latter's arms wrap tightly around her in response. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart beating softly against another's and buried her face against the girl's neck, smiling when she smelled peaches. She sighed, feeling her body releasing all the longing and yearning slowly.
She refused to let go when Taeyeon made a move to pull away, making the girl chuckle lightly. The sound rang loudly in her heart, making it swell fondly as Taeyeon gave in, rubbing her back soothingly.
“Hello to you, too,” Taeyeon said softly, making her realised she hadn’t said a word since the girl had approached her. “This is a nice surprise.”
Taeyeon probably didn’t mean much by it but Tiffany suddenly felt like the worst girlfriend ever because it struck her only then, that she had always gone to work as usual or stayed at home instead of picking Taeyeon up at the airport. She had always expected Taeyeon to come home on her own; she had always expected Taeyeon to come back to her because she always did.
She felt horrible and felt like she should say something to her. She wanted to say she was sorry that she ever once thought she wanted Taeyeon to be anything else rather than who she was. She wanted to tell her that no one could love her better, that she never wanted her to leave, and she wanted to thank Taeyeon for taking care of her so well. She wanted to tell her that she loved her so much, that she would try to love her better, and she missed her.
Tiffany wanted to welcome her home but she had another thing to fix because her pride, like always, glued her lips together.
Her body responded instead, unconsciously clutching the back of Taeyeon’s top and sighing lightly against her neck.
“It’s okay. I’m home.” Somehow Taeyeon understood at least the main things she wanted to say, because she pulled Tiffany closer, placing a soft kiss on her shoulder. “I really missed you and I love you, too.”
Taeyeon was home, and Tiffany really wouldn’t want her to be anywhere else than with her.
***
Have a good weekend, everyone! :)