Change of Heart
A/N: Because I said I'd post something longer when I feel like it--- I feel like it. :> Here's a sequel to the first story I ever posted on LJ, two years ago. LOL. Read this first: Right or Wrong.
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Changes scared her. Taeyeon never liked changes. She didn’t like it when she was 18, and found herself being attracted to girls. She didn’t like it when she fell in love with a girl, who soon found a boy to love. She didn’t like it how she had to keep to herself or how she felt like she had been lying to everyone who mattered to her for years. She didn’t like being scared, she didn’t like feeling alone and she absolutely hated feeling empty. She had gone through some changes for the past few years and she wasn’t fond of any of them. It wasn't until there was another shift in her life and she had never been more grateful for it. She hated changes, but maybe change could be good too.
Maybe not all changes were horrible, maybe changes could work both ways, because she liked that she was more accepting about herself, still reserved but much more relaxed, and she liked that she didn’t feel alone anymore. She liked that somehow her heart felt like it was constantly filled to its brim and how she didn’t have to keep to herself so much anymore. She mostly liked that she was falling in love with another girl, whose heart could love her, too.
It was odd - her change of heart - because she was at the same regular cafe, at the same corner, with the same people sitting exactly where they sat almost a year ago but she felt different even though it had barely been a year. She changed. Things changed, not everything but some things did, and she could feel the difference. She wasn't affected when Jessica spoke proudly of her boyfriend, didn't feel the same emotions when the girl smiled or looked at her, and didn’t feel like she had the weight of the world on her chest anymore. She now leaned towards Tiffany for completely different reasons.
A year ago, she would have leaned towards her for comfort, because she needed her, because she wanted a distraction. Right then, she leaned towards her merely because she wanted her close, the need was still present, but mostly because Tiffany became the distraction. Taeyeon was barely following any of the conversations going on as she rested her head on Tiffany's shoulder, the latter's scent making it hard for her to focus on anything else.
She merely observed as Tiffany continued to talk to Sunny while noting that Sooyoung and Jessica were having completely different conversations. She watched them and thought of how some things might never change, like how Tiffany was being rather loud, how Sunny crinkled her nose when she disagreed with something, or the way Sooyoung talked with her hands flailing around, and Jessica’s tendency to touch Taeyeon’s thigh or leaning towards her when she laughed too hard.
She noticed and smiled because maybe some things would always stay the same - she hoped so - and she didn’t mind things like that, but other things would inevitably change. Things like how Sooyoung was thinking about moving out of her parents house, how Sunny was thinking about her future more, and how Taeyeon was still fond of Jessica but not in the same way anymore. Maybe things could also change drastically because now Tiffany had most of her attention, most of the time, and Taeyeon could feel herself falling for her in a way that was quite different from the way she had with Jessica; it was different but in a good way.
Some things stayed the same, and some didn’t. One of the changes also being the fact that Tiffany had recently gotten a new perfume and although Taeyeon liked the last one too, it was way too sweet now that she had compared it to the present one. Now, Tiffany’s hair still smelled like apples, and her clothes still had the hint of jasmine, but her new perfume was light and soft, and Taeyeon found that it was definitely distracting. Taeyeon couldn’t help but think how this suited the girl much more. It was gentle, and Taeyeon loved it on her. She unconsciously snuggled even closer to the girl at the thought.
"Are you okay?" Tiffany had asked, softly, while the others seemed to be in some sort of playful banter about- well, about something, Taeyeon wasn't really sure, she must have zoned out for a while.
Taeyeon couldn’t help but chuckle at the question because Tiffany probably thought she was still in love with Jessica or felt that anything Jessica did still affected her. They haven't talked about what was happening or what would happen between them since Tiffany made her feelings clear to Taeyeon almost a year ago.
She reached out and held Tiffany's hand instead, smiling a little more when the girl traced her fingers like she always did.
"I'm fine," she replied, and she really had been more than just ‘fine’ for at least half a year now. For at least half a year now, she had been happier than she had been in years.
Taeyeon had asked Tiffany the benefit of time a year ago when the latter had called her out on her biggest secret and told her something that started the whole new shift in her life. Tiffany hadn't mentioned anything regarding it ever since, not even when they woke up the next morning, still cuddling, or when they started to hold hands or link arms more often, or even when their hugs would last much longer. Tiffany hadn't brought it up, not even when she would often send Taeyeon a small endearing smile, and looked at her with so much fondness in her eyes that Taeyeon wondered if their friends have noticed the slight change in their interactions. Tiffany hadn’t brought it up again since then, and Taeyeon was taking her time as she said she wanted to, even though she lets Tiffany hold her whenever she wanted, and even initiating some of their interactions. They haven’t talked about it but it was mostly due to some sort of unspoken mutual understanding; their actions spoke loud and clear.
Taeyeon had asked for time, and Tiffany hadn’t rushed her in any way, but honestly it didn't take as long as she had expected to turn her attention and heart to her bestfriend instead because Tiffany had always been a good distraction in the first place. She realised that Jessica might have had her attention at first, but she never really had it completely because Tiffany had always been a priority to her. She could have been hooked on Jessica, distracted by her own broken heart every time they sat together in their little group, but she would always check on her bestfriend for little things like, was she having fun? What was she talking about? Had she finished her drink? Did she want to go home yet?
It was the little things that she hadn’t realised back then, and thinking about it now, when she decided to see if she could fall in love with Tiffany and love her differently, she realised that she didn't have to try at all. It was a natural shift and Taeyeon wondered if it could be considered a change at all.
Taeyeon had originally thought that loving her bestfriend differently than how she had been loving her all their years of friendship was going to take some effort, that maybe Taeyeon would have to try loving her the way Tiffany did. She thought that she would need to at least try and that it was going to take some time but really, the change was almost gradual as if it shouldn’t have been an issue at all - loving her bestfriend that way. It was as if loving her that way was a normal thing, nothing out of the ordinary - like it’s meant to be, as corny as that might sound.
Had it really been a change of heart? Or had she always loved her all this time, but didn't ponder on it due to her more dominant feelings for Jessica? Had her feelings for Tiffany secretly grow throughout the years of the latter always taking care of her heart but she was in too deep with her own self-pity and despair to notice?
As she lay in bed on countless nights and felt her heart starting to flutter at the mere thought of Tiffany, she thought that maybe, like how she started being attracted to girls, it wasn't really a change. Maybe it had always been there, hidden from view and only brought into surface so suddenly that she could no longer - consciously or not - ignore it. Maybe she had been so distracted with her unrequited love that she failed to realise her growing love towards the person who healed her heart every single time.
“Your birthday is coming,” Tiffany said suddenly, their hands no longer holding each other’s because of the presence of their friends. Taeyeon didn’t pull away and wished she could just hold her hand, and not let go, because the other girls were still laughing and talking excitedly about god-knows-what, anyway. “Do you want anything in specific?”
She thought about it briefly before shrugging. “Maybe, maybe not - surprise me.”
Tiffany chuckled and Taeyeon noted, again, the difference this time because Tiffany was so much different from Jessica. Tiffany Hwang was someone Taeyeon had known more than half her life. She was hard working and passionate about so many things; she could be assertive when she wanted something. Tiffany knew what she wanted, and she would fight for it. Taeyeon liked her for that. Tiffany was stubborn, and sometimes so loud that Taeyeon tells her, honestly, to shut up. They had fought a lot, almost harmlessly, because Tiffany never seemed to take anything to heart and neither did she. Tiffany had the most breath-taking smile, and a voice so husky that Taeyeon sometimes - half-jokingly - tells her that it was the sexiest thing she had ever heard. Tiffany always stood strong; she was always friendly and outgoing but Taeyeon knew that under all the determination and bright outlook, she was still the little girl who never liked being alone and had the softest, most fragile, heart. Taeyeon loved her for everything that she was, flaws included, because Tiffany wouldn’t be her Tiffany without any of them.
Tiffany nudged her playfully. “You tell me ‘maybe’ every year. You really don’t have anything you’d like this year?”
“Maybe.” She shrugged again, laughing when Tiffany heaved a big sigh.
Maybe, there were always a lot of maybe's in her life but eventually, she had come to terms 6 months after Tiffany's subtle confession of sorts that she was falling in love with the latter. Jessica was eventually pushed far back in her mind, Taeyeon's heart no longer responded the same way to the girl.
Loving Tiffany didn't feel wrong, not at all the way it felt like when she was still in love with Jessica.
Loving Tiffany felt different, and Taeyeon thought to herself, as Tiffany used her free hand to playfully ruffle her hair, that maybe this was how it felt to love and be loved in return. Maybe it felt right because it was mutual, or maybe it didn’t feel wrong because she was now loving the right person.
Tiffany shouldn’t be a rebound, she was worth so much more than that. Taeyeon didn’t want her to be merely a rebound because she felt that it was almost insulting to even consider the girl as that, so when she asked Tiffany for time, she used it to get herself together. She used it so that she didn’t fall too fast, and she used it to make sure that Tiffany wasn’t just someone to get herself away from Jessica.
It took her almost a whole year to realise that maybe Tiffany wasn’t her escape; maybe she was her destination.
----
She huffed, slowly gaining consciousness when she heard rustling, soft footsteps padding on the wooden floor, before she felt cold air hit her as her blanket was lifted. Squinting her eyes open, she peeked to find her bestfriend completely frozen, and looking suspiciously like she was trying to climb into bed with her.
"What are you trying to do?" She groaned, frowning deeply when the girl chuckled; at what exactly, she wasn't sure. She closed her eyes again, rolling to the opposite end of her single bed, almost knocking her head against the wall in the process as she made space for her bestfriend. They rarely have sleepovers at her place because otherwise, Tiffany usually had to sleep on a mattress, laid out for her on the floor.
“Birthday sleepover!” Tiffany replied, barely able to contain her excitement. “You’re turning 21 in a few minutes.”
Taeyeon sighed, letting her bestfriend pull her to lie on her back again as the girl snuggled closer, draping an arm over her waist. She felt Tiffany resting her chin on her shoulder, and turned her face away, grumbling, “And I can’t even sleep before my birthday?”
“Stop talking and sleep then. I’ll bug you later.” Taeyeon heard her tease, barely aware of the hand softly patting her waist and letting herself fall back to sleep.
She didn’t fall too deep into her sleep, occasionally going in and out of consciousness and feeling content every time she realised Tiffany was still snuggling close, patting her like a baby. She woke up for the 4th time when Tiffany nudged her nose lightly against her neck before giving her a lingering peck on her skin.
“Happy birthday, you,” Tiffany whispered and Taeyeon smiled a little, humming a response without opening her eyes.
She was still so, so drowsy, yet she couldn’t help but notice the hand that had been patting her waist was now clutching the hem of her shirt. She frowned, wondering what was wrong because suddenly the breaths against her neck became slower, and deeper. Tiffany was hesitating, but before Taeyeon could do anything, she felt her lips on her neck again and she smiled once again, thinking that was it. She thought Tiffany just wanted to give her another kiss or something - oh boy, was she wrong, because then those lips parted and Taeyeon’s hand instinctively grabbed the arm that was draped across her abdomen, squeezing it, when Tiffany started to suck gently right on her pulse point.
The room suddenly got warmer, her heart was racing and she couldn’t move; Taeyeon was completely tensed. The most obvious thought briefly crossed her mind; what was Tiffany doing?
When she felt a warm, wet, tongue ran across her captured skin, she opened her eyes and her breath hitched, as Tiffany continued to suck on her neck. It wasn’t painful; it wasn’t anything, to be honest, but it was completely taking her breath away. Taeyeon had to squeeze her arm another time before her bestfriend released her now tingling skin. She let out a shaky breath, her body finally relaxing again, and brought a hand to her neck, wiping the damp spot. She turned to look at Tiffany accusingly, only to find herself smiling not a second later when the girl shot her the cutest sheepish grin.
“Was that my birthday gift?” she asked, deciding to break the silence, when Tiffany pulled her hand away to examine the result.
With a proud grin and running a finger lightly over her neck, Tiffany shook her head and chuckled. “No, sorry, that was for me.”
She turned to face her completely, sleep completely forgotten. With her heart completely rampaging against her chest, and Tiffany lying so close to her; did she really want to sleep right now?
She pouted playfully. “So where’s my gift?”
Tiffany, then, looked at her so intensely that Taeyeon was starting to feel insecure. Her bestfriend's eyes started shifting to her lips so often that Taeyeon felt the air around them become heavy again. Tiffany leaned in, and she sighed when their lips finally touched. She hadn't ever kissed anyone before, and timidly lets Tiffany lead her. It was slow enough to let her lose herself completely, almost forgetting how to breathe every time their lips brushed against each other’s. Taeyeon had, admittedly, often wondered how it would feel like to kiss her bestfriend, and now that she finally had her lips pressed against the latter's, it sent her mind into a full fledged whirl wind and her heart completely beating out of control, again.
When Tiffany pulled away just a little, their noses still touching, and giggled, it made Taeyeon open her eyes- only to find the girl biting her lower lip shyly.
“Sorry,” Tiffany apologized, again, grinning like she just won the lottery. “That was for me, too.”
It took a while for Taeyeon to regain her breathing, calming down her heart as her bestfriend watched her with an amused smile. She blushed, clearing her throat.
"Well, this is one way to become 21," Taeyeon mused, laughing at her own predicament. "Got a hickey for the first time, and I got my first kiss stolen."
Her bestfriend froze briefly before chuckling along with her. "Oh crap, I completely forgot.” Tiffany grinned and pinched her cheeks playfully. "But you're welcome?"
Taeyeon laughed again, before meeting her gentle gaze, and it was dark but she could see everything that the other girl was feeling. Tiffany was happy; it simmered the loveliest feeling in her chest to know that she could make someone happy like that. She smiled when Tiffany stole another kiss, holding the girl’s face when she was about to pull away. She liked it, kissing her and feeling Tiffany’s lips fit perfectly between her own. She liked breathing in her bated breaths right before capturing her lips again; she really liked that nothing about Tiffany felt wrong.
That made her pull away suddenly, surprising the other girl.
“What’s wrong?” Tiffany noticeably grew concerned, gently brushing Taeyeon's fringe out of her eyes before cupping her face. Taeyeon didn’t know what to say but her expressions must have given her worries away. “Hey, you okay?”
“Why- why are you okay with this?" She had to ask because she took two years to accept herself, and another year to love without it feeling like she was going against nature. Yet there Tiffany was, seemingly unaffected by the fact like she had no problem at all by loving, or kissing, Taeyeon - her bestfriend- who was a girl.
There was a pause as Tiffany seemed to search her soul, bright eyes turned dark as they bored into her own. She wasn't smiling, anymore. If it wasn't for the warm hands still cupping her face and the occassional caress of her cheek, Taeyeon would have thought she had offended her.
"It made me scared, too, for a while," Tiffany replied softly, almost as if it was an after-thought. She smiled a little, and Taeyeon closed her eyes when Tiffany ran a finger lightly over the bridge of her nose. "But you know, every time I looked at you, I felt like I would do anything to protect you, to make you smile. Anything, and somehow along the way, I just went with it- this. It shouldn't be complicated, I wanted to love you in any - and every - way I could, so I did."
That made her open her eyes again, because they hadn't talked about it and it was the first time that she heard Tiffany say she loved her in a way that was, of course, so different from the way they had said it over the years. Tiffany looked at her shyly, but Taeyeon couldn't ever ignore that amount of fondness and longing in her eyes. It made Taeyeon smile, widely, and she wanted so much to love her too, so she did. For the first time ever, she completely shut down her mind, and felt her heart take over.
“ I love you.” Taeyeon felt like it had taken her long enough to say it, and felt like she couldn't possibly feel any more wonderful than when Tiffany instantly beamed at her. “Thank you for waiting.”
She felt like she couldn't possibly feel any more loved than when Tiffany pulled her close and held her, whispering that she loved her, too.
Things were about to change, and when Tiffany refused to let her go, she knew she wouldn't ever feel alone, again. She chuckled, letting Tiffany hold her for as long as she wanted because nothing could possibly feel more right than being in her arms like that. Nothing about Tiffany could ever feel wrong. She knew, then, that not every change had to be a bad one.
******
The end.
Oh, and happy Taeny day!
Good day, good night. <3
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Changes scared her. Taeyeon never liked changes. She didn’t like it when she was 18, and found herself being attracted to girls. She didn’t like it when she fell in love with a girl, who soon found a boy to love. She didn’t like it how she had to keep to herself or how she felt like she had been lying to everyone who mattered to her for years. She didn’t like being scared, she didn’t like feeling alone and she absolutely hated feeling empty. She had gone through some changes for the past few years and she wasn’t fond of any of them. It wasn't until there was another shift in her life and she had never been more grateful for it. She hated changes, but maybe change could be good too.
Maybe not all changes were horrible, maybe changes could work both ways, because she liked that she was more accepting about herself, still reserved but much more relaxed, and she liked that she didn’t feel alone anymore. She liked that somehow her heart felt like it was constantly filled to its brim and how she didn’t have to keep to herself so much anymore. She mostly liked that she was falling in love with another girl, whose heart could love her, too.
It was odd - her change of heart - because she was at the same regular cafe, at the same corner, with the same people sitting exactly where they sat almost a year ago but she felt different even though it had barely been a year. She changed. Things changed, not everything but some things did, and she could feel the difference. She wasn't affected when Jessica spoke proudly of her boyfriend, didn't feel the same emotions when the girl smiled or looked at her, and didn’t feel like she had the weight of the world on her chest anymore. She now leaned towards Tiffany for completely different reasons.
A year ago, she would have leaned towards her for comfort, because she needed her, because she wanted a distraction. Right then, she leaned towards her merely because she wanted her close, the need was still present, but mostly because Tiffany became the distraction. Taeyeon was barely following any of the conversations going on as she rested her head on Tiffany's shoulder, the latter's scent making it hard for her to focus on anything else.
She merely observed as Tiffany continued to talk to Sunny while noting that Sooyoung and Jessica were having completely different conversations. She watched them and thought of how some things might never change, like how Tiffany was being rather loud, how Sunny crinkled her nose when she disagreed with something, or the way Sooyoung talked with her hands flailing around, and Jessica’s tendency to touch Taeyeon’s thigh or leaning towards her when she laughed too hard.
She noticed and smiled because maybe some things would always stay the same - she hoped so - and she didn’t mind things like that, but other things would inevitably change. Things like how Sooyoung was thinking about moving out of her parents house, how Sunny was thinking about her future more, and how Taeyeon was still fond of Jessica but not in the same way anymore. Maybe things could also change drastically because now Tiffany had most of her attention, most of the time, and Taeyeon could feel herself falling for her in a way that was quite different from the way she had with Jessica; it was different but in a good way.
Some things stayed the same, and some didn’t. One of the changes also being the fact that Tiffany had recently gotten a new perfume and although Taeyeon liked the last one too, it was way too sweet now that she had compared it to the present one. Now, Tiffany’s hair still smelled like apples, and her clothes still had the hint of jasmine, but her new perfume was light and soft, and Taeyeon found that it was definitely distracting. Taeyeon couldn’t help but think how this suited the girl much more. It was gentle, and Taeyeon loved it on her. She unconsciously snuggled even closer to the girl at the thought.
"Are you okay?" Tiffany had asked, softly, while the others seemed to be in some sort of playful banter about- well, about something, Taeyeon wasn't really sure, she must have zoned out for a while.
Taeyeon couldn’t help but chuckle at the question because Tiffany probably thought she was still in love with Jessica or felt that anything Jessica did still affected her. They haven't talked about what was happening or what would happen between them since Tiffany made her feelings clear to Taeyeon almost a year ago.
She reached out and held Tiffany's hand instead, smiling a little more when the girl traced her fingers like she always did.
"I'm fine," she replied, and she really had been more than just ‘fine’ for at least half a year now. For at least half a year now, she had been happier than she had been in years.
Taeyeon had asked Tiffany the benefit of time a year ago when the latter had called her out on her biggest secret and told her something that started the whole new shift in her life. Tiffany hadn't mentioned anything regarding it ever since, not even when they woke up the next morning, still cuddling, or when they started to hold hands or link arms more often, or even when their hugs would last much longer. Tiffany hadn't brought it up, not even when she would often send Taeyeon a small endearing smile, and looked at her with so much fondness in her eyes that Taeyeon wondered if their friends have noticed the slight change in their interactions. Tiffany hadn’t brought it up again since then, and Taeyeon was taking her time as she said she wanted to, even though she lets Tiffany hold her whenever she wanted, and even initiating some of their interactions. They haven’t talked about it but it was mostly due to some sort of unspoken mutual understanding; their actions spoke loud and clear.
Taeyeon had asked for time, and Tiffany hadn’t rushed her in any way, but honestly it didn't take as long as she had expected to turn her attention and heart to her bestfriend instead because Tiffany had always been a good distraction in the first place. She realised that Jessica might have had her attention at first, but she never really had it completely because Tiffany had always been a priority to her. She could have been hooked on Jessica, distracted by her own broken heart every time they sat together in their little group, but she would always check on her bestfriend for little things like, was she having fun? What was she talking about? Had she finished her drink? Did she want to go home yet?
It was the little things that she hadn’t realised back then, and thinking about it now, when she decided to see if she could fall in love with Tiffany and love her differently, she realised that she didn't have to try at all. It was a natural shift and Taeyeon wondered if it could be considered a change at all.
Taeyeon had originally thought that loving her bestfriend differently than how she had been loving her all their years of friendship was going to take some effort, that maybe Taeyeon would have to try loving her the way Tiffany did. She thought that she would need to at least try and that it was going to take some time but really, the change was almost gradual as if it shouldn’t have been an issue at all - loving her bestfriend that way. It was as if loving her that way was a normal thing, nothing out of the ordinary - like it’s meant to be, as corny as that might sound.
Had it really been a change of heart? Or had she always loved her all this time, but didn't ponder on it due to her more dominant feelings for Jessica? Had her feelings for Tiffany secretly grow throughout the years of the latter always taking care of her heart but she was in too deep with her own self-pity and despair to notice?
As she lay in bed on countless nights and felt her heart starting to flutter at the mere thought of Tiffany, she thought that maybe, like how she started being attracted to girls, it wasn't really a change. Maybe it had always been there, hidden from view and only brought into surface so suddenly that she could no longer - consciously or not - ignore it. Maybe she had been so distracted with her unrequited love that she failed to realise her growing love towards the person who healed her heart every single time.
“Your birthday is coming,” Tiffany said suddenly, their hands no longer holding each other’s because of the presence of their friends. Taeyeon didn’t pull away and wished she could just hold her hand, and not let go, because the other girls were still laughing and talking excitedly about god-knows-what, anyway. “Do you want anything in specific?”
She thought about it briefly before shrugging. “Maybe, maybe not - surprise me.”
Tiffany chuckled and Taeyeon noted, again, the difference this time because Tiffany was so much different from Jessica. Tiffany Hwang was someone Taeyeon had known more than half her life. She was hard working and passionate about so many things; she could be assertive when she wanted something. Tiffany knew what she wanted, and she would fight for it. Taeyeon liked her for that. Tiffany was stubborn, and sometimes so loud that Taeyeon tells her, honestly, to shut up. They had fought a lot, almost harmlessly, because Tiffany never seemed to take anything to heart and neither did she. Tiffany had the most breath-taking smile, and a voice so husky that Taeyeon sometimes - half-jokingly - tells her that it was the sexiest thing she had ever heard. Tiffany always stood strong; she was always friendly and outgoing but Taeyeon knew that under all the determination and bright outlook, she was still the little girl who never liked being alone and had the softest, most fragile, heart. Taeyeon loved her for everything that she was, flaws included, because Tiffany wouldn’t be her Tiffany without any of them.
Tiffany nudged her playfully. “You tell me ‘maybe’ every year. You really don’t have anything you’d like this year?”
“Maybe.” She shrugged again, laughing when Tiffany heaved a big sigh.
Maybe, there were always a lot of maybe's in her life but eventually, she had come to terms 6 months after Tiffany's subtle confession of sorts that she was falling in love with the latter. Jessica was eventually pushed far back in her mind, Taeyeon's heart no longer responded the same way to the girl.
Loving Tiffany didn't feel wrong, not at all the way it felt like when she was still in love with Jessica.
Loving Tiffany felt different, and Taeyeon thought to herself, as Tiffany used her free hand to playfully ruffle her hair, that maybe this was how it felt to love and be loved in return. Maybe it felt right because it was mutual, or maybe it didn’t feel wrong because she was now loving the right person.
Tiffany shouldn’t be a rebound, she was worth so much more than that. Taeyeon didn’t want her to be merely a rebound because she felt that it was almost insulting to even consider the girl as that, so when she asked Tiffany for time, she used it to get herself together. She used it so that she didn’t fall too fast, and she used it to make sure that Tiffany wasn’t just someone to get herself away from Jessica.
It took her almost a whole year to realise that maybe Tiffany wasn’t her escape; maybe she was her destination.
----
She huffed, slowly gaining consciousness when she heard rustling, soft footsteps padding on the wooden floor, before she felt cold air hit her as her blanket was lifted. Squinting her eyes open, she peeked to find her bestfriend completely frozen, and looking suspiciously like she was trying to climb into bed with her.
"What are you trying to do?" She groaned, frowning deeply when the girl chuckled; at what exactly, she wasn't sure. She closed her eyes again, rolling to the opposite end of her single bed, almost knocking her head against the wall in the process as she made space for her bestfriend. They rarely have sleepovers at her place because otherwise, Tiffany usually had to sleep on a mattress, laid out for her on the floor.
“Birthday sleepover!” Tiffany replied, barely able to contain her excitement. “You’re turning 21 in a few minutes.”
Taeyeon sighed, letting her bestfriend pull her to lie on her back again as the girl snuggled closer, draping an arm over her waist. She felt Tiffany resting her chin on her shoulder, and turned her face away, grumbling, “And I can’t even sleep before my birthday?”
“Stop talking and sleep then. I’ll bug you later.” Taeyeon heard her tease, barely aware of the hand softly patting her waist and letting herself fall back to sleep.
She didn’t fall too deep into her sleep, occasionally going in and out of consciousness and feeling content every time she realised Tiffany was still snuggling close, patting her like a baby. She woke up for the 4th time when Tiffany nudged her nose lightly against her neck before giving her a lingering peck on her skin.
“Happy birthday, you,” Tiffany whispered and Taeyeon smiled a little, humming a response without opening her eyes.
She was still so, so drowsy, yet she couldn’t help but notice the hand that had been patting her waist was now clutching the hem of her shirt. She frowned, wondering what was wrong because suddenly the breaths against her neck became slower, and deeper. Tiffany was hesitating, but before Taeyeon could do anything, she felt her lips on her neck again and she smiled once again, thinking that was it. She thought Tiffany just wanted to give her another kiss or something - oh boy, was she wrong, because then those lips parted and Taeyeon’s hand instinctively grabbed the arm that was draped across her abdomen, squeezing it, when Tiffany started to suck gently right on her pulse point.
The room suddenly got warmer, her heart was racing and she couldn’t move; Taeyeon was completely tensed. The most obvious thought briefly crossed her mind; what was Tiffany doing?
When she felt a warm, wet, tongue ran across her captured skin, she opened her eyes and her breath hitched, as Tiffany continued to suck on her neck. It wasn’t painful; it wasn’t anything, to be honest, but it was completely taking her breath away. Taeyeon had to squeeze her arm another time before her bestfriend released her now tingling skin. She let out a shaky breath, her body finally relaxing again, and brought a hand to her neck, wiping the damp spot. She turned to look at Tiffany accusingly, only to find herself smiling not a second later when the girl shot her the cutest sheepish grin.
“Was that my birthday gift?” she asked, deciding to break the silence, when Tiffany pulled her hand away to examine the result.
With a proud grin and running a finger lightly over her neck, Tiffany shook her head and chuckled. “No, sorry, that was for me.”
She turned to face her completely, sleep completely forgotten. With her heart completely rampaging against her chest, and Tiffany lying so close to her; did she really want to sleep right now?
She pouted playfully. “So where’s my gift?”
Tiffany, then, looked at her so intensely that Taeyeon was starting to feel insecure. Her bestfriend's eyes started shifting to her lips so often that Taeyeon felt the air around them become heavy again. Tiffany leaned in, and she sighed when their lips finally touched. She hadn't ever kissed anyone before, and timidly lets Tiffany lead her. It was slow enough to let her lose herself completely, almost forgetting how to breathe every time their lips brushed against each other’s. Taeyeon had, admittedly, often wondered how it would feel like to kiss her bestfriend, and now that she finally had her lips pressed against the latter's, it sent her mind into a full fledged whirl wind and her heart completely beating out of control, again.
When Tiffany pulled away just a little, their noses still touching, and giggled, it made Taeyeon open her eyes- only to find the girl biting her lower lip shyly.
“Sorry,” Tiffany apologized, again, grinning like she just won the lottery. “That was for me, too.”
It took a while for Taeyeon to regain her breathing, calming down her heart as her bestfriend watched her with an amused smile. She blushed, clearing her throat.
"Well, this is one way to become 21," Taeyeon mused, laughing at her own predicament. "Got a hickey for the first time, and I got my first kiss stolen."
Her bestfriend froze briefly before chuckling along with her. "Oh crap, I completely forgot.” Tiffany grinned and pinched her cheeks playfully. "But you're welcome?"
Taeyeon laughed again, before meeting her gentle gaze, and it was dark but she could see everything that the other girl was feeling. Tiffany was happy; it simmered the loveliest feeling in her chest to know that she could make someone happy like that. She smiled when Tiffany stole another kiss, holding the girl’s face when she was about to pull away. She liked it, kissing her and feeling Tiffany’s lips fit perfectly between her own. She liked breathing in her bated breaths right before capturing her lips again; she really liked that nothing about Tiffany felt wrong.
That made her pull away suddenly, surprising the other girl.
“What’s wrong?” Tiffany noticeably grew concerned, gently brushing Taeyeon's fringe out of her eyes before cupping her face. Taeyeon didn’t know what to say but her expressions must have given her worries away. “Hey, you okay?”
“Why- why are you okay with this?" She had to ask because she took two years to accept herself, and another year to love without it feeling like she was going against nature. Yet there Tiffany was, seemingly unaffected by the fact like she had no problem at all by loving, or kissing, Taeyeon - her bestfriend- who was a girl.
There was a pause as Tiffany seemed to search her soul, bright eyes turned dark as they bored into her own. She wasn't smiling, anymore. If it wasn't for the warm hands still cupping her face and the occassional caress of her cheek, Taeyeon would have thought she had offended her.
"It made me scared, too, for a while," Tiffany replied softly, almost as if it was an after-thought. She smiled a little, and Taeyeon closed her eyes when Tiffany ran a finger lightly over the bridge of her nose. "But you know, every time I looked at you, I felt like I would do anything to protect you, to make you smile. Anything, and somehow along the way, I just went with it- this. It shouldn't be complicated, I wanted to love you in any - and every - way I could, so I did."
That made her open her eyes again, because they hadn't talked about it and it was the first time that she heard Tiffany say she loved her in a way that was, of course, so different from the way they had said it over the years. Tiffany looked at her shyly, but Taeyeon couldn't ever ignore that amount of fondness and longing in her eyes. It made Taeyeon smile, widely, and she wanted so much to love her too, so she did. For the first time ever, she completely shut down her mind, and felt her heart take over.
“ I love you.” Taeyeon felt like it had taken her long enough to say it, and felt like she couldn't possibly feel any more wonderful than when Tiffany instantly beamed at her. “Thank you for waiting.”
She felt like she couldn't possibly feel any more loved than when Tiffany pulled her close and held her, whispering that she loved her, too.
Things were about to change, and when Tiffany refused to let her go, she knew she wouldn't ever feel alone, again. She chuckled, letting Tiffany hold her for as long as she wanted because nothing could possibly feel more right than being in her arms like that. Nothing about Tiffany could ever feel wrong. She knew, then, that not every change had to be a bad one.
******
The end.
Oh, and happy Taeny day!
Good day, good night. <3