I wonder if this is what it was like for her. I wonder if all the bottled thoughts and battle for self control ate away her core until she broke. And if she couldn't handle it, what's going to happen to me? How am I any better? I've seen her mistakes but I don't know how to learn from them. My greatest fear is to be like my mother. I want to slit ( Read more... )

All I can think about lately is I'm not the kind of person he wants to be with. Anything that passes through my head quickly turns into doubt. My ass or tits aren't big enough. I'm not pretty enough. I don't have dark hair. I'm not a latina catholic cheerleader. I'm not fun enough to be around. I'm moody too often. He says he likes to be around ( Read more... )

So I had a little bit of a moment of weakness. But I'm thinking straight again now, and clearer than ever. I'm done with being that person. The temptation may forever hang over my head, but I know now without a doubt it's worth fighting.

I hate life so much. It's so stupid. I don't want to make any decisions. Stupid people keep tempting me with "easy" solutions and I keep stupidly wanting to cave in because it seems stupidly better. Why the fuck am I still awake. This is stupid. I don't want to work tomorrow. What the hell am I going to say? Why can I not think of a good enough ( Read more... )

Every little girl is always told someone, some day, is going to rescue her. It's a lie. It's absolute bullshit. I know it and it's killing me. Killing the little girl inside me that still wants to hope for anything.

I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sick of struggling and things not getting any better. I'm just going to go to sleep.

I hate being broke. I hate waiting. The waiting and waiting and waiting is killing me. Synod said it would take longer because Subway doesn't have a fax machine... but how much is longer? It'll have been two weeks monday. I'm calling them if they don't call me. But I'm just getting nervous and scared and I've been thinking this whole time "this is ( Read more... )

I think things are looking up. I mean, they couldn't go bad forever, right? My grandma sent me a laptop, which solves my lack-of-a-computer problem, Carey's moving in with me so I don't have to stress about making rent by myself now, my Sociology teacher isn't going to take late points off my paper -- so I may actually pass... I'm still stressing ( Read more... )

I just want to give up on everything lately. I don't see any good of where I'm going, and everything feels pointless. And I can't believe I fucked up my road test. I can't believe I failed at my one chance for escape. My chance to hang out with people again and not feel so alone all the time. When I was sitting there waiting for the guy to show up ( Read more... )

Shitty. So I'm all ready to go to work, left the house, locked the door, and started walking on my way to Subway. I get hardly down the street, not even to the park and Whinnie calls me saying she has too many people scheduled right now and asks if I can come in later, 5pm-8pm -.-. Awesome. Just what I want to do on my Friday night. I said yes of ( Read more... )