But What We Make (Part III)
It wasn’t unusual for John or Sarah to go missing for a few days longer than they’d planned, though Sarah was always better about calling to check in. After one missed check in, JC was on edge and Dean didn’t know what to do about it. Calling Sarah’s cell didn’t get them anywhere and his youngest brother wasn’t fooled with platitudes. In the two years they’d been family, Dean had never seen him so uptight.
The second night she didn’t come home, John took Dean aside and told him something had to be wrong and he was going to go find Sarah himself. Dean knew his job and he took it seriously. He didn’t need his father to tell him to take care of Sam and JC, didn’t need his father to remind him to check the salt lines, and he didn’t need his father to tell him everything was going to be alright. He wanted the last one, but the look in John’s eyes was anything but alright. He might not love Sarah Reese the way he’d loved Mary, but he cared about her and her son enough that his eyes showed the pain and worry that was underneath.
Dean did the only thing he could do; he shouldered that weight and took Sam and JC to the miniature golf course when he picked them up from school that night. Sam and JC both knew what he was doing, but Sam made an effort to keep all their spirits up and there wasn’t much Sam couldn’t do when he set his mind on it. They didn’t forget their troubles, but they drowned in typical teen life and bravely refused to think about the lie it was.
The next morning John was back and he tried to pull JC aside privately but Dean pulled Sam with him into the other room. Maybe JC wasn’t really his brother, but he was close enough and he knew Sam felt the same way. Besides, they still had a list to complete and they weren’t anywhere near done.
They crept in quietly while their father was talking but both John and JC looked up when they walked in. Dean could see the assessing glance but JC gave him an appreciative nod and he knew he’d done the right thing. They took a seat, side by side on the bed as they watched their dad and JC standing by the desk against the other wall.
“We don’t really know,” John kept talking, “but she’s not there anymore. Whatever happened, whatever it was either took Sarah, or she’s running really hard from it.”
“We need to find her,” JC demanded. “Why are we still here?”
John sighed and Dean felt a flash of fury at him for hurting JC like that. “Because, JC, there’s not much of a chance she made it. And if she did - because God knows if any woman could have survived it would be your mother - we have no way of finding her until she shows herself.”
JC was deflating before their eyes and Dean walked over, pressing his chest to JC’s back. Sam was right beside him, his hand circling JC’s wrist in a show of support.
“I… I should get going then,” JC’s voice was shallow, almost splintered, like he was afraid to take a deep enough breath to make it real.
“Where?” John demanded before JC could even attempt to break away from them.
“I … I have resources. I know you don’t want-”
“JC, I think we know each other well enough by now to call bullshit,” John’s voice was soft but firm as he spoke. “What was it that fool Singer told you? That thing you boys are always talking about? Family don’t end with blood? If you think I’m letting you walk out that door on your own, you’re not as smart as Sarah always said you were. You’re one of my boys now, no matter what. If your mom survived, then she’ll know how to find us. If not, then I sure as hell don’t want her haunting my ass for setting you out into the streets.”
Dean could feel the slight heave in JC’s chest as he tried to swallow down his pain. JC could be hard as nails when he needed to be, but Dean knew his youngest brother better than that. He was only holding on until he could let go.
“Yes, sir,” JC answered softly before finally pulling away. They let him go and when JC headed out the door it was to Dean that Sam and John looked to.
“Give him a few minutes, Sammy,” Dean said softly, trying to figure out what the loss of Sarah might mean to him, to them all. He looked at his father and took a deep breath. “What happened?”
John looked down for a few minutes and Dean realized his father wasn’t handling it all that well either. “I don’t know what happened,” John said as he continued to stare at his hands. “The hunt was supposed to be simple. Salt and burn and out by morning but she called the first day and said something wasn’t adding up so she needed a few more days. After going there, seeing what she did, I don’t think it was supernatural.”
Dean closed his eyes because if this wasn’t something unnatural then it was just human and dealing with human monsters had a whole other set of rules. He didn’t want to think Sarah could fall to something as clumsy and mortal as humans but it was always possible.
“Dad, can’t we do anything?” Sam asked, his voice shaking.
Dean looked up at his brother and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. Sam had never had a mother before Sarah came into his life and he could see the pain in his eyes. When he looked over Sam’s shoulder at his father, John was wiping at his red-rimmed eyes as well. “Sammy, I’m going to go back, okay? I’ll keep looking until I’ve exhausted every lead, but Sarah knows how to contact us and she knows how to track us if she needs to. I’m sorry, son. You know I’ll do everything to get Sarah back, I just …”
John didn’t finish and Sam was gripping Dean hard enough to leave bruises where his fingers were pressed. “Come on, Sammy, we need to check on JC.”
Sam nodded and pulled away, heading to the door without stopping. Dean watched him go, knowing his brothers would be able to comfort each other for a few minutes, hopefully stop the waterworks before Dean got there. He didn’t begrudge them the need to let their pain out but Dean still hadn’t had time to process what Sarah’s disappearance meant to him and he’d never been good with the tearful scenes anyway.
“Dean,” his father’s voice called him back and he turned to face him. “I might be gone a few days. I looked over the hunt and her hotel room, but it could take a while to sort out what happened.”
“And even longer if you find a lead to where she might be. I understand. I’ll take care of Sam and JC, you just find Sarah, one way or another. JC doesn’t need to be left in limbo. Neither does Sam.” It was the first time he’d ever mentioned how strong the bond between Sam and Sarah had become, but he could see in his father’s eyes that he already knew. Sarah might not have been the ideal mother, but she was pretty damn perfect for a hunter with a broken heart and two kids who’d never learned to trust. She’d slid into their lives completely. Dean understood her; hell, he tried to emulate her in a lot of ways. He saw the calculating look she got sometimes when she watched John, the knowledge that she was working John towards something but Dean always knew what that something was. There was nothing more important to Sarah than JC’s safety. She was willing to throw him into a life of danger because she believed it was training him to be something more. She believed JC had a target on his back and the only way to stop the danger was to make sure JC could defend himself. That he was surrounded by people who would die to defend him, if need be. She’d found that in the Winchester boys and Dean was okay with that. She wasn’t the perfect mom, but Dean didn’t want a mom. She was just Sarah, brash and cocky, yet completely insecure in how to handle her son. It wasn’t just John that relied on Dean to deal with his son, and Dean and Sarah had built a strong relationship on their mutual need to see JC and Sam happy and healthy.
Sarah did pretty good on the healthy part. It was really up to Dean to provide the happy and he’d been doing a pretty good job of it so far. He didn’t know if he could handle it all on his own though. He pushed away that thought because until his father came back saying Sarah was dead, Dean wouldn’t believe it. He pushed the panic away, forced his heartbeat back to normal and looked at his dad.
“I’ll be in touch. Call me if you have any problems.”
Dean watched as his father walked towards the door, his hunting duffel thrown over his shoulder. He stopped as he reached Dean, dropping one hand to Dean’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself too, Dean.”
Dean nodded but watched his father leave. He pushed down the anger, that his father had let Sarah go alone, that she’d possibly gotten hurt without backup. He couldn’t face that just yet either. Instead he went to the bathroom and washed his face, trying to get rid of the angry flush coloring his face. His father must have seen something, but it was just like him to leave Dean to deal with that alone too.
He took a deep breath as he dried his hands and face, then left his father’s room - Sarah’s room - to go to his brothers. He found them lying in a huddle on JC’s bed. He sat at the edge of the bed, watching, but Sam turned and pulled him until Dean was lying between them. JC had his head resting on Dean’s heart and Sam’s nose was buried in Dean’s neck.
“Dad’s gone back to see what he can find. If there is any lead to where Sarah is, he’ll find her trail now that he doesn’t have to worry about us,” Dean said as he worked a hand up and down JC’s back while his other was buried in Sam’s unruly mop of hair. “Just gonna be us until he can find her.”
“How long will he be gone?” JC’s muffled voice asked.
Dean tried not to think about the fact that his father had gone in alone after Sarah disappeared, but he hoped he had the sense to call Bobby or Caleb for a second set of eyes. Sarah was important enough to John that Dean figured they were already working on it, even if he hadn’t mentioned anything to him. “Until he figures it out, JC.”
“He’ll bring her back, right?” Sam asked as he shifted up to one elbow, looking up at Dean.
Dean gave a half smile. “Nothing will keep Dad from finding her, you know that, Sammy.” When Sam leaned in, he didn’t try to move away, though he knew what was on his brother’s mind. Dean was feeling a little of the same himself, the need to have his family close, to feel his brother’s heartbeat under his hands and know without a doubt that he was alive and well. Sam’s lips pressed against his, soft and firm, in a chaste kiss. He rested his forehead against Dean’s for a second before kissing him again, this time working Dean’s mouth open with his tongue.
Dean let Sam use his mouth, ignoring the feel of Sam’s wet tears as they fell onto Dean’s cheeks. When Sam finally pulled away, burying his face in Dean’s neck, JC leaned up ever so slightly. Dean felt a small smile grace his lips before he pressed a kiss into JC’s forehead. The twelve year old gave Dean a teary smile and went back to his resting place on Dean’s chest.
Just like Sarah, JC had found his way into Sam and Dean’s lives as well. He didn’t want them to protect him, even though he let them. JC just wanted to be himself, to be able to admit when he was afraid or tired or too strung out from all the training and pressure. He accepted Sam and Dean as his brothers as easily as Sam and Dean had accepted him and he never looked at them oddly for the things they considered common practice, like salting windows and speaking Latin after the lights went out just for practice. And when things began to change between Sam and Dean, when the first touch was something more than innocent, JC had just shrugged it off as part of their fucked up lives, told them both they should take whatever love they could find because life wasn’t gonna get easier.
“You don’t think,” JC whispered across Dean’s chest to his other brother, “that the terminators are back, do you? John wouldn’t know the signs.”
Dean had been trying not to think about that possibility but there it was. He didn’t know how Sarah managed to keep John in the dark about what she
was really all about - the sex must be fucking amazing - but JC had confessed their darkest secret about a year after they’d met. Their little brother JC - John Connor - was the leader of a future resistance that would keep mankind from being annihilated by machines. And killer robots known as Terminators had been sent back in time more than once to make sure he never lived long enough to become that leader. Skeptical at first, Dean and Sam did their research and found enough proof to back up what JC told them. There was no mention of robots in any of the police reports but they watched the surveillance videos after hacking into the police files and Sam and Dean, with hunter’s eyes, both agreed whatever it was, it wasn’t human. In time, they accepted JC’s story as the truth.
“He doesn’t know about them, but he’d have said something if the room was destroyed, JC. He would have us doing research on something that went that far out of bounds for a hunt. We can hit up the library tomorrow though, right, Dean? We can check out the area and see if any disturbances were noted that could mean a T came back in time.”
“Yeah, it’s Saturday. We’ll stop for breakfast and hit the library when the doors open.” He might hate the idea of spending the day in the library with not one but both his geek brothers, but it was better than leaving them to fret themselves sick about Sarah’s disappearance all day.
“Thanks, Dean,” JC said, giving Dean the first real smile since they’d come home.
“Don’t you worry, JC. Sarah’s not gone for good. She wouldn’t dare leave me alone with the two of you. God knows what I would corrupt you into next.”
Sam and JC both laughed because Sarah was easily exasperated when Dean stole the boys out from under her training to let them blow off steam. He’d only let them get drunk that one time, but she hadn’t let him hear the end of it. Of course, he’d only been sixteen and his brothers had been twelve and ten at the time, but it wasn’t like any of them had been drunk enough to be hung-over. Two years’ worth of griping had been worth it though. That night had been the first time JC had really smiled at them.
He pulled JC a little closer and wrapped his fingers a little tighter in Sam’s hair as he closed his eyes. They didn’t move and after a while he could feel both Sam and JC’s breathing even out, emotional exhaustion taking them both down to sleep. With his father gone and both boys resting, Dean let his own emotions build, let his fear and worry, his need for Sarah to come back, wash over him. Neither brother was awake to see his tears, but even in their sleeping forms, they both moved closer to Dean, comforting him without ever waking up.
**
Derek sat across the booth from them, quiet and observant. That seemed to be a default setting with him, mostly silent and watchful, eyes canvasing the scenery as they walked, taking in people’s arrivals and departures as they sat at the small diner. He’d come back that morning with a nod to Dean, as if telling him whatever he’d run out over was done and Dean believed him. Derek was a soldier straight through and Dean could read him fairly well for the straightforwardness of it. He wasn’t sure how to take the way his eyes tracked JC, but he put the look off as a soldier’s regard for his favorite general. It didn’t fit entirely but he left it at that. Because if it did fit with what Dean thought, well that would explain why Derek had stormed off the night before.
The three of them watched JC disappear into the diner’s bathroom and Dean was just waiting. He knew something was on Sam’s mind. After last night, watching his brothers sleeping, Dean knew today would be the day for questions. JC was still busy riding his guilt, but Sam’s mind didn’t work like that. He saw points of connection and couldn’t stop until he figured out what it all meant. You couldn’t just say the alphabet started with A and ended in Z. Sam had to stop at every fucking letter along the way.
“Do you think Dad’s disappearance has something to do with this, Dean?” Sam asked as soon as the door to the bathroom closed with their little brother safely out of the line of questioning.
Dean was thankful that Sam, in his grief, hadn’t asked that one last night. JC didn’t need that guilt on top of the rest. “Dad was never all that good at keeping us informed about his worst hunts and it just got worse once JC hit 18. He could just be on the trail of something.”
“It could be…” Sam left the statement open for him.
“Yeah. With Jessie coming after JC again though and Derek here? I find it hard to believe in that level of coincidence.”
“Jesus,” Sam breathed out.
Sam and their father didn’t have an easy relationship. Sam questioned too much, demanded too much, and he never gave an inch and John Winchester didn’t let anyone question his authority. One of these days, the two were gonna realize they were so damn much alike and that’s why the rest of the family walked on eggshells when they were hashing it out. Truth be told, Sarah hadn’t helped any in that situation, too caught up in keeping the boys alive. They didn’t know how to give their kids security, they just kept them safe. There was a long road between those two words though and Dean had walked between them for a long time, trying to give his little brothers what they needed. John and Sarah had kept them safe. Dean gave them security, letting them question and think for themselves, letting them be afraid and voice that. Some days he was sure he was making things worse, but when the chips were down his brothers always had his back and he gave himself a little credit for that.
“I find it hard to believe she would have been able to get one up on Dad though, Sam,” Dean admitted. “She got to JC when he was just a kid and between us we still got him out. Dad took off before what happened to you. If she’d gotten to Dad she wouldn’t have come to Stanford. She would have tried to use him as leverage against JC. Wherever Dad is, he’s buried in something, but I’m sure it’s connected somehow.”
Sam nodded, then got out of the booth without another word, heading to the back of the diner where the bathrooms were. Dean wanted to follow, knowing this was about the hell Sam had just been through, but he couldn’t.
“You never said you were sorry.”
“What?”
Derek was playing with his coffee cup but he looked up at Dean. “You never told Sam you were sorry about what happened to Jessica. For years, he carried around this idea you were glad she’d died, that you thought she was the one keeping him from coming back.”
“Bullshit. Sam knows … I’d never …”
“Sam’s grieving and we’re on the run from a killer. Her death is just getting blown aside so you can deal with the ones that are still alive. I get it. But it will take Sam years to realize it if you don’t find a way to tell him now.”
Dean looked away from Derek and the other man didn’t press the matter. Dean wanted to tell him he was wrong but he could see the way his brother could think that. As hard a time as Dean had of saying things, Sam needed to hear them.
He couldn’t really concentrate on that just yet though, not with his two brothers upset and this stranger sitting across from him, acting like he knew them from Adam. A stranger who apparently did know them and could talk about intimacies Dean would never allow anyone else to talk with him about.
“How do you know about me and Sam?” he settled on. “I doubt it’s really everyday conversation.”
“You two aren’t exactly subtle. Lots of people think something is going on there but the world is gone to hell and no one is about to call out two of John’s top Lieutenants for something like that.”
Dean nearly spit out his coffee, choking the liquid down a second before responding. “Wait. You’re saying in the future… Sam and I ….”
“You’re together. Yeah.” Derek took a bite out of his bacon before throwing it down on the plate with a quick look back over his shoulder to where JC and Sam were still in the bathroom. “Least I know why incest doesn’t bother him.”
It hit him suddenly, that he knew Derek. Not presently of course, but he saw how closed off Derek was, how he kept to himself. He didn’t have slips of the tongue and what he’d just revealed said too much about himself and his relationship with John Connor. Dean might not know this Derek, but Derek knew Dean and he was having trouble remembering he wasn’t the same man. Not yet.
“I figured that’s what you ran out about last night,” Dean said softly. “JC has always known who his father was and he’s never going to be able to tell anyone else. He’s too afraid of what letting that secret out might mean. If we hadn’t met him when we did I doubt we’d know either.”
Derek nodded. “I know this doesn’t bother you, I mean you and Sam, but I would never have touched him like that. I would never have taken his offers if I’d known he was Kyle’s son.”
“Look, JC never had the chance to look at the world like a normal person, him and Sam both. They cling to the things they have because their whole lives they’ve been taught how everything can be taken away. Our mother died by a demon’s hand hanging over Sam’s crib when he was six months old and JC has been John fucking Connor since before he was born. People like you and me, that remember a little, we have more trouble with it than they do, but in the end, who are we hurting?” Dean asked. “I fucking carved my heart out for Sam when he went to Stanford because letting him go was the right thing to do. We might get a whole hell of a lot of things wrong, but this? Loving someone, that ain’t wrong.”
The door to the bathroom opened and Dean saw his brothers coming out together. Both looked a little better for a few minutes alone and Dean nodded to Derek so the man didn’t say anything inappropriate. JC didn’t have any idea what was going on in Derek’s head and if Derek couldn’t come to term with his feelings then JC didn’t need to hear it. Dean was keeping the other revelation to himself as well. The idea of him and Sam finding a way back to what they were? Yeah he still wanted that, but there was nothing in the past two years that showed him Sam wanted to be with him. Sam has asked him to cut him free, to let him live a normal life and he had. Just because Sam was back on the hunt while his brothers were in danger and he needed to stop the woman who had killed the girl he loved didn’t mean he was back for Dean.
He just had to keep reminding himself of that.
Dean got up and let JC slide into the booth. They were done with breakfast, all of them nursing their coffees because no one wanted to talk about what to do next. Dean didn’t have the luxury of burying his head though. “So, you came back to protect JC from this woman. How do we track her now?”
Derek shook his head. “No need to track her. She set this whole thing up so she could find John. She’ll have been watching Sam at the hospital. She’ll find you and follow you.”
“She wasn’t following me on the way back from the hospital. I know how to spot a tail,” Dean said.
“No, but she might have seen your car and she might have developed other contacts over the years. Like I told you, once I found a hunter it wasn’t hard to figure out where the Winchester boys were. Jessie’s good at what she does and she’s relentless. Whatever made her flip, I doubt she’s become any less capable.”
“So you think we should just wait around for her to catch us?”
Derek shrugged. “She will find you. If you just go about your normal routines, she’ll probably find you faster.”
Dean couldn’t bite back his growl. “Goddamn it! I am not using my brothers as bait!”
He got up and pulled his wallet out, ignoring the confused looks Derek and JC were giving him. He dropped money on the table for breakfast and walked out.
He didn’t need to look back to know Sam would be scrambling out of his seat to get to him and a conversation with his brother was the last thing he wanted. He needed time to come to terms with Sam being there again, time to reel in his instinct to pull Sam close. They weren’t lovers anymore and wasn’t sure how close to that line he could hold on and not cross over.
He made it to the car before Sam caught up to him. “Dean, I don’t think Derek meant that.”
Dean jerked open the door and stared at Sam over the hood. “No, he just wants us to wait around until she makes the next move. Which will be to take a shot at one of you.”
“You got any other ideas because I haven’t heard one yet.”
“No, I don’t, but there are other ways, Sam. No one is thinking about them yet. We just … we gotta treat this like any other hunt and stop going for the most dangerous choice just because it might work.”
“You know she’s coming again, Dean. She didn’t kill Jess just to let me go free. Derek’s right. Whatever else happened, she wanted to get to JC.”
Dean’s eyes softened at the mention of Jess and he momentarily froze with Derek’s words in his head. It wasn’t the time or place though and he knew JC would be out there soon. “Yeah, she’s coming. I’d rather get to her first though. I don’t like using either of you as bait, but I sure as hell know how to use you as weapons. Bitch won’t know what hit her if we can track her down first.”
Sam nodded but there was something in his eyes that made Dean shiver, something that reminded him of their father in the early years, before Sarah had come and taught him to live a little. Something that looked like revenge and sacrifice and all the things Dean had tried to keep from his brother.
“First thing we need to do is track down the police report. We need to see what they have to say about your apartment. Maybe they found something about Flores we can use, something they wouldn’t know. If we can’t, then we go to Bobby.”
Sam nodded and Dean could see JC and Derek coming out of the diner to join them. He wasn’t so sure he liked that he trusted Derek with JC’s safety already but he did and there it was. He’d been raised to trust his instincts and it had saved his ass time after time. He nodded to Derek when they joined them. “We’re doing this my way. Maybe she’ll find us first, but we’re gonna try to track her down on our own.”
JC brushed his hand up against Dean’s arm, a moment of physical comfort before sliding into the back of the Impala. Sam got into the passenger side and it was almost like old times. Derek looked at him though and Dean held his eyes.
“I would never let anything happen to either of them, Dean.”
Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat because the confidences Derek had shared in the diner made Dean feel the need to do the same. “Yeah, but you aren’t the first to suggest it and I’ll be damned if I let anyone hurt Sam or JC more than they already have. Not this bitch who already took too much from them.”
“Let’s go find her then.”
**
“John, if you’re expecting me to cook I’m expecting that table to be cleaned in the next 10 minutes.”
“What do you need the table for?” John asked as he looked up from the weapons he was cleaning.
Sarah crossed her arms under her chest and arched an eyebrow at him. “John.”
John got up and Dean continued cleaning the weapons. JC and Sam both moved over to help their older brother. If Sarah wanted the table cleaned in 10 minutes and John wanted the weapons cleaned, they both needed to get done. Sam caught Dean’s grin and he knocked shoulders with JC. His lips were turned up into a smile and it was all Sam could do not to laugh out loud.
“Ah, come on, Sarah. You know the weapons need cleaned. Besides, who asked you to cook dinner? I saw you eyeing that place on the way in. What say you get cleaned up and we head out to that place?”
“Winchester …”
“Just the two of us. The boys ate on the way in and they’ll be fine if we bring ‘em something back, right boys?”
“Yes, sir,” they said in unison.
“John…”
“Go get cleaned up, Sarah.”
She looked at him for one more minute before shaking her head, a small smile on her face. “You boys will be alright without us for a few hours?”
“Yes ma’am.”
They finished the stack of weapons that had been on the table, Sam polishing off the last one as Dean and JC packed the rest away as Sarah came out wearing a simple black dress. She looked beautiful and Sam couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her smile like that. She tried to be this hard soldier all the time, but Sam could see the delight in her eyes that John was going to take her out for the evening. He wasn’t sure what he saw in his dad’s eyes, but he was looking at her softer than he’d ever seen before.
“Don’t worry, Sarah, I’ll keep an eye on them until you get back,” Dean reassured.
She rolled her eyes and winked at Sam. “Which means you get to keep him out of trouble.”
Sam laughed as he finished putting together the last piece of the gun he was cleaning. Dean was smirking at him too. Their dad pulled Sarah out the door and stopped just before he walked out. He looked at the table of clean weapons and at all three of the boys he was leaving behind. “Thanks boys. Sarah needed to get out. We’ll be back soon.”
“And we’ll be in our room when you get back,” Dean said. “Don’t forget to get breadsticks!”
“I want alfredo,” Sam called out.
“Pizza!” JC hollered as John laughed, shutting the door behind him.
Sam looked over at Dean and saw his brother grabbing the bag to shove the weapons back in. He never knew how Dean was going to take the relationship John had with Sarah. He’d never show any signs of disapproval or concern to their dad, but Sam saw the looks sometimes. Not that he didn’t like Sarah, because Dean and Sarah got along like crazy, but Dean remembered his mom and dad together. Sometimes Dean got hurt by it all and his brother was far too stoic to admit his feelings.
Dean was smiling as the bag was filled up though and Sam relaxed. It’d only been a year since Sarah and JC had come into their lives and everything was different now. Sam just wanted to take care of his big brother, to get Dean to lean on him the way JC leaned on them. The same way Dean was always there for the rest of them.
“Come on guys. TNT has a thriller marathon on,” Dean called out as he hefted the bag. He stopped outside John and Sarah’s room long enough to dig his keys out and he put the weapons back in the trunk of the Impala. JC had the other key to their room so he opened the door and they waited as Dean ran down to the vending machines. He came back with sodas for them and a bag of chips each. Dean was a pro at jimmying the locks on the machines and he was smart enough not to take too much at a time.
They settled on JC’s bed and turned on the TV. Horror movies were something to laugh at for them and dramas never felt real either. It was hard to let things like that bother you when you lived the life they did. A good thriller though would keep them guessing and the three of them loved to pick apart the scenes, constantly talking over one another to figure out what was happening.
They all got into their sleep wear, which was just boxers and tee shirts, except for Dean who preferred to sleep without a shirt on. Dean sat back against the headboard and JC snagged the pillows from the other bed and made himself a mound next to Dean. Before the night was over they all knew he’d be asleep on his pillows with an arm over Dean’s lap but JC had learned to stop getting embarrassed over his unconscious movements.
Sam waited until his brothers were comfortable before he worked his way up under Dean’s arm and rested his head against his brother’s chest. He kept himself from pressing his lips there, like he wanted to. No matter how much Dean loved him, Sam doubted he’d ever thought of his gangly 13 year old brother like that, but Sam couldn’t help his own thoughts. He took a deep breath of Dean’s scent, let his fingers rest against his brother’s warm skin and suppressed the shudder that wanted to take hold.
**
JC was the one who actually managed to get into the police files and find what they needed. As good as Sam used to be at hacking, he was out of practice. JC tried not to gloat, because there was nothing funny at Sam wanting to live a normal life even if they’d always known it would be short lived. Sam had to go off, JC knew that. It didn’t mean he hadn’t been hurt by that choice though and Dean had been devastated. He held himself together most of the time, but those few times when he let the pain out JC had been the one to deal with the aftermath; the broken knuckles and drunken bar fights.
Derek was in the bathroom, the water still running. Derek more than enjoyed his shower apparently. JC tried not to think about a world without hot running water and if he took a little more time in the shower to appreciate the amenities in the next few days he doubted he’d be alone. Six years of access apparently hadn’t stopped Derek’s appreciation.
Sam was stretched out on his stomach, lying across the bed next to the door and Dean was cleaning weapons. Not that they needed cleaning, but JC could see his brother needed something to do with his hands. Sam was going through JC’s journal, all the notes he’d made about what his mother knew of the future. Names and places she’d rattled off, things Uncle Bob - yes, it was the only way he could think of him - had mentioned. There was no mention of Flores, but sometimes it was worth the reminder of the grim reality they would face. As bad as they’d sometimes had it, moving around like they had, they never forgot what the future was gonna be like.
“You find anything yet?” Dean asked as he saw JC looking over at Sam.
“I got the files. I’m trying to hack into the fire department also, see if I can get their findings too.”
“You think they’ll have anything different to say?” Dean asked. Sam hadn’t looked up yet and JC knew he’d kept his face down because talking about Jessica’s death was too much. He wasn’t ready yet but he couldn’t go hide in the bathroom and he had to know both Dean and JC would go after him if he tried to leave the room.
“I don’t know. But we don’t really know what we’re looking for so the more information I can get us, the more likely we are to find it.”
“Yeah,” Dean said softly, looking over at Sam.
JC had never seen his oldest brother so conflicted about what to do. He’s always known how to take care of Sam and now he was spinning on his heels, constantly reaching out and then pulling away before Sam realized how much Dean needed to comfort him. Dean was so lost in his own need that he didn’t realized it was the same thing Sam needed as well. Sam had loved his girl, no doubt about his feelings there, but Jess had always been the one he could have. The one he could keep. Dean had been, and always would be, the love of Sam’s life. Going to Stanford hadn’t just been about giving up hunting and nasty motel rooms. Sam had been terrified of Dean killing himself because of him, too many hunts where Dean had pushed Sam aside to take the hit himself, or where he’d drawn attention to himself to keep a creature from turning on Sam. He did the same for JC, just as Sam did, but there was something desperate in the way Dean protected Sam and they all knew it. Sam was Dean’s life and he’d been protecting him since he was 4 years old. The instinct wasn’t something he could stop and Sam had come to a point where he couldn’t watch Dean put himself in danger for him over and over again.
“I’ll let you know when I’ve got it all.”
The water stopped running in the other room and JC couldn’t help but wonder if his uncle was like that every time he got in the shower or if he’d been neglecting his ritual while he’d been hunting down John Connor.
The door opened a second later, a cloud of steaming billowing out around Derek as he stepped from the bathroom. His uncle was wearing tight boxers but was naked other than that. He stared at the tattoos working their way around his body. He’d seen the tattoo from the camps but none of the others. For some reason, it was fitting, to see him marked with ink and scars. His body was muscular, the type that came from hard living, not a gym. JC knew his hands were hard and calloused but he could imagine them being gentle. This man was a soldier like Dean, someone who protected and served, not someone who was looking for the next fight.
When Derek bent over to grab a shirt from his duffle, JC finally looked away only to find Dean staring at him. There was a smirk on his lips but JC looked away quickly, going back to the computer files.
Derek’s words from their first meeting were still too close, the reminder of what was between his brothers and what he’d never had. He wasn’t a virgin by any means - being Dean’s brother meant he made sure JC had plenty of choices - but he’d never been in love, never even given the thought of staying with someone longer than a weekend a thought. Dean and Sam had been right about one thing, no one could ever understand them like one another. He looked at Derek and thought maybe a soldier from the future could understand him.
Sam moved across the room and JC looked over at him, trying to find something else to hold his attention while the man threw his tee shirt on.
Sam mouthed the word ‘uncle’ at him, letting him know he’d seen the way JC looked at Derek. He retaliated, as he always had, mouthing ‘brother fucker’ at him. It was an old jab but Sam’s eyes went wide and for a second JC realized how Sam might take it. But then Sam was laughing and JC was laughing with him, leaving Dean and Derek to look at them like they’d lost their minds.
It felt good though, to have his brother laughing. It wasn’t right, not yet; Sam’s laugh was too high and wild, but Sam handled his grief different than JC and Dean. Sam needed to see that he was living, that there was something more than the pain that ate at him. He needed his brothers to remind him of that and if Dean couldn’t offer the comfort of his arms, JC could still do his part.
On to Part Four