Memories Forgotten VI
Title: Memories Forgotten
Author(s):
hunters_retreat
Crossover: Supernatural/Dollhouse
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, Dean/Caroline
Warnings: Incest, Dub-Con (Sex with Dolls), AU
Artist: chosenfire28
Art link: here
Summary: Everything changed int he Winchester family the day Sam went off to Stanford, leaving his father and brother behind to try his hand at normal. He had no idea how his choices had affected his family until the day he met Cain. Nothing in Sam's life will ever be the same again.
Memories Forgotten
Part VI
It took a week for Sam to get everything settled in Palo Alto. The first thing he’d done was to go to Jessica and they had a long talk. It was painful for them both and Sam knew that he and Jessica would never be friends after this, but he couldn’t go through with a wedding when the weekend had shown him just how much he loved his brother. No matter that Jessica was what he had decided he could have, she wasn’t really what he wanted and she deserved more than that.
His stuff was packed up and he went to the college and explained that he had some family emergency that he needed to leave for. It took a few days to get the paperwork settled and he felt more and more uneasy as the days passed.
He thought about just running but he knew that Dean would never forgive him for it. Dean would hunt him down and he’d pretend to forget about it, pretend nothing had gone wrong, but he’d never forgive it.
Caroline surprised him with a call that first night in Palo Alto. Her voice was soft and concerned and Sam found himself, closing his eyes and imagining her on one of Bobby’s couches, legs tucked up under her and watching as Bobby and Dean sat at the kitchen table.
They didn’t talk long, just enough for them both to know they were okay. “You’re coming back to us, right Sam?” She asked as they were about to hang up.
“Yeah. Of course I am. Why would you ask that?”
“Because he’s afraid you aren’t.”
Sam took a deep breath and was torn between anger that Dean didn’t think he’d keep his word and relief that Dean still knew him well enough to know what was in his head.
“I’ll be there Caroline.”
It was three more days before he was on the plane. It was a red eye flight out and he found himself landing at some awful hour of the morning. When he came down the steps to baggage claim his heart stopped as he saw Dean waiting for him.
He took a deep breath and walked calmly over to him, wanting to run, wanting to crash into him and kiss him, wanting just to know that Dean would let him close in some way. Dean held out a coffee cup and Sam smiled. “I thought you might need something to wake you up.” His brother said.
“Thanks Dean.” He said, not meaning the coffee. “I could have taken a cab.”
“You got a lot?”
“Just a bag. I had the rest of my stuff shipped to Bobby’s.”
They grabbed his bag and then they were in the Impala again, taking the back roads to Bobby’s. Sam was only a little surprised when they stopped a few miles away from the salvage yard at an old field they use to go to when they were kids. They’d lie in the high grass, completely hidden from the rest of the world and just talk about whatever the hell was driving them nuts at the time. It had been easier as they got older, being able to confess trouble with girls and school bullies and the like without having to look each other in the eye, just the touch of a hand or the press of thigh against thigh to let them know it was alright.
Sam was pretty sure most of his problems with his brother stemmed from this field, that his love of his brother came from the times they shared secrets there.
Dean got out and made his way to the center of the field and Sam followed, not really able to do anything else. When Dean led them to the shade of the old tree and lay down in it, Sam hesitated.
“Come on Sammy. Just relax with me a little.”
He didn’t want to. What he wanted was to lean down over Dean and press those strong shoulders into the dirt, to strip him and press inside that body with the tree and tall grass as witness. He took a deep breath and before he could force himself to move Dean grabbed his wrist and wrapped his ankle around Sam’s, tripping Sam as he pulled him off balance.
He landed next to Dean and Dean’s arm pushed Sam onto his back, then settled down to rest next to him. Sam just did as he was told then, listening to Dean’s breathing until he felt his own match it. He shifted slightly, his hand moving over to Dean and his fingers sliding into his front pocket like he used to do as a boy when he just needed to feel Dean. He’d never needed a safety blanket of any kind in his life, except Dean’s touch. Four years of being constantly uncertain, of needing that reassurance made him antsy and now he was just worried Dean wouldn’t give him that small comfort anymore.
Dean didn’t say anything, but shifted slightly, letting Sam’s hand dig deeper into his pocket.
“Why?” Sam finally asked.
Dean took a deep breath and Sam felt him tuck a thumb into the pocket next to Sam’s fingers. “Why did you run Sam? You left first; I have a right to ask first.”
It was twisted logic that only really made sense to Dean, but considering what he’d already done he knew Dean was just asking him to voice it. “I could have accepted that I was never going to be good enough for Dad. I could have accepted that because I always knew you were the better hunter and I was proud of you for that. I couldn’t live with the way he threw you out into danger like that though Dean. I couldn’t live with the pain I felt whenever you got hurt and … I couldn’t live with the jealousy I felt every time you walked away from me to go with someone else.”
“I never left you Sam.”
“No, but you never left with me either Dean. I knew it was sick, knew that wanting you like that wasn’t right. So I decided if I couldn’t have you then I had to get away before I really messed things up with us. But…”
“Dad.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know what to say to all this Sam. Your friend explained why you liked things the way you did. If you wanted normal and safe then why go to all the effort? Why…”
Sam could see he was having a hard time saying the rest of it. “Why find someone I could pretend was you? Because you were what I wanted and I was making myself settle for something else.”
They were both quiet for a little while before Sam continued. “I didn’t realize it was you that night, or that morning.”
“I know. I was there too.”
He nodded. “Why did you run Dean?”
“It’s easy to say it was about the shape shifter, but I don’t think you’d believe me if I tried. I…” Dean took a deep breath. “I always knew Sam. Knew this thing between us wasn’t right. I knew what you wanted and I just kept trying to figure out what I’d done wrong to make you like that, to get you to see me like that.”
“When you went away, I fought with Dad a lot. I had to walk away because I couldn’t take it anymore. When I went to check on you, I realized it wasn’t just you… that all that protectiveness I’d had was just a way to channel it all.”
Sam pressed his fingers into Dean’s thigh, not able to say anything just yet for fear that he was misreading what Dean was saying, but needing to let him know he was still there.
“When the shape shifter thing hit, DeWitt was there. She offered to clear my name. Offered me a hell of a lot of money and all I had to do was give them my body. They’d take care of me, take care of the memories and I thought… I thought maybe Sammy… maybe if I let them have those memories for five years that it wouldn’t be so bad when I got them back. That maybe the time and distance would make things normal.”
“Only I told DeWitt no men. I knew what she was going to make me do but I didn’t want the muscle memory of it. I told her no more guns, no weapons, nothing like the life I’d already led. It was a lie, a nice one that she told me, but I wanted to believe Sam so I did. Right up until the time I woke up and realized that for all my running I’d still ended up fucking my baby brother.”
“Dean… I’m sorry. You have every right to hate me.”
“The thing is Sam, all I can think about is that if I had been on the other side of this, I wouldn’t have been able to stop either.”
He turned his head then and looked at Sam. Sam could see the pain there, the need and the desire that he’d kept buried over the years. Without thinking, Sam moved over his brother, one hand coming to his face as he leaned over and brushed his lips against his.
Dean went still under him, but Sam licked at his lips, begging for entrance and suddenly Dean was open to him, moaning as Sam’s tongue slipped between his lips. He was rock hard that quick and when Dean rolled him onto his back Sam felt Dean’s hard cock against his thigh.
“Fuck Dean…”
Dean’s laugh was deep and he felt delirious in its wake. “We need to get back to Bobby’s.”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
Dean shook his head but his eyes were lit with mischief. “Nope. Bobby’s on a hunt and Caroline will kill me if I don’t bring you home soon.”
Sam’s shock must have shown on his face because Dean dropped his mouth to Sam’s again. “Yeah Sammy, she’s still your girl. We had some time to talk and I told her all about us. She told me about herself and it all just sort of fit. She wants to do something good for the world Sam and she ended up doing some bad things to do it. She’s seen enough to know I wasn’t lying and she’s afraid to be on her own just now. She’s going to stay with us, see where this thing leads. Don’t know how long it will last, but I think it’s worth giving it a try.”
Sam just looked up in bewilderment as Dean smiled. He stood up and offered a hand to Sam. Sam took it, looking at their hands clasped together and wondering when his brain turned to mush so fast that he couldn’t touch his brother without this much awe.
Dean’s smile didn’t change but his eyes did, darkening with passion and heart. “Come on Sammy. Let’s get home to Caroline.”
Sam smiled. “Home?”
“Well... Bobby’s.”
“I don’t care where it is as long as there’s a bed involved.”
Dean pulled him in by the neck, the same as he had been doing with Caroline, and Sam opened to him. The kiss was heated with promises of what was to come and Sam didn’t have a second thought about it. He was going home, to Dean and Caroline and he doubted life would ever be quiet again. Whatever happened next though, there would be no more hiding and no more running. Whatever happened next they’d face it head on. Together.
