Even it is a part of your culture, that doesn't make it hurt any less. Unfortunately, sexism of that sort happens all over the world. I once worked with a woman who strived to be "one of the boys" because her father had wanted sons, but ended up with two girls, and he let them know constantly how much that it bothered him that they weren't boys. As if it were their fault that they were female and not male.
I'm glad that your father had the opportunity to learn to respect women. I was thinking last night that had my mother been raised in a warm and loving environment, then she probably never would have left home, which means I wouldn't be here. There is a purpose for all things, I suppose, even if that purpose is hard to see at the time the bad things are happening. She left, things got a little better for her siblings, and she met my Dad.
You are so right, the pain never really goes away. It always lingers. I have a hard time remembering happy moments from my childhood regarding my parents. But my grandmother was my love and life. She was my comfort and anchor.
It sounds like your mother and grandparents had a very hard life and family. It's amazing how those things get passed down generation to generation. I look at my own father sometimes and get upset when I see him so open and playful and loving with Carter. I am jealous sometimes. I would imagine your mom might feel the same way.
At least the cycle of something like that can be broken. Yeah, my mom and my in-laws are a lot more lax with my kids than they ever were with me and my husband, but that's just grandparents spoiling them, and not a 180 degree turn around from the way they were. And I feel very grateful that I don't look at my mom hugging my kids and feel a pang of regret because she never did that to me. She made sure that I knew I was loved (still does. Every phone call between us ends with "I love you"), and I'll always be grateful to her for that.
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Even it is a part of your culture, that doesn't make it hurt any less. Unfortunately, sexism of that sort happens all over the world. I once worked with a woman who strived to be "one of the boys" because her father had wanted sons, but ended up with two girls, and he let them know constantly how much that it bothered him that they weren't boys. As if it were their fault that they were female and not male.
I'm glad that your father had the opportunity to learn to respect women. I was thinking last night that had my mother been raised in a warm and loving environment, then she probably never would have left home, which means I wouldn't be here. There is a purpose for all things, I suppose, even if that purpose is hard to see at the time the bad things are happening. She left, things got a little better for her siblings, and she met my Dad.
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It sounds like your mother and grandparents had a very hard life and family. It's amazing how those things get passed down generation to generation. I look at my own father sometimes and get upset when I see him so open and playful and loving with Carter. I am jealous sometimes. I would imagine your mom might feel the same way.
*hugs*
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At least the cycle of something like that can be broken. Yeah, my mom and my in-laws are a lot more lax with my kids than they ever were with me and my husband, but that's just grandparents spoiling them, and not a 180 degree turn around from the way they were. And I feel very grateful that I don't look at my mom hugging my kids and feel a pang of regret because she never did that to me. She made sure that I knew I was loved (still does. Every phone call between us ends with "I love you"), and I'll always be grateful to her for that.
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*hugs*
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