(Untitled)

[hurley_liz]

I just want to be on top of Gwyneth and take this chance to curse Hugh for making me love him so much that I can never marry anyone else. This place is an evil cesspool that has polluted my veins and keeps my vanity in full bloom; my beauty grows like roses in the manure you people call updates

Comments

[gwynethpaltrow]

Clearly you and I should engage in marriage, you being back makes me so ridiculously excited that it is not even funny.

[hurley_liz]

It's so damn funny I am weeping, utter tears of painful joy. My god, it's like childbirth out of the wrong hole coming back here. You are one of the few reasons I am back and I clearly need to buy you a lovely engagement ring.

[gwynethpaltrow]

Childbirth out of the wrong hole coming back here, I have to write that one down, perhaps my husband can use it in one of his songs. I am buying you an even lovelier one, are you a gold or silver kind of gal?

[hurley_liz]

I knew I had a songwriter waiting to come out of me, I just had to find the proper scatological birthing reference to get to the music inside of me. Platinum, or perhaps fool's gold. I would take a gum wrapper ring from you, my dear.

[fiennes_r]

Added you, Liz.

[sabullock]

Hahaha I hope this means you're staying forever?

[hurley_liz]

I am eternal, as sunshine and muck-raking cunts should be.

[sabullock]

Haha! Well, that's a nice way of putting it. Thank God.

[grant_h]

Rude and unnecessary as ever, Elizabeth. Not that I mind all that much because obviously I am more grateful than words can express to see your quarterly update once again and I do love you a huge lot for it (Hi Sandy). Your empty threats do not bother me in the slightest - I'm well aware you've never been able to stay angry at this face more than 24 hours.

[grant_h]

Ps If you ever signed on I'm certain the shock would kill me and due to how much you so evidently hate me that is of course something you should look in to immediately!

[hurley_liz]

I will in 24 hours or so. I have a duty to catch the late night worms and smash them underfoot so I can maintain my organic licence for the farm. You'll hear from me soon enough. Lord, I need to get some more icons.

[hurley_liz]

Well I never! I was trying to be kind and delicate, I even mentioned roses. You know I only came back to steal Sandra away from you so I could involve her in a lovely three-way with Gwyn and myself. My threats are hollow because your face always makes me laugh. I do adore you, darling, and I missed our mutual obsession with being on page 6.

[ehawke]

This is a fresh perspective on everything. I think there's too much manure in the garden at times, but I don't blame you for wanting to be on top of Gwyn.

[hurley_liz]

It's a load of bullocks but when I saw my opening I had to jump on it, cheers for finding something worthy in it.

[ehawke]

I always wanted to say this and now that I have the opportunity, I can't pass up on it. When I sell my soul to the devil, will you show up to collect on it?

[hurley_liz]

Love, the devil is only a tail I keep hidden under my bare arse skin. Somehow that makes sense, maybe if you're illiterate or as daft as a fence post like me. Does this mean I also get the finder's fee?