Never Lose Faith; Merlin
Title: Never Lose Faith
Authors: mydoctortennant
Pairings/Characters: Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Gaius, mentions of Elyan
Warnings: Implied Character Death
Disclaimer: Not real. Despite birthday wishes and night time prayers to Santa (all Hail Amy Pond!) Merlin still isn't mine!
Rating: 14a
Summary: Friendship means to never lose faith no matter what situation you are forced into. To trust what your friends do and all that they are.
Author Notes: Set after 3x10 sometime. Written for the marvelous miki_hime1221. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank her for making me write things outside of my usual comfort zone. So thank you! Even if writing this did make people on the tube give me funny looks because I was mumbling to myself as I wrote it and getting all mopey along the way XD
Thanks, as always, to my wonderful wifey, sgmajorshipper for her elite beta skills <3
My Merlin Prompt Table
In the dark streets of the Lower Town of Camelot lurked three men. All tall and hooded, each carried a sword; one with a small dagger. Rumour of their presence alone is enough to stir panic in the stomachs of the locals. Nobody went out alone unless they had to, for of fear of being attacked by these unruly bandits.
The empty streets made it far easier for them to pick out their prey. Nobody was watching; nobody wanted to be responsible for one of their own being hurt.
Smoke wisped from the chimneys of the small houses. Candlelight flickered through the window coverings. Shadows of people could be seen as they milled in their homes, unknowing of what was about to happen in the street outside their homes.
The harsh knock of metal against metal could be heard from the forge not far down the road, the smell of burning coals filling the nostrils of those who dared brave the streets at this time.
That was when they saw her: an easy target; a lone woman on her way back from work and at this a late hour. The tallest of the men smirked, the blade of his sword glinting in the moon light as they moved out into the street.
They surrounded her easily enough, “What do you want?” she asked with no hint of fear. The man with the dagger laughs - his face covered by his hood - she would learn from her mistake; that was for sure, “I haven’t any money. Nothing I can give you.”
“Search her,” the last man grabbed her roughly from behind as the daggered man searched her. She had told no lie; she had nothing on her, but that was not good enough for them. If she didn’t have anything to give then she was of little use to them. What’s more, they didn’t care if she was of use to anyone.
As the second man drove his dagger through her gut nothing but a strangled gasp escaped her lips. The third man dropped her to the floor as the first walked by her, leaving her gasping for breath on the ground a mere twenty metres from her door.
Not five minutes later the guards on patrol walked by her. They’d have gone right past if she hadn’t struggled for her final breaths. One guard lifted her from the floor as the other ran ahead for help. They both knew her; she was a castle worker and friends with the court physician. There wasn’t anything they could do, she needed the healer.
He was ready for her when the guard arrived with her in his arms, woken by the other guard from his fitful slumber. It was almost as if he knew something was wrong. His ward came down at the sound of the commotion. He laid one eye on her and took off out of the door at a run. He didn’t bother with his boots or with his jacket. He ran in his nightshirt down the stone staircase and across the courtyard into the other wing of the castle.
He didn’t knock - he’d be asleep anyway - he burst into his master’s bedchamber out of breath. The sudden ruckus roused the prince from his slumber. He sat bolt upright in bed and moved to reach for his sword before he set eyes on his servant, “What is it, Merlin?”
“Gwen.”
X
Arthur had never moved so fast in his life. He grabbed his shirt from the day before and shoved his feet into his boots. Unlike Merlin, he couldn't be seen to run around barefoot. He wasn't supposed to be in love with her, after all.
They ran across the courtyard; they didn't pass a single soul on the way, for which they were both grateful. The guards had departed by the time they arrived, no doubt on Gaius' orders. He knew exactly where his ward had gone; it didn't take much to figure it out.
"How is she?" the Prince demanded to know as he entered. Gaius didn't have to say anything for him to know her chances weren't good; the look on his face told Arthur all he needed to know, "I can't lose her, Gaius," it mattered very little in that moment that he wasn’t supposed to be in love with her. He could trust the physician not to say anything, and deep down he suspected that he’d known all along.
"I'll do whatever I can, sire."
Arthur pulled up a seat next to the bed on the opposite side that Gaius, and now Merlin, was working. Getting in the way wouldn't help anyone, especially not Gwen. Arthur leaned his elbows on the side of the small bed and rested his chin on his hands. He gently tugged at the ring around his finger. He didn't want to touch her out of fear of making a bad situation worse.
As Gaius and Merlin worked wordlessly opposite him Arthur looked at her. Even at a time like this she managed to look so beautiful. She looked completely at peace. Should he not have known any better, he'd have said she was sleeping.
He caught a glimpse of lavender then. He looked up to Gaius' workbench to see her dress. Now he focused he could see the dark stain. He tore his eyes away and back to her. It was then he noticed that she was in one of what he assumed was Merlin's shirt, the red of it making her paling skin warm. In a time such as this he shouldn't have thought to himself how much the colour suited her, but it was all he could do not to hit something. She needed to live so she could wear his colours. Branded as the Queen of Camelot.
"There is little else we can do, sire,” The sound of Gaius’ voice snapped Arthur out of his thoughts, he jumped at the sudden intrusion into his head, as if it were an unwelcome attack, “She needs to rest. All we can do now is hope for the best."
"There must be something else, Gaius! Anything?"
"I have stopped the bleeding, my lord, but there is no way to be certain of how much damage there is internally," he faltered and looked to Merlin and back again, "There is no easy way to say this sire, but-"
"Don't,” he said firmly. He didn’t need or want to hear the words he was going to say. She has to come through this, Gaius," the physician bowed his head. With there being so little that he could do he excused himself, retreating into Merlin's quarters. The young warlock followed him silently.
"We can't let her die Gaius," Merlin stated as he closed the door keeping his voice at no louder than a whisper. Tears swelled in his red-rimmed eyes. His hands were reddened from her blood. He caught a sight of it and swallowed. He wiped his hands on the nearest cloth he could find, it didn’t do much but it stopped him from having to look.
"There is nothing more we can do."
Merlin leant against the sideboard, his balled fists against the wood. Merlin kicked the cupboard, hard. He looked at Gaius over his shoulder, "There is something."
Gaius stood taller as the realisation of Merlin’s word hit him; he’d use sorcery. "He won't leave her side."
"Then I shall make him."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then I won't have a choice."
"You cannot do magic in front of him! He shall have you executed."
"Not if it saves her,” Merlin had a lot of faith in what the Prince would do for love; he just hoped he wasn’t wrong, “If anything it will give me a chance to prove that magic doesn't have to be evil. If ever there was an opportunity, it's this,” he ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stick up on end, “I'm her only chance, Gaius; I can't let her die. I'd never forgive myself."
"At the risk of your own life?” he warned him. He look on Merlin’s face told him the argument was a pointless one to make. The boy was too stubborn, too kind hearted and would always put his neck on the line for his friends. But there was helping them without their knowledge and flouting his abilities enough to get him killed, “The consequences-"
"Damn the consequences, Gaius!” his hands flew through the air in anger, “I won't watch her die when I know I have the power to save her," Merlin opened the door, Gaius grabbed his sleeve. Silently Merlin glared at him, there was no stopping him. Merlin walked back to Arthur, his expression grim, "You should get some rest, Arthur."
"I'm not,” he cleared his throat, the rims of his eyes red, “I’m not leaving her," he said, his mouth dry. His gaze didn’t move from her face.
"You'll be no good to her if you don't."
"I've nearly lost her once, Merlin,” he looked up at his servant then, it was the second time that Merlin had ever seen him so vulnerable. Firstly with his mother and now at the thought of losing Gwen. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat, would he accept the use of magic to save her when it had been the reason he had lost to much at the start? Would any of it matter if she survived? None of it would if she didn’t and Merlin hadn’t at least tried, “I won't lose her again."
"I'll come and get you if anything changes," Merlin promised putting his hand on Arthur’s shoulder trying to urge him to move.
"I'm not leaving her, Merlin."
The warlock looked back towards his room. His guardian stood in the doorway shaking his head, 'no'. Merlin raised his chin defiantly, 'yes'. He turned back to the Prince, "You'll forgive me later."
"What are you on about Merlin?"
Merlin knelt beside his friend, his palm hovering above her forehead. He started to mutter beneath his breath, "What are you doing?" the Prince demanded, "Get away from her!" he forced Merlin away from the bed; the servant fell to the floor. The Prince's eyes burnt in anger daring him to defy him, "What are you doing?"
"I'm saving her life!" Merlin pushed himself from the floor and resumed his position above her head.
"Get away from her! You'll kill her," he darted to the other side of the bed and pulled Merlin away from her. The sorcerer turned on him, a fist flying out on instinct and caught the Prince on the jaw. Whilst he was grounded in shock, Merlin took his opportunity to go back to her and finish his incantation.
Arthur watched on in shock. The taste of metal filled his mouth. He licked his lip; the bastard had cut his lip with his well-aimed but feebly swung fist. He wiped the blood away with the heel of his hand. A mixture of anger, panic and grief coursed through him, rendering him unable to move.
"Come on Gwen," Merlin urged. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently shook it, "Wake up."
Nothing.
"Gwen, come on!" he shouted pulling her shoulder more vigorously. Tears freely fell from his eyes, "Come on!" Arthur watched him from his place on the floor. He too had tear tracks down his cheeks. He couldn't say anything. He looked on as Merlin called her name, the longer she didn't respond, the more desperate his cries became as they stuck in his throat.
He tried the incantation again but stopped half way through as a sob wracked his body.
There was nothing left. Merlin watched on as her chest slowly rose. It slowed further. This was it. He swivelled on his knees and dropped himself to the floor. His breath caught in his throat as he cried. He pulled his sleeves up over his hands and wiped his cheeks. Arthur's tense body recoiled. Shock took over him taking the last of his tears from his eyes.
Slowly he stood up and took the few steps to the side of her bed; "Get out," he said, his voice dangerously low.
"Arth-"
"GET OUT!" he shouted. Merlin retreated away from him across the floor, towards his door.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. He stood and walked to his door, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. He shut the door behind him.
Arthur said nothing.
He lowered himself to his knees and gently took her cool hand in his. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, "You can't leave me, Guinevere. You can't. I need you. I need you to tell me what to do."
X
Merlin stood with his back against the door, silently letting his tears fall.
"You did everything you could," Gaius told him with a supportive hand on his shoulder. Merlin took a deep breath through his mouth and coughed. Without a word Gaius hugged him, "It's okay," he assured him, "It's okay."
"No, it's not," he said pulling on the back of Gaius' robe. He pulled away from him, a sudden realisation on his face, "It's not everything."
He stormed over to his bed, flattened himself to the floor and grabbed beneath the floorboard. He produced his spell book, "There has to be something."
"Merlin-"
"I can't let her die. There has to be something," he repeated as he started thumbing through page after page. If he could find anything that would help Gwen he would try it. He wasn’t letting her die today.
"A life for a life Merlin."
"She's not dead. Not yet,” he stopped on a page and scanned it quickly, “I can still save her;" he grabbed his book up in his hands and held it to his chest. He ran down into the main room. He didn’t care any more that he should have been keeping his powers to himself. What use were they if he couldn’t use them for good? Never mind Arthur sitting there watching him. He would get over it if Merlin could prove himself.
"I thought I told you to get out," Arthur said coldly. He was holding Gwen's visibly paler hand. Merlin didn't reply. He sat next to her and opened the book. Arthur didn’t even try to fight him. What use would it be? Merlin scanned the page one more time before he read the incantation out loud his voice stronger than before with a sudden determination.
Nothing.
He tried it again but nothing. He tried another and another. Both gave him nothing in return. All the while Arthur did nothing to stop him. By all accounts, all hope was lost. Gwen was always the one to hold out faith until the end. It was because of her that Arthur didn’t lose his belief that it would all work out. Without her he was lost.
“Merlin, stop.”
The sorcerer ignored him. He uttered another incantation. This one was longer and full of words that Arthur couldn’t even begin to understand. Yet again it was fruitless.
“I said stop.”
“I’m not giving up on her,” Merlin said sternly looking across Gwen at him. His face was drawn. Merlin could see it written across his features that he’d given up. There was no hint of anger towards him. There was no hint of any feeling towards him at all. He merely stared at him sombrely. Merlin uttered another incantation, his eyes flashed amber but nothing seemed to happen, “Whilst there is still air in her lungs I can save her. I can.”
“I said stop it,” he tore the book from Merlin’s hands and cast it across the room, “You utter another word and I’ll have you in a cell where you belong.”
“I can help her!” Merlin stood up to shout down at him.
“You’re a liar,” He stood, spitting the words at the servant through his gritted teeth. He rounded the bed to Merlin and grabbed the front of his shirt, “Why should I trust you?”
“Can’t we do this after I save her life?” Merlin pushed hard on Arthur’s chest to get away from him. He moved to grab his book of magic from the floor before he reached it Arthur hand hold of him again.
“You’re not going near her.”
“Arthur! I can save her! Forget your father’s prejudices against magic for two minutes! In case you hadn’t noticed Gwen’s going to die. If you don’t stand aside you’re going to let her!” Merlin shouted and watched Arthur clench his jaw. His eyes narrowed at him, “Get out of my way,” he raised his hand, if he didn’t move he would make him.
“Are you threatening me?”
“Get out of my way, Arthur, now,” he stared the Prince down; he wasn’t backing away from this.
A sharp intake of breathe alerted the pair to the end of their argument. Arthur’s head whipped around. On the bed before them was the young woman who had been dying only moments earlier. She was grasping for breath, clutching at the sheet that covered her. She tried to sit up in her panic which made her scream in pain.
“Gwen,” Merlin said in astonishment.
Instantaneously they both launched into action, Arthur taking up residence in his seat again; gently taking her hand and making sure she didn’t move or cause herself further pain. Merlin called for the physician. Gaius came bumbling out of Merlin’s quarters faster than they’d thought possible.
“I did it,” Merlin beamed. He didn’t miss the sceptical look Gaius shot between the two males. Arthur wasn’t paying attention. Gwen had, at least momentarily, calmed. She was looking towards Arthur who had taken to gently cupping her jaw and running his thumb over her cheekbone.
“I should check the wound,” Gaius reasoned. He was still looking at Merlin.
“What happened?” Gwen asked. Her mouth was dry and she could feel the pain in her lower abdomen but as far as remembering what had happened, she didn’t have a clue.
“You were attacked,” Gaius stated as he pulled Merlin’s shirt up over her stomach to bare the scar, “It seems to be healing; there is a risk of infection.”
“Healing?” she asked, her brow knitting, “How long have I been here?”
“Three days,” Arthur stumped up. Merlin looked at him, glance askew. Why was he hiding this from her? “We’ve been worried sick.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” she said with a small voice. A ghost of a smile flashed across her face but soon disappeared when Gaius pressed down on the skin by the wound and turned into a pained shout.
“You need to be careful with your movement, Guinevere,” the physician instructed, “You should rest, we all should,” Merlin took his words instantly and made a move towards his chambers. Arthur didn’t. When Merlin noticed his master’s lack of mobility he stopped, “You too, sire.”
“I’ll-“
“You’ll sleep,” he said sternly, “If anything changes I’ll come for you.”
“Where’s Elyan?” In truth they hadn’t given a thought to her brother; neither used to him being around so much that it never so much as crossed their minds to find him. First things first; make sure Gwen was alive. Save her life. Do whatever they could. The Blacksmith hadn’t even crossed their minds.
“At home, sleeping, where everybody should be,” Merlin interjected, first light he would bring him to the castle. If Arthur was pretending then he would do so too. The Prince looked at him with disdain. When he looked back down at Gwen he turned his expression around.
He leant down and kissed her gently on the forehead, “I’ll be back tomorrow. Later today.”
“Arthur you shouldn’t.”
“I can and I will,” he stood slowly, gently taking his hand away from her face, “Merlin, a word.”
Gaius looked to Merlin with his eyebrow raised. Merlin looked over to him worried etched on his face. There was no avoiding this by some pretence of exhaustion.
Arthur led Merlin down the stairwell into one of the abandoned rooms that came off of it. Merlin shut the door behind him; this wasn’t a conversation that he wanted so easily heard. When the door mechanism clicked Arthur turned on him, “I should have you banished from Camelot,” he said simple, his voice was steady, “I should have you sentenced to death but you saved her so that grants you some leniency.”
“Arthur,” the prince raised his hand to silence him.
“You’ve lied to me,” he said angrily. He clenched his jaw as he looked over his manservant. So many lies were carved into his very soul, “How many others? Guinevere? Does Gwen know?”
“No.”
“So it’s not just me you lie to.”
“I did it to protect you!”
“Protect me? From what?”
“From yourself!”
“I don’t need protecting from myself.”
“Yes, you do!” Merlin shouted. He watched as Arthur’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. His blue eyes were full of fury, “Let’s go on this quest, Merlin. Let’s get shot in the back with an arrow, Merlin. We can outrun these bandits, Merlin. Trust me, Merlin!” he spurted, his lashing of words having little effect on the Prince’s demeanour, “Why should I ever trust you? Why do you think I never told you? You play the hero. You ever let anyone else in. The first person you’ve ever fully trusted nearly died tonight and that’s why I’m still here. That’s why I’m not in the cells. You need me. You know you do but you don’t like to admit it.”
Arthur shook his head sternly, “You’re wrong.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are. Why did I let you perform magic on her when it’s forbidden in Camelot? Why didn’t I run you through the second you started? You underestimate me, Merlin. You always do,” the young warlock looked away from him. He shifted on his heels and clenched his fists as he looked up at him again, “I don’t need protecting. I don’t need telling that how I live my life is dangerous; I know it is. Why do you think I keep you around? Why do you know everything about me? You’re my manservant, not my confidant. So you’re wrong. Yes, tonight the woman I love nearly died, but she isn’t the only person I fully trust.”
Merlin didn’t know what to make of his words. His brow furrowed, “You never believe me.”
“Belief and trust are two different things. You might say you’ve saved my life and by all counted facts you may be right; but I trust you to be there. I don’t need saving because I have a protector. I just didn’t fully realise who it was. But I will tell you this; if any harm comes to her as a result of your cure, I will personally ensure that a full justice is served,” Merlin nodded, “You will not tell her of this, you understand? She has been here recovering for three days. You did not use magic to save her. Gaius, and yourself, worked all night to save her from certain death. I do not want to hear of this again.”
“Arthur-“
“Not a word.”
“I cannot pretend to be who I am not.”
“Then carry on as you were. Catch a few lucky breaks here and there but do not bring it up again. Magic is outlawed in this kingdom and should I hear any whisper of a rumour I will take action,” Arthur walked past him with the intent to depart the room.
“This is why I didn’t tell you! Magic doesn’t have to be evil,” he argued, his voice rising yet again, it seemed to be the only way to get the message through the Prince’s thick skull, “It isn’t black and white. I have never used my magic to bring harm to an innocent person. I’ve only ever used it to protect you, to protect Gwen. Without it you would both be dead by now. Without it your father would think Gwen a sorceress.”
He stopped in his path, “What are you saying?”
“Dragoon the Great? You might think I’m stupid, Arthur, but even I can catch up with a doddery old man.”
The realisation hit him. He had known that he recognised the man, and by accounts it suddenly made sense, “That was you?”
“And always without so much as a thank you. I saved my best friend’s life tonight and she will never know. That’s the world I live in. I keep my secret because I have to. Not because I want to make you a fool. We have a destiny, Arthur, a great one. Intertwined from the moment we met. I was destined to come to Camelot because I was destined to protect you.”
The two males regarded each other. Arthur took a deep breath. There was no anger in Merlin’s words; merely truths.
X
The door to Gaius’ quarters opened slowly after a light knock on the wood. Merlin looked up to greet the visitor from his spot on the floor from here he had been scrubbing away the remains of two nights previously, “Gwen,” he smiled and stood.
She half smiled at him, slowly padding across the floor with the aid of a walking stick. She didn’t greet him and after half a minute of standing in an awkward silence with the smile faded from her face she spoke, “Arthur told me what you did.”
“It was nothing,” he said nonchalantly, looking at the scrubbing brush in his hand. The bristles were tainted with her blood. He’d even tried to launder her dress but his attempts had been fruitless. No matter how hard he tried the blood would come clean. Something in him couldn’t bring himself to magic away the harsh brutally of human nature.
“No,” she said, “It wasn’t. It was everything.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Stop lying to me,” he said, her voice cracked. He looked up at her guilt coursing through his veins, “When I say he told me what you did, I mean he told me exactly what you did. I know he lied to me to protect you but nothing added up. And Elyan cannot lie to me. I’m his sister; he crumbles at the mere thought of trying,” they shared a small smile, “I know what you did. I know what you’ve done for both of us.”
“I understand if you never want to speak to me again.”
Gwen shook her head, “I wanted to say thank you. I’d be dead three times over if it wasn’t for you, maybe more. You’ve done so much for me, so much for both of us even without,” she faltered, not wanting to say the word, “That we owe you. I know what magic can be used for. I know that magic can be used for evil. I have witnessed it first hand. But I also know that there isn’t a bad bone in your body, Merlin. You are not like her.”
“Her?”
“Morgana,” she said without hesitation, her voice the strongest it had been in days. “I know you know, Merlin. How could you not? I didn’t come to talk about her. I came to say I’m grateful and that I owe you my life,” At sometime during her speech she had ended up standing a step away from him, she reached out and gently took his hand, “And if you want a new shirt then I understand.”
They both smiled.
“He’ll come ‘round. He’s just a little confused. He’s never witnessed magic be used for the good of his people so openly. But give him time and he’ll come around. He loves you like a brother, Merlin, and he trusts you with his life. He just needs time.”
“Until then?”
“Keep being you,” she squeezed his hand, “Without whom, I would be dead. Gaius says I should rest, but also that walking a small distance is good for me.”
“Do not overdo it.”
“I won’t. And Merlin,” he looked up from the rag in his hand, “Thank you.”
END NOTE: I made Merlin cry, and it made me all sad. I had to keep stopping and going and complaining at Amy, my roomie, to make myself feel better.
Authors: mydoctortennant
Pairings/Characters: Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Gaius, mentions of Elyan
Warnings: Implied Character Death
Disclaimer: Not real. Despite birthday wishes and night time prayers to Santa (all Hail Amy Pond!) Merlin still isn't mine!
Rating: 14a
Summary: Friendship means to never lose faith no matter what situation you are forced into. To trust what your friends do and all that they are.
Author Notes: Set after 3x10 sometime. Written for the marvelous miki_hime1221. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank her for making me write things outside of my usual comfort zone. So thank you! Even if writing this did make people on the tube give me funny looks because I was mumbling to myself as I wrote it and getting all mopey along the way XD
Thanks, as always, to my wonderful wifey, sgmajorshipper for her elite beta skills <3
My Merlin Prompt Table
In the dark streets of the Lower Town of Camelot lurked three men. All tall and hooded, each carried a sword; one with a small dagger. Rumour of their presence alone is enough to stir panic in the stomachs of the locals. Nobody went out alone unless they had to, for of fear of being attacked by these unruly bandits.
The empty streets made it far easier for them to pick out their prey. Nobody was watching; nobody wanted to be responsible for one of their own being hurt.
Smoke wisped from the chimneys of the small houses. Candlelight flickered through the window coverings. Shadows of people could be seen as they milled in their homes, unknowing of what was about to happen in the street outside their homes.
The harsh knock of metal against metal could be heard from the forge not far down the road, the smell of burning coals filling the nostrils of those who dared brave the streets at this time.
That was when they saw her: an easy target; a lone woman on her way back from work and at this a late hour. The tallest of the men smirked, the blade of his sword glinting in the moon light as they moved out into the street.
They surrounded her easily enough, “What do you want?” she asked with no hint of fear. The man with the dagger laughs - his face covered by his hood - she would learn from her mistake; that was for sure, “I haven’t any money. Nothing I can give you.”
“Search her,” the last man grabbed her roughly from behind as the daggered man searched her. She had told no lie; she had nothing on her, but that was not good enough for them. If she didn’t have anything to give then she was of little use to them. What’s more, they didn’t care if she was of use to anyone.
As the second man drove his dagger through her gut nothing but a strangled gasp escaped her lips. The third man dropped her to the floor as the first walked by her, leaving her gasping for breath on the ground a mere twenty metres from her door.
Not five minutes later the guards on patrol walked by her. They’d have gone right past if she hadn’t struggled for her final breaths. One guard lifted her from the floor as the other ran ahead for help. They both knew her; she was a castle worker and friends with the court physician. There wasn’t anything they could do, she needed the healer.
He was ready for her when the guard arrived with her in his arms, woken by the other guard from his fitful slumber. It was almost as if he knew something was wrong. His ward came down at the sound of the commotion. He laid one eye on her and took off out of the door at a run. He didn’t bother with his boots or with his jacket. He ran in his nightshirt down the stone staircase and across the courtyard into the other wing of the castle.
He didn’t knock - he’d be asleep anyway - he burst into his master’s bedchamber out of breath. The sudden ruckus roused the prince from his slumber. He sat bolt upright in bed and moved to reach for his sword before he set eyes on his servant, “What is it, Merlin?”
“Gwen.”
X
Arthur had never moved so fast in his life. He grabbed his shirt from the day before and shoved his feet into his boots. Unlike Merlin, he couldn't be seen to run around barefoot. He wasn't supposed to be in love with her, after all.
They ran across the courtyard; they didn't pass a single soul on the way, for which they were both grateful. The guards had departed by the time they arrived, no doubt on Gaius' orders. He knew exactly where his ward had gone; it didn't take much to figure it out.
"How is she?" the Prince demanded to know as he entered. Gaius didn't have to say anything for him to know her chances weren't good; the look on his face told Arthur all he needed to know, "I can't lose her, Gaius," it mattered very little in that moment that he wasn’t supposed to be in love with her. He could trust the physician not to say anything, and deep down he suspected that he’d known all along.
"I'll do whatever I can, sire."
Arthur pulled up a seat next to the bed on the opposite side that Gaius, and now Merlin, was working. Getting in the way wouldn't help anyone, especially not Gwen. Arthur leaned his elbows on the side of the small bed and rested his chin on his hands. He gently tugged at the ring around his finger. He didn't want to touch her out of fear of making a bad situation worse.
As Gaius and Merlin worked wordlessly opposite him Arthur looked at her. Even at a time like this she managed to look so beautiful. She looked completely at peace. Should he not have known any better, he'd have said she was sleeping.
He caught a glimpse of lavender then. He looked up to Gaius' workbench to see her dress. Now he focused he could see the dark stain. He tore his eyes away and back to her. It was then he noticed that she was in one of what he assumed was Merlin's shirt, the red of it making her paling skin warm. In a time such as this he shouldn't have thought to himself how much the colour suited her, but it was all he could do not to hit something. She needed to live so she could wear his colours. Branded as the Queen of Camelot.
"There is little else we can do, sire,” The sound of Gaius’ voice snapped Arthur out of his thoughts, he jumped at the sudden intrusion into his head, as if it were an unwelcome attack, “She needs to rest. All we can do now is hope for the best."
"There must be something else, Gaius! Anything?"
"I have stopped the bleeding, my lord, but there is no way to be certain of how much damage there is internally," he faltered and looked to Merlin and back again, "There is no easy way to say this sire, but-"
"Don't,” he said firmly. He didn’t need or want to hear the words he was going to say. She has to come through this, Gaius," the physician bowed his head. With there being so little that he could do he excused himself, retreating into Merlin's quarters. The young warlock followed him silently.
"We can't let her die Gaius," Merlin stated as he closed the door keeping his voice at no louder than a whisper. Tears swelled in his red-rimmed eyes. His hands were reddened from her blood. He caught a sight of it and swallowed. He wiped his hands on the nearest cloth he could find, it didn’t do much but it stopped him from having to look.
"There is nothing more we can do."
Merlin leant against the sideboard, his balled fists against the wood. Merlin kicked the cupboard, hard. He looked at Gaius over his shoulder, "There is something."
Gaius stood taller as the realisation of Merlin’s word hit him; he’d use sorcery. "He won't leave her side."
"Then I shall make him."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then I won't have a choice."
"You cannot do magic in front of him! He shall have you executed."
"Not if it saves her,” Merlin had a lot of faith in what the Prince would do for love; he just hoped he wasn’t wrong, “If anything it will give me a chance to prove that magic doesn't have to be evil. If ever there was an opportunity, it's this,” he ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stick up on end, “I'm her only chance, Gaius; I can't let her die. I'd never forgive myself."
"At the risk of your own life?” he warned him. He look on Merlin’s face told him the argument was a pointless one to make. The boy was too stubborn, too kind hearted and would always put his neck on the line for his friends. But there was helping them without their knowledge and flouting his abilities enough to get him killed, “The consequences-"
"Damn the consequences, Gaius!” his hands flew through the air in anger, “I won't watch her die when I know I have the power to save her," Merlin opened the door, Gaius grabbed his sleeve. Silently Merlin glared at him, there was no stopping him. Merlin walked back to Arthur, his expression grim, "You should get some rest, Arthur."
"I'm not,” he cleared his throat, the rims of his eyes red, “I’m not leaving her," he said, his mouth dry. His gaze didn’t move from her face.
"You'll be no good to her if you don't."
"I've nearly lost her once, Merlin,” he looked up at his servant then, it was the second time that Merlin had ever seen him so vulnerable. Firstly with his mother and now at the thought of losing Gwen. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat, would he accept the use of magic to save her when it had been the reason he had lost to much at the start? Would any of it matter if she survived? None of it would if she didn’t and Merlin hadn’t at least tried, “I won't lose her again."
"I'll come and get you if anything changes," Merlin promised putting his hand on Arthur’s shoulder trying to urge him to move.
"I'm not leaving her, Merlin."
The warlock looked back towards his room. His guardian stood in the doorway shaking his head, 'no'. Merlin raised his chin defiantly, 'yes'. He turned back to the Prince, "You'll forgive me later."
"What are you on about Merlin?"
Merlin knelt beside his friend, his palm hovering above her forehead. He started to mutter beneath his breath, "What are you doing?" the Prince demanded, "Get away from her!" he forced Merlin away from the bed; the servant fell to the floor. The Prince's eyes burnt in anger daring him to defy him, "What are you doing?"
"I'm saving her life!" Merlin pushed himself from the floor and resumed his position above her head.
"Get away from her! You'll kill her," he darted to the other side of the bed and pulled Merlin away from her. The sorcerer turned on him, a fist flying out on instinct and caught the Prince on the jaw. Whilst he was grounded in shock, Merlin took his opportunity to go back to her and finish his incantation.
Arthur watched on in shock. The taste of metal filled his mouth. He licked his lip; the bastard had cut his lip with his well-aimed but feebly swung fist. He wiped the blood away with the heel of his hand. A mixture of anger, panic and grief coursed through him, rendering him unable to move.
"Come on Gwen," Merlin urged. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently shook it, "Wake up."
Nothing.
"Gwen, come on!" he shouted pulling her shoulder more vigorously. Tears freely fell from his eyes, "Come on!" Arthur watched him from his place on the floor. He too had tear tracks down his cheeks. He couldn't say anything. He looked on as Merlin called her name, the longer she didn't respond, the more desperate his cries became as they stuck in his throat.
He tried the incantation again but stopped half way through as a sob wracked his body.
There was nothing left. Merlin watched on as her chest slowly rose. It slowed further. This was it. He swivelled on his knees and dropped himself to the floor. His breath caught in his throat as he cried. He pulled his sleeves up over his hands and wiped his cheeks. Arthur's tense body recoiled. Shock took over him taking the last of his tears from his eyes.
Slowly he stood up and took the few steps to the side of her bed; "Get out," he said, his voice dangerously low.
"Arth-"
"GET OUT!" he shouted. Merlin retreated away from him across the floor, towards his door.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. He stood and walked to his door, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. He shut the door behind him.
Arthur said nothing.
He lowered himself to his knees and gently took her cool hand in his. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, "You can't leave me, Guinevere. You can't. I need you. I need you to tell me what to do."
X
Merlin stood with his back against the door, silently letting his tears fall.
"You did everything you could," Gaius told him with a supportive hand on his shoulder. Merlin took a deep breath through his mouth and coughed. Without a word Gaius hugged him, "It's okay," he assured him, "It's okay."
"No, it's not," he said pulling on the back of Gaius' robe. He pulled away from him, a sudden realisation on his face, "It's not everything."
He stormed over to his bed, flattened himself to the floor and grabbed beneath the floorboard. He produced his spell book, "There has to be something."
"Merlin-"
"I can't let her die. There has to be something," he repeated as he started thumbing through page after page. If he could find anything that would help Gwen he would try it. He wasn’t letting her die today.
"A life for a life Merlin."
"She's not dead. Not yet,” he stopped on a page and scanned it quickly, “I can still save her;" he grabbed his book up in his hands and held it to his chest. He ran down into the main room. He didn’t care any more that he should have been keeping his powers to himself. What use were they if he couldn’t use them for good? Never mind Arthur sitting there watching him. He would get over it if Merlin could prove himself.
"I thought I told you to get out," Arthur said coldly. He was holding Gwen's visibly paler hand. Merlin didn't reply. He sat next to her and opened the book. Arthur didn’t even try to fight him. What use would it be? Merlin scanned the page one more time before he read the incantation out loud his voice stronger than before with a sudden determination.
Nothing.
He tried it again but nothing. He tried another and another. Both gave him nothing in return. All the while Arthur did nothing to stop him. By all accounts, all hope was lost. Gwen was always the one to hold out faith until the end. It was because of her that Arthur didn’t lose his belief that it would all work out. Without her he was lost.
“Merlin, stop.”
The sorcerer ignored him. He uttered another incantation. This one was longer and full of words that Arthur couldn’t even begin to understand. Yet again it was fruitless.
“I said stop.”
“I’m not giving up on her,” Merlin said sternly looking across Gwen at him. His face was drawn. Merlin could see it written across his features that he’d given up. There was no hint of anger towards him. There was no hint of any feeling towards him at all. He merely stared at him sombrely. Merlin uttered another incantation, his eyes flashed amber but nothing seemed to happen, “Whilst there is still air in her lungs I can save her. I can.”
“I said stop it,” he tore the book from Merlin’s hands and cast it across the room, “You utter another word and I’ll have you in a cell where you belong.”
“I can help her!” Merlin stood up to shout down at him.
“You’re a liar,” He stood, spitting the words at the servant through his gritted teeth. He rounded the bed to Merlin and grabbed the front of his shirt, “Why should I trust you?”
“Can’t we do this after I save her life?” Merlin pushed hard on Arthur’s chest to get away from him. He moved to grab his book of magic from the floor before he reached it Arthur hand hold of him again.
“You’re not going near her.”
“Arthur! I can save her! Forget your father’s prejudices against magic for two minutes! In case you hadn’t noticed Gwen’s going to die. If you don’t stand aside you’re going to let her!” Merlin shouted and watched Arthur clench his jaw. His eyes narrowed at him, “Get out of my way,” he raised his hand, if he didn’t move he would make him.
“Are you threatening me?”
“Get out of my way, Arthur, now,” he stared the Prince down; he wasn’t backing away from this.
A sharp intake of breathe alerted the pair to the end of their argument. Arthur’s head whipped around. On the bed before them was the young woman who had been dying only moments earlier. She was grasping for breath, clutching at the sheet that covered her. She tried to sit up in her panic which made her scream in pain.
“Gwen,” Merlin said in astonishment.
Instantaneously they both launched into action, Arthur taking up residence in his seat again; gently taking her hand and making sure she didn’t move or cause herself further pain. Merlin called for the physician. Gaius came bumbling out of Merlin’s quarters faster than they’d thought possible.
“I did it,” Merlin beamed. He didn’t miss the sceptical look Gaius shot between the two males. Arthur wasn’t paying attention. Gwen had, at least momentarily, calmed. She was looking towards Arthur who had taken to gently cupping her jaw and running his thumb over her cheekbone.
“I should check the wound,” Gaius reasoned. He was still looking at Merlin.
“What happened?” Gwen asked. Her mouth was dry and she could feel the pain in her lower abdomen but as far as remembering what had happened, she didn’t have a clue.
“You were attacked,” Gaius stated as he pulled Merlin’s shirt up over her stomach to bare the scar, “It seems to be healing; there is a risk of infection.”
“Healing?” she asked, her brow knitting, “How long have I been here?”
“Three days,” Arthur stumped up. Merlin looked at him, glance askew. Why was he hiding this from her? “We’ve been worried sick.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” she said with a small voice. A ghost of a smile flashed across her face but soon disappeared when Gaius pressed down on the skin by the wound and turned into a pained shout.
“You need to be careful with your movement, Guinevere,” the physician instructed, “You should rest, we all should,” Merlin took his words instantly and made a move towards his chambers. Arthur didn’t. When Merlin noticed his master’s lack of mobility he stopped, “You too, sire.”
“I’ll-“
“You’ll sleep,” he said sternly, “If anything changes I’ll come for you.”
“Where’s Elyan?” In truth they hadn’t given a thought to her brother; neither used to him being around so much that it never so much as crossed their minds to find him. First things first; make sure Gwen was alive. Save her life. Do whatever they could. The Blacksmith hadn’t even crossed their minds.
“At home, sleeping, where everybody should be,” Merlin interjected, first light he would bring him to the castle. If Arthur was pretending then he would do so too. The Prince looked at him with disdain. When he looked back down at Gwen he turned his expression around.
He leant down and kissed her gently on the forehead, “I’ll be back tomorrow. Later today.”
“Arthur you shouldn’t.”
“I can and I will,” he stood slowly, gently taking his hand away from her face, “Merlin, a word.”
Gaius looked to Merlin with his eyebrow raised. Merlin looked over to him worried etched on his face. There was no avoiding this by some pretence of exhaustion.
Arthur led Merlin down the stairwell into one of the abandoned rooms that came off of it. Merlin shut the door behind him; this wasn’t a conversation that he wanted so easily heard. When the door mechanism clicked Arthur turned on him, “I should have you banished from Camelot,” he said simple, his voice was steady, “I should have you sentenced to death but you saved her so that grants you some leniency.”
“Arthur,” the prince raised his hand to silence him.
“You’ve lied to me,” he said angrily. He clenched his jaw as he looked over his manservant. So many lies were carved into his very soul, “How many others? Guinevere? Does Gwen know?”
“No.”
“So it’s not just me you lie to.”
“I did it to protect you!”
“Protect me? From what?”
“From yourself!”
“I don’t need protecting from myself.”
“Yes, you do!” Merlin shouted. He watched as Arthur’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. His blue eyes were full of fury, “Let’s go on this quest, Merlin. Let’s get shot in the back with an arrow, Merlin. We can outrun these bandits, Merlin. Trust me, Merlin!” he spurted, his lashing of words having little effect on the Prince’s demeanour, “Why should I ever trust you? Why do you think I never told you? You play the hero. You ever let anyone else in. The first person you’ve ever fully trusted nearly died tonight and that’s why I’m still here. That’s why I’m not in the cells. You need me. You know you do but you don’t like to admit it.”
Arthur shook his head sternly, “You’re wrong.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are. Why did I let you perform magic on her when it’s forbidden in Camelot? Why didn’t I run you through the second you started? You underestimate me, Merlin. You always do,” the young warlock looked away from him. He shifted on his heels and clenched his fists as he looked up at him again, “I don’t need protecting. I don’t need telling that how I live my life is dangerous; I know it is. Why do you think I keep you around? Why do you know everything about me? You’re my manservant, not my confidant. So you’re wrong. Yes, tonight the woman I love nearly died, but she isn’t the only person I fully trust.”
Merlin didn’t know what to make of his words. His brow furrowed, “You never believe me.”
“Belief and trust are two different things. You might say you’ve saved my life and by all counted facts you may be right; but I trust you to be there. I don’t need saving because I have a protector. I just didn’t fully realise who it was. But I will tell you this; if any harm comes to her as a result of your cure, I will personally ensure that a full justice is served,” Merlin nodded, “You will not tell her of this, you understand? She has been here recovering for three days. You did not use magic to save her. Gaius, and yourself, worked all night to save her from certain death. I do not want to hear of this again.”
“Arthur-“
“Not a word.”
“I cannot pretend to be who I am not.”
“Then carry on as you were. Catch a few lucky breaks here and there but do not bring it up again. Magic is outlawed in this kingdom and should I hear any whisper of a rumour I will take action,” Arthur walked past him with the intent to depart the room.
“This is why I didn’t tell you! Magic doesn’t have to be evil,” he argued, his voice rising yet again, it seemed to be the only way to get the message through the Prince’s thick skull, “It isn’t black and white. I have never used my magic to bring harm to an innocent person. I’ve only ever used it to protect you, to protect Gwen. Without it you would both be dead by now. Without it your father would think Gwen a sorceress.”
He stopped in his path, “What are you saying?”
“Dragoon the Great? You might think I’m stupid, Arthur, but even I can catch up with a doddery old man.”
The realisation hit him. He had known that he recognised the man, and by accounts it suddenly made sense, “That was you?”
“And always without so much as a thank you. I saved my best friend’s life tonight and she will never know. That’s the world I live in. I keep my secret because I have to. Not because I want to make you a fool. We have a destiny, Arthur, a great one. Intertwined from the moment we met. I was destined to come to Camelot because I was destined to protect you.”
The two males regarded each other. Arthur took a deep breath. There was no anger in Merlin’s words; merely truths.
X
The door to Gaius’ quarters opened slowly after a light knock on the wood. Merlin looked up to greet the visitor from his spot on the floor from here he had been scrubbing away the remains of two nights previously, “Gwen,” he smiled and stood.
She half smiled at him, slowly padding across the floor with the aid of a walking stick. She didn’t greet him and after half a minute of standing in an awkward silence with the smile faded from her face she spoke, “Arthur told me what you did.”
“It was nothing,” he said nonchalantly, looking at the scrubbing brush in his hand. The bristles were tainted with her blood. He’d even tried to launder her dress but his attempts had been fruitless. No matter how hard he tried the blood would come clean. Something in him couldn’t bring himself to magic away the harsh brutally of human nature.
“No,” she said, “It wasn’t. It was everything.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Stop lying to me,” he said, her voice cracked. He looked up at her guilt coursing through his veins, “When I say he told me what you did, I mean he told me exactly what you did. I know he lied to me to protect you but nothing added up. And Elyan cannot lie to me. I’m his sister; he crumbles at the mere thought of trying,” they shared a small smile, “I know what you did. I know what you’ve done for both of us.”
“I understand if you never want to speak to me again.”
Gwen shook her head, “I wanted to say thank you. I’d be dead three times over if it wasn’t for you, maybe more. You’ve done so much for me, so much for both of us even without,” she faltered, not wanting to say the word, “That we owe you. I know what magic can be used for. I know that magic can be used for evil. I have witnessed it first hand. But I also know that there isn’t a bad bone in your body, Merlin. You are not like her.”
“Her?”
“Morgana,” she said without hesitation, her voice the strongest it had been in days. “I know you know, Merlin. How could you not? I didn’t come to talk about her. I came to say I’m grateful and that I owe you my life,” At sometime during her speech she had ended up standing a step away from him, she reached out and gently took his hand, “And if you want a new shirt then I understand.”
They both smiled.
“He’ll come ‘round. He’s just a little confused. He’s never witnessed magic be used for the good of his people so openly. But give him time and he’ll come around. He loves you like a brother, Merlin, and he trusts you with his life. He just needs time.”
“Until then?”
“Keep being you,” she squeezed his hand, “Without whom, I would be dead. Gaius says I should rest, but also that walking a small distance is good for me.”
“Do not overdo it.”
“I won’t. And Merlin,” he looked up from the rag in his hand, “Thank you.”
END NOTE: I made Merlin cry, and it made me all sad. I had to keep stopping and going and complaining at Amy, my roomie, to make myself feel better.