It's so hard..
Im skipping the first 3 periods of the day.
My eyes are so puffy, im wicked tired due to my 3 hours of sleep.
I would be sleeping, but once again, its hard for me to sleep like this.
My mom claims she loves me so much, but it always seems like my family gives me money for forgiveness.
That's not what i want. I want trust, freedom, respect...
I just wish one day my parents will be happy with the child they have.
What would happen if i asked Mel if i could move in?
What would she say? Would it be okay?
Cause i honestly cant emotionally take this anymore.
Its ruining my education, my personality, my job..
This whole thing is completely distracting me from anything i want to achieve.
And its only getting worse.
Im sick of telling myself it'll only get better.
Ive been saying that for a long time...and nothing is better.
Is this all my fault?
Should i have said no to going out with Gerald again?
Love hurts.
Im sorry i fell in love with someone who moved away...but im trying to make it work.
Im trying so hard..no matter how much it hurts, i want it to work.
He's the only guy that has ever treated me like a boyfriend should.
What would you do?
If i dumped him, id still want to see him as a friend...
So its not like it'd be making it better for myself.
I wish this wasnt so damn hard. Everyday it gets worse.
Last night, i havent cried so much in awhile.
It got to the point where it hurt so much, that i felt sick.
I kind of feel like this is Adam all over again...except Gerald's not still here.
I always pick the wrong people to fall in love with.
Is that my fault? How am i supposed to know?
I dont know anymore...i just dont. Im gonna hold on as long as i can..