Found your journal...percishpslashApril 26 2006, 21:35:20 UTC
Neat. I see some potential in your story, but you really need to apply some formatting to it. I can't really tell who is talking, and the long blocks of unquoted and run on text are very difficult to read. I did like the bit about Harry accidentally calling Molly "mum" for the first time, especially. I'd be happy to beta the story in more depth for you, if you'd like.
Read your story...fatal_soulApril 26 2006, 22:10:54 UTC
Hey,
I have to agree with Perci on this, there is potential here but with the whole thing needing formatting, quotes and paragraphs, it was quite hard to read. I continued to lose my place and b-c I had to strain my eyes to keep it, I couldn't really get into it... (Not b-c it isn't a good, but b-c of the way it's written) Take Parci up on his offer to Beta, it would improve the story to where the reader will be able to enjoy it more.
I have no idea what the potential of this story is. After the second or third paragraph, I couldn't read anymore. Part of story telling is... well, telling a story. Words and structure and syntax and grammar all help with this. If you have the words, but they are spelled wrong, the structure is off, and the syntax incorrect, then it sets up barriers for the audience. Too many barriers and it takes away from the story.
I wish I could offer my time to beta for you, but I have three WiPs of my own that are in various stages of (non)completion. But I urge you to find one. And, don't use the beta to re-write your story. Make sure you LEARN from the beta so that you don't make the same mistakes over and over again.
Take a look at the firt two paragraphs.
Harry potter, has not had a calm life the complete opposite in fact, over flowing with pain, sorrow, danger, rage & lose most of which incidentally happened when he was back at no 4 privet drive. The last of Harrys blood line the dursleys hated Harry; they beat & belittled him
( ... )
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perci
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I have to agree with Perci on this, there is potential here but with the whole thing needing formatting, quotes and paragraphs, it was quite hard to read. I continued to lose my place and b-c I had to strain my eyes to keep it, I couldn't really get into it... (Not b-c it isn't a good, but b-c of the way it's written) Take Parci up on his offer to Beta, it would improve the story to where the reader will be able to enjoy it more.
Overall - alot of potential.
Keep up the good work,
Anna
Reply
I wish I could offer my time to beta for you, but I have three WiPs of my own that are in various stages of (non)completion. But I urge you to find one. And, don't use the beta to re-write your story. Make sure you LEARN from the beta so that you don't make the same mistakes over and over again.
Take a look at the firt two paragraphs.
Harry potter, has not had a calm life the complete opposite in fact, over flowing with pain, sorrow, danger, rage & lose most of which incidentally happened when he was back at no 4 privet drive. The last of Harrys blood line the dursleys hated Harry; they beat & belittled him ( ... )
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