Something about Changmin
Title: Something about Changmin
Pairings: OT5, YooMin
Ratings: PG-13
Genre: Semi-Angsty, Fluff
A/N: Hopefully it's not too much crack
On his way to the kitchen Changmin stops in mid step, a melding of horror and curiosity drawn beautifully across his face as he witnesses Jaejoong pinned against the kitchen counter and Yunho. Jaejoong's left hand clutches a wooden ladle and he's kissing Yunho like it could save his life.
Changmin's breath hitches as the ladle drops and Jaejoong reaches over and clutches Yunho's shirt desperately, the softest, most erotic, moan snaking enticingly around Changmin's ears, licking at his nerves and he shudders as he presses himself against the wall.
They don't see him and when he walks away he thinks the two of them will forever burn behind his eyelids.
After rehearsals Changmin holds a white towel loosely around his neck, hoping there is still some chocolate Mochi in the freezer, he almost trips over his jelly weak legs when he sees Yoochun pressing his body against Junsu, whispering sweet secrets into his ear that make him laugh.
Changmin ducks down behind the counter and peeks over the edge, Junsu is protesting but Yoochun presses his mouth along his and swallows the rest of his words. As Changmin tries to escape, his body prickles at the deep laughter smothered by the caress of their lips.
It's not that he's upset. He doesn't want to be kissed and momentarily molested by roaming hands and biting teeth, but it kind of hurts that no one seems to want to tuck him into a corner and kiss him senseless. When he sees Yunho and Yoochun in the office he wonders if maybe… and secretly hopes to himself that they are actually making music and not sneaking in personal time of the make out variety.
When he hears Yoochun's deep laugh, the hope burns out and he stands, full weight on his arm as he peeks silently though the opening of the door and watches with baited breath, Yoochun is seated invitingly in his chair with Yunho hovering above him like a shadow, trapping him in the seat.
"Just one," Yunho's penetrating plea fills Changmin with guilty pleasure and when Yoochun submits, he feels the tenderness of the hand that runs soothing along Yunho's side as if it where on his own skin.
The last straw is Jaejoong and Junsu making out in the bathroom. They don't hear him approaching, his bladder so full he can hardly stand it and he finds them hot and heavy against the wall, soft promises of the last time heating the room to suffocation.
"Stop it, we're going to get caught," Junsu moans; when Jaejoong palms his cheek he closes his eyes and bites his lip.
"They don't care," Jaejoong promises and runs his thumb along his full bottom lip, licking temptingly at his mouth, "wish me sweet dreams," he breathes and Changmin holds it in, just to watch. Swallows the pain between his legs and clutches the door frame when Junsu presses himself against Jaejoong in fiery attention and whispers, sweet dreams, against his swollen lips.
Changmin thinks he's beginning to care.
Junsu is out with his brother spending quality time together and Yunho and Jaejoong are holed up in the studio having a meeting with managers.
Yoochun watches a drama, trying not to cry when Changmin sits beside him and stares quite unnervingly. Yoochun tries to ignore him, glancing every so often with his eyes but Changmin holds his gaze and wonders if his mouth is as sweet as it looks.
"You're starting to freak me out, Changmin," Yoochun finally speaks and turns away from the dying girl on the screen to look at him. The fire he saw while he kissed Junsu is gone. The excitement as he gazed up into Yunho's eyes has disappeared and he looks at him like he's the youngest in the group, the baby, the same cute, cat kissing, dongsaeng he's supposed to be. He looks at Changmin like there is nothing remotely interesting or enticing about him.
Changmin wonders if he could ever look at him different. Though, it's not like he wants him to. He thinks they're kind of disgusting and god, the germs. Depressingly, he realizes he tries to kid himself with that kind of mental rubbish. He's not so young anymore, he's taller and stronger and he's gorgeous, according to the fans anyway. So what the hell is wrong with him?
"I see you guys," Changmin says when the silence is too pregnant and the air thickens around his throat. "I see you guys kissing," he tells him and wishes his voice was stronger and he didn't look so distraught.
The moment his confession escapes him Yoochun's face falls guiltily and he grabs the remote, turning the television off with a click. Changmin knows Yoochun, knows he's trying frantically to muster the perfect explanation, trying to nip, which is certain to be an uncomfortable conversation, in the bud.
"Ah, Changmin-"
But Changmin flips around and extends his long legs in front of him, arching his back in a great yawn that makes his jaw pop in his ears and lets out a low, deep moan from his lips as he relaxes against the couch.
When he looks over at Yoochun, his eyes are dark and he's staring intently at his stomach, Changmin looks down and sees why.
"You're a pervert," he laughs and pulls his shirt down; covering the sliver of skin Yoochun can't seem to keep his eyes from.
Yoochun smirks, eyes turning away to the black television screen. "If it bothers you we'll stop," he says and stands up suddenly, rubbing at his stomach. He eyes him carefully and Changmin hopes the sudden flush of his skin isn't too exposed. "Unless-"
Changmin can feel his heart stop, his breath non-existent in his throat. "No," he says, his tongue thick and like sandpaper in his mouth. "I don't-"
But the words fade out at the sound of the door and Changmin sees Yunho and Jaejoong walk through, attached at the hip, whispering intimately to each other.
Changmin and Yoochun watch them from their frozen spot in the living room as they pass by, ignoring them, possibly not on purpose, so intent in their own world everything else seems to sparkle and fade around them. When they pull into the kitchen Jaejoong presses Yunho against the refrigerator and attacks his mouth in soft kisses, still in their own world and when Yunho laughs richly, Jaejoong's hand creeps under his shirt.
It suddenly feels very warm and watching them becomes too voyeuristic, Changmin thinks Yoochun must feel the same when he grabs his hand, finger pressed to his lips and pulls him away quietly. Changmin's eyes continue to watch Jaejoong and Yunho until the wall descends into his line of vision and he's thrown into a room, whose he doesn't know.
The door clicks closed and when Changmin looks at Yoochun he can see it in his eyes, a smoldering flame of lust and it occurs to him that perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. Yoochun looks wild and predatory.
"Changmin," Yoochun stalks slowly towards him a small grin playing against his lips. "Come here," he asks slowly but Changmin shakes his head a little scared and backs up on the bed he now recognizes as Jaejoong's.
"No, maybe you should-" he starts but Yoochun is quick and is sitting next to him, eyes sparkling in the ambient light of sweet smelling candles. Yoochun reaches out and touches his cheek and it makes his heart stop, when he runs a finger delicately over his lips it starts to pound erratically quick and he can feel a warmth coursing through his body in waves.
"Changmin," Yoochun licks his lips and grins like the Cheshire cat and sparks ignite somewhere between Changmin's legs. Yoochun's other hands comes up to play with the tips of his hair, stroking gently to the base of his neck and back up, leaving goose bumps in the wake. "You're fucking gorgeous," he whispers and looks into his eyes and Changmin finds it hard to swallow suddenly.
"Yoo-"
"If you want me too, I will," he moves in closer and Changmin feels his breath against his lips as they hover just above the surface, he can count Yoochun's eyelashes until the hand curls around his neck and tightens into his hair in possessive strength and Changmin can feel it coming, a surge of excitement dancing in his stomach, tingling his hands that press heatedly into the mattress.
Yoochun laughs deeply and palms his cheek, "We don't have to tell anyone," he whispers and Changmin feels his words closer, almost to the back of his throat before the door slams open and he jerks back in complete fright.
"Yoochun I need-" Jaejoong stands in the doorway, eyes wide, face clear of any color and Changmin crawls away and Yoochun gets to his feet.
"Yes?" he asks calmly and unbelievably cool while Changmin can't understand why he can't seem to breathe properly.
Jaejoong looks at them, then at Yoochun, then at Changmin, back to Yoochun, back to Changmin then to Yoochun before grabbing his hand and yanking him from the room and slamming the door shut behind them.
He doesn't know when he's started breathing normally again, but several minutes later when he's yelling into Jaejoong's pillow until his throat is sore, he thinks he's never wanted anything so bad in his life.
When he feels he may possibly die from hunger Changmin finally decides to show himself. Jaejoong called for dinner hours ago but his shame and embarrassment got the better of him and he couldn't bring himself to face any of them. Yunho and Junsu were obviously told and Changmin tried not to cry when each of them knocked on the door, begging for him to come out and join them.
He walks slowly, somewhere in his ridiculous state of mind, hopes if he walks slower, the humiliation of facing them will be less tragic to his ego, though when he turns the corner and all four of them are sitting around the table talking, his stomach feels like it's going to fall out of his butt.
"Ah, Changmin, you must be hungry," Jaejoong says but Changmin can't look at him, only the floor which won't judge him, though he feels if it had feelings and walked in on him almost being kissed by Yoochun, it probably would. "There's dinner in the kitchen, I kept it warm for you," he says pleasantly and Changmin nods in thanks before disappearing, the heavy weight of all their eyes on his retreating form.
"I'm going to eat in my room," he mumbles to the bowl of soup, balancing rice and chicken in the other hand. When he looks up they are all looking at him with half smiles and thoughtful, adoring eyes.
Jaejoong nods with understanding, "If you'd like," he says and turns to look at Yunho before licking his lips almost… invitingly. "Leave the plates outside the door, I'll send Yoochun to get them later."
When everyone laughs Changmin flushes what could possibly be burgundy before stomping back to the room and kicking the door with a slam.
He hates them. All of them. Stupid Jaejoong with his pretty face and annoying Yunho who thinks he's funny when he really isn't and Junsu with his absurd laugh and mostly Yoochun who's too polite to look him in the eye when he sees him in the hallway on the way to the bathroom. The worst part is he can't stop thinking of what could have been. At night, when he closes his eyes he can still hear Yoochun.
"If you want me too I will… you're fucking gorgeous… we don't have to tell anyone…"
He can still see the soft sweep of his eyelashes when they lower gracefully to close. He can still feel his hand in his hair, can still feel him against his lip and he can still taste his breath against his tongue.
When Jaejoong slides into the room he pretends to sleep but when he hears gentle whispers followed by a soft unmistakable kiss, he opens his eyes slowly and sees Yunho's fingers intertwined in his ebony hair.
"Goodnight," he can hear Jaejoong breathe against his mouth and Changmin pulls his legs up against his chest, hating the way his body is reacting. "Sleep well," he moans against Yunho's lips and when Yunho rolls Jaejoong onto his back and Changmin can see the slick thrust of his tongue enter Jaejoong's mouth through the moonlight, he buries his hand under the blanket and in between his legs.
Their job prevents him from ignoring them completely and after a few days things seem to get back to normal. Yoochun jokes with him during interviews and Jaejoong makes his favorite dinner three nights in a row while Yunho and Junsu play video games against him. Yunho loses to be nice and Junsu's aggressive nature takes a back seat… until he's too close to losing the game, though his cheers of victory are less enthusiastic.
He doesn't catch any of them kissing anymore, though he finds a flushed Jaejoong and Yoochun walking suspiciously out of the bathroom together, parting immediately when Changmin makes an appearance. During a break from rehearsal Junsu can't stop smiling and Changmin catches Yunho grinning, eyes flitting between them as he helps him with a particularly intricate dance step, his hand suspiciously low on his back.
Changmin thinks they're starting to hide it from him and it makes him mad, more importantly he can't stop the envy that seems to rage unwilling through him.
He finds himself in the living room alone with Junsu one night and enjoys the pressure of his body as he presses into him while they watch a movie. Yoochun and Jaejoong are shopping and Yunho is holed in the room talking to friends.
"I love this movie," Junsu says softly and Changmin looks at him, Junsu's eyes are on him and they pierce him like he can see into his soul. "This is my favorite part," he smiles and Changmin watches as the lovers embrace at the airport, their love strong and unwavering until they kiss.
Changmin swallows heavily and tries to smile when Junsu sighs beside him. He freezes when he feels his hand rest gently against his stomach and his fingers start to play with the edge of his shirt.
"I wonder what it's like to love someone so much you can't stand the thought of leaving them behind," Junsu hums out loud.
Changmin holds his breath when the fingers dip below his shirt and touch his skin like fire. He doesn't say anything.
"I'm lucky to have everyone I love right here," Junsu talks softly and Changmin hears the words brush his ear incitingly. When he feels the pad of Junsu's thumb brush just above his pants his breath hitches and he looks at Junsu through his eyelashes.
"Maybe we should-" but Junsu turns the television off and pulls his hand from his shirt, Changmin can't help but feel the disappointment until he's pinned against the couch with Junsu on his lap.
"Yoochun's upset," he says quietly and brings his hands to Changmin's hair, weaving them like ribbons against his scalp, Changmin can feel his eyes flutter closed and as he enjoys the toying flirtation, he remembers what it's like to want again. "He really wanted too," Junsu adds and when Changmin opens his eyes Junsu is inches away, his eyes dark and wanting. "We all want too," he breathes and Changmin can feel his pulse in his ears. "If you'd just let us," he smiles.
It's suddenly very warm and Junsu's pressure is enticing the flickering need of contact Changmin's yearning to feel.
He finds his voice, though it's deep and rough. "If you want too," he whispers and when Junsu's mouth curves into a smile he hopes it will taste as sweet as it looks.
Changmin waits and shudders when Junsu's hands slide down his shoulders.
When he can hear Yoochun and Jaejoong laughing and the door starts to open he whimpers when Junsu climbs off him and opens his eyes.
His smile is sad and before they enter he smoothes the back of his hand regretfully down his cheek, "Maybe next time," he says like a promise and moves just in time to see them come in. "Did you buy me anything?"
Changmin watches from the couch as he jumps in between Yoochun and Jaejoong who look at him curiously. He can't help but feel Yoochun looking at him with something… almost sad.
Changmin decides he's not going to expect any of them to kiss him, although he thinks Yoochun stares at him a little too much and Jaejoong eyes him carefully when they seem to be alone, but he never does anything and that could be because it's not long enough, someone always seems to come around at the perfect moment of just enough time.
To calm his nerves and try to think of something other than everyone else, he shuts himself in the work room, trying to come up with lyrics that can inadvertently express his frustrations and sense of loneliness. He's working on a string of notes when the door opens and Yunho comes in, smiling kindly.
"You've been in here all day," he says and moves behind his chair. When his hands fall to his shoulders Changmin feels them tense immediately and his fingers forget what to do.
Changmin looks up at him as Yunho's hands begin to work easily into a soothing rhythm and his neck loosens up instantly. "I've got a lot on my mind," he mutters and tries to focus on the sheet music with notes he's been hoping to make sense of.
"Wanna play it for me?" he asks and continues to knead the knots between his shoulder blades and Changmin reminds himself to breaths in and out, slowly, in and out. He urges his fingers to play and when they do it's soft and sweet, a melody that seems to contradict his hidden wants and unmistakable urges. "This is really nice," Yunho comments agreeably and stops. Changmin watches from the corner of his eyes as he steers the chair to the right, pulling his hands back when he's sitting in front of Yunho who's handsome and ridiculously attentive. When his hands fall on his shoulders again Changmin feels his head fall forward against Yunho's chest and he can smell his expensive cologne intertwined in the cotton.
"How's that feel?" he asks softly, his thumbs drawing circles along his neck and Changmin closes his eyes in bliss, his heart beats in rhythm and he thinks if Yunho continues he may fall asleep.
"It feels nice," he answers and opens his eyes when Yunho crouches in front of him, his hands falling to his thighs, drawing slowly, up and down.
When Changmin sees him staring he can feel it again, the attempt and he tries not to smile because he thinks they don't care anymore but the look in Yunho's eyes and the small twitch of his lip make him think, perhaps they haven't completely given up. Deep down inside, he doesn't want them to give up.
"Are you going to kiss me now?" he asks softly as Yunho's hand caresses along his jeans and he hopes the fire flickering to life in his stomach doesn't expose his complete need of affection.
Yunho let's his hand slide up his thighs, up his arms until he cups his face and pulls him close, "Do you want me to?" he wonders and Changmin feels himself nodding without permission. "No regrets later?" he hesitates and Changmin shakes his head.
"No regrets," he whispers and sighs when Yunho's thumbs touch the side of his mouth fondly and he holds his breath when he comes closer.
"Yunho, Yoochun's looking-"
Changmin head falls forward in despair when Junsu throws the door open and bounces in. Yunho looks over his shoulder and stands up with a small smile and shake of his head.
He really can't believe his luck.
"Oh, sorry," Junsu stops quickly and his eyes bounce between them. "I just-"
Yunho stands up and ruffles Changmin hair which he finds quite patronizing considering their previous situation. "It's ok," he reaches out and Junsu slides his hand in, tugging him out the door.
"You should've locked the door," Changmin hears him say low enough to keep it between them but loud enough for Changmin to hear as they leave and Yunho laughs when the door closes behind them.
Changmin's fists clench and he kicks at his desk before getting to his feet and leaving too.
When Changmin dreams it's blurry and completely out of focus, but he hears a voice calling his name. It's always in slow motion and when he tries to move his feet they feel so heavy it takes all his strength to move them.
"Changmin."
It's not one voice who calls him and it comes from all directions, too confused to know which way to follow.
He thinks he hears Yoochun's voice calling for him, clear and loud in his ears and his heart wants to beat out of his chest and when he can finally move, running towards his voice, he wakes up before finding him behind the fog.
Jaejoong corners him in the kitchen one evening and boxes him between the sink, he looks into his eyes and there's something dark in them. "What is it?" he speaks slowly, rolling the words in his mouth before saying them out loud.
Changmin's throat dries painfully and he wonders if he can speak. When he does, it tears at his throat. "What?" he asks and presses himself away.
When Jaejoong's face softens and he smiles beautifully it makes his knees weak. "What is it about you that drives us crazy?" he laughs a little and curls his fingers along the sink, pulling himself so close Changmin has to look way before feeling like he's going to faint. "We tried so hard to avoid it," he whispers and Changmin's heart skips a beat. "We wanted too," he licks his lips and is close enough to do it, to kiss him. "Yoochun didn't want us to," he admits and hearing his name seizes all air in Changmin's lungs and he slumps against Jae who brings his arms around his shoulders.
"You're fucking gorgeous"
Yoochun's voice weaves around his ears like a song and he leans in a little closer into his strength.
"We don't have to tell anyone."
"Where's Yoochun?" he asks against Jaejoong's shoulder and Jaejoong pulls him away and he looks at him, searching in his eyes before smiling and hugging him again.
"I think I know now," he runs a hand down Changmin's back before holding him close and respectively moving away. "We're not supposed to kiss you," he smiles a little sadly and Changmin doesn't feel as sad as he thinks he should. He just wants to see Yoochun. "He's on the balcony," he steps aside and Changmin walks away, his heart beating like he's in love.
It’s always been Yoochun.
He's always there, with Jaejoong the night Junsu tried, with Yunho, Yoochun was looking for him. Yoochun didn't want them to kiss him and made sure they wouldn’t, even in his dreams his voice calls him the loudest.
It's always been Yoochun.
When he opens the door, Yoochun's sitting on a chair, looking at the bright city lights below them. His hair rustles with the wind and his eyes are soft when they turn and see him.
"It's cold out here, you should get a jacket," he tells him but he isn't wearing one either and Changmin closes the door behind him and sits on the empty seat beside him.
"I like the cold," he responds and looks out into the darkness with him.
They're quiet, sitting together in silence that seems almost too comfortable.
"I've stopped kissing them," Yoochun speaks first and his words carry with the wind that swirls around Changmin like a blanket of emotion. "It's not the same," he swallows and reaches for a cigarette. Changmin grabs the box and crushes them in his hand, ignoring the sigh beside him.
"You should stop," he says and throws the crumpled pack aside, "It's ruining your voice," he adds and turns his head to catch the smile on his face and despite the cold, he feels warm.
It takes a moment before he speaks again. "I dream that I’m looking for you, that I'm calling your name," he confesses without looking at him.
Yoochun doesn't have to look at him for Changmin to feel like his heart is going to pump out of his chest, an overwhelming sense of happiness captures every inch of his body and it feels perfect, feels like he's been waiting for a long time.
"I dream about finding you," Changmin tells him and when Yoochun turns and looks at him, with reinforced confidence, he stands up and pulls Yoochun to his feet. "Find me," he whispers, his body tingling from head to tow, flames of absolute desire warming his center to the core and he can't feel the cold, he only wants to feel Yoochun.
When Yoochun's hands touch his face and pull him so close they're breathing together Changmin knows he'll finally get what he's wanted most since seeing them, since hoping someone would kiss him the same way.
Changmin thinks Yoochun's mouth is perfect, lips so soft they melt against him and when he licks inside and slides his tongue against his, it's like ethereal silk.
Changmin knows instantly, he's addicted.
Before he pulls away, taking his breath with him, Changmin can feel his heart telling him there's nothing more perfect in this life as the feeling of this long awaited moment. He holds onto it for as long as he can before letting his eyes open and seeing an adoration that consumes whatever sensation he has left in his body.
"It took you long enough," Changmin catches his breath and brushes Yoochun's hair back, his fingers running intimately against his cheek.
"I was waiting for the perfect time," he laughs deeply and licks his lips, Changmin hopes he can still taste him. "Let's go inside," he grabs his hand and pulls him along.
They hear a loud crash and even louder cries before they get to the door and when Yoochun opens it Jaejoong, Yunho and Junsu lay in a pile of tangled limbs and mortified red faces on the floor.
"It was his idea," Junsu points to Jaejoong who kicks him hard in the stomach.
Changmin hides his smile and steps over Yunho who's holding his leg in pain and follows Yoochun into the bedroom.
When Changmin dreams he doesn't hear the voices calling for him anymore but he sees a blurry figure that seems to come into focus the closer it gets and when he walks, it’s easy.
"You told me to find you."
And when he kisses him everything else fades into black.
[Master Fic List]
Pairings: OT5, YooMin
Ratings: PG-13
Genre: Semi-Angsty, Fluff
A/N: Hopefully it's not too much crack
On his way to the kitchen Changmin stops in mid step, a melding of horror and curiosity drawn beautifully across his face as he witnesses Jaejoong pinned against the kitchen counter and Yunho. Jaejoong's left hand clutches a wooden ladle and he's kissing Yunho like it could save his life.
Changmin's breath hitches as the ladle drops and Jaejoong reaches over and clutches Yunho's shirt desperately, the softest, most erotic, moan snaking enticingly around Changmin's ears, licking at his nerves and he shudders as he presses himself against the wall.
They don't see him and when he walks away he thinks the two of them will forever burn behind his eyelids.
After rehearsals Changmin holds a white towel loosely around his neck, hoping there is still some chocolate Mochi in the freezer, he almost trips over his jelly weak legs when he sees Yoochun pressing his body against Junsu, whispering sweet secrets into his ear that make him laugh.
Changmin ducks down behind the counter and peeks over the edge, Junsu is protesting but Yoochun presses his mouth along his and swallows the rest of his words. As Changmin tries to escape, his body prickles at the deep laughter smothered by the caress of their lips.
It's not that he's upset. He doesn't want to be kissed and momentarily molested by roaming hands and biting teeth, but it kind of hurts that no one seems to want to tuck him into a corner and kiss him senseless. When he sees Yunho and Yoochun in the office he wonders if maybe… and secretly hopes to himself that they are actually making music and not sneaking in personal time of the make out variety.
When he hears Yoochun's deep laugh, the hope burns out and he stands, full weight on his arm as he peeks silently though the opening of the door and watches with baited breath, Yoochun is seated invitingly in his chair with Yunho hovering above him like a shadow, trapping him in the seat.
"Just one," Yunho's penetrating plea fills Changmin with guilty pleasure and when Yoochun submits, he feels the tenderness of the hand that runs soothing along Yunho's side as if it where on his own skin.
The last straw is Jaejoong and Junsu making out in the bathroom. They don't hear him approaching, his bladder so full he can hardly stand it and he finds them hot and heavy against the wall, soft promises of the last time heating the room to suffocation.
"Stop it, we're going to get caught," Junsu moans; when Jaejoong palms his cheek he closes his eyes and bites his lip.
"They don't care," Jaejoong promises and runs his thumb along his full bottom lip, licking temptingly at his mouth, "wish me sweet dreams," he breathes and Changmin holds it in, just to watch. Swallows the pain between his legs and clutches the door frame when Junsu presses himself against Jaejoong in fiery attention and whispers, sweet dreams, against his swollen lips.
Changmin thinks he's beginning to care.
Junsu is out with his brother spending quality time together and Yunho and Jaejoong are holed up in the studio having a meeting with managers.
Yoochun watches a drama, trying not to cry when Changmin sits beside him and stares quite unnervingly. Yoochun tries to ignore him, glancing every so often with his eyes but Changmin holds his gaze and wonders if his mouth is as sweet as it looks.
"You're starting to freak me out, Changmin," Yoochun finally speaks and turns away from the dying girl on the screen to look at him. The fire he saw while he kissed Junsu is gone. The excitement as he gazed up into Yunho's eyes has disappeared and he looks at him like he's the youngest in the group, the baby, the same cute, cat kissing, dongsaeng he's supposed to be. He looks at Changmin like there is nothing remotely interesting or enticing about him.
Changmin wonders if he could ever look at him different. Though, it's not like he wants him to. He thinks they're kind of disgusting and god, the germs. Depressingly, he realizes he tries to kid himself with that kind of mental rubbish. He's not so young anymore, he's taller and stronger and he's gorgeous, according to the fans anyway. So what the hell is wrong with him?
"I see you guys," Changmin says when the silence is too pregnant and the air thickens around his throat. "I see you guys kissing," he tells him and wishes his voice was stronger and he didn't look so distraught.
The moment his confession escapes him Yoochun's face falls guiltily and he grabs the remote, turning the television off with a click. Changmin knows Yoochun, knows he's trying frantically to muster the perfect explanation, trying to nip, which is certain to be an uncomfortable conversation, in the bud.
"Ah, Changmin-"
But Changmin flips around and extends his long legs in front of him, arching his back in a great yawn that makes his jaw pop in his ears and lets out a low, deep moan from his lips as he relaxes against the couch.
When he looks over at Yoochun, his eyes are dark and he's staring intently at his stomach, Changmin looks down and sees why.
"You're a pervert," he laughs and pulls his shirt down; covering the sliver of skin Yoochun can't seem to keep his eyes from.
Yoochun smirks, eyes turning away to the black television screen. "If it bothers you we'll stop," he says and stands up suddenly, rubbing at his stomach. He eyes him carefully and Changmin hopes the sudden flush of his skin isn't too exposed. "Unless-"
Changmin can feel his heart stop, his breath non-existent in his throat. "No," he says, his tongue thick and like sandpaper in his mouth. "I don't-"
But the words fade out at the sound of the door and Changmin sees Yunho and Jaejoong walk through, attached at the hip, whispering intimately to each other.
Changmin and Yoochun watch them from their frozen spot in the living room as they pass by, ignoring them, possibly not on purpose, so intent in their own world everything else seems to sparkle and fade around them. When they pull into the kitchen Jaejoong presses Yunho against the refrigerator and attacks his mouth in soft kisses, still in their own world and when Yunho laughs richly, Jaejoong's hand creeps under his shirt.
It suddenly feels very warm and watching them becomes too voyeuristic, Changmin thinks Yoochun must feel the same when he grabs his hand, finger pressed to his lips and pulls him away quietly. Changmin's eyes continue to watch Jaejoong and Yunho until the wall descends into his line of vision and he's thrown into a room, whose he doesn't know.
The door clicks closed and when Changmin looks at Yoochun he can see it in his eyes, a smoldering flame of lust and it occurs to him that perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. Yoochun looks wild and predatory.
"Changmin," Yoochun stalks slowly towards him a small grin playing against his lips. "Come here," he asks slowly but Changmin shakes his head a little scared and backs up on the bed he now recognizes as Jaejoong's.
"No, maybe you should-" he starts but Yoochun is quick and is sitting next to him, eyes sparkling in the ambient light of sweet smelling candles. Yoochun reaches out and touches his cheek and it makes his heart stop, when he runs a finger delicately over his lips it starts to pound erratically quick and he can feel a warmth coursing through his body in waves.
"Changmin," Yoochun licks his lips and grins like the Cheshire cat and sparks ignite somewhere between Changmin's legs. Yoochun's other hands comes up to play with the tips of his hair, stroking gently to the base of his neck and back up, leaving goose bumps in the wake. "You're fucking gorgeous," he whispers and looks into his eyes and Changmin finds it hard to swallow suddenly.
"Yoo-"
"If you want me too, I will," he moves in closer and Changmin feels his breath against his lips as they hover just above the surface, he can count Yoochun's eyelashes until the hand curls around his neck and tightens into his hair in possessive strength and Changmin can feel it coming, a surge of excitement dancing in his stomach, tingling his hands that press heatedly into the mattress.
Yoochun laughs deeply and palms his cheek, "We don't have to tell anyone," he whispers and Changmin feels his words closer, almost to the back of his throat before the door slams open and he jerks back in complete fright.
"Yoochun I need-" Jaejoong stands in the doorway, eyes wide, face clear of any color and Changmin crawls away and Yoochun gets to his feet.
"Yes?" he asks calmly and unbelievably cool while Changmin can't understand why he can't seem to breathe properly.
Jaejoong looks at them, then at Yoochun, then at Changmin, back to Yoochun, back to Changmin then to Yoochun before grabbing his hand and yanking him from the room and slamming the door shut behind them.
He doesn't know when he's started breathing normally again, but several minutes later when he's yelling into Jaejoong's pillow until his throat is sore, he thinks he's never wanted anything so bad in his life.
When he feels he may possibly die from hunger Changmin finally decides to show himself. Jaejoong called for dinner hours ago but his shame and embarrassment got the better of him and he couldn't bring himself to face any of them. Yunho and Junsu were obviously told and Changmin tried not to cry when each of them knocked on the door, begging for him to come out and join them.
He walks slowly, somewhere in his ridiculous state of mind, hopes if he walks slower, the humiliation of facing them will be less tragic to his ego, though when he turns the corner and all four of them are sitting around the table talking, his stomach feels like it's going to fall out of his butt.
"Ah, Changmin, you must be hungry," Jaejoong says but Changmin can't look at him, only the floor which won't judge him, though he feels if it had feelings and walked in on him almost being kissed by Yoochun, it probably would. "There's dinner in the kitchen, I kept it warm for you," he says pleasantly and Changmin nods in thanks before disappearing, the heavy weight of all their eyes on his retreating form.
"I'm going to eat in my room," he mumbles to the bowl of soup, balancing rice and chicken in the other hand. When he looks up they are all looking at him with half smiles and thoughtful, adoring eyes.
Jaejoong nods with understanding, "If you'd like," he says and turns to look at Yunho before licking his lips almost… invitingly. "Leave the plates outside the door, I'll send Yoochun to get them later."
When everyone laughs Changmin flushes what could possibly be burgundy before stomping back to the room and kicking the door with a slam.
He hates them. All of them. Stupid Jaejoong with his pretty face and annoying Yunho who thinks he's funny when he really isn't and Junsu with his absurd laugh and mostly Yoochun who's too polite to look him in the eye when he sees him in the hallway on the way to the bathroom. The worst part is he can't stop thinking of what could have been. At night, when he closes his eyes he can still hear Yoochun.
"If you want me too I will… you're fucking gorgeous… we don't have to tell anyone…"
He can still see the soft sweep of his eyelashes when they lower gracefully to close. He can still feel his hand in his hair, can still feel him against his lip and he can still taste his breath against his tongue.
When Jaejoong slides into the room he pretends to sleep but when he hears gentle whispers followed by a soft unmistakable kiss, he opens his eyes slowly and sees Yunho's fingers intertwined in his ebony hair.
"Goodnight," he can hear Jaejoong breathe against his mouth and Changmin pulls his legs up against his chest, hating the way his body is reacting. "Sleep well," he moans against Yunho's lips and when Yunho rolls Jaejoong onto his back and Changmin can see the slick thrust of his tongue enter Jaejoong's mouth through the moonlight, he buries his hand under the blanket and in between his legs.
Their job prevents him from ignoring them completely and after a few days things seem to get back to normal. Yoochun jokes with him during interviews and Jaejoong makes his favorite dinner three nights in a row while Yunho and Junsu play video games against him. Yunho loses to be nice and Junsu's aggressive nature takes a back seat… until he's too close to losing the game, though his cheers of victory are less enthusiastic.
He doesn't catch any of them kissing anymore, though he finds a flushed Jaejoong and Yoochun walking suspiciously out of the bathroom together, parting immediately when Changmin makes an appearance. During a break from rehearsal Junsu can't stop smiling and Changmin catches Yunho grinning, eyes flitting between them as he helps him with a particularly intricate dance step, his hand suspiciously low on his back.
Changmin thinks they're starting to hide it from him and it makes him mad, more importantly he can't stop the envy that seems to rage unwilling through him.
He finds himself in the living room alone with Junsu one night and enjoys the pressure of his body as he presses into him while they watch a movie. Yoochun and Jaejoong are shopping and Yunho is holed in the room talking to friends.
"I love this movie," Junsu says softly and Changmin looks at him, Junsu's eyes are on him and they pierce him like he can see into his soul. "This is my favorite part," he smiles and Changmin watches as the lovers embrace at the airport, their love strong and unwavering until they kiss.
Changmin swallows heavily and tries to smile when Junsu sighs beside him. He freezes when he feels his hand rest gently against his stomach and his fingers start to play with the edge of his shirt.
"I wonder what it's like to love someone so much you can't stand the thought of leaving them behind," Junsu hums out loud.
Changmin holds his breath when the fingers dip below his shirt and touch his skin like fire. He doesn't say anything.
"I'm lucky to have everyone I love right here," Junsu talks softly and Changmin hears the words brush his ear incitingly. When he feels the pad of Junsu's thumb brush just above his pants his breath hitches and he looks at Junsu through his eyelashes.
"Maybe we should-" but Junsu turns the television off and pulls his hand from his shirt, Changmin can't help but feel the disappointment until he's pinned against the couch with Junsu on his lap.
"Yoochun's upset," he says quietly and brings his hands to Changmin's hair, weaving them like ribbons against his scalp, Changmin can feel his eyes flutter closed and as he enjoys the toying flirtation, he remembers what it's like to want again. "He really wanted too," Junsu adds and when Changmin opens his eyes Junsu is inches away, his eyes dark and wanting. "We all want too," he breathes and Changmin can feel his pulse in his ears. "If you'd just let us," he smiles.
It's suddenly very warm and Junsu's pressure is enticing the flickering need of contact Changmin's yearning to feel.
He finds his voice, though it's deep and rough. "If you want too," he whispers and when Junsu's mouth curves into a smile he hopes it will taste as sweet as it looks.
Changmin waits and shudders when Junsu's hands slide down his shoulders.
When he can hear Yoochun and Jaejoong laughing and the door starts to open he whimpers when Junsu climbs off him and opens his eyes.
His smile is sad and before they enter he smoothes the back of his hand regretfully down his cheek, "Maybe next time," he says like a promise and moves just in time to see them come in. "Did you buy me anything?"
Changmin watches from the couch as he jumps in between Yoochun and Jaejoong who look at him curiously. He can't help but feel Yoochun looking at him with something… almost sad.
Changmin decides he's not going to expect any of them to kiss him, although he thinks Yoochun stares at him a little too much and Jaejoong eyes him carefully when they seem to be alone, but he never does anything and that could be because it's not long enough, someone always seems to come around at the perfect moment of just enough time.
To calm his nerves and try to think of something other than everyone else, he shuts himself in the work room, trying to come up with lyrics that can inadvertently express his frustrations and sense of loneliness. He's working on a string of notes when the door opens and Yunho comes in, smiling kindly.
"You've been in here all day," he says and moves behind his chair. When his hands fall to his shoulders Changmin feels them tense immediately and his fingers forget what to do.
Changmin looks up at him as Yunho's hands begin to work easily into a soothing rhythm and his neck loosens up instantly. "I've got a lot on my mind," he mutters and tries to focus on the sheet music with notes he's been hoping to make sense of.
"Wanna play it for me?" he asks and continues to knead the knots between his shoulder blades and Changmin reminds himself to breaths in and out, slowly, in and out. He urges his fingers to play and when they do it's soft and sweet, a melody that seems to contradict his hidden wants and unmistakable urges. "This is really nice," Yunho comments agreeably and stops. Changmin watches from the corner of his eyes as he steers the chair to the right, pulling his hands back when he's sitting in front of Yunho who's handsome and ridiculously attentive. When his hands fall on his shoulders again Changmin feels his head fall forward against Yunho's chest and he can smell his expensive cologne intertwined in the cotton.
"How's that feel?" he asks softly, his thumbs drawing circles along his neck and Changmin closes his eyes in bliss, his heart beats in rhythm and he thinks if Yunho continues he may fall asleep.
"It feels nice," he answers and opens his eyes when Yunho crouches in front of him, his hands falling to his thighs, drawing slowly, up and down.
When Changmin sees him staring he can feel it again, the attempt and he tries not to smile because he thinks they don't care anymore but the look in Yunho's eyes and the small twitch of his lip make him think, perhaps they haven't completely given up. Deep down inside, he doesn't want them to give up.
"Are you going to kiss me now?" he asks softly as Yunho's hand caresses along his jeans and he hopes the fire flickering to life in his stomach doesn't expose his complete need of affection.
Yunho let's his hand slide up his thighs, up his arms until he cups his face and pulls him close, "Do you want me to?" he wonders and Changmin feels himself nodding without permission. "No regrets later?" he hesitates and Changmin shakes his head.
"No regrets," he whispers and sighs when Yunho's thumbs touch the side of his mouth fondly and he holds his breath when he comes closer.
"Yunho, Yoochun's looking-"
Changmin head falls forward in despair when Junsu throws the door open and bounces in. Yunho looks over his shoulder and stands up with a small smile and shake of his head.
He really can't believe his luck.
"Oh, sorry," Junsu stops quickly and his eyes bounce between them. "I just-"
Yunho stands up and ruffles Changmin hair which he finds quite patronizing considering their previous situation. "It's ok," he reaches out and Junsu slides his hand in, tugging him out the door.
"You should've locked the door," Changmin hears him say low enough to keep it between them but loud enough for Changmin to hear as they leave and Yunho laughs when the door closes behind them.
Changmin's fists clench and he kicks at his desk before getting to his feet and leaving too.
When Changmin dreams it's blurry and completely out of focus, but he hears a voice calling his name. It's always in slow motion and when he tries to move his feet they feel so heavy it takes all his strength to move them.
"Changmin."
It's not one voice who calls him and it comes from all directions, too confused to know which way to follow.
He thinks he hears Yoochun's voice calling for him, clear and loud in his ears and his heart wants to beat out of his chest and when he can finally move, running towards his voice, he wakes up before finding him behind the fog.
Jaejoong corners him in the kitchen one evening and boxes him between the sink, he looks into his eyes and there's something dark in them. "What is it?" he speaks slowly, rolling the words in his mouth before saying them out loud.
Changmin's throat dries painfully and he wonders if he can speak. When he does, it tears at his throat. "What?" he asks and presses himself away.
When Jaejoong's face softens and he smiles beautifully it makes his knees weak. "What is it about you that drives us crazy?" he laughs a little and curls his fingers along the sink, pulling himself so close Changmin has to look way before feeling like he's going to faint. "We tried so hard to avoid it," he whispers and Changmin's heart skips a beat. "We wanted too," he licks his lips and is close enough to do it, to kiss him. "Yoochun didn't want us to," he admits and hearing his name seizes all air in Changmin's lungs and he slumps against Jae who brings his arms around his shoulders.
"You're fucking gorgeous"
Yoochun's voice weaves around his ears like a song and he leans in a little closer into his strength.
"We don't have to tell anyone."
"Where's Yoochun?" he asks against Jaejoong's shoulder and Jaejoong pulls him away and he looks at him, searching in his eyes before smiling and hugging him again.
"I think I know now," he runs a hand down Changmin's back before holding him close and respectively moving away. "We're not supposed to kiss you," he smiles a little sadly and Changmin doesn't feel as sad as he thinks he should. He just wants to see Yoochun. "He's on the balcony," he steps aside and Changmin walks away, his heart beating like he's in love.
It’s always been Yoochun.
He's always there, with Jaejoong the night Junsu tried, with Yunho, Yoochun was looking for him. Yoochun didn't want them to kiss him and made sure they wouldn’t, even in his dreams his voice calls him the loudest.
It's always been Yoochun.
When he opens the door, Yoochun's sitting on a chair, looking at the bright city lights below them. His hair rustles with the wind and his eyes are soft when they turn and see him.
"It's cold out here, you should get a jacket," he tells him but he isn't wearing one either and Changmin closes the door behind him and sits on the empty seat beside him.
"I like the cold," he responds and looks out into the darkness with him.
They're quiet, sitting together in silence that seems almost too comfortable.
"I've stopped kissing them," Yoochun speaks first and his words carry with the wind that swirls around Changmin like a blanket of emotion. "It's not the same," he swallows and reaches for a cigarette. Changmin grabs the box and crushes them in his hand, ignoring the sigh beside him.
"You should stop," he says and throws the crumpled pack aside, "It's ruining your voice," he adds and turns his head to catch the smile on his face and despite the cold, he feels warm.
It takes a moment before he speaks again. "I dream that I’m looking for you, that I'm calling your name," he confesses without looking at him.
Yoochun doesn't have to look at him for Changmin to feel like his heart is going to pump out of his chest, an overwhelming sense of happiness captures every inch of his body and it feels perfect, feels like he's been waiting for a long time.
"I dream about finding you," Changmin tells him and when Yoochun turns and looks at him, with reinforced confidence, he stands up and pulls Yoochun to his feet. "Find me," he whispers, his body tingling from head to tow, flames of absolute desire warming his center to the core and he can't feel the cold, he only wants to feel Yoochun.
When Yoochun's hands touch his face and pull him so close they're breathing together Changmin knows he'll finally get what he's wanted most since seeing them, since hoping someone would kiss him the same way.
Changmin thinks Yoochun's mouth is perfect, lips so soft they melt against him and when he licks inside and slides his tongue against his, it's like ethereal silk.
Changmin knows instantly, he's addicted.
Before he pulls away, taking his breath with him, Changmin can feel his heart telling him there's nothing more perfect in this life as the feeling of this long awaited moment. He holds onto it for as long as he can before letting his eyes open and seeing an adoration that consumes whatever sensation he has left in his body.
"It took you long enough," Changmin catches his breath and brushes Yoochun's hair back, his fingers running intimately against his cheek.
"I was waiting for the perfect time," he laughs deeply and licks his lips, Changmin hopes he can still taste him. "Let's go inside," he grabs his hand and pulls him along.
They hear a loud crash and even louder cries before they get to the door and when Yoochun opens it Jaejoong, Yunho and Junsu lay in a pile of tangled limbs and mortified red faces on the floor.
"It was his idea," Junsu points to Jaejoong who kicks him hard in the stomach.
Changmin hides his smile and steps over Yunho who's holding his leg in pain and follows Yoochun into the bedroom.
When Changmin dreams he doesn't hear the voices calling for him anymore but he sees a blurry figure that seems to come into focus the closer it gets and when he walks, it’s easy.
"You told me to find you."
And when he kisses him everything else fades into black.
[Master Fic List]