Entry 12 - FF - 01

[gompi]

[FF-01]



Title: Divining Belonging
Pairing(s): Changmin POV, OT5
Summary: If you travel around the world in search of home, is
it really the place you're looking for or those lost kindred spirits
you hope to connect with?
Author's Notes: Though research was conducted to ensure some
modicum of accuracies, please note that this is a work of fiction and
therefore, I have taken some small liberties. Thank you very much for
reading and I hope you enjoy!

Shanghai, China
June of 2000
Age: 12

The van is cramped and the smell of cigarettes lingers on the
cushions. Changmin's mother has a disgruntled face on while she
fiddles with the vents of the AC, but Changmin has his nose pressed
against the glass, staring out at the foreign landscape.

It feels like the countryside instead of one of the largest cities in
China. Dirt fields spread out on both sides of the road with the
occasional house dotting the horizon. But soon, there are more
buildings, small apartments with bamboo scaffolding, and half-finished
construction sites, until skyscrapers and byways populate the view.

It's his first time traveling overseas, a special vacation with his
father having a business meeting in Shanghai. Their flight wasn't too
long though Jiyeon kept fidgeting and wanting to take off her seat
belt. She's sleeping now, blessedly quiet and Changmin is relieved
that he can observe the landscape in silence.

He stares at the buildings that pass by them, a mix of modern and
traditional, as taxis and bicycles weave in and out of traffic. The
taxi driver tells them that they've finally arrived and Changmin steps
out in the humid summer air. The hotel lobby is blissfully air
conditioned and cool, with a grand curved staircase flanking the sides
of the front desk.

He carefully unpacks, putting his clothes in the assigned drawer his
mother chooses. His father tells him that they're going on a walking
tour and to make sure he takes care of his younger sister. To be
honest, he'd much rather eat, but he nods dutifully and tells Jiyeon
to get ready.

They walk and Changmin can't help staring at everything. He sees some
English and hanja everywhere, making him wish he had paid closer to
attention in his classes or taken the initiative to learn more. But
he tries to make out the best he can with what he remembers. The tour
is somewhat fast moving so Changmin has to push Jiyeon a bit to make
sure they don't lose their guide.

"Oh look!" His sister suddenly yanks her friend free to squat down
and pick up a forgotten flower hairpin.

"Jiyeon, don't pick that up. It could be dirty. Come on, we're going
to lose them," Changmin reprimands, holding out his hand. "Throw it
away."

"But I want to keep it! Can't I keep it? Look how pretty it is,"
Jiyeon begs as she pouts.
"You don't know whose it is and it might belong to someone else. You
should leave it there so they can find it again. Haven't you lost
things before and then you're sad to find it's not there anymore?"
Changmin's getting impatient and he looks nervously to make sure he
can still see their tour group up ahead.

Jiyeon worries her lip. "I guess so... Fine. But oppa, you have to
buy me a flower hairpin, okay?"

Changmin's getting a bit more annoyed so he hurriedly answers, "Yes,
yes, okay, but only if you're good and listen to your oppa. Now, hold
my hand, we need to catch up to the --"

But Changmin stops. He doesn't see the group anywhere and he
frantically looks up, trying to see if they've simply gone ahead.
Panicking inside, he tries to stay calm, knowing he has to be the
leader for his sister.

"Catch up to?" Jiyeon cocks her head.

"Uh, to the group. So let's just go straight ahead, okay?" Changmin
finds himself nervously smiling while Jiyeon simply nods.

He makes them walk a rather fast pace, ducking and weaving, trying to
peer over adults to try and find the group. But he really can't find
them (he wonders how he could have lost such a big group) and
swallows. Did they go into a store? Or a restaurant? He checks his
watch and it's almost noon according to Korea time. So it's not quite
lunch time here (he remembers his dad explaining that China has a
different time) but he's still hungry. He tries to restrain that
thought, but his stomach grumbles anyway. Should he try and retrace
their steps, go back to the hotel? He scans around, trying to see if
there's some sort of police station, but they're next to some big
garden which looks like a big maze.

He looks behind them, trying to recall if they passed any police
stations. But all he remembers are lots of storefronts and
restaurants.

"Oppa? I'm tired. Where is umma and appa?" Jiyeon tugs at his
shirt, looks up at him in slight distress.

Changmin sees some old people doing tai chi and some benches. It
can't be that unsafe if the old people are there, right?

"They're just a little bit more ahead of us, Jiyeon. Here, we can
take a rest on this bench, okay? Oppa's here." Changmin sits on the
bench, wondering what to do. The best would be to either find a
police station or find the hotel. Hotel... Changmin closes his eyes,
thinking back on getting off the taxi. Okay, there were big silver
letters in English, and the building has some weird things coming out
from the top... he snaps his eyes open. He remembers the name. He
grabs his notebook and pen out of his bag and hurriedly writes it down
before he forgets.

"Oppa, I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?" Jiyeon tugs at him again.

Changmin sighs. He doesn't have any money, and his mom wouldn't let
him pack all the snacks he wanted just in case. But he looks through
his bag and manages to scourge up some candies and gum.

"We'll eat as soon as we find them okay? Here, you can have this. I
know you like strawberry, right?" Changmin knows that if Jiyeon
starts to miss their mom too much, she'll start to cry and Changmin
doesn't know if he wouldn't be able to not cry either.

"Strawberry! Thanks oppa!" She sucks on the lollipop contentedly,
swinging her legs on the bench.

Well, at least that will hold her for now. Changmin picks the gum
instead, wanting to save the candies for his sister. At least he can
keep on chewing the gum for a long time. He hopes it will stave off
his hunger pangs for the moment.

A round bouncy ball suddenly pops out from the hedges, bright red, as
it rolls towards their bench. Jiyeon is distracted by something else
and is looking away, but Changmin notices and he stops the ball with
his foot.

"Junsuyah, you're too strong! What are you doing?" A boy, looking a
bit older than Changmin, pushes through the bushes as he sees the ball
and Changmin.

"Oh! Thanks! Um. Uh. What was it... xie xie! um, xie xie?" the boy
stumbles to say and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Korean. It's Korean. Changmin could almost cry with relief.

"I'm Korean! You're Korean too??" He can't help shouting a little
bit and Jiyeon looks at her brother and this oppa in curiosity.

"Y-yeah!" the boy laughs. "Sorry, my dongsaeng Junsu, he gets carried
away with soccer. Our parents just moved here and we play a lot in
this park. The like that museum. I'm Junho, Kim Junho." Junho
points to himself. "Who are you?"

"Shim Changmin. This is my sister, Jiyeon." Jiyeon hides a little
behind Changmin's long legs and peeks at Junho, who smiles at her.

"Hyung, I'm just too good--. Who're they?" Another boy, shorter, with
large eyes steps out and stares at Changmin and Jiyeon openly.

"Junsu, you're lucky you didn't hit them. They're Korean! This is
Shim Changmin and his sister, Jiyeonssi."

"Really?! Wait, that means we can have more people to play soccer
with! Right, hyung?" Junsu beams bright and Changmin wonders if this
"Junsu" character lives on soccer.

"Yah dongsaeng, aren't you hungry? We should get some food. Oh, did
you guys want to eat something? We usually get these amazing
dumplings from this stand called Jia Jia Tang Bo. Funny name huh?
Anyway, they're so good!"

Changmin is very hungry at this point and warm dumplings sound
incredibly tempting. But he needs to be polite and he really should
try and go back to their hotel.

"That sounds really good, but uh. We don't have money and--"

"Hyung will buy for all of us! Right, hyung?" Junsu grins at Junho and
Changmin's reminded of Jiyeon when she wants something very badly.

"Well, I am the oldest yeah? How old are you?"

"I'm 12. Jiyeon's 6."

"Okay. Junsu's actually the same age as you, but I'm older than him.
Hyung will take care of you all," Junho offers graciously.

"Yay! Changminah, do you like soccer? You love it, right? You
should come play with us every day? Did you move here--" Junsu
latches on to Changmin's arm, which Changmin flinches at slightly.
He's never been the most touchy-feely person and he doesn't have close
friends.

"Junsu, now now. Let's walk so we can get there faster. Jiyeonnie?
You want to hold my hand or your oppa's?" Jiyeon looks at them both,
silently asking Changmin if it's okay. Changmin nods; he's usually
pretty good about guessing people's character and these two seem
friendly enough.

---

The dumplings are amazing and Changmin wants more, he could eat 20 kg
of them, but he restrains himself. Also, the line is still insane and
he highly doubts that anyone would appreciate him taking fifty of
them. He can't help staring at Junsu, who eats just as fast, if not
faster than Changmin (a first in his life). Junho just laughs along
and Jiyeon seems to really like him. She tends to be shy around new
people, but she sits next to Junho, eating everything quietly.
Changmin is glad. Junho seems like the reliable hyung he always
wanted in his life, though there's something distant about him. He's
friendly enough, but Changmin doesn't quite feel like he could get
close to him.

Junsu is another story entirely. He's loud, raucous, energetic, and
has a tendency to make horrible jokes and laugh at them himself.
Changmin doesn't know how Junho deals with it -- at this point, he's
desperate to get back to the hotel.

Yet Changmin can read him like an open book. Everything seems so
clear and he falls into a habit of teasing him so easily that Changmin
almost wonders if they've met before. He's enjoying it a little bit
too much though when he fails to realize that Junsu is becoming more
and more quiet and Junho furrows his brow.

"Oppa..." Jiyeon pulls at his sleeve. Changmin immediately feels
guilty. He's gotten food from them and yet this is how he treats
them.
"Sorry. I. I go too far. My mother always tells me." Changmin looks down.

"Hey, it's okay! No worries," Junho says. "Right Junsu?"

Junsu nods slowly, before an idea seems to pop in his head. "Where do
you live? We're staying in a hotel right now, but umma and appa are
working on our house. It's going to be big!"

Changmin suddenly remembers that they shouldn't be sitting here
talking; their parents are probably worried sick and they need to get
back to the hotel, right away.
"Uh, actually, we need to go back to our hotel. Do you... just a
second," Changmin starts to rummage through his bag until he
victoriously pulls out the sheet. "Do you know where this is?"

Junho and Junsu both peer carefully at the paper when their eyes widen.

"That's where we're staying."

---

Changmin expects a harsh reprimanding and scolding, but his mother is
in tears and hugs them both tightly while his father looks utterly
relieved and thankful. Changmin keeps his mouth shut about Jiyeon,
even though she starts to say something, he interrupts her and tells
them that they simply lost view of them when they looked away for a
second.

In either case, his parents decide that they should stay at the hotel
and not do anything more for the rest of the day. Changmin can't help
the bit of annoyance -- yes, he's glad they're back too, but they're
safe now and there's still plenty of hours left in the day. He looks
out longingly at the skyscape from their hotel window when there's a
knock at their door.

"Um, hi, um--"

"Boys! Thank you so much again for helping our Changminnie and
Jiyeonnie. I can't tell you how thankful I am. Come in, come in, I
know it's a bit small."

Changmin turns his head around to see Junho and Junsu standing,
fidgeting a bit awkwardly. He brightens and wonders why they've come.

"I, I mean, Junsu and I. We wanted to know if Changminsshi and
Jiyeonsshi wanted to play in our room? We won't go out, we'll be in
room 1563 and you can always call us?" Junho asks politely.

"Please?" Junsu has the perfect puppy dog eyes that Changmin almost gags.

"Well, I don't know, it's been a crazy day..." His mother looks a bit
frazzled and doesn't seem to want to let them out of her sight.

"Yeobo, maybe they can just stay here and play? We do have two rooms
and we can leave the connecting door slightly open?" His father seems
a bit more understanding and apologetic about the whole situation.

"That's a good idea. Boys, is that okay with you? You can bring your
toys or games in that room if you like. I'll order some room service.
Now Changmin and Jiyeon, make sure to play nice," she tells them
before gently pushing them towards the other room.

---

By the end of the week, Changmin finds himself being best friends with
Junsu. They've found a joint love (or rather, an intense rivalry) for
Mario Kart and Bleach on the DS. Changmin's just a little bit better
at Mario Kart while Junsu is a tad better at Bleach. But it's often
so close that they go at it for hours while Junho plays with Jiyeon,
reading books and playing with her toys.

Changmin eventually got to explore more of Shanghai, though his mother
insists on holding his hand, which is rather embarrassing at the age
of 12. But he accepts it if he can see the Huangpu river, the parks,
the walkways, the Oriental Pearl TV Tower, D-Mall and restaurants. He
writes everything in his notebook and he always talks to Junsu every
night, sometimes in his room, sometimes in Junsu's.

They realize on the very last day that Junsu actually used to live in
Seoul, in the neighborhood right next to Changmin's. It's strange
that for the first time, Changmin finally starts to understand why
people don't like farewells or goodbyes. Or at least, he finds it to
be more painful than usual.

Junsu and Junho and his parents are waving them goodbye as they board
the shuttle taxi. Junsu starts to yell at him but the door closes, so
he rolls the window down, yelling back at him. For once, his mother
doesn't scold him as he promises to e-mail Junsu, to stay in touch,
and to get together again in Seoul.

Changmin keeps waving until the speed of the van is too fast and he
fears his arm will get cut off by the slightly reckless driver. He
can't see Junsu too clearly anyway; he can barely manage to make out a
one-inch speck.
He doesn't notice that his eyes are a bit wet.

Paris, France.
July of 2004
Age: 16

Even from the start, when he realizes who is going, Changmin feels
that something bad is going to happen. But he hadn't wanted to go
study abroad for a whole year and going during the summer seemed like
the perfect amount of time.

He sighs. He's still sitting in the airplane as they currently taxi
to their gate. The flight was long, cramped, and Changmin can't wait
to stretch out his legs. The only good thing was that he had been
assigned a window seat so he hadn't needed to move for bathroom users.

There's only two people he'd consider talking to in their entire
group. The rest tends to be the popular type or jocks, mostly
interested in going to France to party and drink.

Him? He wants to explore something different, see the artistic city,
and taste a bit of Europe.

He cranes his head to look out of the small window. But the
plexiglass is scratched up and he can't see much except for the
tarmac.

Finally, they land and head towards the baggage claim carousels.
Changmin gets distracted along the way staring at the intricate
Charles de Gaulle airport architecture before one of his teachers
clears her throat and motions for him to come quickly.

He groans when they're shuttled onto a train to travel south. The
only positive is that he's able to actually sleep in these seats. He
jolts awake when a teacher comes by and taps his shoulder.

They step out in the twilight where he's soon introduced to his host
mother (Juliette), his host father (Henri), and his host brother
(Benoit). He's not sure how it will all go, but classes start
tomorrow and he hopes everything goes well despite what he felt
initially.

---

He hates being here.

Well, no, he loves his host family, he likes the classes, the food is
great, and the landscape is amazing.

He hates being a foreigner with a whole group of clearly
foreign-looking people here. Most of his classmates don't even try
speaking French when they go out on excursions, speaking Korean,
pointing at things, laughing, taking silly photos, and being rude. He
doesn't like it. The locals soon learn to distrust the large group of
Korean high schoolers and Changmin is frustrated. Didn't they pay and
apply to go here, on this trip? To learn French? To understand the
culture?

He finally gets so fed up with it that he stops going with them after
school and on the weekend to go on his own adventures. His grammar is
getting much better, but he still has trouble pronouncing certain
words and he works hard to listen to the people speak, let the sound
wash over him again and again.

It feels great and absolutely liberating to be on his own. He loves
being able to decide that today, he will go to that museum and he can
take the Métro and just GO. He snaps photos everywhere, organizing
them each night and carefully typing up details with date, time, and
location.

On Tuesday, his teachers tell them during lunch break that they will
be going to Paris for a few days. He brightens up immediately,
wondering if they'll be able to see the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de
Triomphe, the Louvre, Montmartre, and of course, the Seine. Later
that day, they're given an itinerary with everything Changmin wanted
to visit, including a few others.

When he checks his e-mail that night, his mother tells him that his
father is going to Paris in a few days. She mentions that Jiyeon
misses him and hopes that his studies are going well.
'Your father wants to know if your schedule lets you have dinner out.
I think he has some grand design to take you to a fancy restaurant in
the city.'

Changmin almost shouts out loud in glee before remembering where he
is. A trip and dinner to the grand city. It's going to be perfect.

---

He can't believe how many photographs he's taken and he has to open up
another account online to upload the new batch. The hustle and bustle
of people, the smells from the cafes, the alleyways of cobblestone
streets fill his senses and he wonders how to capture all of it with
simply a camera and a notebook. He hears someone singing 'Aux
Champs-Élysées, aux Champs-Élysées' and the phrase sticks in his head,
repeating itself during the day.

Changmin calls his father to let him know Sunday is open and his
father decides on La Tour d'Argent. Changmin's eyes widen when he
investigates the restaurant online, and he suggests that maybe lunch
would be better? He knows his father doesn't mind the occasional
extravagance, but even for food, Changmin doesn't feel quite right.
When they arrive at the 'Silver Tower,' Changmin feels like he's
stepped into some extravagant, decadent fantasy. They're seated with
an incredible view of the city, where Changmin can see Notre Dame, the
Île de la Cité, and even the Eiffel Tower.

There's a slight awkward moment when asked if they are Japanese or
need Japanese translation. Changmin says they're Korean, which causes
some sort of shuffle. He's not sure what to make of it but he doesn't
think back to it until their server comes, along with a guy who
doesn't look much older than Changmin. His eyes are very large and
there's a coldness about him. He looks Asian but his hair is bleached
completely blonde, almost white, while his pupils are blue.

'He will serve as my interpreter,' their server says in French. 'We
want to provide the utmost service and we pride ourselves in making
our guests as comfortable as possible.'

Changmin tries to explain that he can speak French, that he even
studied the menu beforehand, but the server insists and the guy coolly
translates each item. Despite his dyed hair and the tattoo Changmin
can see peeking from his sleeve, he has to admit that this interpreter
is pretty good.

His name is Kim Jaejoong. Changmin can see he's a little awkward and
some sharp glances are thrown his way when he bumps into other
servers. Changmin watches, noticing that he seems to have a nervous
habit of pulling at his hair or glancing at the mirror. But when
their eyes meet, Changmin looks away, not quite sure what to make of
this seemingly enigmatic character.

Why is he here? Why is he working at this job? How did he get the
job, considering he seems more fitting at some club or bar? It makes
him so curious that for once, his food become second in his mind.

He excuses himself to go to the restroom, noting that even here, no
expense is spared. He's splashing water on his face when he hears the
door open and a voice calling to him in Korean.

Of course, it's Jaejoong. Changmin looks at him, water dripping,
wondering what he wants.

"You uh, around for a few days? I don't get to talk to many Koreans.
I actually work downstairs. But they just pulled me up today because
they wanted to show you guys that we had interpreters, even for
Koreans. Funny, isn't it? Anyway, yeah. I get off at like 2am, but
you free Monday? I miss speaking Korean, you know? We could meet up
here tomorrow, I can take you to some cool places you don't always see
on the tours and things."

Changmin turns it over in his head. It would be nice to get something
different, and something about Jaejoong makes him curious, intrigued.

"Sure. But what about the restaurant?" Changmin asks.

"Oh, it's only open Wednesday to Sunday. Do you want to meet here
like around noon? Yeah?" Jaejoong looks very excited and he finally
quirks a smile, somewhat shyly. Changmin blinks at the change in
demeanor.

"Yeah, okay. Um. I'll see you then," Changmin manages to respond.

"Great. You should go back soon, they're waiting for you to sit back
down so they can introduce desert. Which means, I'll be there soon
too," Jaejoong sighs a little. "I really don't get it. I mean, I
don't mind going up, but you know, I wanted to be here to learn about
food and cooking and instead I'm washing dishes. Anyway, your French
is great."

Changmin surprises himself by laughing and Jaejoong joins him, though
he covers his mouth, an almost dainty mannerism that doesn't seem to
fit his character.

---

After an hour of walking with Jaejoong, Changmin feels like he's just
met Junsu's long lost cousin. They both have a tendency to ramble and
talk when they think of something and they make odd statements or
weird jokes. But Jaejoong is flashier, more spontaneous, and tends to
hit when Changmin gets too sarcastic. Changmin doesn't hold back and
they find themselves slapping each other on the arm while exploring
the sewers, wandering the Père Lachaise to find famous gravestones,
and staring at all the animals on display at Deyrolle, a taxidermist
shop.

Changmin learns that Jaejoong was actually adopted along with four
sisters. His Korean has a bit of a dialect, something he falls into
easily when he gets excited about something. They gripe about looking
Korean in France and the best foods they've eaten. Jaejoong talks
about his hope to eventually become a chef, that becoming a busby was
just the first step into the door.

They're wandering about a park when Changmin begins to notice that
there are quite a few couples walking and sitting on benches. He
feels a bit self-conscious, but tries to brush it off, thinking it's
only his imagination. He sneaks a glance at Jaejoong, who's become
oddly quiet.

Their eyes meet. Changmin quickly looks away.

"So... when are you leaving Paris?" Jaejoong asks as they keep
walking down the gravel path.

"In three days. But I have to be with my school group at 5 today and
then we go back south. I'll be back in Korea at the end of the
month," Changmin replies, a bit wistfully. Though he'll be glad to go
home and see his family again, he's liked having this space by
himself, a bit of independence, a bit of air.

Jaejoong looks at his watch and then grabs Changmin's wrist, pulling
him suddenly.

"What are you doing?" Changmin exclaims, wincing at Jaejoong's strength.

"That doesn't leave us much time for us to go my favorite secret cafe.
Come on!" He leads authoritatively, walking entirely too fast for a
summer's day in a French park.

Changmin would protest after being forcibly dragged for twenty blocks,
ducking into alleyways and finally climbing a twisty, curving metal
staircase that leads them to a cute small cafe with large windows that
open out to the city.

"The look on your face tells me that it was worth it. Right? Right?"
Jaejoong looks very smug and cocky.

Changmin closes his mouth. "It's nice. As far as French cafes go.
Really, this the best you can do?" Changmin's fighting hard not to
laugh but Jaejoong takes sarcasm even more childishly than Junsu and
the faces he makes are too great to miss.

"Well, I'll just have to make it memorable then," Jaejoong declares
with a huff and before Changmin can understand what he means, a soft
press of lips against his startles him to stilled shock. "Well?"

Changmin knows he's bright red.

"Y-y-yah!"

Jaejoong is laughing, so hard, and he seems to forget to use his hand,
letting his mouth open wide for all the world to see as sunlight
reflects off his hair.
Changmin can't quite get himself to hate Jaejoong. Completely.

Maybe Paris is the city of love, as cliché as it sounds.

Boston, USA
August of 2006
Age: 18

The humid, wet heat clings to his body, his clothes until Changmin
feels like he's bathing in sweat. Freshmen are all around him,
hauling furniture and suitcases. He's not doing much better, trying
to figure out where his dorm is in the maze of red buildings on the
quad.

"Hey, you need help?" A guy comes up to him and Changmin struggles
not to oggle openly at the shirtless man. "Where are you trying to
go?"

Changmin looks back at the sheet of paper.

"Winthrop?"

The man nods. "Got it! Here, I'll show you. I'm Yunho Jung.
Welcome! You can call me U-know too, if it makes it easier to
remember my name. You know? Hahah. Anyway."

Changmin cocks his head, not quite sure if he should laugh or groan.
But he brightens.

"You are Korean, yes? I am too! Changmin. Ah, Changmin Shim,"
Changmin says, feeling a bit awkward not saying his last name first.

"Really?" Yunho switches over to Korean. "Great! I'll definitely
show you around. Though, we should speak English. No point in coming
here if you just speak your own language, at least, that's what I
say."

Changmin nods. He's beginning to like this Yunho character.

And he admits, his looks too.

---

Yunho takes him around campus, pointing out the best places to eat and
the places to avoid studying. They end up grabbing falafel at a local
cafe and wandering about the square, where Yunho treats him to Ben &
Jerry's ice cream. There's lots of funky stores like Black Ink and
the international bookstore. But Changmin's immediate favorite is
Burdick's. The smell of rich chocolate is redolent in the air and the
lemon chocolate cake tastes phenomenal.
"Central Square, Davis Square, and Porter Square are all great places
to wander too. You can just walk all along Mass Ave or take the bus.
You could bike, but Boston drivers, I don't know. I wouldn't trust
them, hahah."

Changmin gets introduced to some of Yunho's buddies, mostly involved
in sailing. Yunho tells him he should join.

"I hate to tell it to you, but you should find some club you want to
join. You can't really make friends otherwise," Yunho advises.

"What about classes?" Changmin wonders.

"Dongsaeng, classmates are competition here. It's cutthroat and
everyone's trying to reach the top. Better to find friends in other
areas," Yunho continues.

Well, Changmin can relate to that. His high school classes were
definitely competitive.

---

Changmin's roommates aren't the most sociable of people. They tend to
be reserved and one of them does sports, so he's rarely in the room.
The other one is an engineer, often holed up in the lab.

But Yunho's been great and he's met a lot of interesting people
through him. He wasn't sure what it would be like, if he would have
to study all the time, but so far, he's enjoying it, despite the
cliques that are starting to form. It's nothing new really -- so long
as he enjoys himself and does well, he doesn't really care. If
anything, he competes with himself, and not other people.

Yunho tells him that he'll need it if he wants to be successful here.
Yunho also lets him know that the first ones to crack? Are the ones
that can't play hard and work hard.
Changmin wonders if he can just work hard and play... a little. He
doesn't quite trust himself to not take it too far.

---

The trees are changing color and October soon rolls around. Yunho
asks him if he wants to go out on the Charles and also lets him know
that the Regatta, a major competition, is coming up soon.
"The river? Sailing?"

"Yeah, I feel like going out and it's nice to have another person
there. Plus, you can help me," Yunho smiles.

"Ah, I see how it is. You just want my labor hyung." Changmin raises
an eyebrow.

"No, that's not true, I want your company. And I thought you'd like a
tour from the river," Yunho protests, though he is turning a bit red.

"Oh, my mistake. You want to go out on a date?" Changmin is feeling
especially playful today; he had done quite well on a quiz and proved
three students wrong in class, so he's on a roll.

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

---

The Boston skyline spread across them, where the tall glass John
Hancock Tower and Prudential Tower peer at top. He can see the
golden-domed State House and the outside concert hall of the Hatch
Shell, along with the lights from Fenway Park.

They pass by MIT, the eponymous domed building coming up into their
view. He can see the runners and cyclists along the Esplanade and
captures some with his camera. Yunho asks him if he always carries
his camera and Changmin answers yes.

"I've brought my camera with me everywhere. China, Paris, anywhere I
go. And now, here," Changmin explains, carefully covering the lens
with the cover. "I like being able to look back on memories. Have
them marked in another way and not just in here." Changmin points to
his brain.

Yunho leans back before posing in a horribly clichéd pose complete
with two v-signs and a cheesy grin.

"Take one," he commands.

"I don't take photos of my friends," Changmin quietly comments. "I
want them just for me, inside."

Yunho stops and puts down his hands.

"Okay. Just us then," Yunho declares. "Our secret."

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Spring of 2009
Age: 21

He'd be lying if he expected himself to partake in such a... well,
time-honored classic. But Junsu's stories about Brazil made him so
envious that he was determined to go. He just hadn't expected the
opportunity to be during spring break.
The whole trip first came about ostensibly as an internship, but upon
arriving, the directors tell him that it's been re-scheduled for
later. They do set him up in a very nice location with easy access to
the South Zone and the famous Copacabana beach. He does some filing
in the morning and organizing, but otherwise, his afternoons and
nights are completely free to roam and tour with the other interns.
The sand is a lot hotter than he expects and he hurriedly put his flip
flops back on. He takes a photo of the swirling black and white
sidewalk, sinuous and winding along.

They climb hundreds of steps up to see the famous Cristo Redentor
statue with his arms outstretched. Changmin takes more photos, the
view an amazing sight where he can capture the mountain Pão de Açúcar
where he can just make out a cable car that carries passengers up and
down. One of the interns jokes, telling him that if he takes too many
pictures, he won't be living it. Changmin laughs, brushing it off.
He'll enjoy plenty once he's settled down a bit.

---

Though most don't know, Changmin does drink, albeit not too often and
mostly because Yunho like having a drinking buddy.

In either case, he's currently on his fifth caiprinha and feeling a
bit tipsy. The other interns are dancing, but he prefers to sit at
the booth, watch the crowd, see the bodies flash in and out as the
strobes rotate. Yunho had told him that one of his high school
friends worked here, but Changmin hasn't seen anyone besides his group
that could remotely pass for Korean.

The waitress hasn't come by in a while and his throat feels dry.
Standing up a bit too quickly, he braces himself against the wall
before slowly pushing himself through towards the bar. It helps to be
taller and he tries to find a bartender that isn't too busy.

He catches the eye of a guy who looks entirely too well dressed in a
black button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows and a skinny white
tie. It takes a minute for Changmin to also realizes that the guy
looks rather Asian. Korean, in fact.
He often isn't so bold or direct, but he blames the alcohol and
immediately blurts out, "Park Yoochun?"

The bartender can't quite hear him over the blare of the music, so he
shout it again rather loudly, startling some of the other bar patrons.

Yoochun's eyes widen and he nods slowly, all the while staring at
Changmin, as if to try and recognize him.

"Yunho's friend! College," Changmin yells, hoping the message goes
through. Yoochun snaps his fingers and nods more enthusiastically.
He leans over to whisper to one of the other bartenders and motions
Changmin to go to the side of the bar.

Pressing against more bodies and sweat, Changmin makes it to the end
where Yoochun motions him towards the back. They walk through a
skinny, dark alleyway (Changmin wondering for a moment if something
terrible is going to happen, like in all those CSI episodes he's been
marathoning, but he tries to assure himself that this is Yunho's
friend) until a door creaks open and the night air greets them.
Yoochun leaves the door propped with a brick and he motions for them
to sit on the plastic lawn chairs that have been set up.

"Hey, sorry about that. I know it gets crazy in there. But shit, you
know Yunho? Really? Does he still use that stupid nickname 'U-know?'
I told him he should quit it, but man, sometimes... well, you know.
He gets an idea in his head and goes off. Anyway, you know me, Park
Yoochun. What's your name?" Yoochun offers him a piece of gum, but
Changmin declines. "Trying to not get back into smoking. Nervous
habit and all."

"I'm Shim Changmin. He told me you worked here, but I wasn't sure.
And yeah, he does still use it sometimes, says it helps anyone who
doesn't speak Korean remember his name better. I don't really know,"
Changmin laughs (giggles? He fears it came out as giggles). "I was
suppose, supposed to do work here. But seems like I'm more the
classic spring break college student right now."

"Well, enjoy as much of it as you can. I came down here for my
girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend. She models and things and I do
music. But I bartend to keep up with the bills and she used to
waitress." Yoochun starts to play with the piece of paper from his
gum piece. "Didn't work out though. She met someone else and I've
been here longer that I should be. But I like it down here. People
are nice, things are relaxed, and it has nice weather."

Changmin nods in what he hopes is a sympathetic manner. He doesn't
quite know what to say.

"Sorry," he mumbles, not wanting to seem completely inconsiderate.
Yoochun gives him a bitter smile. "Hey, not your fault. And Yunho's
hooking me up with some business leads. I've already gotten some good
reactions to some demos so hopefully, you know? Anyway. What have
you done in Rio already? How's 'U-know' these days? Still chasing
the girls?" Yoochun jokes.

Changmin doesn't quite not choke. "Uh. Well. He um."

Yoochun claps his hands and starts to laugh. "Wait, wait, don't tell
me. He finally figured it out, right? See, I always thought to
myself about it, and I was waiting for him to figure it out. He's a
great guy, just not always the quickest in certain parts, if you know
what I mean. I always sort of hoped... well. In either case. You
his boyfriend?" Yoochun leers a bit and Changmin wants to shrink into
his chair.

"Not really, no. Uh. He's confused," Changmin says, sighing a bit.
One of the last days of graduation and too much partying had led to an
awkward moment of discovering Yunho and another student (male) kissing
rather enthusiastically. Yunho, of course, hadn't remembered when
Changmin confronted him afterwards.

"Great." Yoochun shakes his head and frowns. "Well, he will get
there, he knows what's right in the end."

"No," Changmin answers. "It's okay. I don't want to wait, anyway."
Changmin makes his mind right then and there.

"Ah, you don't want to, is that so..." Yoochun gets up and holds out
his hand. "Well, I've been eying since you sat down at the booth
inside. You wanna dance? I'll teach you if you don't. I'm very
good."

On any other person, Changmin would proclaim that such sleazy lines of
innuendo are too tacky. But Yoochun seems to drawl them out, his
husky voice wrapping itself around Changmin, making him shiver.

"I'd be happy too."

---

Along with beach parties and excessive drinking, Changmin can now
check off that he has indulged in sexual activities with a (semi)
stranger during spring break. Or at least, that's what he concludes
in panic after waking up. He's startled by a big fluffy dog licking
insistently at his face in a strange bed in an unfamiliar house. He's
completely undressed save for his underwear and all he can remember of
last night is talking to... Yoo... Yoochun. Park Yoochun. Yunho's
friend. The one with the voice. His cheeks feel hot and Changmin
shakes his head to clear his thoughts.

He looks around and notices pills and a glass of water with a note.
'Take these, it'll make you feel better. And don't worry, you
undressed yourself. Nothing happened. I'm sleeping on the couch."

Changmin exhales. He grabs his t-shirt and pulls it on, before
padding over to the living room.

Yoochun is tightly hugging a pillow, hair mussed and blankets askew.
The scene is entirely too cute and Changmin immediately wants to hit
himself for even thinking a grown man as cute. But he can't help it.
"Yoochunah, you have to drive me to the airport, you promised and--"
the door opens on the other side and Changmin jaw drops.

"Jaejoong hyung?! What are you, wait, aren't you supposed to be in
Paris? I don't. Ow. My brain hurts." Changmin massages his temples.

Jaejoong nervously laughs. "C-Changmin. Nice to see you. Um. Let me explain."

---

After hitting Yoochun awake and actually making him wake up with the
smell of freshly brewed coffee, Jaejoong tells Changmin that he's been
trying to learn new flavors and ingredients and he was on a trip
through the Amazon. He had needed a place to stay so through some
online ads and bulletin boards, he had found Yoochun, willing to host
him for a month.

"He's a terrible cooker, can only make coffee, and has the worst
schedule. But he plays piano and sings like no one's business and
he's even been able to sound out some of my favorite chansons,"
Jaejoong continues, his voice becoming very warm and gentle.

Changmin suspects. And well, with Jaejoong? He's never been afraid
to be direct.

"You like him," he flatly says. Never mind the slight twinge in his heart.

"No no, he's more like my best friend though I do tell him everything
and he is pretty hot, especially right after the shower, but no, it's
not like that really. Maybe. I don't know," Jaejoong rambles, waving
his hands in denial but quite unsure himself.

"I am hot, especially after a shower," Yoochun interrupts with a
cheeky expression. "But Changminah, you wound me. You really think
I'd kiss you, dance with you like that if I had someone?" Yoochun
takes every excuse to stand very close and have his toweled cock right
in Changmin's line of sight. "Or you wanted a threesome? I'm always
open for more love."

"Yoochunnie~! Stop that. He's not like that. This is Shim Changmin,
proper and poised and educated. A bit of a nerd. And speaks French,
like moi," Jaejoong interrupts as he motions grandly to himself.

Changmin isn't quite sure what to feel. He's confused, annoyed,
aroused, and in pain.

"I think. I think I am going back to sleep. Good night," he chooses
to say and he gets up, walks out, and flops back into bed.

---

If he had thought those years touring bits of Paris with Jaejoong was
a constant barrage of senses, Brazil with Jaejoong AND Yoochun feels
infinitely more chaotic. They have somewhat of their own little
world, bits of random quirky and yet Changmin can't help but get
sucked in, following them through the rabbit's hole into their
veritable Wonderland. They pass by a band dressed all in white,
trumpets blaring loudly while they explore the vendor shops, see the
various pieces of folk art and intricate sand bottles with complicated
landscapes. Changmin buys a few for his family and Yunho and Junsu.

But the best moments are at night, when they sit outside, talking,
looking at the stars and hearing the lapping ocean waves. He tells
them about Korea, about Seoul, talks to them about their homeland,
recounts his college stories and what the US is like. Changmin finds
himself talking about Yunho, meeting him that first day and about
Junsu, his childhood friend who he still keeps in touch with, even
though they've only met a few times in Seoul. He weaves each story
with a weft detail here and a warp detail there, creating an intricate
tapestry.

"Where will you go next?" Yoochun asks, caught up in Changmin's
dreamscape and storytelling.

"I don't know. Maybe Prague. I've always wanted to go there," Changmin muses.

"You know, it's funny. You've met a Korean in a completely different
country, you know? It must be fate, or something. Don't you think?"
Jaejoong leans closer, expression a bit serious. "I mean, what are
the chances that you meet a Korean and you become friends with them?"

Changmin nods. He's wondered it himself. Was some other force at
work, making him connect this path in life? He's not sure.

"It's destiny, Changminah. We're fated to meet and fall in
loooooove," Yoochun proclaims, in an overly dramatic voice, even
singing the last word, "love."

"Hey! Don't forget me," Jaejoong pouts.
"An orgyyyyy?" Yoochun continues to sing and Changmin has to laugh at that.

Love. Maybe.

Can love be split?

Or shared?

Prague, Czech Republic
February of 2012
Age: almost 25

They all tell him, of course, that Prague is entirely too cold to go
in the winter. He doesn't really care -- he's always tried to do what
he wants and be independent. In either case, he needed a break from
his job and why not treat this as an early birthday present?

He carefully plans not to travel on Valentine's Day, knowing the sight
of couples reuniting would make him feel depressed and a bit bitter.
Instead, he travels on the 15th and arrives at night to check-in at
his hotel late.

He checks his e-mail out of habit, where Jaejoong has already sent him
ten messages asking him if he's arrived, if he's safe, if he's bundled
up. There's a very structured, formal letter from Yunho, while
Junsu's is quick and to the point.

Yoochun hasn't sent him anything but a sudden knock on the door
startles him and a slip of paper is slid under the door. It's a fax,
complete with a big picture of cake and candles, and Changmin has to
chuckle. Yoochun hasn't always been a fan of the electronic age.

They had all tried to set up tickets to meet him there, but one by
one, each had told him that something unexpected had come up.

Changmin was disappointed, but that hadn’t stopped him. He was going
to Prague. No matter what.

He's tired and he can't wait to explore tomorrow, the small streets
and artisan workshops and bookstores. Changmin closes his eyes.

---

Changmin's already gone to the castle and explored parts of Old Town.
He decides to go to Zizkov today, being told that there are a large
number of interesting places to drink and eat. It's been two days
since he arrived and he feels that out of all the places he's been to,
Prague seems to fit him best. The age and the somewhat cloaked,
mysterious ambiance appeals to him.
He finds a bar that's quiet, tucked away from the larger streets. It
has large windows like the cafe Jaejoong took him, and there's a
well-stocked bar that reminds him of Yoochun's club in Brazil. The
outside has an interesting facade, red brick, making him think of
Boston, while some ornate decorations on the walls are like the
carvings he saw in Shanghai.

It's getting close to midnight and he brings out the small cake he had
bought for himself earlier. He's not lonely, not really, when he
knows they're out there, thinking of him.

A bell tolls in the background and he softly starts to sing happy
birthday to himself. The bartender looks at him curiously but just
shakes his head, continuing to wipe glasses dry.

Everything goes dark in front of him and he groans. But the lights
suddenly flare up and Yoochun's there, behind the bar, calmly drying
glasses right in front of Changmin's eyes.

"Changminah! Do you know how fast you walk? I can't believe you made
me come here, it's so cold," Junsu whines and Changmin whips around to
see Jaejoong and Yunho there too.

"Dongsaeng, we're sorry. But we wanted to surprise you. Jaejoong
even made a cake! Look," Yunho says, as he points to a rather
architecturally unstable looking confection of dark chocolate and
strawberries.

"Happy Birthday, Changminnie. Here, someone, grab the lighter in my
back pocket," Jaejoong commands and Junsu hesitatingly reaches out.
"Come on, it's not like you're having sex with me."

Junsu turns bright red and scowls, grabbing the lighter a bit too aggressively.

"Don't--"

But the momentum makes Jaejoong lose his balance and the cake goes
crashing right into Yunho's face.

"do that," Yunho finishes with a sigh. Jaejoong looks absolutely
horrified while Junsu is trying to hide behind Changmin.

But Yoochun starts to chuckle, then laugh, the sound echoing loud in the room.

Changmin can't help but join and soon, all of them are laughing,
almost until they're crying.

He's found it. Here. With the ones he loves.

[FF-01]