An Evening With Colin and Brad - Warren, OH - November 25th, 2006
Short version: The show was awesome and I got autographs. Long version:
Gosh, where to begin? Well, perhaps the beginning. I went with mountain_fawn, my girlfriend/roommate. She's helping me write this because her memory is far superior to mine. She wrote an entry about the evening in her Livejournal, too. The lighted sign outside the venue boasted "Colin and Brad from Whose Line is it," but I'll forgive them because there wasn't enough space for the "anyway?" A sign posted at the door prohibited the use of cameras (including cell phone cameras), so we didn't take any pictures of the show. We agreed that it would've been too distracting to try to do so while paying attention to the show, anyway. It seems the sign didn't stop some other people from using their cameras, so maybe other people's pictures will show up online.
For those who normally read reports, or have had the privilege of attending any C&B shows themselves, some of this report may be stuff you already know, because I explain things that they've probably done in past shows. However I'm writing this assuming the reader knows nothing about AEWCAB performances. I'm also assuming the reader has seen Whose Line? enough to recognize games like Moving People and Questions Only.
The show was at 8:00, and after about an hour's drive, we got there at about 7:15. A lot of people were already seated, which makes me wonder how early the earliest people showed up. We were seated on the lower level, in the left section, in row M. Because they used a good sound system, and I was wearing my glasses, being able to see and hear what was going on was not at all an issue. The only reason I could wish to have been seated closer would be to be a more likely candidate for participation.
The show started as I imagine their other shows do, such as Colin asking the audience how many of them think that "Whose Line" was prepared ahead of time, then telling those people that they're bastards. Colin plugged the DVD and their Myspace (someone behind me OOOH'd as if a MySpace account is something worth OOOHing about). One of them said that all of the proceeds from the DVDs would go to...getting Drew another show. Brad pointed out the Christmas lights draped along the walls under the upper seating levels, and someone shouted "Just for you, Brad!"* People shouting things when they weren't supposed to shout things would be a recurring theme for the evening. At some point Brad and Colin jokingly wondered aloud why so many people showed just to see them, and someone shouted "We paid good money for these seats!" to which Brad quipped, "You paid bad money for those seats!" Brad pointed out that there was a sign language interpreter for a section of the audience, and that although he (Brad) doesn't know much sign language, he does know the sign for "poop," demonstrated the sign and said it often just to embarrass the interpreter. A basket with index cards and pencils was passed around the front rows of the audience as Brad asked them to write lines of dialogue for a game they'd play later. He was careful to explain that they wanted sentences someone would say, not scenes like "two astronauts in a monkey bar."
The first game was Moving People. Colin pointed to two audience members, told them to come up onstage, and thanked them "for volunteering." Colin used Brad to demonstrate how the participants could move them. "But remember, we are human, so we can only bend so far. If you feel any sort of resistance, please stop!" Colin explained that if you want Brad to wave to someone, you would raise his hand, if you want him to walk, you tap him behind the knees, and if you want him to go home with you, you can touch him anywhere around the crotch area. Brad's "mover" was a girl, so Colin added to his own mover, a guy, "That goes for you too!" For the game, they asked for a European country aside from the most well-known ones (France, Italy, etc), then chose Czechoslovokia. They used the Warr-...Y-...Youngstown yellow pages to randomly choose a subject: industrial fans. The mode of transportation suggested (disallowed possibilities included unicycle, moped, and pogo stick) was camel. I would say Colin and Brad's accents were closer to Russian, but maybe that's just me. Memorable jokes include: Brad saying that he was signaling a left turn when the mover stretched his arm out as so, Brad "waiting for his nails to dry," the movers gesturing Colin and Brad's camel ride (which was basically patting their butts), and Colin deciding to take his camel with him into the store (because the mover hadn't moved his legs for him to dismount) so that he wouldn't be "cameljacked." I think I remember this game least, just because it was the earliest.
Near the end of the game they needed to open a door, so the guy grabbed an Ohio flag that was on the stage and moved it towards the performers. I'm guessing he wanted to use it as the door, though I think Colin and Brad were just hinting that they wanted one of the movers to have them mime opening an invisible door. Brad said, "There seems to be a flag floating towards us! I think we've mistakenly come to Ohio!"
The second game was New Choice. Colin and Brad choose three young boys from the audience and gave them each a horn. Each child would be able to change Colin or Brad's line by honking the horn. Brad nicknamed one of them Fonzie because of the leather jacket he was wearing. For the suggestion for the game, Brad asked the youngest what he wanted to be when he grew up. "A doctor." "What kind of doctor? A monkey doctor?" "No...an...animal doctor." "An animal doctor. You're not just saying that because I said monkey, are you?" "No." So for the scene the two were veterinarians. Throughout the show I didn't write much as far as specific quotes or moments, but I did write for this game "Barbara Mandrill," Brad's reference to a famous country singer star, just because it was punny. The kids were definitely having a blast participating. Memorable line from Colin: "My gorilla has hemorrhoids." Also, "Absolu - (honk) - no." Somewhere in the game Brad impressively went through a long string of animals, including lemurs, lions, tiger, bears, etc. Also, there was a mention of an animal pap smear.The game ended on a line about how that family should've have any more kids. After the game ended, one of the kids honked his horn directly into Brad's ear.
Third for the night was Sentences. Unfortunately we weren't seated closely enough to write any lines. The audience was asked for a reason that two people would get in a feud. Amanda's suggestion, He "You stole my laundry!" was not used. Instead the scene was about a funeral. Brad said, "A funeral?" followed by a fake laugh. Colin added, "It was either that or sex." The lines used were: "Mom, where's my meatloaf?" (Colin), "Honey, where is the beef?" (Brad), "I dated girls uglier than you for breakfast" (C), "(blank card)" (B), "The Christmas lights look great, honey" (Brad), "Where is the tall Ryan?" (C) "What's up?" (C), "Do you want to get a bite to eat?" (B) "Khan!" (C), "Where are we now?" (B) "What if?" (B), "I have to go to the bathroom" (B), "You swallowed that stuff" (C), "I've had tighter," (C) "From now on I want to be known as Xavier" (B) "(another blank card)" (C) "Everything I have told you is a lie" (Colin), "Your dog did what?" (B) and "Holy cow!" (C) For some reason they were both Scottish (their accents slowly mutating into Ringo Starr impressions), and Colin was angry about Brad killing his father. Brad had run over Colin's dad (who was dressed as a sheep at the time) on a lake while his dad was ice fishing. Because sheep are attracted to fish, apparently. "Where is the tall Ryan?" is a line I'll remember for a long time. Brad joked about how they weren't making executive producer money and that someone should have read their ticket more carefully. Brad talked about the eulogy he would give at the funeral, which would start with "Where are we now?" meaning in the grand scheme of things. "There'll be some jerk who'll say 'at a funeral,' but I'll just ignore him." Then he would say, "What if?" continuing the philosophical theme. The eulogy would then end with "I have to go to the bathroom." Colin managed to get our minds out of the gutter from "You swallowed that stuff" by referring to Brad drinking a bottle of scotch, only to say "I've had tighter" for the following line. He made an "I can't believe I said that face." Colin told Brad he would get revenge by dressing his father as a cow and running him over on a basketball court. But as Brad pointed out, that would be moo-icide. Because they were already talking about bovines, "Holy cow!" made a hilariously appropriate line with which to end. Memorable line: Brad's "How do you date someone for breakfast?"
Then came the most dangerous improv game ever created, the Mousetrap game. I'm not sure why we call them games when they're not done on Whose Line, but I guess since I'm so used to writing about Whose Line I can't help it. For those unfamiliar, this is the game in which the two perform a scene with one hundred live mousetraps ("Ninety-nine," Brad corrected when one of them snapped during the set-up) strewn across the stage. Brad nicknamed the mousetrap-setting stagehands "Shaky" and "Trembles." The scene was done in the style of Alphabet (starting on the letter T) and Colin and Brad were mowing the lawn (a backyard project suggested). In addition to being blindfolded and barefoot on a mousetrap-filled stage while playing the alphabet game, they would also do the scene in an opera style. It was hilarious and all, but there was a little too much deja vu from the Just For Laughs playing of the same game. I don't think there's much to say about this one except, man, those weeds must hurt. Near the end, Brad held on to the rope (the two stagehands were holding up a rope to prevent the performers from walking off of the stage) and walked alongside it, only for his hand to bump into Colin, who was waiting for him near the middle of the rope. By the end Colin had removed his masking tape goggles and tossed mousetraps at Brad while pretending to be getting hurt. The game ended when Brad realized what he was up to.
At this point there was a ten-minute intermission, during which Amanda (mountain_fawn) walked up to the stage and got one of the mousetraps that the stagehands were clearing off. During the intermission, the announcer said twice that, at the artist's request, photography is not allowed.
After the break, Brad returned saying that his feet were now bruised and blistered. Someone closer to the front of the audience shouted "Happy birthday Colin!" (his birthday is November 30th) Colin said, "Thank you...but you know, Brad's birthday was yesterday." The audience members added a "Happy birthday Brad!" Brad made fun of them by miming typing in front of a computer, "Colinmochrie.com...oh, it's his birthday!" in a somewhat creepy voice.
Next we had the privilege of seeing The Torture Game, a medley of five different improv games: Questions Only, One-Syllable Words, If You Know What I Mean, Letter Substitutions, and Dr. Seuss. As Brad mentioned the name of each game Colin explained them. "The first one is Questions Only." "In this game we can only speak in Questions." "Thank you. Next is One-Syllable Words." "In this game we can speak using only words with one syllable. No more, or...well, no less would be kinda hard to do." "Next is If You Know What I Mean." Note: most of the audience cheered when Whose Line games like this were mentioned, but when games that hadn't been done on Whose Line, or games with different names than when done on Whose Line were mentioned, there was no reaction. Maybe I should've woot'd at the mentions of obscure games to show what a geeky fan I am. For Letter Substitutions the audience was asked for two letters, other than Q, J, X or vowels. It turned out that all S's would become T's. An audience member was chosen to be the "Drew Carey" for the scene. She would sit on a stool and, whenever either performer says "Freeze," she would read one of the games for the scene, in order. The audience member was asked what they would do for a living if money wasn't an issue; she chose acting. Specifically, drama. Randomly chosen from the phonebook was Orkin pest control. The audience was asked for something along the lines of a relationship between two people, or a way that two people would interact. The used suggestion: lovers. And Colin and Brad would start the scene in a Shakespeare style.
In the scene, Colin was producing a new play about pest control and was asking Brad to be one of the actors. I don't remember much about the Shakespeare portion, but if you've ever seen Brad or Colin do the style, you get the idea. I also don't remember much about the Questions Only segment, except Brad trying to get Colin to tell him the name of the play. Written in my notepad is "Roacheo and Juliet," which I'm sure what a Brad pun. There was another Shakespeare/pest control pun that he made, but I couldn't make it out at the time.
One-Syllable Words found the two talking like, as Brad pointed out, "a man from a cave." Colin sort of tripped up when he resorting to saying "writ" instead of "written." Brad would mock him a few times about this, such as by saying "the word writ is for a twit!" At one point Colin tried to ask Brad what kind of dramatic acting he could do, struggling with examples: "Sad...joy..." Brad was able to come up with better one-syllable emotion words. "I can do rage, I can do angst..." "Yes, angst, of course." The scene went quite anachronistic when Colin told Brad that he could pay him with his charge card. But Brad wanted to know what brand of credit card it was. "This one," Colin answered. Brad then said, "I can't read that. Can you tell me what it says?" Someone in the audience, for some mad reason, shouted "Sears!" because they thought it would be helpful or something. Colin and Brad ignored it, though.
The If You Know What I Mean portion mainly consisted of "part" jokes, as in "I know you're using to having small parts," "This is a pretty big part," "I've heard your part is very hard," "Your part is a mouthful," "I can't wait to wrap my tongue around your part," and possibly more. Also there was talk of a hole that needed to be filled (the discussion becoming more and more graphic), but I still don't understand what that had to do with the play.
Letter Substitutions included the following words: titter (sister), jackatt, atthole, thit (as in, "I don't give a thit"), putty, Mittittippi and titty (sissy). I think this was the part where Brad tried to explain to Colin that he couldn't be in his play because he had to play in a toccer game on Taturday. The idea of Dr. Seuss was basically to rhyme one's own or each other's lines in a Dr. Seuss fashion. The most impression rhyme I remember was Brad rhyming "actor" with "benefactor." In this part of the scene, Brad finds out that he has to play a gay lover in the play. "I have to be gay? But I don't go that way! I can't be in your play, I have a soccer game on Saturday! Can't you just have the play on Sunday?" Brad said (and I think even more -ay rhymes), with Colin pleading later, "Can't you just be a little gay?"
The Dr. Seuss portion ended with Colin and Brad exchanging many, many -uck rhymes. Brad could take his truck, but he'd have to ride it through the mud and muck. Colin says, "Yeah, that would really suck." Brad can be ready, nip and tuck. Colin: "I'm from Canada. I'm a canuck!" Brad: "I'll be sure to bring a hockey puck!" Colin: "As Curly would say, nyuk nyuk nyuk!" I believe there were also mentions of a buck, luck, corn to shuck, a duck, a chicken going cluck, and being stuck. Near the end when it was Colin's turn, he paused and said, "...see ya Sunday."
After the Torture Game, it was Colin and Brad's turn to torture a couple of audience members as they did Sound Effects. I believe their names were Greg and Michelle. I'm sure the guy was named Greg, and though I'm not sure about the girl's name I need to call her something for the sake of describing what went on. The setting/subject of this scene would also be taken from the yellow pages. One of the random selections was insurance (which is always full of sound effects), the other being a podiatrist center with the slogan "put your feet in hands that care," which Colin and Brad thought was odd. Greg provided the sound effects for Colin and Michelle provided the sounds for Brad. Before the game started, the audience members were given a chance to practice to make sure they knew how to play. Colin asked Greg would sound he would make if he opened a can of beer that had just been shaken up. Greg responded with an impressive plosive pop, and Colin made a remark about how Greg must be familiar with that sound. Michelle was also asked to do a beer can sound, but it didn't live up to Greg's version. The scene started with Brad typing at a computer, but from the sound being made, the keys were all wet. Colin and Brad demonstrated their new foot care products. One was a device that could only shoot a tiny burst of air for a couple of seconds, but Colin insisted that it was powerful enough to blow off dry cracked skin. Brad showed off a new type of foot buffer. Michelle made a short sound for it, so Brad said that it only works for three seconds then breaks down. Brad decided to set off some bottle rockets for some reason. When Brad opened a window, it made a whiny sound. Brad discovered a puppy that was sitting outside of the window. He shot one of the bottle rockets up three miles into the sky before it went off. Any moment Brad and Colin would expect a phone call from Mr. Henderson. "Brrring brring." Colin answered. Greg voiced Mr. Henderson in a Ryanesque unintelligible mumble. "Are you still working as a janitor at Charlie Brown's school?" Colin asked him. They talked a bit more, and Colin signaled a joint-smoking gesture to Brad. After the phone call, Colin used a typewriter to type up an insurance report. Colin and Brad needed to bring insurance papers to Henderson, but because Henderson lived on an island, they would have to take the boat. Brad brought his puppy. Greg provided a very decent motor rumble for the boat. To pass the time, they would listen to some music. Colin wanted to listen to The Beatles. Greg's interpretation was unintelligible mumbling/singing. Colin explained that it was a CD of Mr. Henderson singing Beatles songs. Brad put in another CD: Classic Christmas songs. Michelle sang, "Frosty the Snowman..." and Brad had to explain that the CD was only the first line of classic Christmas songs. Brad put in yet another CD: Shania Twain. Michelle made a couple of clicks for the sound effects of the CD player, but didn't sing. According to Brad, it was a CD of Shania Twain clipping her toenails, which he liked because he works in podiatry. Just for fun, Brad decided to try another bottle rocket, this time in the boat. This one exploded much sooner, causing Brad's clothes and Colin's hair to catch on fire. "The first one went up two miles, and this one only went up 7 feet! They're very inconsistent!" Brad said. Then he decided to shoot one of the bottle rockets at a tree on the island. He did, but set the tree on fire. Also, he had accidentally hit a guard cat on the island. Colin said he would call 911, but since the beeps from the key presses didn't match up, he said he had dialed 9341. The phone answered clearly, "911, what is your emergency?" "Hi, this is Larry from...Foot..." Brad asked Colin what kind of a name "Foot" is for a foot care company. Colin told the operator about the fire and asked if they could send someone over. "Nope," the phone answered. Brad said he would try to call for help, since he personally knew someone who could help. Brad rang up Nancy and smugly told her their predicament. Michelle, as Nancy, answered, "I'm sorry, we can't send anyone over because we didn't pass our levy." This incited huge cheers and applause. I'm not sure if the audience loved it because A) audience always love mentions of local things in shows like this, B) they agreed that the levy should have been passed, C) they thought it was a funny and clever of her, all of the above or two of those reasons. Anyway, I loved it for the sheer cleverness. Brad made a comment about how it must be a sensitive local issue. Then, he had an idea. Aloe absorbs heat, so he could use some to put out the fire. Brad decided to get one of the foot buffers, and mimed walking down stairs. Colin was confused, as he didn't realize their boat had stairs. But after shooting aloe from one of the foot buffers, they somehow got rid of the fire. They celebrated the fire extinguishing with a couple of beers. Colin chugged his down, with Greg giving a perfectly delivered and timed belch. Brad, in an effort to one-up Colin, gulped down his drink and also burped, though his wasn't as well-formed. So he tried a couple more times, but each time they sounded more like roars than burps. He then broke wind that sounded an awful lot like a raspberry. Then, the game ended, because that's always a good note on which to end.
Colin and Brad introduced the next game as a new game that they have only done once or twice before, because they're always workshopping with new ideas and experimenting with new games. This would be called And Now What?. The audience was asked if there were any couples who'd like to participate in the next game. Amanda and I raised our arms, though it seems like no one beyond the frontmost rows ever gets to be onstage. The names of the couple chosen were Jennifer and I think Michael. The premise of the game was explained rather vaguely: Michael and Jennifer would start a scene, then Colin and Brad would enter later. For someone who wasn't told exactly what she was supposed to do, Jennifer started it off fairly well. She pointed to the opposite side of the stage and asked, "Hey, is that my pickle?" Michael offered to pick it up for her; it must have fallen off her sandwich. Michael then bent down on one knee in front of Jennifer. "Jennifer, will you marry me?" "For real?" "Yes." "Yes!" At first, I thought their improvised scene had gone in a surrealistic direction. But when the audience started to applaud and cheer, I realized what had happened. It wasn't meant to be improv at all, which meant Amanda and I had no chance of getting onstage for that one anyway. When Michael and Jennifer returned to their seats, Brad explained that Michael had arranged it with him before the show (AH-HA! Not everything was truly improvised!). Colin found it funny that the last thing she said to him before he proposed was "Hey, is that my pickle?" Brad then pointed to another section of the audience and jokingly said that there was a couple that wanted to get divorced onstage.
For the second-to-last improv game of the night, Interrogation, Colin was escorted out of the room, far enough away that he would not hear the suggestions that Brad would collect for the game. He asked that the main lights be turned up and spotlight off so that he could see the audience better. He needed to individually choose audience members for suggestions so that he could hear them more clearly. The idea is that Colin has committed a crime, and he has to confess to it. But since he doesn't really know what he did, he has to figure out the details based on clues Brad gives to him while "interrogating." Also, the audience could help by applauding whenever Colin got close with his guesses. It took a little while for the spotlight operator to get the message that he wanted the light off, but Brad joked that it usually takes longer. The first pair of suggestions needed was what Colin was wearing at the time of the crime. Brad asked for something unusual, but noted that in previous shows they'd heard every type of women's lingerie. One person suggested corset and another viking war outfit; both suggestions would be used. The next set of suggestions were what Colin actually did. "Stealing a wig" was rejected, probably because Brad wanted something more unusual. He said that it shouldn't be something that was stolen. The first "crime" was that he peed on a cop's foot. After Brad heard the suggestion, he gestured to an offstage security officer, who walked onstage and pointed his flashlight at the suggesting audience member. The crime was provided by a girl in an orange shirt - Amanda! "Yay!" she said, to which Brad answered, "Yes, yay." She shouted, "painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty!" See, the irony here is that I took the time to prepare ahead of time a bunch of suggestions to use, but I was not able to use any of them. Amanda, however, thinks of the first thing that pops into her head, and it's used for the show. Aaanyway. Now Brad needed to know where this crime, well, these crimes, took place. He wanted a specific location, like a city, with an Indian-sounding name. Chicamogwa it was. Then finally Brad needed two unusual objects that would end up being evidence of the crime. Though when I raised my hand and was not called upon, I would have said "frilly seahorse." "O.J.'s glove" was one of the suggestions Brad heard but rejected because it had already been used in a previous show. He had explained at the beginning of the game that one should not be offended if their suggestion isn't taken, because certain suggestions are repeated often and Brad and Colin like to use new ideas each time. "Apple seed" and "Game Boy" were two other items heard but not chosen. In the end the items were a banana peel and a diaper. Now that Brad had all of the suggestions needed, the lights returned to normal and Colin was called back into the room and onto the stage.
The clues Brad gave to Colin were basically puns. Brad asked Colin what he was wearing, and Colin said, "I have to tell you, this is the first time I've ever word this particular get-up." I don't remember what the clues were exactly for corset, but after correcting himself from speedo he quickly got it. The viking war outfit took him longer, though. Brad made the Thor/sore and "horny" puns, which made Colin think it had something to do with thunder. Brad offered Colin a small drink, a "mini soda." He emphasized "mini soda" and the NFL, but Colin said "I'm Canadian!" I had heard about this game before, but what I didn't realize was that Brad ensured that Colin guess each suggestion word-for-word. So when Colin said battle, that wasn't good enough - he had to say the word "war." He also had to specific the word "outfit," which took some time. Brad would say, "But what do you call it exactly? It's the whole..." to which Colin would add, "...thing." Once Colin said the exact phrase "viking war outfit," Brad started talking about how disgusted he was that Colin would do such a thing, to "one of his (Brad's) own men." Colin got cop after guessing security guard. He said, "You must have been pissed. But urine big trouble!" Colin quickly figured out the "peed" part. "But where exactly did you do it?" Brad asked. "Here," Colin answered. "But where on the cop?" "Hmm, let's see, where was I aiming?" I can't remember exactly how Brad hinted that it was the foot, but when Colin guessed "shoe" Brad had to get the specific word by asking him what goes in a shoe. For the next crime, Brad showed Colin his disgust that he would do such a thing to such an important woman, a symbol of our nation. "Dolly Parton?" Colin guessed. No, it was a much older woman, as Brad told him. If I recall correctly, Colin figured it out without any other incorrect guesses. Colin knew it had to do with clowns when Brad called him a bozo. As my memory goes, Brad's clues at first led Colin to believe that he had dressed the Statue of Liberty in a clown costume, but Brad "reminded" him that he only vandalized the face. The tricky part for Brad was getting Colin to say "make-up." Colin knew it had to do with make-up, but didn't know the right word yet because he could only call it face paint. Brad asked him, while gesturing to his own face, what you would call the whole ensemble. Colin was puzzled by his use of "ensemble" for the face area. Brad said, "We could fight all day, or we could just..." and Colin answered, "...not." But Colin eventually got it. Each time Colin figured out a piece of the puzzle word-for-word, Brad would make him summarize what he had so far. "While wearing a corset and a viking war outfit, I peed on a cop's foot and painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty." But where did he do it? Brad tried to give all the clues necessary for the place in a long sentence. "There you were, looking like a baby bird while making a sound of confusion and drinking water with your Spanish friend." So basically Brad tried to get Colin to sound out "chick-um-agua." "Chick" was the easy part, "um" taking a little longer. Colin's guess at the last two syllables was "aqua," but Brad reminded Colin that he was looking for the Spanish word for water, not the Latin one. "it's the same, except for the sound in the middle. And I don't want the French word for water, either." "Actually, the French word for water is l'eau," Colin said smartypantsily. But Colin had no idea what the Spanish word for water was, because as he explained, he's Canadian. So Brad asked Colin to name South American countries. "What's that one beginning with N?" "..." "Ni...ca..." "ragua! Agua! Agua agua agua!" Colin was happy and proud to figure that one out. "While wearing a corset and a viking war outfit in Nicar...AGUA...I peed on a cop's foot and painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty." The game was almost done. The last two were relatively simple for them. Brad called Colin yellow and said something about him slipping up, and Colin said banana, but after Brad told him it wasn't the whole banana, Colin knew it was the banana peel. Brad said for the last piece, "I bet when you were caught, you must've crapped your pants" and punned with "Depends." Colin has no trouble getting "diaper." Colin summed up every detail of his crime once more and the game was complete.
Memorable moment: At one point when he seemed to be getting frustrated, Colin deliberately itched his forehead with his middle finger.
At the final game of the night began, Colin and Brad talked about what a wonderful night it had been, and how they wish they could immortalize it somehow. So, they both sang a song to the tune of "My Way," (not the Limp Bizkit one) with improvised lyrics about things that had happened in the show. Brad excited the crowd by mentioning Warren, rhyming it with deplorin' and I think explorin'. For some reason I remember more of what Colin sang about than I remember what Brad sang, but I remember Brad sang a line about getting hit with a mousetrap in the crotch. Colin sang a verse about how, in Moving People, he and Brad were like the guys from Brokeback Mountain. He also sang about one of the New Choice kids almost broke Brad's eardrum and how it would've sucked if Jennifer (the proposee) said "no." The big finale of the song and the entire performance was the second or third mention of Warren. The show was a terrific way to spend ninety-eight dollars, two hours and fifteen minutes.
After the show Amanda and I had hopes that we could meet the guys. So we hung out near the hallway intersecting the corridor through which we thought Colin and Brad might be leaving. We, I mean, she talked a bit to the other handful of fans who were waiting but didn't really know where to meet the guys either. One was an enthused woman who seemed to be embarrassing who I assume were her two teenage girls. Another was a woman wearing this shirt. Amanda complimented her on it and the woman mentioned colinandbradshow.com. After vaguely waiting patiently and moving around a bit with other fans, we were escorted backstage by a security person. Whoo-hoo! We formed a line to the table at which Brad and Colin were sitting. Mousetraps were handed out to the line by a stagehand, which made Amanda feel a bit silly for having taken the trouble to get one from the stage earlier. After the show and before getting backstage, Amanda also snagged a poster from a board elsewhere in the building. They signed the Whose Line DVD I brought. In hindsight, I should have somehow removed the paper cover within the plastic on the case and brought just that for them to sign, so that I could slip it back into the plastic cover for protection, but ... I didn't think of that until...just now, to tell you the truth. So they ended up signing on the plastic. I didn't realize until I got home that night, though, that Brad isn't actually pictured on the DVD. So while Colin signed next to his face on the cover, Brad ended up covering Wayne's picture with his signature. I didn't off my mousetrap or poster to be signed, just because it seemed greedy to ask them to sign more than one thing for me in one meeting. Amanda had her mousetrap signed. By the way, Amanda has confirmed that those mousetraps really do hurt. She says they must be insane to play that game. Instead of snapping my own finger, I decided to just take her word for it. When we were getting our autographs, Amanda said to them, "I bet doing this (the autograph sessions) must get repetitive after a while." Colin told her, "No, just Brad."
Since my sister let me borrow her digital camera, we were able to get pictures with the guys as well! Hooray! We asked a guy who had his own camera to take it for us. The first time something screwed up, so we had to ask the guy and Colin and Brad to try again. This time the guy took two pictures and they came out very well. As soon as I acquire a USB cable that fits (in hindsight I should have brought that too), I will be able to upload the pictures. That'll probably be the next post in this LiveJournal. As we left backstage we spotted on a table the bowl with the cards from Sentences. Some of the unused lines were: "If I hear one more Michigan fan bellyache about last week's game..." "How did it feel to be cameljacked?" and something about Drew Carey.
We left, grabbed a bite to eat, and went home very happy. I'm already looking forward to the July 2007 show at Lakeside.
Wow, did you really read the whole thing?
*Disclaimer: any quotations mentioned may or may not be word-for-word.
[Edit: Amanda corrected me that it was Brad who said "Foot" for the name of the company, and that Colin made fun of him for it.]
Gosh, where to begin? Well, perhaps the beginning. I went with mountain_fawn, my girlfriend/roommate. She's helping me write this because her memory is far superior to mine. She wrote an entry about the evening in her Livejournal, too. The lighted sign outside the venue boasted "Colin and Brad from Whose Line is it," but I'll forgive them because there wasn't enough space for the "anyway?" A sign posted at the door prohibited the use of cameras (including cell phone cameras), so we didn't take any pictures of the show. We agreed that it would've been too distracting to try to do so while paying attention to the show, anyway. It seems the sign didn't stop some other people from using their cameras, so maybe other people's pictures will show up online.
For those who normally read reports, or have had the privilege of attending any C&B shows themselves, some of this report may be stuff you already know, because I explain things that they've probably done in past shows. However I'm writing this assuming the reader knows nothing about AEWCAB performances. I'm also assuming the reader has seen Whose Line? enough to recognize games like Moving People and Questions Only.
The show was at 8:00, and after about an hour's drive, we got there at about 7:15. A lot of people were already seated, which makes me wonder how early the earliest people showed up. We were seated on the lower level, in the left section, in row M. Because they used a good sound system, and I was wearing my glasses, being able to see and hear what was going on was not at all an issue. The only reason I could wish to have been seated closer would be to be a more likely candidate for participation.
The show started as I imagine their other shows do, such as Colin asking the audience how many of them think that "Whose Line" was prepared ahead of time, then telling those people that they're bastards. Colin plugged the DVD and their Myspace (someone behind me OOOH'd as if a MySpace account is something worth OOOHing about). One of them said that all of the proceeds from the DVDs would go to...getting Drew another show. Brad pointed out the Christmas lights draped along the walls under the upper seating levels, and someone shouted "Just for you, Brad!"* People shouting things when they weren't supposed to shout things would be a recurring theme for the evening. At some point Brad and Colin jokingly wondered aloud why so many people showed just to see them, and someone shouted "We paid good money for these seats!" to which Brad quipped, "You paid bad money for those seats!" Brad pointed out that there was a sign language interpreter for a section of the audience, and that although he (Brad) doesn't know much sign language, he does know the sign for "poop," demonstrated the sign and said it often just to embarrass the interpreter. A basket with index cards and pencils was passed around the front rows of the audience as Brad asked them to write lines of dialogue for a game they'd play later. He was careful to explain that they wanted sentences someone would say, not scenes like "two astronauts in a monkey bar."
The first game was Moving People. Colin pointed to two audience members, told them to come up onstage, and thanked them "for volunteering." Colin used Brad to demonstrate how the participants could move them. "But remember, we are human, so we can only bend so far. If you feel any sort of resistance, please stop!" Colin explained that if you want Brad to wave to someone, you would raise his hand, if you want him to walk, you tap him behind the knees, and if you want him to go home with you, you can touch him anywhere around the crotch area. Brad's "mover" was a girl, so Colin added to his own mover, a guy, "That goes for you too!" For the game, they asked for a European country aside from the most well-known ones (France, Italy, etc), then chose Czechoslovokia. They used the Warr-...Y-...Youngstown yellow pages to randomly choose a subject: industrial fans. The mode of transportation suggested (disallowed possibilities included unicycle, moped, and pogo stick) was camel. I would say Colin and Brad's accents were closer to Russian, but maybe that's just me. Memorable jokes include: Brad saying that he was signaling a left turn when the mover stretched his arm out as so, Brad "waiting for his nails to dry," the movers gesturing Colin and Brad's camel ride (which was basically patting their butts), and Colin deciding to take his camel with him into the store (because the mover hadn't moved his legs for him to dismount) so that he wouldn't be "cameljacked." I think I remember this game least, just because it was the earliest.
Near the end of the game they needed to open a door, so the guy grabbed an Ohio flag that was on the stage and moved it towards the performers. I'm guessing he wanted to use it as the door, though I think Colin and Brad were just hinting that they wanted one of the movers to have them mime opening an invisible door. Brad said, "There seems to be a flag floating towards us! I think we've mistakenly come to Ohio!"
The second game was New Choice. Colin and Brad choose three young boys from the audience and gave them each a horn. Each child would be able to change Colin or Brad's line by honking the horn. Brad nicknamed one of them Fonzie because of the leather jacket he was wearing. For the suggestion for the game, Brad asked the youngest what he wanted to be when he grew up. "A doctor." "What kind of doctor? A monkey doctor?" "No...an...animal doctor." "An animal doctor. You're not just saying that because I said monkey, are you?" "No." So for the scene the two were veterinarians. Throughout the show I didn't write much as far as specific quotes or moments, but I did write for this game "Barbara Mandrill," Brad's reference to a famous country singer star, just because it was punny. The kids were definitely having a blast participating. Memorable line from Colin: "My gorilla has hemorrhoids." Also, "Absolu - (honk) - no." Somewhere in the game Brad impressively went through a long string of animals, including lemurs, lions, tiger, bears, etc. Also, there was a mention of an animal pap smear.The game ended on a line about how that family should've have any more kids. After the game ended, one of the kids honked his horn directly into Brad's ear.
Third for the night was Sentences. Unfortunately we weren't seated closely enough to write any lines. The audience was asked for a reason that two people would get in a feud. Amanda's suggestion, He "You stole my laundry!" was not used. Instead the scene was about a funeral. Brad said, "A funeral?" followed by a fake laugh. Colin added, "It was either that or sex." The lines used were: "Mom, where's my meatloaf?" (Colin), "Honey, where is the beef?" (Brad), "I dated girls uglier than you for breakfast" (C), "(blank card)" (B), "The Christmas lights look great, honey" (Brad), "Where is the tall Ryan?" (C) "What's up?" (C), "Do you want to get a bite to eat?" (B) "Khan!" (C), "Where are we now?" (B) "What if?" (B), "I have to go to the bathroom" (B), "You swallowed that stuff" (C), "I've had tighter," (C) "From now on I want to be known as Xavier" (B) "(another blank card)" (C) "Everything I have told you is a lie" (Colin), "Your dog did what?" (B) and "Holy cow!" (C) For some reason they were both Scottish (their accents slowly mutating into Ringo Starr impressions), and Colin was angry about Brad killing his father. Brad had run over Colin's dad (who was dressed as a sheep at the time) on a lake while his dad was ice fishing. Because sheep are attracted to fish, apparently. "Where is the tall Ryan?" is a line I'll remember for a long time. Brad joked about how they weren't making executive producer money and that someone should have read their ticket more carefully. Brad talked about the eulogy he would give at the funeral, which would start with "Where are we now?" meaning in the grand scheme of things. "There'll be some jerk who'll say 'at a funeral,' but I'll just ignore him." Then he would say, "What if?" continuing the philosophical theme. The eulogy would then end with "I have to go to the bathroom." Colin managed to get our minds out of the gutter from "You swallowed that stuff" by referring to Brad drinking a bottle of scotch, only to say "I've had tighter" for the following line. He made an "I can't believe I said that face." Colin told Brad he would get revenge by dressing his father as a cow and running him over on a basketball court. But as Brad pointed out, that would be moo-icide. Because they were already talking about bovines, "Holy cow!" made a hilariously appropriate line with which to end. Memorable line: Brad's "How do you date someone for breakfast?"
Then came the most dangerous improv game ever created, the Mousetrap game. I'm not sure why we call them games when they're not done on Whose Line, but I guess since I'm so used to writing about Whose Line I can't help it. For those unfamiliar, this is the game in which the two perform a scene with one hundred live mousetraps ("Ninety-nine," Brad corrected when one of them snapped during the set-up) strewn across the stage. Brad nicknamed the mousetrap-setting stagehands "Shaky" and "Trembles." The scene was done in the style of Alphabet (starting on the letter T) and Colin and Brad were mowing the lawn (a backyard project suggested). In addition to being blindfolded and barefoot on a mousetrap-filled stage while playing the alphabet game, they would also do the scene in an opera style. It was hilarious and all, but there was a little too much deja vu from the Just For Laughs playing of the same game. I don't think there's much to say about this one except, man, those weeds must hurt. Near the end, Brad held on to the rope (the two stagehands were holding up a rope to prevent the performers from walking off of the stage) and walked alongside it, only for his hand to bump into Colin, who was waiting for him near the middle of the rope. By the end Colin had removed his masking tape goggles and tossed mousetraps at Brad while pretending to be getting hurt. The game ended when Brad realized what he was up to.
At this point there was a ten-minute intermission, during which Amanda (mountain_fawn) walked up to the stage and got one of the mousetraps that the stagehands were clearing off. During the intermission, the announcer said twice that, at the artist's request, photography is not allowed.
After the break, Brad returned saying that his feet were now bruised and blistered. Someone closer to the front of the audience shouted "Happy birthday Colin!" (his birthday is November 30th) Colin said, "Thank you...but you know, Brad's birthday was yesterday." The audience members added a "Happy birthday Brad!" Brad made fun of them by miming typing in front of a computer, "Colinmochrie.com...oh, it's his birthday!" in a somewhat creepy voice.
Next we had the privilege of seeing The Torture Game, a medley of five different improv games: Questions Only, One-Syllable Words, If You Know What I Mean, Letter Substitutions, and Dr. Seuss. As Brad mentioned the name of each game Colin explained them. "The first one is Questions Only." "In this game we can only speak in Questions." "Thank you. Next is One-Syllable Words." "In this game we can speak using only words with one syllable. No more, or...well, no less would be kinda hard to do." "Next is If You Know What I Mean." Note: most of the audience cheered when Whose Line games like this were mentioned, but when games that hadn't been done on Whose Line, or games with different names than when done on Whose Line were mentioned, there was no reaction. Maybe I should've woot'd at the mentions of obscure games to show what a geeky fan I am. For Letter Substitutions the audience was asked for two letters, other than Q, J, X or vowels. It turned out that all S's would become T's. An audience member was chosen to be the "Drew Carey" for the scene. She would sit on a stool and, whenever either performer says "Freeze," she would read one of the games for the scene, in order. The audience member was asked what they would do for a living if money wasn't an issue; she chose acting. Specifically, drama. Randomly chosen from the phonebook was Orkin pest control. The audience was asked for something along the lines of a relationship between two people, or a way that two people would interact. The used suggestion: lovers. And Colin and Brad would start the scene in a Shakespeare style.
In the scene, Colin was producing a new play about pest control and was asking Brad to be one of the actors. I don't remember much about the Shakespeare portion, but if you've ever seen Brad or Colin do the style, you get the idea. I also don't remember much about the Questions Only segment, except Brad trying to get Colin to tell him the name of the play. Written in my notepad is "Roacheo and Juliet," which I'm sure what a Brad pun. There was another Shakespeare/pest control pun that he made, but I couldn't make it out at the time.
One-Syllable Words found the two talking like, as Brad pointed out, "a man from a cave." Colin sort of tripped up when he resorting to saying "writ" instead of "written." Brad would mock him a few times about this, such as by saying "the word writ is for a twit!" At one point Colin tried to ask Brad what kind of dramatic acting he could do, struggling with examples: "Sad...joy..." Brad was able to come up with better one-syllable emotion words. "I can do rage, I can do angst..." "Yes, angst, of course." The scene went quite anachronistic when Colin told Brad that he could pay him with his charge card. But Brad wanted to know what brand of credit card it was. "This one," Colin answered. Brad then said, "I can't read that. Can you tell me what it says?" Someone in the audience, for some mad reason, shouted "Sears!" because they thought it would be helpful or something. Colin and Brad ignored it, though.
The If You Know What I Mean portion mainly consisted of "part" jokes, as in "I know you're using to having small parts," "This is a pretty big part," "I've heard your part is very hard," "Your part is a mouthful," "I can't wait to wrap my tongue around your part," and possibly more. Also there was talk of a hole that needed to be filled (the discussion becoming more and more graphic), but I still don't understand what that had to do with the play.
Letter Substitutions included the following words: titter (sister), jackatt, atthole, thit (as in, "I don't give a thit"), putty, Mittittippi and titty (sissy). I think this was the part where Brad tried to explain to Colin that he couldn't be in his play because he had to play in a toccer game on Taturday. The idea of Dr. Seuss was basically to rhyme one's own or each other's lines in a Dr. Seuss fashion. The most impression rhyme I remember was Brad rhyming "actor" with "benefactor." In this part of the scene, Brad finds out that he has to play a gay lover in the play. "I have to be gay? But I don't go that way! I can't be in your play, I have a soccer game on Saturday! Can't you just have the play on Sunday?" Brad said (and I think even more -ay rhymes), with Colin pleading later, "Can't you just be a little gay?"
The Dr. Seuss portion ended with Colin and Brad exchanging many, many -uck rhymes. Brad could take his truck, but he'd have to ride it through the mud and muck. Colin says, "Yeah, that would really suck." Brad can be ready, nip and tuck. Colin: "I'm from Canada. I'm a canuck!" Brad: "I'll be sure to bring a hockey puck!" Colin: "As Curly would say, nyuk nyuk nyuk!" I believe there were also mentions of a buck, luck, corn to shuck, a duck, a chicken going cluck, and being stuck. Near the end when it was Colin's turn, he paused and said, "...see ya Sunday."
After the Torture Game, it was Colin and Brad's turn to torture a couple of audience members as they did Sound Effects. I believe their names were Greg and Michelle. I'm sure the guy was named Greg, and though I'm not sure about the girl's name I need to call her something for the sake of describing what went on. The setting/subject of this scene would also be taken from the yellow pages. One of the random selections was insurance (which is always full of sound effects), the other being a podiatrist center with the slogan "put your feet in hands that care," which Colin and Brad thought was odd. Greg provided the sound effects for Colin and Michelle provided the sounds for Brad. Before the game started, the audience members were given a chance to practice to make sure they knew how to play. Colin asked Greg would sound he would make if he opened a can of beer that had just been shaken up. Greg responded with an impressive plosive pop, and Colin made a remark about how Greg must be familiar with that sound. Michelle was also asked to do a beer can sound, but it didn't live up to Greg's version. The scene started with Brad typing at a computer, but from the sound being made, the keys were all wet. Colin and Brad demonstrated their new foot care products. One was a device that could only shoot a tiny burst of air for a couple of seconds, but Colin insisted that it was powerful enough to blow off dry cracked skin. Brad showed off a new type of foot buffer. Michelle made a short sound for it, so Brad said that it only works for three seconds then breaks down. Brad decided to set off some bottle rockets for some reason. When Brad opened a window, it made a whiny sound. Brad discovered a puppy that was sitting outside of the window. He shot one of the bottle rockets up three miles into the sky before it went off. Any moment Brad and Colin would expect a phone call from Mr. Henderson. "Brrring brring." Colin answered. Greg voiced Mr. Henderson in a Ryanesque unintelligible mumble. "Are you still working as a janitor at Charlie Brown's school?" Colin asked him. They talked a bit more, and Colin signaled a joint-smoking gesture to Brad. After the phone call, Colin used a typewriter to type up an insurance report. Colin and Brad needed to bring insurance papers to Henderson, but because Henderson lived on an island, they would have to take the boat. Brad brought his puppy. Greg provided a very decent motor rumble for the boat. To pass the time, they would listen to some music. Colin wanted to listen to The Beatles. Greg's interpretation was unintelligible mumbling/singing. Colin explained that it was a CD of Mr. Henderson singing Beatles songs. Brad put in another CD: Classic Christmas songs. Michelle sang, "Frosty the Snowman..." and Brad had to explain that the CD was only the first line of classic Christmas songs. Brad put in yet another CD: Shania Twain. Michelle made a couple of clicks for the sound effects of the CD player, but didn't sing. According to Brad, it was a CD of Shania Twain clipping her toenails, which he liked because he works in podiatry. Just for fun, Brad decided to try another bottle rocket, this time in the boat. This one exploded much sooner, causing Brad's clothes and Colin's hair to catch on fire. "The first one went up two miles, and this one only went up 7 feet! They're very inconsistent!" Brad said. Then he decided to shoot one of the bottle rockets at a tree on the island. He did, but set the tree on fire. Also, he had accidentally hit a guard cat on the island. Colin said he would call 911, but since the beeps from the key presses didn't match up, he said he had dialed 9341. The phone answered clearly, "911, what is your emergency?" "Hi, this is Larry from...Foot..." Brad asked Colin what kind of a name "Foot" is for a foot care company. Colin told the operator about the fire and asked if they could send someone over. "Nope," the phone answered. Brad said he would try to call for help, since he personally knew someone who could help. Brad rang up Nancy and smugly told her their predicament. Michelle, as Nancy, answered, "I'm sorry, we can't send anyone over because we didn't pass our levy." This incited huge cheers and applause. I'm not sure if the audience loved it because A) audience always love mentions of local things in shows like this, B) they agreed that the levy should have been passed, C) they thought it was a funny and clever of her, all of the above or two of those reasons. Anyway, I loved it for the sheer cleverness. Brad made a comment about how it must be a sensitive local issue. Then, he had an idea. Aloe absorbs heat, so he could use some to put out the fire. Brad decided to get one of the foot buffers, and mimed walking down stairs. Colin was confused, as he didn't realize their boat had stairs. But after shooting aloe from one of the foot buffers, they somehow got rid of the fire. They celebrated the fire extinguishing with a couple of beers. Colin chugged his down, with Greg giving a perfectly delivered and timed belch. Brad, in an effort to one-up Colin, gulped down his drink and also burped, though his wasn't as well-formed. So he tried a couple more times, but each time they sounded more like roars than burps. He then broke wind that sounded an awful lot like a raspberry. Then, the game ended, because that's always a good note on which to end.
Colin and Brad introduced the next game as a new game that they have only done once or twice before, because they're always workshopping with new ideas and experimenting with new games. This would be called And Now What?. The audience was asked if there were any couples who'd like to participate in the next game. Amanda and I raised our arms, though it seems like no one beyond the frontmost rows ever gets to be onstage. The names of the couple chosen were Jennifer and I think Michael. The premise of the game was explained rather vaguely: Michael and Jennifer would start a scene, then Colin and Brad would enter later. For someone who wasn't told exactly what she was supposed to do, Jennifer started it off fairly well. She pointed to the opposite side of the stage and asked, "Hey, is that my pickle?" Michael offered to pick it up for her; it must have fallen off her sandwich. Michael then bent down on one knee in front of Jennifer. "Jennifer, will you marry me?" "For real?" "Yes." "Yes!" At first, I thought their improvised scene had gone in a surrealistic direction. But when the audience started to applaud and cheer, I realized what had happened. It wasn't meant to be improv at all, which meant Amanda and I had no chance of getting onstage for that one anyway. When Michael and Jennifer returned to their seats, Brad explained that Michael had arranged it with him before the show (AH-HA! Not everything was truly improvised!). Colin found it funny that the last thing she said to him before he proposed was "Hey, is that my pickle?" Brad then pointed to another section of the audience and jokingly said that there was a couple that wanted to get divorced onstage.
For the second-to-last improv game of the night, Interrogation, Colin was escorted out of the room, far enough away that he would not hear the suggestions that Brad would collect for the game. He asked that the main lights be turned up and spotlight off so that he could see the audience better. He needed to individually choose audience members for suggestions so that he could hear them more clearly. The idea is that Colin has committed a crime, and he has to confess to it. But since he doesn't really know what he did, he has to figure out the details based on clues Brad gives to him while "interrogating." Also, the audience could help by applauding whenever Colin got close with his guesses. It took a little while for the spotlight operator to get the message that he wanted the light off, but Brad joked that it usually takes longer. The first pair of suggestions needed was what Colin was wearing at the time of the crime. Brad asked for something unusual, but noted that in previous shows they'd heard every type of women's lingerie. One person suggested corset and another viking war outfit; both suggestions would be used. The next set of suggestions were what Colin actually did. "Stealing a wig" was rejected, probably because Brad wanted something more unusual. He said that it shouldn't be something that was stolen. The first "crime" was that he peed on a cop's foot. After Brad heard the suggestion, he gestured to an offstage security officer, who walked onstage and pointed his flashlight at the suggesting audience member. The crime was provided by a girl in an orange shirt - Amanda! "Yay!" she said, to which Brad answered, "Yes, yay." She shouted, "painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty!" See, the irony here is that I took the time to prepare ahead of time a bunch of suggestions to use, but I was not able to use any of them. Amanda, however, thinks of the first thing that pops into her head, and it's used for the show. Aaanyway. Now Brad needed to know where this crime, well, these crimes, took place. He wanted a specific location, like a city, with an Indian-sounding name. Chicamogwa it was. Then finally Brad needed two unusual objects that would end up being evidence of the crime. Though when I raised my hand and was not called upon, I would have said "frilly seahorse." "O.J.'s glove" was one of the suggestions Brad heard but rejected because it had already been used in a previous show. He had explained at the beginning of the game that one should not be offended if their suggestion isn't taken, because certain suggestions are repeated often and Brad and Colin like to use new ideas each time. "Apple seed" and "Game Boy" were two other items heard but not chosen. In the end the items were a banana peel and a diaper. Now that Brad had all of the suggestions needed, the lights returned to normal and Colin was called back into the room and onto the stage.
The clues Brad gave to Colin were basically puns. Brad asked Colin what he was wearing, and Colin said, "I have to tell you, this is the first time I've ever word this particular get-up." I don't remember what the clues were exactly for corset, but after correcting himself from speedo he quickly got it. The viking war outfit took him longer, though. Brad made the Thor/sore and "horny" puns, which made Colin think it had something to do with thunder. Brad offered Colin a small drink, a "mini soda." He emphasized "mini soda" and the NFL, but Colin said "I'm Canadian!" I had heard about this game before, but what I didn't realize was that Brad ensured that Colin guess each suggestion word-for-word. So when Colin said battle, that wasn't good enough - he had to say the word "war." He also had to specific the word "outfit," which took some time. Brad would say, "But what do you call it exactly? It's the whole..." to which Colin would add, "...thing." Once Colin said the exact phrase "viking war outfit," Brad started talking about how disgusted he was that Colin would do such a thing, to "one of his (Brad's) own men." Colin got cop after guessing security guard. He said, "You must have been pissed. But urine big trouble!" Colin quickly figured out the "peed" part. "But where exactly did you do it?" Brad asked. "Here," Colin answered. "But where on the cop?" "Hmm, let's see, where was I aiming?" I can't remember exactly how Brad hinted that it was the foot, but when Colin guessed "shoe" Brad had to get the specific word by asking him what goes in a shoe. For the next crime, Brad showed Colin his disgust that he would do such a thing to such an important woman, a symbol of our nation. "Dolly Parton?" Colin guessed. No, it was a much older woman, as Brad told him. If I recall correctly, Colin figured it out without any other incorrect guesses. Colin knew it had to do with clowns when Brad called him a bozo. As my memory goes, Brad's clues at first led Colin to believe that he had dressed the Statue of Liberty in a clown costume, but Brad "reminded" him that he only vandalized the face. The tricky part for Brad was getting Colin to say "make-up." Colin knew it had to do with make-up, but didn't know the right word yet because he could only call it face paint. Brad asked him, while gesturing to his own face, what you would call the whole ensemble. Colin was puzzled by his use of "ensemble" for the face area. Brad said, "We could fight all day, or we could just..." and Colin answered, "...not." But Colin eventually got it. Each time Colin figured out a piece of the puzzle word-for-word, Brad would make him summarize what he had so far. "While wearing a corset and a viking war outfit, I peed on a cop's foot and painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty." But where did he do it? Brad tried to give all the clues necessary for the place in a long sentence. "There you were, looking like a baby bird while making a sound of confusion and drinking water with your Spanish friend." So basically Brad tried to get Colin to sound out "chick-um-agua." "Chick" was the easy part, "um" taking a little longer. Colin's guess at the last two syllables was "aqua," but Brad reminded Colin that he was looking for the Spanish word for water, not the Latin one. "it's the same, except for the sound in the middle. And I don't want the French word for water, either." "Actually, the French word for water is l'eau," Colin said smartypantsily. But Colin had no idea what the Spanish word for water was, because as he explained, he's Canadian. So Brad asked Colin to name South American countries. "What's that one beginning with N?" "..." "Ni...ca..." "ragua! Agua! Agua agua agua!" Colin was happy and proud to figure that one out. "While wearing a corset and a viking war outfit in Nicar...AGUA...I peed on a cop's foot and painted clown make-up on the Statue of Liberty." The game was almost done. The last two were relatively simple for them. Brad called Colin yellow and said something about him slipping up, and Colin said banana, but after Brad told him it wasn't the whole banana, Colin knew it was the banana peel. Brad said for the last piece, "I bet when you were caught, you must've crapped your pants" and punned with "Depends." Colin has no trouble getting "diaper." Colin summed up every detail of his crime once more and the game was complete.
Memorable moment: At one point when he seemed to be getting frustrated, Colin deliberately itched his forehead with his middle finger.
At the final game of the night began, Colin and Brad talked about what a wonderful night it had been, and how they wish they could immortalize it somehow. So, they both sang a song to the tune of "My Way," (not the Limp Bizkit one) with improvised lyrics about things that had happened in the show. Brad excited the crowd by mentioning Warren, rhyming it with deplorin' and I think explorin'. For some reason I remember more of what Colin sang about than I remember what Brad sang, but I remember Brad sang a line about getting hit with a mousetrap in the crotch. Colin sang a verse about how, in Moving People, he and Brad were like the guys from Brokeback Mountain. He also sang about one of the New Choice kids almost broke Brad's eardrum and how it would've sucked if Jennifer (the proposee) said "no." The big finale of the song and the entire performance was the second or third mention of Warren. The show was a terrific way to spend ninety-eight dollars, two hours and fifteen minutes.
After the show Amanda and I had hopes that we could meet the guys. So we hung out near the hallway intersecting the corridor through which we thought Colin and Brad might be leaving. We, I mean, she talked a bit to the other handful of fans who were waiting but didn't really know where to meet the guys either. One was an enthused woman who seemed to be embarrassing who I assume were her two teenage girls. Another was a woman wearing this shirt. Amanda complimented her on it and the woman mentioned colinandbradshow.com. After vaguely waiting patiently and moving around a bit with other fans, we were escorted backstage by a security person. Whoo-hoo! We formed a line to the table at which Brad and Colin were sitting. Mousetraps were handed out to the line by a stagehand, which made Amanda feel a bit silly for having taken the trouble to get one from the stage earlier. After the show and before getting backstage, Amanda also snagged a poster from a board elsewhere in the building. They signed the Whose Line DVD I brought. In hindsight, I should have somehow removed the paper cover within the plastic on the case and brought just that for them to sign, so that I could slip it back into the plastic cover for protection, but ... I didn't think of that until...just now, to tell you the truth. So they ended up signing on the plastic. I didn't realize until I got home that night, though, that Brad isn't actually pictured on the DVD. So while Colin signed next to his face on the cover, Brad ended up covering Wayne's picture with his signature. I didn't off my mousetrap or poster to be signed, just because it seemed greedy to ask them to sign more than one thing for me in one meeting. Amanda had her mousetrap signed. By the way, Amanda has confirmed that those mousetraps really do hurt. She says they must be insane to play that game. Instead of snapping my own finger, I decided to just take her word for it. When we were getting our autographs, Amanda said to them, "I bet doing this (the autograph sessions) must get repetitive after a while." Colin told her, "No, just Brad."
Since my sister let me borrow her digital camera, we were able to get pictures with the guys as well! Hooray! We asked a guy who had his own camera to take it for us. The first time something screwed up, so we had to ask the guy and Colin and Brad to try again. This time the guy took two pictures and they came out very well. As soon as I acquire a USB cable that fits (in hindsight I should have brought that too), I will be able to upload the pictures. That'll probably be the next post in this LiveJournal. As we left backstage we spotted on a table the bowl with the cards from Sentences. Some of the unused lines were: "If I hear one more Michigan fan bellyache about last week's game..." "How did it feel to be cameljacked?" and something about Drew Carey.
We left, grabbed a bite to eat, and went home very happy. I'm already looking forward to the July 2007 show at Lakeside.
Wow, did you really read the whole thing?
*Disclaimer: any quotations mentioned may or may not be word-for-word.
[Edit: Amanda corrected me that it was Brad who said "Foot" for the name of the company, and that Colin made fun of him for it.]