Part 3, Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
It took significantly longer than Judas wanted to get a chance to speak to Gabriel privately. First, they had needed to let Bobby know everything that had happened in Muncie, and start working out details of going for the remaining rings. He'd excused himself from the bulk of that conversation--whatever part he was to play, he trusted the others to fill him in, and he couldn't really add any information to what Abba had to offer. Instead, he'd borrowed Sam's phone so he could finally straighten things out with Jane.
Of course, it had turned out to be much harder than he had expected to convince her that he was all right, not being held against his will, and determined to proceed. Then she'd taken a good five minutes to call him several kinds of idiot for deliberately getting between their uncles (she wasn't wrong, but that fact wasn't going to change his mind). When she had finished that, she'd assured him that she wasn't going to cause any trouble for Bobby and the others, and she was going to continue to be sensible and keep her head down. In return, he had promised to check in with her as often as he could.
And even after all of that, it was still close to an hour before everyone else was distracted enough that he thought he and his father could slip away unnoticed.
He touched Gabriel's shoulder briefly. "We should finish," he suggested quietly.
Gabriel eyed him for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah. Outside?"
Judas inclined his head, and stepped back for the Archangel to lead the way.
For a moment, they just walked, and neither of them said anything.
"That was monumentally stupid, Judas," Gabriel finally said, in Aramaic--which meant someone had probably followed them outside, since he tended to stick to the dominant language of his environment unless he had a damn good reason not to.
"I wasn't trying to punish myself, or get myself killed or..." Judas sighed. "I wasn't. I was just...I couldn't let you die, Abba."
"Doesn't change the whole monumental stupidity thing."
"I know." They walked in silence for a long moment. "I didn't tell him anything. About you."
"...thank you," Gabriel said. "We don't have to talk about--"
"Yes, we do." Judas looked carefully anywhere but at his father. "Not much, because I don't want to...you don't need to hear details, but it's part of it, and we need to finish this stupid fight before it gets out of hand."
"Fine," he said. "You do know he would have stopped, if you'd just told him you'd stay out of it, right?"
"I know."
"Then why the hell didn't you?" he asked.
"Because I pushed him to start."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't take sides before you did."
Gabriel stared at him.
"If I'd let him keep talking..." Judas sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "If I'd given him an inch, he would have won me over. And then you...sooner or later, you would have been dragged into it. Either because you love me and he forced your hand, or because someone else got to you and it had nothing to do with me. The first would make it my fault that you did things you don't want to, and the second...I'd have to fight you, Abba. And I couldn't..." He shook his head. "So I got him to stop talking, and hand me to his demons instead. I can handle pain, Abba. I don't enjoy it, and I avoid it when I can, but I can handle it. Not forever, I mean, I know I would have broken eventually, but...I can hold out longer against that than..."
"Than what?"
"Empathy."
They continued on in silence for another moment. "You'd already promised me you'd stay out of it," Gabriel reminded him. "All you had to do was tell him the same thing, and he would have let you go. Then you wouldn't have had to worry about--"
Judas stopped and stared at him. "Do you think I would've made that promise if I'd known what you were talking about when you asked me?"
He shook his head, and laughed a little, bitterly. "Why do you think I was so vague? Still--"
"I can hardly face myself in the mirror as it is, Abba, you know that. If I'd given him what he wanted--even if it had been what I wanted..." He took a deep breath, clenching and then slowly relaxing his fists as he let it out. "I didn't exactly get involved on purpose, anyway."
"Not the first time, maybe," Gabriel agreed. "But what about back there, on the road?"
"Well, you'd already signed on," Judas said. "So I followed you. As I would have, even if you'd chosen differently, but...I'm glad you picked the side you did."
"You still promised me."
"I know," Judas sighed. "But once I was in, I couldn't exactly...I didn't forget my promise, I just...I tried to walk away, I did. I was going to go back to Ohio, like I know you wanted me to. I was going to try to rebuild, but...who knows what's even left for me there? Other than Fenrir, who I sure has already been taken in by someone in a better position to look after him than I am now. And then I found out about Kali's meeting..."
Gabriel sighed. "How the hell did that happen, anyway? I doubt she invited you. You were never dumb enough to piss her off."
He shook his head. "She didn't. Hermes told me. I think Mercury told him, but I didn't ask."
"I'm gonna kill him."
"Don't, Abba. He was trying to warn me away."
Gabriel snorted. "Yeah, like he really thought that would work."
Judas smiled slightly. "I'm sure he didn't."
The Archangel sighed, uncharacteristically serious again. "I had a plan, Judas. You didn't need to jump in like that."
"Did you really think it would work?" he asked. "Or did you think you'd make the attempt, go out in a blaze of glory--or fake it, to get the Winchesters off your back--and not have to see this through?"
Gabriel turned and stared at him. "Are you really in a position to be flinging that kind of accusation? I mean, come on."
Judas met his eyes evenly. "I can because I've been there. Maybe not the same circumstances, exactly, but somewhere similar. Besides, making a grand gesture and then refusing to deal with the consequences? We both know it wouldn't be the first time for you, either."
Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. "That was different."
Judas just held his gaze without replying.
"Yeah, well, either way, that's not what I was doing, so shut up."
After a moment, Judas broke eye contact. "I'm sorry."
Gabriel sighed. "Yeah."
"I won't promise not to do it again," he said, "because I absolutely would, if it meant keeping you alive."
"Yeah, I know." Gabriel was silent for a long moment, then said, "Look, I'll stop trying to talk you out of it, I just...be careful, okay? I still mean what I said, when you made me that promise."
"I won't take unnecessary risks," Judas promised. "Provided you don't, either."
"When do I ever?" Gabriel said, smirking.
Judas rolled his eyes. "Do you want that list chronologically or by degree of stupidity?"
Gabriel burst out laughing. "Fine, fine. I promise."
"Oh, one more thing?" Judas said.
"Yeah?"
"I sort of borrowed a car from Bobby, and it got left behind."
"Obviously. And whose fault was that?"
Judas flushed. "I know, I know. But do you think it's safe to go back and get it now, or...?"
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "What would you ever do without me?" he said, then grinned and vanished.
Judas sighed, and switched to English. "Sam, you do know it's rude to eavesdrop, right?"
Sam flushed, and came out of hiding. "How'd you...?"
He shrugged. "I know a lot of things." Not that he'd actually known for sure which of them had followed, but Sam made the most sense. Either way, he wasn't about to admit it had just been some lucky guesswork. "Look..." He sighed. "Abba and I? We're in this. We've...settled our argument, and we're both committed. But some things are private for a reason, all right?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
Judas waved a hand. "Just don't do it again."
Before Sam could respond, Gabriel reappeared with the van Judas had borrowed. "Hiya, Sam. Did Judas take care of your bad manners, or do I have to?"
"I handled it, Abba," Judas said.
Gabriel looked genuinely--and alarmingly--disappointed. "Oh, well."
Judas shook his head, and smiled a little. "Do I have to get the spray bottle?"
Gabriel stuck his tongue out at him, and tossed him the van's keys.
"Thanks," Judas said. He glanced over at Sam briefly, then said, "I should probably let Bobby know his van's back," and turned to walk away.
"He's a bit obvious, isn't he," Gabriel said.
"Yeah, I guess."
"So..." Gabriel gave him a carry-on gesture.
Sam smiled sheepishly. "Guess he's not the only one."
"Not at all."
He looked back in the direction Judas had gone, to make sure they were alone, then said, "Can I ask you about your vessel?"
Gabriel quirked an eyebrow. "Let me guess. You want to know if he could take the wheel without asking me first?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe," Gabriel said. "Probably not. But he doesn't want to. He likes it better in the backseat, hanging out with his memories and anyone he asks me to add in, or playing peanut gallery and egging me on. Right now, he's..." He got a strange look in his eyes, at once inward and far away, then smiled and shook his head. "He's doing X-rated things you probably don't want me to narrate for you."
"No, thanks," Sam said, hastily, then coughed awkwardly. "So, um...do you ever let him take control?"
"Once in a while," Gabriel admitted. "But like I said, he doesn't really want to. World's changed too much since he let me in." He shrugged. "But you're not really asking about me and him, are you."
Sam shook his head. "...do you think I could do it?"
He pursed his lips, considering. "Probably not. If you say yes, he's gonna wash over you like a supernova. You're not gonna be able to see or hear or feel anything but him. Exactly how long that lasts, you won't know 'til it happens."
"But once that part's over?"
"You have a shot," Gabriel conceded. "But it's like...getting a camel through the eye of a needle. And the longer he's in the driver's seat, the harder it'll be for you to win it back."
"So you don't think it'll work," Sam said.
He shrugged. "You and your brother seem to do your best work with long odds. It's possible, sure, but...yeah, no, I don't think it's probable. But, hey." Gabriel smirked. "You've never listened to me before, why start now?"
Sam smiled back. "Well, you're on our side now."
"True. But I don't get the feeling you listen to people you know are on your side all that often."
He flushed and looked away, choosing not to answer that particular accusation. "Thanks. For the advice."
"Hey, it's what I'm here for. Partly, anyway," Gabriel said. "Look, how you do this, it's up to you. It's not a stupid plan, exactly, just a really risky one. You shouldn't totally forget it."
Sam nodded. "I'll talk it over with Bobby and Dean."
"Probably a good idea," Gabriel agreed. "And...if you want me to talk you through what might happen to you after, if this is your play...pray. Mention me specifically, I'll hear you wherever I am."
Sam blinked. "Even though I'm warded?"
"Yep. I mean, you'll have to tell me where to find you so I can help, or I'll track your dreams down, but yeah."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said.
The two of them stood there in silence a moment, then Gabriel shifted a little, tilting his head up at Sam. "Unless there's something else you want to ask me right now, we should probably head in, yeah?"
Sam shook his head. "No, I'm good. You're right, they'll be looking for us. Hey, can you..."
Gabriel smiled. "I'm pretty good with secrets, kiddo."
Sam relaxed a little. "Thanks."
"Any time," he said, then followed Sam back into the house.
End Part 3
Previous: Part 3, Chapter 5 Next: Part 4, Chapter 1
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
It took significantly longer than Judas wanted to get a chance to speak to Gabriel privately. First, they had needed to let Bobby know everything that had happened in Muncie, and start working out details of going for the remaining rings. He'd excused himself from the bulk of that conversation--whatever part he was to play, he trusted the others to fill him in, and he couldn't really add any information to what Abba had to offer. Instead, he'd borrowed Sam's phone so he could finally straighten things out with Jane.
Of course, it had turned out to be much harder than he had expected to convince her that he was all right, not being held against his will, and determined to proceed. Then she'd taken a good five minutes to call him several kinds of idiot for deliberately getting between their uncles (she wasn't wrong, but that fact wasn't going to change his mind). When she had finished that, she'd assured him that she wasn't going to cause any trouble for Bobby and the others, and she was going to continue to be sensible and keep her head down. In return, he had promised to check in with her as often as he could.
And even after all of that, it was still close to an hour before everyone else was distracted enough that he thought he and his father could slip away unnoticed.
He touched Gabriel's shoulder briefly. "We should finish," he suggested quietly.
Gabriel eyed him for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah. Outside?"
Judas inclined his head, and stepped back for the Archangel to lead the way.
For a moment, they just walked, and neither of them said anything.
"That was monumentally stupid, Judas," Gabriel finally said, in Aramaic--which meant someone had probably followed them outside, since he tended to stick to the dominant language of his environment unless he had a damn good reason not to.
"I wasn't trying to punish myself, or get myself killed or..." Judas sighed. "I wasn't. I was just...I couldn't let you die, Abba."
"Doesn't change the whole monumental stupidity thing."
"I know." They walked in silence for a long moment. "I didn't tell him anything. About you."
"...thank you," Gabriel said. "We don't have to talk about--"
"Yes, we do." Judas looked carefully anywhere but at his father. "Not much, because I don't want to...you don't need to hear details, but it's part of it, and we need to finish this stupid fight before it gets out of hand."
"Fine," he said. "You do know he would have stopped, if you'd just told him you'd stay out of it, right?"
"I know."
"Then why the hell didn't you?" he asked.
"Because I pushed him to start."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't take sides before you did."
Gabriel stared at him.
"If I'd let him keep talking..." Judas sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "If I'd given him an inch, he would have won me over. And then you...sooner or later, you would have been dragged into it. Either because you love me and he forced your hand, or because someone else got to you and it had nothing to do with me. The first would make it my fault that you did things you don't want to, and the second...I'd have to fight you, Abba. And I couldn't..." He shook his head. "So I got him to stop talking, and hand me to his demons instead. I can handle pain, Abba. I don't enjoy it, and I avoid it when I can, but I can handle it. Not forever, I mean, I know I would have broken eventually, but...I can hold out longer against that than..."
"Than what?"
"Empathy."
They continued on in silence for another moment. "You'd already promised me you'd stay out of it," Gabriel reminded him. "All you had to do was tell him the same thing, and he would have let you go. Then you wouldn't have had to worry about--"
Judas stopped and stared at him. "Do you think I would've made that promise if I'd known what you were talking about when you asked me?"
He shook his head, and laughed a little, bitterly. "Why do you think I was so vague? Still--"
"I can hardly face myself in the mirror as it is, Abba, you know that. If I'd given him what he wanted--even if it had been what I wanted..." He took a deep breath, clenching and then slowly relaxing his fists as he let it out. "I didn't exactly get involved on purpose, anyway."
"Not the first time, maybe," Gabriel agreed. "But what about back there, on the road?"
"Well, you'd already signed on," Judas said. "So I followed you. As I would have, even if you'd chosen differently, but...I'm glad you picked the side you did."
"You still promised me."
"I know," Judas sighed. "But once I was in, I couldn't exactly...I didn't forget my promise, I just...I tried to walk away, I did. I was going to go back to Ohio, like I know you wanted me to. I was going to try to rebuild, but...who knows what's even left for me there? Other than Fenrir, who I sure has already been taken in by someone in a better position to look after him than I am now. And then I found out about Kali's meeting..."
Gabriel sighed. "How the hell did that happen, anyway? I doubt she invited you. You were never dumb enough to piss her off."
He shook his head. "She didn't. Hermes told me. I think Mercury told him, but I didn't ask."
"I'm gonna kill him."
"Don't, Abba. He was trying to warn me away."
Gabriel snorted. "Yeah, like he really thought that would work."
Judas smiled slightly. "I'm sure he didn't."
The Archangel sighed, uncharacteristically serious again. "I had a plan, Judas. You didn't need to jump in like that."
"Did you really think it would work?" he asked. "Or did you think you'd make the attempt, go out in a blaze of glory--or fake it, to get the Winchesters off your back--and not have to see this through?"
Gabriel turned and stared at him. "Are you really in a position to be flinging that kind of accusation? I mean, come on."
Judas met his eyes evenly. "I can because I've been there. Maybe not the same circumstances, exactly, but somewhere similar. Besides, making a grand gesture and then refusing to deal with the consequences? We both know it wouldn't be the first time for you, either."
Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. "That was different."
Judas just held his gaze without replying.
"Yeah, well, either way, that's not what I was doing, so shut up."
After a moment, Judas broke eye contact. "I'm sorry."
Gabriel sighed. "Yeah."
"I won't promise not to do it again," he said, "because I absolutely would, if it meant keeping you alive."
"Yeah, I know." Gabriel was silent for a long moment, then said, "Look, I'll stop trying to talk you out of it, I just...be careful, okay? I still mean what I said, when you made me that promise."
"I won't take unnecessary risks," Judas promised. "Provided you don't, either."
"When do I ever?" Gabriel said, smirking.
Judas rolled his eyes. "Do you want that list chronologically or by degree of stupidity?"
Gabriel burst out laughing. "Fine, fine. I promise."
"Oh, one more thing?" Judas said.
"Yeah?"
"I sort of borrowed a car from Bobby, and it got left behind."
"Obviously. And whose fault was that?"
Judas flushed. "I know, I know. But do you think it's safe to go back and get it now, or...?"
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "What would you ever do without me?" he said, then grinned and vanished.
Judas sighed, and switched to English. "Sam, you do know it's rude to eavesdrop, right?"
Sam flushed, and came out of hiding. "How'd you...?"
He shrugged. "I know a lot of things." Not that he'd actually known for sure which of them had followed, but Sam made the most sense. Either way, he wasn't about to admit it had just been some lucky guesswork. "Look..." He sighed. "Abba and I? We're in this. We've...settled our argument, and we're both committed. But some things are private for a reason, all right?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
Judas waved a hand. "Just don't do it again."
Before Sam could respond, Gabriel reappeared with the van Judas had borrowed. "Hiya, Sam. Did Judas take care of your bad manners, or do I have to?"
"I handled it, Abba," Judas said.
Gabriel looked genuinely--and alarmingly--disappointed. "Oh, well."
Judas shook his head, and smiled a little. "Do I have to get the spray bottle?"
Gabriel stuck his tongue out at him, and tossed him the van's keys.
"Thanks," Judas said. He glanced over at Sam briefly, then said, "I should probably let Bobby know his van's back," and turned to walk away.
"He's a bit obvious, isn't he," Gabriel said.
"Yeah, I guess."
"So..." Gabriel gave him a carry-on gesture.
Sam smiled sheepishly. "Guess he's not the only one."
"Not at all."
He looked back in the direction Judas had gone, to make sure they were alone, then said, "Can I ask you about your vessel?"
Gabriel quirked an eyebrow. "Let me guess. You want to know if he could take the wheel without asking me first?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe," Gabriel said. "Probably not. But he doesn't want to. He likes it better in the backseat, hanging out with his memories and anyone he asks me to add in, or playing peanut gallery and egging me on. Right now, he's..." He got a strange look in his eyes, at once inward and far away, then smiled and shook his head. "He's doing X-rated things you probably don't want me to narrate for you."
"No, thanks," Sam said, hastily, then coughed awkwardly. "So, um...do you ever let him take control?"
"Once in a while," Gabriel admitted. "But like I said, he doesn't really want to. World's changed too much since he let me in." He shrugged. "But you're not really asking about me and him, are you."
Sam shook his head. "...do you think I could do it?"
He pursed his lips, considering. "Probably not. If you say yes, he's gonna wash over you like a supernova. You're not gonna be able to see or hear or feel anything but him. Exactly how long that lasts, you won't know 'til it happens."
"But once that part's over?"
"You have a shot," Gabriel conceded. "But it's like...getting a camel through the eye of a needle. And the longer he's in the driver's seat, the harder it'll be for you to win it back."
"So you don't think it'll work," Sam said.
He shrugged. "You and your brother seem to do your best work with long odds. It's possible, sure, but...yeah, no, I don't think it's probable. But, hey." Gabriel smirked. "You've never listened to me before, why start now?"
Sam smiled back. "Well, you're on our side now."
"True. But I don't get the feeling you listen to people you know are on your side all that often."
He flushed and looked away, choosing not to answer that particular accusation. "Thanks. For the advice."
"Hey, it's what I'm here for. Partly, anyway," Gabriel said. "Look, how you do this, it's up to you. It's not a stupid plan, exactly, just a really risky one. You shouldn't totally forget it."
Sam nodded. "I'll talk it over with Bobby and Dean."
"Probably a good idea," Gabriel agreed. "And...if you want me to talk you through what might happen to you after, if this is your play...pray. Mention me specifically, I'll hear you wherever I am."
Sam blinked. "Even though I'm warded?"
"Yep. I mean, you'll have to tell me where to find you so I can help, or I'll track your dreams down, but yeah."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said.
The two of them stood there in silence a moment, then Gabriel shifted a little, tilting his head up at Sam. "Unless there's something else you want to ask me right now, we should probably head in, yeah?"
Sam shook his head. "No, I'm good. You're right, they'll be looking for us. Hey, can you..."
Gabriel smiled. "I'm pretty good with secrets, kiddo."
Sam relaxed a little. "Thanks."
"Any time," he said, then followed Sam back into the house.
End Part 3
Previous: Part 3, Chapter 5 Next: Part 4, Chapter 1