nope, no and NO!!!!!
no idea what im feeling. i mean NO ONE has any idea. nope none at all. and im going to fucking say it. im done, entirely. this is a wonderful rage that i woke up to and sickly im not going to let it go. so im going to HAVE my FUCKING fun documenting just every little stupid thing. fuck every feeling i have thats layered in my body. i dont LIKE being this way, a lovely little pretending. all the fucking time BLAH BLAH BLAH lalala. im loathing it alot now, very sad. should i embrace it? haha if i DID id become the normal mindless idiot that seems to be awfully popular. i would get SO caught up in ALL this stuff that eats away at my brain that i would drown in it. become something thats easily labeled. i dont want a label. i dont want to be normal. i dont want to be unnoticed. not by him, not by her, not by them. gosh but him..he..THE guy. screw him. screw it. screw a whole fucking lot. this is so fucking great, me slashing away at myself because of them. and this feeling that i have. its just a fucking feeling. fuck the feeling. fuck any feeling. fuck a feeling? aw hell. this is hard to come across. he hasnt done anything, they havent done anything, no one has. this is just a great little fit ive thrown myself into. haha ive even started to take it out on myself. this not eating thing, this not sleeping thing, ive only begun to pass out now. in odd places ofcourse. i was asleep on the bathroom floor last night. i cant even finish a KIDS meal something i used to eat by the dozen. my thinking is just so sad. im wearing off alot of energy that i dont have. i just want to say FUCK IT and throw myself back into a familiar pattern. i know that sam is up for it. i know that id have friends to follow around and get followed by. i know that i can get liked by being retarded all the time, and i know that i wouldnt mind it that much. im used to it. but i dont WANT to. theres fucking WANTING in this!!! FUCKING BASTARD..bitch..thing. i cant cry. probally cant make tears. hahaHA! i just wish that id get something, it is almost useless to let all this emotion go and not get something to fill where it was..