(no subject)
Wishing Stars: Fourteen
d/b
Disclaimer: This is fiction
Warnings: Adult themes of the non-sexual kind. This chapter is dark. Read at your own risk.
The first snow fell on the second full day after their arrival at the camp. Viggo had rested. He felt his strength returning and, with it, a restlessness to be on the move. He stood by the river and watched the flakes melt into the black water. A late flock of birds streamed by overhead, honking, and beating fast towards the south.
“You’ll not be following them until spring.”
Viggo startled. He’d not heard Craig approach.
“I saw sleds.”
“It’s a long trip. Dom wouldn’t survive it.”
“I could come back for him. Get a ship and come back. Take him home.”
Craig was silent for a time.
“You might make it to Kiana. If the weather held for three days. It’s a five day journey from Kiana to the closest airbase and there’s no space craft there. Pilots wait weeks for the weather to be clear enough to take off. Winter is not a postcard here. It’s deadly.”
Viggo nodded.
“Have you ever done it?”
“In winter? No. I like my body parts too much. Andrew did it. He lost three fingers and two toes. He only made it as far as Kiana.”
“Well, I hope you don’t mind guests then. I’d like to be useful though. If you can show me what I can do to help?”
Craig smiled. “It’s a slow season, winter. I’ll show you how to do chores and make ropes and traps. Mostly, you’ll need to fight your boredom. We’d like to hear your stories. I can translate.”
Viggo smiled. “There are many stories where I come from.”
“Good. Perhaps winter will seem fleeting.”
The snow fell quietly but persistently for three days. Viggo helped Craig lace ropes between the tents and down to the river.
“What are these for?”
“So we don’t get lost.”
In the small amount of daylight the men hunted. They caught a few small animals and birds. These kills were met with cries of delight at the camp. Fresh meat was to be scarce for the next few months. Craig showed Viggo the food supply of salted meat and fish, dried herbs, and root vegetables.
“You’ve three more mouths to feed than you planned on.”
“It was a good year for fish. The river must have told them you were coming.”
On the third night Viggo was jolted awake by the unholy howl of the wind. The blizzard screamed down from the northwest and hit the camp with such force that no one could go outside for two days. It was hard to hear each other speak until enough snow had fallen around the tents to muffle the sound of the wind.
Eventually the sky cleared and sun skimmed the horizon for a few hours at midday. Viggo helped clear a path between the tents and down to the river. It was hard work and dusk was coming on as they neared the river.
“It’s too early to be so dark,” Craig said.
Viggo smiled. It was two o’clock in the afternoon. The nights would only get longer.
Andrew tensed and pointed to the west. “Malstrom!”
Viggo turned in the direction Andrew indicated. A line of towering clouds was bearing down on them, blotting out the light. The wind picked up, blowing stinging snow into their faces. Viggo turned his face away, turned around again to catch his breath. He couldn’t see. They were a half mile from the camp and in the space of five seconds he didn’t know which way the camp was.
“Ropes!” Craig shouted and Viggo felt Andrew’s powerful grip on his arm. He stumbled but was dragged brutally upright. After a dozen agonizing steps into the wind he found the rope.
Andrew yelled above the wind.
“Not let go rope!”
Viggo put his head down and trudged into the wind. All he knew for a time was the stinging of the snow, the scream of the wind, and the bitter cold that clawed at every inch of exposed skin. He kept walking. He didn’t let go of the rope.
~*~
“Lesson number one. Never, ever, go outside the ropes. Even if you go in the wrong direction, the ropes will eventually lead you back.”
Viggo sipped at his cup of broth.
“A lesson I won’t forget.”
Craig smiled.
“Lesson two. When the blizzard hits, grin and bear it. If you turn around and visibility plummets to zero, you’re lost.”
“If I’d been alone. I wouldn’t have…I’d…thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Andrew said.
“Lesson three. Never go out alone. Privacy is too dear a commodity in winter.”
~*~
Billy. The boys are screaming. The boys I sent to die, Bill. They’re screaming.
Just the wind, love. Come back to bed.
Is Justin okay? I think he’s screaming. Someone is screaming. Can’t you hear it?
Just the wind. Remember those warm winds on Gemhot that blew the dust from the desert over all your plants? That wind moaned. This one screams. Just the wind.
The wind in England sang. I’m pretty sure of it. It went pitter-pat and sang. It was lullabies. Why can’t anyone else do wind properly?
Just the wind. Wild and untamed, like you. Just the wind.
Sing to me. Sing lullabies.
“When the north wind shakes the tree
Shelter safe and warm to me
Though the snow does blow
The fire will glow
And my arms will comfort thee.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re at the last camp west of Kiana, on the planet Algid. It’s three months from winter solstice and we are in the fifth blizzard. You’ve been dreaming for nineteen days.”
“Is Paul still dead?”
“Once one meets Death you are friends forever.”
“Where’s Viggo?”
“A tent away. It’s too dark to travel between tents now.”
“Devin?”
“He’s here. He’s sleeping. He sleeps much. He’s sleeping his sorrow away.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Nolee.”
“Have you been taking care of me?”
“I have.”
“Thank you.”
Nolee held a cup of water to Dom’s lips. He drank deeply.
“Why do you thank me? It is what you would do. What anyone would do.”
“You made me better. I think. I’m alive anyway. I thought I was dead.”
“Did you? What happened when you thought this?”
“I…I went home. I went home to Billy. But I was scared. It wasn’t glad like I thought it would be. It wasn’t adventures and New Zealand.”
“Yes, it was dark because you didn’t belong there. When you are ready it will be a glad place.”
Nolee pulled the coverings away from Dom and Dom felt the icy air hit his naked body, but only for a moment. Nolee was wrapping herself around him. Dom blushed and thought to push her away. She was a young woman. She was a lovely young woman. She might want…
She started to sing again. She brushed the hair back from Dom’s brow.
“Do you have children?”
“Two. Brina and Fiana. Girls.”
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen. Hush now. You’ve slept in fever. Sleep in health.”
Nolee wrapped her arms tightly around him and sang. Though he was older than her, Dom felt tears rolling down his face, relieved to be caught in a motherly embrace.
~*~
Billy planted in the greenhouse in the spring. He watered the plants through the summer and sat on the beach with the children. He got up early every morning and ran six miles before Justin woke. He cooked breakfast and packed lunches. He went to work and smiled and fulfilled all his duties.
When the leaves fell he raked them from the yard and let Justin and the dogs jump in the piles and raked them up again. He lit candles on frosty evenings. He led a moonlit hike through the woods near the school.
Then there was a cold, gray day. Billy called in sick. He put a box of cereal on the table for Justin and went back to bed. He didn’t get up.
Justin jumped on the bed at dinner time.
“Billy? Should I call Randa?”
“Don’t bother her. Make yourself a sandwich, love. You can do that, yeah?”
Justin showed Billy his math test the next day.
“I got a ninety-eight, Billy. I did what you said to and I got a ninety-eight.”
“That’s wonderful. Can you go up to the school for dinner? I’m tired tonight.”
Justin was very quiet in the mornings and made Billy a cup of tea. He left it on his bedside table but it was always there when he came home in the afternoons. Billy never touched it.
“Should I call Bean, Billy? Should I call Liv?”
“Don’t call anyone. Eat at the school. That’s a good lad. Love you.”
On the fifth day Justin didn’t come home from school. It was dark out and Justin hadn’t come home from school. It was ten o’clock at night and Justin hadn’t come home.
Billy didn’t notice.
“It’s a good thing I have a key.”
“Liv.”
“Where’s your son, Billy? It’s after ten o’clock.”
“He’s…he must be at school, or Miranda’s.”
“He’s not. He’s at Bean’s house. He’s safe, you know. He’s upset, but he’s safe.”
“I’m not feeling so well, Liv.”
“What’s your diagnosis, Doctor?”
“What? I need to sleep.”
“Bill, I say this as a friend, you need to get yourself together. Justin needs you. If you’re that sick, go to the hospital. We’ll take care of Justin. But…you’re neglecting your duties, Billy.”
Billy sat up.
“So what! So what if I am! He’s dead, Liv. Dead! I didn’t get to bury him. I didn’t get to eulogize him. I didn’t get to mourn him. I didn’t get…to…bring him home. I didn’t get to introduce him to my family, or meet his, or see where he was born, or where he played as a child. I didn’t get to marry him and grow old with him. I didn’t get to do one normal, god-damned thing with him. So I’m going to fucking lie here and pretend I’m holding him because…because…I loved him. And it can’t just end with a brave smile and him running away and not looking back. He would have looked back, Liv. He would have. He was so afraid. He wasn’t quite whole and he was so afraid. I hate to think of him afraid. Hurt. Liv! Just tell me he wasn’t hurt!”
Liv sat on the edge of the bed and tugged Billy toward her.
“Bill, we were looking out for you. You just disappeared. You can’t disappear. We’re here for you. You mean so much to us. Mourn your love. Mourn the love you’ve lost. We’ll mourn with you. We’ll love you through it. Just don’t disappear. We missed you so.”
Liv kissed Billy’s hair.
“So many people love you. So many people need you. Dom would want you to love. He’d want you to go on. Stay with us. We’re such a rag-tag collection of lost souls. We need you to love us. We need you to love. Stay with us. Stay.”
Billy clung to her. He squeezed her and listened to her words. He thought of his heart, broken and broken and broken again. He thought of his sister. He thought of Brad. He dried his tears and smiled and excused himself to go to the toilet. He took his razor blade and cut quickly up his left arm. He watched the blood spring against the white skin and smiled. He cut his right arm. He looked in the mirror. Wished he had taken a shower first. Looked in the mirror. So long, face. Fell. Hit his head hard on the wall.
Liv was screaming outside the door.
Just the wind, love. Come to bed.
d/b
Disclaimer: This is fiction
Warnings: Adult themes of the non-sexual kind. This chapter is dark. Read at your own risk.
The first snow fell on the second full day after their arrival at the camp. Viggo had rested. He felt his strength returning and, with it, a restlessness to be on the move. He stood by the river and watched the flakes melt into the black water. A late flock of birds streamed by overhead, honking, and beating fast towards the south.
“You’ll not be following them until spring.”
Viggo startled. He’d not heard Craig approach.
“I saw sleds.”
“It’s a long trip. Dom wouldn’t survive it.”
“I could come back for him. Get a ship and come back. Take him home.”
Craig was silent for a time.
“You might make it to Kiana. If the weather held for three days. It’s a five day journey from Kiana to the closest airbase and there’s no space craft there. Pilots wait weeks for the weather to be clear enough to take off. Winter is not a postcard here. It’s deadly.”
Viggo nodded.
“Have you ever done it?”
“In winter? No. I like my body parts too much. Andrew did it. He lost three fingers and two toes. He only made it as far as Kiana.”
“Well, I hope you don’t mind guests then. I’d like to be useful though. If you can show me what I can do to help?”
Craig smiled. “It’s a slow season, winter. I’ll show you how to do chores and make ropes and traps. Mostly, you’ll need to fight your boredom. We’d like to hear your stories. I can translate.”
Viggo smiled. “There are many stories where I come from.”
“Good. Perhaps winter will seem fleeting.”
The snow fell quietly but persistently for three days. Viggo helped Craig lace ropes between the tents and down to the river.
“What are these for?”
“So we don’t get lost.”
In the small amount of daylight the men hunted. They caught a few small animals and birds. These kills were met with cries of delight at the camp. Fresh meat was to be scarce for the next few months. Craig showed Viggo the food supply of salted meat and fish, dried herbs, and root vegetables.
“You’ve three more mouths to feed than you planned on.”
“It was a good year for fish. The river must have told them you were coming.”
On the third night Viggo was jolted awake by the unholy howl of the wind. The blizzard screamed down from the northwest and hit the camp with such force that no one could go outside for two days. It was hard to hear each other speak until enough snow had fallen around the tents to muffle the sound of the wind.
Eventually the sky cleared and sun skimmed the horizon for a few hours at midday. Viggo helped clear a path between the tents and down to the river. It was hard work and dusk was coming on as they neared the river.
“It’s too early to be so dark,” Craig said.
Viggo smiled. It was two o’clock in the afternoon. The nights would only get longer.
Andrew tensed and pointed to the west. “Malstrom!”
Viggo turned in the direction Andrew indicated. A line of towering clouds was bearing down on them, blotting out the light. The wind picked up, blowing stinging snow into their faces. Viggo turned his face away, turned around again to catch his breath. He couldn’t see. They were a half mile from the camp and in the space of five seconds he didn’t know which way the camp was.
“Ropes!” Craig shouted and Viggo felt Andrew’s powerful grip on his arm. He stumbled but was dragged brutally upright. After a dozen agonizing steps into the wind he found the rope.
Andrew yelled above the wind.
“Not let go rope!”
Viggo put his head down and trudged into the wind. All he knew for a time was the stinging of the snow, the scream of the wind, and the bitter cold that clawed at every inch of exposed skin. He kept walking. He didn’t let go of the rope.
~*~
“Lesson number one. Never, ever, go outside the ropes. Even if you go in the wrong direction, the ropes will eventually lead you back.”
Viggo sipped at his cup of broth.
“A lesson I won’t forget.”
Craig smiled.
“Lesson two. When the blizzard hits, grin and bear it. If you turn around and visibility plummets to zero, you’re lost.”
“If I’d been alone. I wouldn’t have…I’d…thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Andrew said.
“Lesson three. Never go out alone. Privacy is too dear a commodity in winter.”
~*~
Billy. The boys are screaming. The boys I sent to die, Bill. They’re screaming.
Just the wind, love. Come back to bed.
Is Justin okay? I think he’s screaming. Someone is screaming. Can’t you hear it?
Just the wind. Remember those warm winds on Gemhot that blew the dust from the desert over all your plants? That wind moaned. This one screams. Just the wind.
The wind in England sang. I’m pretty sure of it. It went pitter-pat and sang. It was lullabies. Why can’t anyone else do wind properly?
Just the wind. Wild and untamed, like you. Just the wind.
Sing to me. Sing lullabies.
“When the north wind shakes the tree
Shelter safe and warm to me
Though the snow does blow
The fire will glow
And my arms will comfort thee.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re at the last camp west of Kiana, on the planet Algid. It’s three months from winter solstice and we are in the fifth blizzard. You’ve been dreaming for nineteen days.”
“Is Paul still dead?”
“Once one meets Death you are friends forever.”
“Where’s Viggo?”
“A tent away. It’s too dark to travel between tents now.”
“Devin?”
“He’s here. He’s sleeping. He sleeps much. He’s sleeping his sorrow away.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Nolee.”
“Have you been taking care of me?”
“I have.”
“Thank you.”
Nolee held a cup of water to Dom’s lips. He drank deeply.
“Why do you thank me? It is what you would do. What anyone would do.”
“You made me better. I think. I’m alive anyway. I thought I was dead.”
“Did you? What happened when you thought this?”
“I…I went home. I went home to Billy. But I was scared. It wasn’t glad like I thought it would be. It wasn’t adventures and New Zealand.”
“Yes, it was dark because you didn’t belong there. When you are ready it will be a glad place.”
Nolee pulled the coverings away from Dom and Dom felt the icy air hit his naked body, but only for a moment. Nolee was wrapping herself around him. Dom blushed and thought to push her away. She was a young woman. She was a lovely young woman. She might want…
She started to sing again. She brushed the hair back from Dom’s brow.
“Do you have children?”
“Two. Brina and Fiana. Girls.”
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen. Hush now. You’ve slept in fever. Sleep in health.”
Nolee wrapped her arms tightly around him and sang. Though he was older than her, Dom felt tears rolling down his face, relieved to be caught in a motherly embrace.
~*~
Billy planted in the greenhouse in the spring. He watered the plants through the summer and sat on the beach with the children. He got up early every morning and ran six miles before Justin woke. He cooked breakfast and packed lunches. He went to work and smiled and fulfilled all his duties.
When the leaves fell he raked them from the yard and let Justin and the dogs jump in the piles and raked them up again. He lit candles on frosty evenings. He led a moonlit hike through the woods near the school.
Then there was a cold, gray day. Billy called in sick. He put a box of cereal on the table for Justin and went back to bed. He didn’t get up.
Justin jumped on the bed at dinner time.
“Billy? Should I call Randa?”
“Don’t bother her. Make yourself a sandwich, love. You can do that, yeah?”
Justin showed Billy his math test the next day.
“I got a ninety-eight, Billy. I did what you said to and I got a ninety-eight.”
“That’s wonderful. Can you go up to the school for dinner? I’m tired tonight.”
Justin was very quiet in the mornings and made Billy a cup of tea. He left it on his bedside table but it was always there when he came home in the afternoons. Billy never touched it.
“Should I call Bean, Billy? Should I call Liv?”
“Don’t call anyone. Eat at the school. That’s a good lad. Love you.”
On the fifth day Justin didn’t come home from school. It was dark out and Justin hadn’t come home from school. It was ten o’clock at night and Justin hadn’t come home.
Billy didn’t notice.
“It’s a good thing I have a key.”
“Liv.”
“Where’s your son, Billy? It’s after ten o’clock.”
“He’s…he must be at school, or Miranda’s.”
“He’s not. He’s at Bean’s house. He’s safe, you know. He’s upset, but he’s safe.”
“I’m not feeling so well, Liv.”
“What’s your diagnosis, Doctor?”
“What? I need to sleep.”
“Bill, I say this as a friend, you need to get yourself together. Justin needs you. If you’re that sick, go to the hospital. We’ll take care of Justin. But…you’re neglecting your duties, Billy.”
Billy sat up.
“So what! So what if I am! He’s dead, Liv. Dead! I didn’t get to bury him. I didn’t get to eulogize him. I didn’t get to mourn him. I didn’t get…to…bring him home. I didn’t get to introduce him to my family, or meet his, or see where he was born, or where he played as a child. I didn’t get to marry him and grow old with him. I didn’t get to do one normal, god-damned thing with him. So I’m going to fucking lie here and pretend I’m holding him because…because…I loved him. And it can’t just end with a brave smile and him running away and not looking back. He would have looked back, Liv. He would have. He was so afraid. He wasn’t quite whole and he was so afraid. I hate to think of him afraid. Hurt. Liv! Just tell me he wasn’t hurt!”
Liv sat on the edge of the bed and tugged Billy toward her.
“Bill, we were looking out for you. You just disappeared. You can’t disappear. We’re here for you. You mean so much to us. Mourn your love. Mourn the love you’ve lost. We’ll mourn with you. We’ll love you through it. Just don’t disappear. We missed you so.”
Liv kissed Billy’s hair.
“So many people love you. So many people need you. Dom would want you to love. He’d want you to go on. Stay with us. We’re such a rag-tag collection of lost souls. We need you to love us. We need you to love. Stay with us. Stay.”
Billy clung to her. He squeezed her and listened to her words. He thought of his heart, broken and broken and broken again. He thought of his sister. He thought of Brad. He dried his tears and smiled and excused himself to go to the toilet. He took his razor blade and cut quickly up his left arm. He watched the blood spring against the white skin and smiled. He cut his right arm. He looked in the mirror. Wished he had taken a shower first. Looked in the mirror. So long, face. Fell. Hit his head hard on the wall.
Liv was screaming outside the door.
Just the wind, love. Come to bed.