it was more of saying that I have no life, that its very drull, maybe I should have said "and I choose to keep my mouth shut" because its my own fault my life is so boring, I never party, I never do anything exciting, I'm so jealous of all those that can jsut let go and do all that stuff... so yes, I'm mute. I need to go on a 5 day drug binge at least once, drive home drunk late at nite in fear for my life because I can't stay wherever the fuck I'm at, I just want to have a life, have something interesting to share with whom ever if ever I end up with someone as well as my children. I don't want to look back and say, wow, I did completely fucking shit in my life, I was too busy preparing and not doing, and thats what I do... I prepare, I think, I contemplate. I'm a philosopher with no book. I live a dull trite meaningless life, and I'm tired of that, very much so. I want to have fun, but... I just can't seem to let myself go... I hate thinking and I hate worrying *Sigh* I'm always waiting for the next moment, always pausing at that
( ... )
I just don't see the greatness right now in my life, and every time I look back on my life, I jsut think... wow... thats it... thats all you've done in your life? Yeah, I don't really want a 5 day binge and I don't want to drive drunk, I was jsut giving examples of the "horrible" things that people do. I mean, right now all I can say is, I've had a lot of sex, that I've gotten my heart broken a billion times, and that I sit around most the time trying to get someone to hang out with me... bla bla bla... thanks for saying I'm better than that, but I don't want to be better, I just want to be me, I want to stop feeling like I'm either shit, or better than everyone... *Sigh* you're on now, so I'm going.
Comments 6
pookie!
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