i hardly know you, so this may not be much help at all... but you seem to me to be a person with a lot of depth, and a lot more to offer than just sex. and i don't mean this to minimise what you are going through in any way, but i think just about everyone's life is fucked up. so if it is any condolence, you aren't alone! and if you ever wanna talk to someone, and there's nobody better available [wink], you can always find me!
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*meg*
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~Nomi
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