(no subject)
Title:Devil's Grief
Pairing: Kiyoharu x Kyo, Kiyoharu x Riku
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 2/3
Word Count: 1,482
Summary: Even if he was no more than the devil in people’s eyes -didn’t he deserve to be happy too?
Author's note: A mini drabble multi fic? I suppose. Just another step in helping the writer's block.
Chapters: Chapter 1
Eyes lazily staring at the city lights below and even though he couldn’t just take off on a random damn vacation with upcoming gigs and his busy schedule he did the best thing he could and went to his partner in crime’s apartment. Watching with feign interests of the cars passing down and the sun setting in the distance as people hurried home for dinner.
What the hell was he doing? This should have had been all too damn easy. He was back with Riku and all his damn problems should have been solved, but the confession of another friend for wanting him and left him feel guilty with his choice and questioning if he really did do the right thing.
He didn’t have feelings for Kyo like that. Not in a damn million years, but he felt he lead the damn blonde on and he valued their friendship more than he let people lead onto, but at the same time he didn’t want to lose that friendship because of the choice he made didn’t make the blonde happy.
Kyo and Hakuei reassured him he never led Kyo along, but yet he couldn’t let himself accept that because when the Devil finally felt guilt it was difficult to make him stop. Yet, if he was happy with the decision that he made then he shouldn’t have felt guilt or even the damn fear of losing a friend because of the decision he made.
Flipping the phone open and hitting the character ‘ri’ and with a push of the button he had the blank message screen pulled back up and quick to write his message, but stopped himself from hitting the send button. He made odd agreements to the condition of them being back together and he was going to respect that, but what type of damn relationship was it when he couldn’t message the person he was with for their thought.
Snapping the phone shut and tossing the device onto the patio ground as he pulled one leg up to rest on the rail that his body balanced on. He knew Riku was being guarded around him. He wasn’t a damn idiot and yet he went back for the second tie blindly with his shields down for the small chance he had been given with Riku once more.
Yet, he knew the damn blonde vocalist was being guarded with everything and the older man couldn’t quite figure out if he was angry at Riku for that or understandable? Hell, he knew he was far from understandable about that part because he wasn’t being guarded about himself, but he was giving the blonde the space he seemed to crave for and there wasn’t a damn thing Kiyoharu do if he wanted to say he could claim Riku as his own. He knew Hakuei didn’t understand why he went back and Kyo sure the hell didn’t, but he could say at least Hakuei just wanted him happy and yet at the damn moment he didn’t know what made him happy.
The sun already had set and he realized he had been out on the balcony for almost four hours debating what the hell to do and he had yet to come to a damn conclusion and only more confusion. Thumb flipping the carton of the cigarette open and pulling out a joint Hakuei had given him a week ago and placed the hand rolled joint between his lips as he lit and inhaled the substance he hadn’t had in weeks.
He had lost the damn joy of even enjoying his joint once in awhile, but yet he was messing with his mistress once more. Eyes closed as he felt the drug enter his lungs and holding it in as long as he could before he finally exhaled and coughed realizing that it was stronger than usual, but the younger vocalist had watched out for him once again.
Joint resting between his lips as he pulled himself off the side rail and moved to the front of the balcony where the rail was thicker than usual and pulling himself up onto the rail as eyes lazily glanced down at the long drop below him. Feet carefully balancing and both hands stretched above him and palms flat against the ceiling of the balcony to keep his balance.
No restraints. No safety net to catch him. Just one miscalculated error on his part and it was all over and yet he didn’t feel confided from his problems, but relaxed at the adrenaline pumping through his blood. His heart beat picking up and his eyes closed as one hand blindly let go of the ceiling for support and moved his fingers to take another hit off the joint before pulled the joint away.
Eyes half lidded and looking down at the specs of lights below him and moving the joint to rest at the corner of his lips as he moved his body to face west instead of north and letting his last hand let go of ceiling above him for support. The older man carefully balanced his steps as he made his way to the corner of the balcony rail with no restraints. His heart pumping and he felt like each beat was pounding in his head and with the final step he turned to face his back to the outside the world as eyes lazily stared at the reflection in the balcony door. Hands resting on his head and studying from his reflection he was only a damn inch from screwing it all up.
At the moment he had two decisions. He could jump forward and land on the safety of the patio to catch or lean back and fall blindly to his death, not that he would do the second option, but he felt at the moment it described his situation perfectly. He could stay with Riku and forget about Kyo and if things worked out, great, but if things didn’t work out like he hoped then he could wonder what the hell could have happened between him and Kyo. The second option he could leave Riku and finally break free from all the damn confusion and try something new, but everyday wonder what could have happened between him and Riku. He wouldn’t do the second one because he couldn’t forgive himself.
Kyo was option number two of leaning back and falling blindly and hoping for the damn best and Riku was the patio ready to catch him, but not guaranteed that he would come out of it unscathed. Yet, the simple damn visual seemed to explain everything to him or at least in his current state it did and it made perfect damn sense.
Leaning forward to jump back onto the damn balcony finally making his damn decision after having sixteen long hours of no sleep to think about it and he was pretty damn impressed that a few hours on Hakuei’s balcony and a joint seemed to solve the issue faster. Foot slipping and instead of leaning forward he felt his damn body falling back, eyes still half lidded and the heart that was pounding before had stopped as he felt nothing there to catch him, but the air and the street below.
Arms stretched out and in a blink of an eye he felt something grab his hand and roughly jerk him back towards the patio and landed roughly on the cement patio as he stared down at Hakuei who had a look far from approving on his face. Panting for air as he stared down at Hakuei and realized even if shit didn’t work out between him and Riku he still had Hakuei as his safety net and that was all the man needed at this moment.
“Jesus Christ, Mori! I know you promised you’d go first before me, but not like that. Are you trying to kill yourself?”
Kiyoharu pulling Hakuei off the ground and shaking his head as he snuffed the joint out against the cement wall and picked up the scratched up phone to see he had a message from God himself. Thumb flipping the phone open and the message that Kisaki left he could only laugh ironically at it.
What a damn bastard. Hell, if he was the Devil he sure the hell had more compassion than God himself sure had. Fucking two face bastard. Eyes narrowing and simply deleting the message before he looked back at Hakuei. “I figured out what the hell I have to do. You and your damn balcony do wonders for me.”
Walking back inside and knowing tomorrow he’d resolve all the damn issues that had managed to turn his life upside down and not even in a twenty four hour period span.
Even if he was no more than the devil in people’s eyes -didn’t he deserve to be happy too?
Pairing: Kiyoharu x Kyo, Kiyoharu x Riku
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 2/3
Word Count: 1,482
Summary: Even if he was no more than the devil in people’s eyes -didn’t he deserve to be happy too?
Author's note: A mini drabble multi fic? I suppose. Just another step in helping the writer's block.
Chapters: Chapter 1
Eyes lazily staring at the city lights below and even though he couldn’t just take off on a random damn vacation with upcoming gigs and his busy schedule he did the best thing he could and went to his partner in crime’s apartment. Watching with feign interests of the cars passing down and the sun setting in the distance as people hurried home for dinner.
What the hell was he doing? This should have had been all too damn easy. He was back with Riku and all his damn problems should have been solved, but the confession of another friend for wanting him and left him feel guilty with his choice and questioning if he really did do the right thing.
He didn’t have feelings for Kyo like that. Not in a damn million years, but he felt he lead the damn blonde on and he valued their friendship more than he let people lead onto, but at the same time he didn’t want to lose that friendship because of the choice he made didn’t make the blonde happy.
Kyo and Hakuei reassured him he never led Kyo along, but yet he couldn’t let himself accept that because when the Devil finally felt guilt it was difficult to make him stop. Yet, if he was happy with the decision that he made then he shouldn’t have felt guilt or even the damn fear of losing a friend because of the decision he made.
Flipping the phone open and hitting the character ‘ri’ and with a push of the button he had the blank message screen pulled back up and quick to write his message, but stopped himself from hitting the send button. He made odd agreements to the condition of them being back together and he was going to respect that, but what type of damn relationship was it when he couldn’t message the person he was with for their thought.
Snapping the phone shut and tossing the device onto the patio ground as he pulled one leg up to rest on the rail that his body balanced on. He knew Riku was being guarded around him. He wasn’t a damn idiot and yet he went back for the second tie blindly with his shields down for the small chance he had been given with Riku once more.
Yet, he knew the damn blonde vocalist was being guarded with everything and the older man couldn’t quite figure out if he was angry at Riku for that or understandable? Hell, he knew he was far from understandable about that part because he wasn’t being guarded about himself, but he was giving the blonde the space he seemed to crave for and there wasn’t a damn thing Kiyoharu do if he wanted to say he could claim Riku as his own. He knew Hakuei didn’t understand why he went back and Kyo sure the hell didn’t, but he could say at least Hakuei just wanted him happy and yet at the damn moment he didn’t know what made him happy.
The sun already had set and he realized he had been out on the balcony for almost four hours debating what the hell to do and he had yet to come to a damn conclusion and only more confusion. Thumb flipping the carton of the cigarette open and pulling out a joint Hakuei had given him a week ago and placed the hand rolled joint between his lips as he lit and inhaled the substance he hadn’t had in weeks.
He had lost the damn joy of even enjoying his joint once in awhile, but yet he was messing with his mistress once more. Eyes closed as he felt the drug enter his lungs and holding it in as long as he could before he finally exhaled and coughed realizing that it was stronger than usual, but the younger vocalist had watched out for him once again.
Joint resting between his lips as he pulled himself off the side rail and moved to the front of the balcony where the rail was thicker than usual and pulling himself up onto the rail as eyes lazily glanced down at the long drop below him. Feet carefully balancing and both hands stretched above him and palms flat against the ceiling of the balcony to keep his balance.
No restraints. No safety net to catch him. Just one miscalculated error on his part and it was all over and yet he didn’t feel confided from his problems, but relaxed at the adrenaline pumping through his blood. His heart beat picking up and his eyes closed as one hand blindly let go of the ceiling for support and moved his fingers to take another hit off the joint before pulled the joint away.
Eyes half lidded and looking down at the specs of lights below him and moving the joint to rest at the corner of his lips as he moved his body to face west instead of north and letting his last hand let go of ceiling above him for support. The older man carefully balanced his steps as he made his way to the corner of the balcony rail with no restraints. His heart pumping and he felt like each beat was pounding in his head and with the final step he turned to face his back to the outside the world as eyes lazily stared at the reflection in the balcony door. Hands resting on his head and studying from his reflection he was only a damn inch from screwing it all up.
At the moment he had two decisions. He could jump forward and land on the safety of the patio to catch or lean back and fall blindly to his death, not that he would do the second option, but he felt at the moment it described his situation perfectly. He could stay with Riku and forget about Kyo and if things worked out, great, but if things didn’t work out like he hoped then he could wonder what the hell could have happened between him and Kyo. The second option he could leave Riku and finally break free from all the damn confusion and try something new, but everyday wonder what could have happened between him and Riku. He wouldn’t do the second one because he couldn’t forgive himself.
Kyo was option number two of leaning back and falling blindly and hoping for the damn best and Riku was the patio ready to catch him, but not guaranteed that he would come out of it unscathed. Yet, the simple damn visual seemed to explain everything to him or at least in his current state it did and it made perfect damn sense.
Leaning forward to jump back onto the damn balcony finally making his damn decision after having sixteen long hours of no sleep to think about it and he was pretty damn impressed that a few hours on Hakuei’s balcony and a joint seemed to solve the issue faster. Foot slipping and instead of leaning forward he felt his damn body falling back, eyes still half lidded and the heart that was pounding before had stopped as he felt nothing there to catch him, but the air and the street below.
Arms stretched out and in a blink of an eye he felt something grab his hand and roughly jerk him back towards the patio and landed roughly on the cement patio as he stared down at Hakuei who had a look far from approving on his face. Panting for air as he stared down at Hakuei and realized even if shit didn’t work out between him and Riku he still had Hakuei as his safety net and that was all the man needed at this moment.
“Jesus Christ, Mori! I know you promised you’d go first before me, but not like that. Are you trying to kill yourself?”
Kiyoharu pulling Hakuei off the ground and shaking his head as he snuffed the joint out against the cement wall and picked up the scratched up phone to see he had a message from God himself. Thumb flipping the phone open and the message that Kisaki left he could only laugh ironically at it.
What a damn bastard. Hell, if he was the Devil he sure the hell had more compassion than God himself sure had. Fucking two face bastard. Eyes narrowing and simply deleting the message before he looked back at Hakuei. “I figured out what the hell I have to do. You and your damn balcony do wonders for me.”
Walking back inside and knowing tomorrow he’d resolve all the damn issues that had managed to turn his life upside down and not even in a twenty four hour period span.
Even if he was no more than the devil in people’s eyes -didn’t he deserve to be happy too?