before he made you
4.2.06
last night i dreamt about max in a school, it was very russian revolutionesque and i fell down the steps of the auditorium crying max, max, and he came and fell down next to me
7.19.06
last night i had a dream that augustave was conducting a french class on a narrow beam up high, and i was going to fall off or my laptop was, and there was an ambulance and ray zagami
7.25.06
last night i dreamt about gross things in the water, i had to arm myself with pieces of the bible
10.8.07
i had a dream last night in which i kept getting raised & lowered on a platform & meredith’s hands played a role… you tell me
10.24.07
last night i definitely dreamed that my father died ms moore was in the dream the headline read man dies: decked himself twice but he didn’t.
11.12.07
i had a dream last night in which a) mr grossman gave me a five on my dalloway whiskey paper because he didn’t like it & he didn’t get it b) seth walked in on me buttfucking some girl-it was weird.
11.15.07
last night i had the dream where grossman is a descendant of andre gide-it was really a big deal-in retrospect, though, gide never had a jewish son
11.18.07
i definitely had a dream last night i got into reed
12.28.07
last night i dreamt vividly that onofrio died; that i was wearing a skull necklace & madeleine hissed & knocked things over-we were all up in the sky, we could fly like that - she spat at me, tugging at the necklace give me my father i think she thought i’d killed him & was wearing his skull around my neck as a badge of honor
10.18.08
i had a dream last night where i took his virginity & his face, my god, the uncertainty on his face
10.27.08
the dream where i am baking a cake from naomi’s recipe & it turns out great but my mother will not eat it
2.5.09
a dream last night that annie was lost & all we could do was sing the titanic song
4.6.09
quickly, then: the dream where i have sex with alex & a bunch of bears.
4.16.09
am suddenly sure i had a dream about park slope last night. am now used to the feeling of certainty upon waking that she haunted my dreams.
5.30.09
the dream is i get angry with élan for some reason (i think involving heidegger) there are three other people there; one is linda who calls him snape the others are boys his age, older, who know more than i do about whatever we were talking about; yes i think it was critical theory of some sort we were talking about thesising, qualling, lecturers…. i said i remember that woman’s speech she was good & élan said she was horrible but made some good points. he gets up & leaves i text him but the words come out wrong the way t9 sometimes does.
6.6.09
had a dream last night in which bernie & pearl’s marriage played a part- i found a line in pearl’s journal where she apparently let irv back into her bed for a night. “penis the size of an inch,” she said. there were yells, too (torn from my bear sestina?).
6.9.09
dreamt i was married to someone & my parents couldn’t know about it. everyone was black. father called to say mother gave page a copy of her womb & page folded it so mother called security
9.24.09
a dream where i am ferrying kids across a river, cutting their hair-rachel is involved. or lentil soup dream last night, or jeff in my dream, irresponsible & controlling
10.29.09
dream where i had a hysterical little sister wanted to attack me came at me i slammed the door in her face & she opened it again shouting get a job, get a job. we had been arguing over who was going to tell dad that it was inappropriate to tell our female friends to put on clothes-russian was everywhere
2.13.10
annie in my dream again last night, thin, far off, somber, walking towards me.
4.7.10
dream last night with a russian class in my new house-it was theater, or theatrical, or maybe theraputic-i think matt featured as a skateboarder. later in the dream she gushed at me that she had just gotten laid. he said they did it twice a week. tuesdays and fridays.
4.13.10
long apocalypse now dream last night -unfathomable at this mintue.
4.14.10
strange dream-when i woke i said we had been traveling up a river together; that's true; we were lost or not lost but direction was a big deal, waterfalls were a big deal
5.26.10
keep having this anxious sexy lush dreams & what to do. this one involved a cat that changed colors. i thought white white white & the grey positively faded off that cat & there was anxiety over a house. over protocol. over sex. over food. some little cinnamon girl who kept taunting. oh it was confusing. & a dream with emily the night before, & this is all i remember of them
5.30.10
dream last night about curfews, so many dreams about curfew, heightening in the stakes, & i couldn't fucking stop dreaming
6.3.10
dream last night about how & whether to set up speakers
7.23.10
a dream last night of a party, elizabeth was late or couldn’t come, it was new years? it turned into a huge LA / new years party, peter was there & a little baby who turned somersaults. sheila walked in dressed in black like lena just as my mother had begun to trash her. i missed & missed & missed z who did not come
11.5.10
a dream last night where zhenya kept the class late watching a russian film. he leaned over sideways, alert. face hard. olivia's father was there, & dinner, & a young woman (heavy?) with a small boy who jumped off a balcony. held on by his feet-zhenya made some remark-and the boy fell.
11.14.10
a dream where instead of a penis he had a "perfectly smooth place" like kovalyov in the nose. it was because he was gay, élan said, but i knew that wasn't true. god the dream went on so long. water, a glassed-in room. my father, a chase. but that perfectly smooth place; like scar tissue, shiny and red.
11.22.10
terrifying, vivid dream just now, about los angeles i guess, although it was kind of italian mafia... magda left me a handkerchief embroidered with a secret message, there were brown children & a pool. grapes so many grapes & my angry scared parents
12.30.10
a dream last night of some institute of higher education in this here house, so many things but mostly i remember we all had to recite. ben was terrible at it; he said i see the infinitive but i forget what it means, & sam & nigel both said ac simul to buffoon. i recited & wally said how come you're the only one here. he meant where are jesse & linda moftah - i didn't know where they were. we'd all been sledding the day before, sledding to a classics competition.
1.15.11
a dream about dan last night, we were on a train & he was telling me i was wrong about what «nth cousin nth removed» meant. arms full of child. it was a sexy, petulant dream.
1. what was the name of that love song you played / i forgot how it goes / i don't recall how it goes