Looking back at 2002
So this is the year in review. It's actually a 160 pg word document. I've had a lot to say over the past year, and quite a few things have happened. Actually, it was very entertaining reviewing the year. I forgot how much I thought and felt, and how much I've grown.
Ramana fixed up my dreads. They actually look like dreads. They look defined. They don't look like a glob of untamed, messy hair. It's nice. Ramana and I have been spending more time together. 1-05
Just them being there, hugging me, and letting me know they care is enough. I feel overwhelmed by all this love right now. It's so gorgeous that it makes me want to cry. 1-08
We used to be so close. It was one of those few bonds you form where you can relate deeper than words. Our relationship was so honest it seemed like it didn't even exist - and at the same time it was a complete lie. I'm going to say it right here, and I know he's going to read this - I adored him. 1-23
I love sleeping outside, the best part is waking up in the morning. It's a natural high better than anything, because it's natural. You've created this happiness from something real, something honest, something money can't buy. 2 - 10
Matt gave me that hug he used to give me a year and a half ago, it was such an amazing feeling. It took me that long to realize how much I missed having Matt around; it's nice just to have someone to talk to, laugh with, or just have someone there. 2-15
Nick turns out to be a really interesting guy, I really like just hanging out, talking to him in the library. 2-27
So I figured out what it was. I gave up all social drama to get the coffeehouse running, and that was all fine and dandy until it came about that the coffeehouse isn't going to get started this summer (due to reasons out of my grasp). I went back out into the social world during spring break, going out once, twice, or sometimes three times in one day. But I can't just throw myself into people's lives and expect them to rely and depend upon me. People are not as easily manipulated as financials in a business plan. God I want my business back. I want the drama out. I know what I want, and just knowing that makes me feel liberated. 4-07
My dreads are gone. 4-11
Happiness isn't gratification for doing absolutely nothing. Happiness cannot be sold to the rich, or advertised on television. It's within you, and we're so disconnected from mother earth, we can't even tap into natural happiness. 4-13
I've renewed my love for music. Before I began to play guitar, I would create little pieces on the piano, and they were decent. But when I began guitar, something inside of me was afraid to create. Maybe it was sheer self-consciousness because everyone around me was so much better, but now I'm ready to create again. I've fallen in love with my guitar all over and Elton John's piano playing seemed like absolute beauty. I'm glad I found it again. 4-20
So the DOW fell back below 10000 points, actually.. it's at 9910 points. What should my reaction be? One side of me is excited. I love change and I love debate. And if enough doubt can surface, maybe change is in our midst. But on the other side, change brings discomfort. 4-26
And people are in love with me because I'm a comedian. What happens when something serious happens? What happens when I want to cry? and people are in love with the comedian? 5-01
Mother earth fucked up. But she can't fix herself, because we've risen to power. Yet, she still nurses us upon her breast, shelters us within her warm embrace, and inspires us with her beauty. Will she ever learn to avenge herself? 5-02
I understand it, but my comprehension stops at the point of consciousness. Everything fits, but I can't say why. I don't know why. 5-13
I watched Donnie Darko this afternoon. How could it be real? How could it not? I haven't stopped thinking about it. 5-19
I hear the Brown County Library in downtown Green Bay removed all books containing content about government change from their shelves within the past month. 5-24
I'm the new president of the North East Wisconsin Student Environmental Coalition. 6-02
I'm excited to get outside and garden in the beautiful sun. 6-10
I went out with this guy for coffee last night. I know he's going to read this, so "Hi to you." He was an interesting person and one of the few people that don't feel bad about saying "I don't care about what you're talking about." 6-12
He's an electronic artist, I hate electronic music. He owns a velvet cape, I own a cotton Hanes t-shirt. He believes in true love, I believe in polygamy. He's a coward, I'm an activist. His love song is by the Smashing Pumpkins, mine is by Phish. He makes fun of hybrids, I can't wait to own one. He dyes his hair, I won't even eat food containing dye. 6-15
Well folks, the world is coming to an end whether I know about it or not. I imagine I'll still try to change things, though. It's just who I am. 6-16
I walked into my house, looked at my cat laying on the chair, and started bawling. Everything just came out, and it didn't feel any better. Crying is a release of pain, anguish, anger, etc.. but not tonight. Maybe I feel too much pity for myself or maybe my heart is just too big for my body. Or maybe I just over exaggerate things so that I feel as if there is some drama in my life.. something to write about in lj. 6-15
My best friend is in Europe and I really miss her. Andrea has done a great job of being a temporary replacement, though. 6-16
do I like him because I want someone to like or do I really like him? Could I just as easily tell myself that I don't like him? When the time comes, can I tell myself that? 6-22
I hung out with Betsy last night. I missed her oh-so-much. 6-30
I'm really getting sick of this "democrats vs. republicans". It doesn't surprise me that America has become so apathetic to politics, it's the same argument over and over. I heard an interesting analogy on NPR this morning, politics are a lot like black (republicans) and white (democrats) TV. Who in the world wants to watch it anymore? In an age of digital TV, we haven't even begun to discover political techni-color. 7-03
I woke up pretty early this morning, more so out of boredom than anything. Nick isn't meeting me today. I was kind of looking forward to having something to do at 9 AM. Maybe I'll tread on over to Luna with my book. 7-09
I love being a teenager. I love being able to be completely wrong about yourself and you have all this time to find out who you are - and it doesn't matter how many times you've got it wrong. 7-09
The Bush Administration wants to recruit millions of US citizens to become "domestic informants". Feel a little thrown off? That we might be going a little too far? Well, shove this down your throat - the US will have a higher percentage of citizen informants than the former East Germany's Stasi aka the "Secret Police." 7-14
Most of all, I'm sick of other vegans and vegetarians telling me I'm a bad person and that I shouldn't call myself a vegan because I took a pill that had gelatin in the gel cap. It's my diet. Mind your own business. 7-17
I'm so fucking lucky, but do I just sit in contentment because things are "okay"? I mean, luckiness is all relative, and I'm not feeling it right now. I've got to get out of here, I've got to have some downs so I can appreciate how great everything is here. It's sad that I can't appreciate it, it really is. 7-26
It's one of those weeks where I'm in love with people. I do miss Matt right now though, he's one of the only people that understands me when I get into these moods. ... I spent the weekend with about 15 50-year-old-hippies at a summer cottage. 7-28
If you love someone, you have to let them go. 7-29
I was walking down State Street, and I saw all the people that wanted to make a difference to change the world, but weren't doing a damn thing to reach that goal. It was one of the most painful things I've ever seen. 8-06
Last night Matt and I got together at about 10:30 and hung out until 2 am. Let's just say when I got home, my mom was up waiting for me. 8-10
We climbed up the log slide on Lake Superior. The log slide is a 500 ft long, 300 ft incline sand hill that loggers would slide down the logs. The give was about 3-5 inches, so you can only imagine the physical exertion it took to climb up the hill. 8-14
I've three baby kittens lying on my bed. 8-19
Peanut is brownish-orange with a white tummy. He looks just like a peanut, hence the name. He warmed up to me right away, and will often ditch his siblings to lay by my stomach (Proving he is the most independent). 8-19
We also had a thunderstorm last night and the kittens were scared, so I stayed up and comforted them. 9-02
I forgot how much activity throughout the day school provides. How stimulating it can be if you open your mind, ask the right questions, and throw out the bullshit. 9-04
I'm an entertainer. I love to see the look of amusement on people's faces. I love telling weird, outrageous stories while making over exaggerated facial expressions. Laughing because the other person is laughing themselves to tears is one of the greatest feelings in the world. 9-09
We are not countries. We are not nations. We are not religions. We are not gods. We are not weapons. We are not ammunition. We are not killers. We will NOT be tools. I will not die I will not kill I will not be your slave I will not fight your battle I will not die on your battlefield I will not fight for your world I am not a fighter I'm a human being. 9-12
If I were to destroy it, it'd still be beautiful. It's not the face that's beautiful, it's the idea of him. 10-24
I went down to the democratic office to volunteer for two hours.. and now I really regret it. I don't believe in Doyle, he might be the worst possible candidate. 11-02
How many John Proctors, Rebecca Nurses, and Martha Coreys must we kill before the "War on Terrorism" comes to an end? 11-04
It took one thing to ruin my day today, sophomore testing. It took awhile for things to be alright. It took my guitar for things to be alright. It took David Gray for things to be alright. It took Matthiu and Shanna for things to be alright. It took Yoda for things to be alright. 11-05
My kitten is so adorable. I came home from school today because I had horrible cramps and decided to take a warm bath. Yoda also decided he wanted to take a bath. He jumped into the tub and climbed into my arms. 11-14
When I talked to him yesterday, I realized that it wasn't my fault. He wasn't wonderful, but rather far from it. I think yesterday was the first time I got a glimpse of the true Mike, and I didn't like it one bit. 11-17
Today's word is "circumlocution". 11-30
It's amazing how a book can make you question a lot of things about your life. The Dive From Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer. I know there will come a point in my life, like the point should come in everyone's life, when it's time to leave friends and family behind. As Ann Packer says "the family suppresses the artist." 12-11
"I've been thinking a little bit, and you are exactly the type of person that I would want to take to Russia with me for an educational camp." At this point, I was wide-eyed, shocked, beaming, and curious. She goes on further to explain that it's not a comfort trip, but by no means is it a dangerous one either. I'd be teaching English to students in this small, shit-assed town in the very southeastern corner of Russia. The deal is, these kids need to know English to be able to compete in a global economy, it's essential to them surviving. 12-11
I think of the entire world, the number of people who are crying right now in despair, and it makes me cry. It makes me want to give up Christmas, to give all of my gifts away. To give everyone's gifts away. Greed is what will destroy this world. Not ignorance. Not arrogance. Not Apathy. Greed. 12-24
I've been so narrow focused on Environmental Law, that I've never even asked myself if it's right for me - but rather convinced myself of it. I'd love to do something where I could travel, the backpacking type of travel. Or teaching English as a second language would be awesome. 12-27
Ramana fixed up my dreads. They actually look like dreads. They look defined. They don't look like a glob of untamed, messy hair. It's nice. Ramana and I have been spending more time together. 1-05
Just them being there, hugging me, and letting me know they care is enough. I feel overwhelmed by all this love right now. It's so gorgeous that it makes me want to cry. 1-08
We used to be so close. It was one of those few bonds you form where you can relate deeper than words. Our relationship was so honest it seemed like it didn't even exist - and at the same time it was a complete lie. I'm going to say it right here, and I know he's going to read this - I adored him. 1-23
I love sleeping outside, the best part is waking up in the morning. It's a natural high better than anything, because it's natural. You've created this happiness from something real, something honest, something money can't buy. 2 - 10
Matt gave me that hug he used to give me a year and a half ago, it was such an amazing feeling. It took me that long to realize how much I missed having Matt around; it's nice just to have someone to talk to, laugh with, or just have someone there. 2-15
Nick turns out to be a really interesting guy, I really like just hanging out, talking to him in the library. 2-27
So I figured out what it was. I gave up all social drama to get the coffeehouse running, and that was all fine and dandy until it came about that the coffeehouse isn't going to get started this summer (due to reasons out of my grasp). I went back out into the social world during spring break, going out once, twice, or sometimes three times in one day. But I can't just throw myself into people's lives and expect them to rely and depend upon me. People are not as easily manipulated as financials in a business plan. God I want my business back. I want the drama out. I know what I want, and just knowing that makes me feel liberated. 4-07
My dreads are gone. 4-11
Happiness isn't gratification for doing absolutely nothing. Happiness cannot be sold to the rich, or advertised on television. It's within you, and we're so disconnected from mother earth, we can't even tap into natural happiness. 4-13
I've renewed my love for music. Before I began to play guitar, I would create little pieces on the piano, and they were decent. But when I began guitar, something inside of me was afraid to create. Maybe it was sheer self-consciousness because everyone around me was so much better, but now I'm ready to create again. I've fallen in love with my guitar all over and Elton John's piano playing seemed like absolute beauty. I'm glad I found it again. 4-20
So the DOW fell back below 10000 points, actually.. it's at 9910 points. What should my reaction be? One side of me is excited. I love change and I love debate. And if enough doubt can surface, maybe change is in our midst. But on the other side, change brings discomfort. 4-26
And people are in love with me because I'm a comedian. What happens when something serious happens? What happens when I want to cry? and people are in love with the comedian? 5-01
Mother earth fucked up. But she can't fix herself, because we've risen to power. Yet, she still nurses us upon her breast, shelters us within her warm embrace, and inspires us with her beauty. Will she ever learn to avenge herself? 5-02
I understand it, but my comprehension stops at the point of consciousness. Everything fits, but I can't say why. I don't know why. 5-13
I watched Donnie Darko this afternoon. How could it be real? How could it not? I haven't stopped thinking about it. 5-19
I hear the Brown County Library in downtown Green Bay removed all books containing content about government change from their shelves within the past month. 5-24
I'm the new president of the North East Wisconsin Student Environmental Coalition. 6-02
I'm excited to get outside and garden in the beautiful sun. 6-10
I went out with this guy for coffee last night. I know he's going to read this, so "Hi to you." He was an interesting person and one of the few people that don't feel bad about saying "I don't care about what you're talking about." 6-12
He's an electronic artist, I hate electronic music. He owns a velvet cape, I own a cotton Hanes t-shirt. He believes in true love, I believe in polygamy. He's a coward, I'm an activist. His love song is by the Smashing Pumpkins, mine is by Phish. He makes fun of hybrids, I can't wait to own one. He dyes his hair, I won't even eat food containing dye. 6-15
Well folks, the world is coming to an end whether I know about it or not. I imagine I'll still try to change things, though. It's just who I am. 6-16
I walked into my house, looked at my cat laying on the chair, and started bawling. Everything just came out, and it didn't feel any better. Crying is a release of pain, anguish, anger, etc.. but not tonight. Maybe I feel too much pity for myself or maybe my heart is just too big for my body. Or maybe I just over exaggerate things so that I feel as if there is some drama in my life.. something to write about in lj. 6-15
My best friend is in Europe and I really miss her. Andrea has done a great job of being a temporary replacement, though. 6-16
do I like him because I want someone to like or do I really like him? Could I just as easily tell myself that I don't like him? When the time comes, can I tell myself that? 6-22
I hung out with Betsy last night. I missed her oh-so-much. 6-30
I'm really getting sick of this "democrats vs. republicans". It doesn't surprise me that America has become so apathetic to politics, it's the same argument over and over. I heard an interesting analogy on NPR this morning, politics are a lot like black (republicans) and white (democrats) TV. Who in the world wants to watch it anymore? In an age of digital TV, we haven't even begun to discover political techni-color. 7-03
I woke up pretty early this morning, more so out of boredom than anything. Nick isn't meeting me today. I was kind of looking forward to having something to do at 9 AM. Maybe I'll tread on over to Luna with my book. 7-09
I love being a teenager. I love being able to be completely wrong about yourself and you have all this time to find out who you are - and it doesn't matter how many times you've got it wrong. 7-09
The Bush Administration wants to recruit millions of US citizens to become "domestic informants". Feel a little thrown off? That we might be going a little too far? Well, shove this down your throat - the US will have a higher percentage of citizen informants than the former East Germany's Stasi aka the "Secret Police." 7-14
Most of all, I'm sick of other vegans and vegetarians telling me I'm a bad person and that I shouldn't call myself a vegan because I took a pill that had gelatin in the gel cap. It's my diet. Mind your own business. 7-17
I'm so fucking lucky, but do I just sit in contentment because things are "okay"? I mean, luckiness is all relative, and I'm not feeling it right now. I've got to get out of here, I've got to have some downs so I can appreciate how great everything is here. It's sad that I can't appreciate it, it really is. 7-26
It's one of those weeks where I'm in love with people. I do miss Matt right now though, he's one of the only people that understands me when I get into these moods. ... I spent the weekend with about 15 50-year-old-hippies at a summer cottage. 7-28
If you love someone, you have to let them go. 7-29
I was walking down State Street, and I saw all the people that wanted to make a difference to change the world, but weren't doing a damn thing to reach that goal. It was one of the most painful things I've ever seen. 8-06
Last night Matt and I got together at about 10:30 and hung out until 2 am. Let's just say when I got home, my mom was up waiting for me. 8-10
We climbed up the log slide on Lake Superior. The log slide is a 500 ft long, 300 ft incline sand hill that loggers would slide down the logs. The give was about 3-5 inches, so you can only imagine the physical exertion it took to climb up the hill. 8-14
I've three baby kittens lying on my bed. 8-19
Peanut is brownish-orange with a white tummy. He looks just like a peanut, hence the name. He warmed up to me right away, and will often ditch his siblings to lay by my stomach (Proving he is the most independent). 8-19
We also had a thunderstorm last night and the kittens were scared, so I stayed up and comforted them. 9-02
I forgot how much activity throughout the day school provides. How stimulating it can be if you open your mind, ask the right questions, and throw out the bullshit. 9-04
I'm an entertainer. I love to see the look of amusement on people's faces. I love telling weird, outrageous stories while making over exaggerated facial expressions. Laughing because the other person is laughing themselves to tears is one of the greatest feelings in the world. 9-09
We are not countries. We are not nations. We are not religions. We are not gods. We are not weapons. We are not ammunition. We are not killers. We will NOT be tools. I will not die I will not kill I will not be your slave I will not fight your battle I will not die on your battlefield I will not fight for your world I am not a fighter I'm a human being. 9-12
If I were to destroy it, it'd still be beautiful. It's not the face that's beautiful, it's the idea of him. 10-24
I went down to the democratic office to volunteer for two hours.. and now I really regret it. I don't believe in Doyle, he might be the worst possible candidate. 11-02
How many John Proctors, Rebecca Nurses, and Martha Coreys must we kill before the "War on Terrorism" comes to an end? 11-04
It took one thing to ruin my day today, sophomore testing. It took awhile for things to be alright. It took my guitar for things to be alright. It took David Gray for things to be alright. It took Matthiu and Shanna for things to be alright. It took Yoda for things to be alright. 11-05
My kitten is so adorable. I came home from school today because I had horrible cramps and decided to take a warm bath. Yoda also decided he wanted to take a bath. He jumped into the tub and climbed into my arms. 11-14
When I talked to him yesterday, I realized that it wasn't my fault. He wasn't wonderful, but rather far from it. I think yesterday was the first time I got a glimpse of the true Mike, and I didn't like it one bit. 11-17
Today's word is "circumlocution". 11-30
It's amazing how a book can make you question a lot of things about your life. The Dive From Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer. I know there will come a point in my life, like the point should come in everyone's life, when it's time to leave friends and family behind. As Ann Packer says "the family suppresses the artist." 12-11
"I've been thinking a little bit, and you are exactly the type of person that I would want to take to Russia with me for an educational camp." At this point, I was wide-eyed, shocked, beaming, and curious. She goes on further to explain that it's not a comfort trip, but by no means is it a dangerous one either. I'd be teaching English to students in this small, shit-assed town in the very southeastern corner of Russia. The deal is, these kids need to know English to be able to compete in a global economy, it's essential to them surviving. 12-11
I think of the entire world, the number of people who are crying right now in despair, and it makes me cry. It makes me want to give up Christmas, to give all of my gifts away. To give everyone's gifts away. Greed is what will destroy this world. Not ignorance. Not arrogance. Not Apathy. Greed. 12-24
I've been so narrow focused on Environmental Law, that I've never even asked myself if it's right for me - but rather convinced myself of it. I'd love to do something where I could travel, the backpacking type of travel. Or teaching English as a second language would be awesome. 12-27