Start Again
Title: Start Again (JFC, WASN'T EVEN LISTENING TO THIS SONG BUT IDK)
Pairing: Sam Tsui/Kurt Schneider
Warnings: Fluffy, angsty, mediocre writing idk.
I own neither of these charming men! Though I wish... teehee.
Songs used: Don't Want an Ending (Sam Tsui), Hold it Against Me (Brittany Spears, Sam Tsui cover)
He feels at peace in his own little world, escaping the names and slurs he's been branded when he steps out in the hallways outside. All that mattered were his fingers dancing across the keys and mind being occupied by anything other then the torment he faced outside of his comfort zone.
"My heart is running on empty
One more day and then we go
And, yeah, the time goes on now
Don't ask me how, I don't know-" his ears perk up, hesitantly turning in his seat to face the door. A sigh of relief escapes him, it's only him.
The older teen smiles, leaning against the wall.
"That was really good, did you compose that yourself?"
"Yeah... I don't have much though. Kurt right? I'm Sam." shoulders relaxing a bit as he faces the piano once again. Kurt was different from everyone else.
"I can stay?" voice hesitant even as he took a seat next to him on the piano bench.
"I don't think Ive protested yet, just don't tell anyone about this. It's my special room." smile curving at the corner of his lips. This would be nicer then playing for an imaginary audience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt isn't that high up on the popularity ladder, but he's high enough to repel the haters away from his friend. He didn't care, nor ask about his sexual orientation. It was his business whether or not he wanted to share that little aspect of himself, he was still Sam. The one with the amazing voice, composition skills, optimism that you didn't expect to be there.
He was someone he never tired of being around, smile bright enough to get him through each day.
College was the next big thing for him, Yale of all places. Heaven knows how he passed the entrance exam and made it. He didn't have the best track record for attendance, just enough to make sure he graduated on time.
His family threw him a little party with Sam and his family as the only friends actually invited, the night full of talk and music filling the summer air.
"You made it! Just four more years and you'll be done with school forever~" the younger man singsongs, the room erupting with laughter.
"Thanks everyone, I'm just glad I got it over with. Great friends, family, everything a guy could need.." voice trailing off just as his sister latched onto him from behind,
"NOW ALL YOU NEED IS A GIRLFRIEND AND YOU'RE SET!" she yelled over the chaos, no one really paying attention to the reason for celebration.
The one sitting at the keyboard tensed a little at those words, Kurt didn't need a girlfriend when he had Sam. Bros over hoes, right?
He shrugged it off quickly, thankful no one had noticed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fortunately, senior year was a good year for Sam. Granted, he didn't get the growth spurt he had hoped for... but he worked twice as hard as he did the year before.
The year by himself had been indeed lonely. Reality had set in the day Kurt moved to dorm at campus, no more daily jam sessions or brunch dates.
Kurt had even missed his birthday for finals, though he made up for it with a surprise visit the weekend after. Sam had tackled him and refused to let go for 20 minutes, his heart racing in his chest from the sudden impact.
~
"KURT!KURT!KURT!" the younger man yelled excitedly into the phone, nearly jumping in joy as he clutched the acceptance papers in his hands. He was fist pumping the air and babbling on quickly, the only thing the older word caught by the older man was 'Yale'.
"Really? That's great! I didn't even know you applied!"
"It was a long shot, but I made it. I did it all on my own!" both young men talked throughout the night, catching up and discussing campus. It felt like old times for Sam, as if life was falling back into place again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pulse racing, Sam smiled as Kurt helped him move everything into his 'suite'. Everything was in perfect place and he couldn't imagine life getting better.
Kurt gave him a broad smile, glad that he got the dean to arrange Sam as his room mate this semester. It had taken a great deal of pleading and negotiation but he had gotten the room arrangements and everything worked out.
The younger man had done his research, he knew Yale's student population wasn't prejudice and the environment was safe. He knew he'd feel that pang of homesickness every once in a while, but he wouldn't be alone. In fact, he had already been introduced to a majority of Kurt's floormates in his short arrival to the campus.
The people were kind and social, the professors seemed decent, Sam could imagine the next 4 years of his life to be some of his best already.
Actually, the only issue he was truly worried about was Kurt. It's been over four years since he had come to terms with his sexuality, never confirming nor denying whether he was gay or straight. Now that they were officially living together, he assumed it wouldn't be the wisest idea to mention he was gay, hell. He knew Kurt couldn't be homophobic after all those rumors back in high school clouding Sam, he had never asked for any confirmation. The older teen never took that into consideration as their friendship grew, Sam never understand why or how he deserved such a great friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam is deathly afraid of thunder storms, a fear he thought he had overcome in his elementary school days.
Then again, this might have been one of the worst storms he's ever gone through in his life. Kurt is in the bed near the door, sleeping like the dead after hours of studying for his last final. The latter hates how he pushes himself so hard, still making time so they could jam every now and then.
Staring at the older man's face in the darkness, he whimpers as a particularly loud clap of thunder nearly causes him to fall of bed. His body forces him to hide, anywhere away from the window his bed resides under. Not caring if he was loud anymore, he tries to make his way towards the bathroom and trips over something just feet away from his bed.
"Shit-" he curses in annoyance, a light from Kurt’s side of the room flicks on as soon as he stands up.
"Sam?"
"..Uh. Sorry, couldn’t sleep." Running his hand through his bed hair, staring anywhere but at his friend.
"Astraphobia?"
“What?”
"Fear of thunder. I didn’t know, we could have gotten you some earmuffs or something.."
"Nah, I’ll be fine. Sorry I-" a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder take place simultaniously, the younger nearly ducking under the sheets again and breathing erratically.
Kurt looks at him in pity, the light having gone out from an assumed power outage. The smaller man curled up in a corner on his bed, easliy gathering the pillows around him to make a protective fort.
Grabbing his pillow, the older simply sighs and plops down on the bed and makes himself comfortable. Sam pops his head from under the covers and stares with wide eyes at the back facing him.
"Kurt? I’m still scared.." he says in a quiet voice, as if the people in the room next door were evesdropping on them.
The man flips over and wraps an arm around the younger, pulling him close as if this would shut him up. The smaller body tensed and relaxed just as quickly, knowing that he was safe now. Kurt would never think of Sam like that and take advantage of him. He cared about his bestfriend, that’s all this would ever be.
Best friends, at least he had a friend that cared about his existance. A single tear running down his cheek at the thought, letting loose all the pain he’d been holding in from his one sided crush all these years.
"Sam?" the voice above him asked tiredly.
"Yeah Kurt?"
"We’ll keep this between us."
"Of course, and thanks bro."
If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me? Cause you feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that night, Kurt never slept in his bed again. They never spoke of it, even when they were alone.
It was an unspoken act of one friend looking out for the other, nothing more, nothing less. Those hugs that lasted a second longer then they should have, the smiles they gave eachother when they passed by eachother on campus for the briefest of seconds, it didn’t mean anything anymore.
Gradually, they drifted apart little by little as Sam’s graduation approached and Kurt was holding a steady job of his own.
No more jam sessions, Sam occupied the piano room on his own. He had finished one song in all the afternoons spent there, one he had left alone since that fateful day of his junior year in high school. Fingers simply skimming the keys, he feels his heart start to shatter again as he sits on the bench.
"And as the years slip past us
If we lose track or lose the fight
I will search forever to find a back
To tonight, where it's just you and me
And honestly, that's everything I need"
There was no point in searching, he knew what he wanted and that he could never have it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grabbing his guitar, he strums a few chords and hums a random melody to take his thoughts elsewhere. All this time he was confused and had no answers to the endless questions that ran through his mind when he was with the younger man. Before meeting Sam, he had never felt such intense feelings for anyone else. He didn't tolerate anyone who messed with his best friend, the older man has assumed he was simply over protective.
Sam was an amazing person and didn't deserve any of the shit he had gone through in high school. Kurt found nothing wrong with guys being feminine, it didn't even matter if he was gay like everyone said.
Kurt felt like he had pushed one too many boundaries now, friendly hugs became a little too intimate for 'just friends' just as warm smiles in the hallways began to seem a little needier.
Once he graduated, he'd try to distance himself and give the younger man some space. He couldn't always depend on the other man.. he needed room to grow and branch out to other people.
Kurt felt so selfish trying to make sure that they'd spend nearly all their free time jamming out and all, though they practically lived together for three years as it was.
Did Sam feel as suffocated as Kurt believed? It never really crossed his mind to ask since the older man had never asked anything of his friend in the past. He had always assumed, saving them from awkward rejections or anything of the sort.
He'd be at Sam's graduation, if not to say goodbye and wish the younger man a good life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He must have been hallucinating, he couldn't have seen that oh so familiar face in the crowd.
"Mom?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Did you invite Kurt to the ceremony?"
"No, I don't think anyone did. Did you see him?"
"I thought I did... never mind."
~~~
Sam began to pile the boxes of stuff he had accumulated over the years as Yale student, a little surprised at how much of a pack rat he'd become without realizing it. Old comic books, sheet music he never looked at twice, a few guitar picks Kurt had left behind...
Running a hand through his hair, he nearly threw them to the bushes in frustration. The thought of the older man merely irritated him further, he was already leaving more behind... he needed to move on and forget about the past.
A hand had grabbed his wrist and turned him around before he could flick his wrist though.
"Hey, I could use those again. That'd be a bit of waste now..." dusty green eyes met Sam's own brown eyes, surprised like a deer in headlights.
"What the fuck are you doing here-"
"I thought you'd be glad to see me after a year bro..." light grip suddenly released, the latter pulling away as if his wrist had been burned from the touch.
Sam had paced a few steps back, expression a mix of hurt, distrust, remorse, nothing of the same man Kurt once knew. A second later, he shot Kurt an icy look before taking a deep breath to keep his voice level.
"You left and didn't even bother. I was alone and I didn't even get a fucking text from you! I get it. You graduate and move onto bigger things, I'm not worth your time anymore. Nothing special about me that keeps anyone around for long and-" he's cut off by a hand on his mouth, shutting up with a squeak, wide eyes looking up at the former. Still so damn tall, having about a foot over the younger.
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT. Sam! I- I just thought we needed time apart.. that you were going to get sick of me eventually. Don't you ever feel like I've held you back? I just wanted you to do better without me..."
The former suddenly pinned the latter, back facing the campus wall. As far as they could tell, there was enough brush and trees blocking anyone's view of the two.
Sam didn't dare to breath as Kurt's face stopped nearly inches away from his own, eyes hazy yet somewhat focused on the ones in front of him now.
The younger pushed him away somewhat forcefully, having bulked up slightly since the two had last met. This felt so wrong yet so right in so many ways, torn into two directions from the look of hurt in his best friend's eyes.
"Last I checked, you were straight as a stick. If this is some sort of sick joke... just drop it and leave. I trusted you... I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!" voice raising at this point, not caring who heard as long as his message got across.
Kurt couldn't take it any longer, grabbing the man by both sides of his face and kissing him, albeit a little forcefully.
Sam was frozen in his touch, head spinning like no other from the sensation bombarding his mind. He only knew that he wanted this, had been craving this moment for so long and was finally here.
Kurt was kissing him, nothing stopping Sam from returning it.
The former smiled into the kiss as soon as he felt Sam finally kissing him back, a reassurance that he was forgiven for his mistake.
It was far from perfect, teeth clashing awkwardly and noses bumping, but being imperfect made it feel so real they didn't care. Pulling away for air, the latter looks up and gives Kurt a smile that finally reaches his eyes.
"I'm sorry... I never asked. I'm glad I know though."
"I'm glad you know, too. It's my fault though... took me long enough to realize it." cupping the side of the younger man's face, he can't help but smile when he melts into the touch.
It was Kurt, he trusted him. It wasn't too late to start again, he could finally believe it.
-dies- finally. ;A; I'll never find any other Kurt x Sam shippers that aren't gleeks... though those are quite lovely<3 aha. Enjoy anyways!
Pairing: Sam Tsui/Kurt Schneider
Warnings: Fluffy, angsty, mediocre writing idk.
I own neither of these charming men! Though I wish... teehee.
Songs used: Don't Want an Ending (Sam Tsui), Hold it Against Me (Brittany Spears, Sam Tsui cover)
He feels at peace in his own little world, escaping the names and slurs he's been branded when he steps out in the hallways outside. All that mattered were his fingers dancing across the keys and mind being occupied by anything other then the torment he faced outside of his comfort zone.
"My heart is running on empty
One more day and then we go
And, yeah, the time goes on now
Don't ask me how, I don't know-" his ears perk up, hesitantly turning in his seat to face the door. A sigh of relief escapes him, it's only him.
The older teen smiles, leaning against the wall.
"That was really good, did you compose that yourself?"
"Yeah... I don't have much though. Kurt right? I'm Sam." shoulders relaxing a bit as he faces the piano once again. Kurt was different from everyone else.
"I can stay?" voice hesitant even as he took a seat next to him on the piano bench.
"I don't think Ive protested yet, just don't tell anyone about this. It's my special room." smile curving at the corner of his lips. This would be nicer then playing for an imaginary audience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt isn't that high up on the popularity ladder, but he's high enough to repel the haters away from his friend. He didn't care, nor ask about his sexual orientation. It was his business whether or not he wanted to share that little aspect of himself, he was still Sam. The one with the amazing voice, composition skills, optimism that you didn't expect to be there.
He was someone he never tired of being around, smile bright enough to get him through each day.
College was the next big thing for him, Yale of all places. Heaven knows how he passed the entrance exam and made it. He didn't have the best track record for attendance, just enough to make sure he graduated on time.
His family threw him a little party with Sam and his family as the only friends actually invited, the night full of talk and music filling the summer air.
"You made it! Just four more years and you'll be done with school forever~" the younger man singsongs, the room erupting with laughter.
"Thanks everyone, I'm just glad I got it over with. Great friends, family, everything a guy could need.." voice trailing off just as his sister latched onto him from behind,
"NOW ALL YOU NEED IS A GIRLFRIEND AND YOU'RE SET!" she yelled over the chaos, no one really paying attention to the reason for celebration.
The one sitting at the keyboard tensed a little at those words, Kurt didn't need a girlfriend when he had Sam. Bros over hoes, right?
He shrugged it off quickly, thankful no one had noticed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fortunately, senior year was a good year for Sam. Granted, he didn't get the growth spurt he had hoped for... but he worked twice as hard as he did the year before.
The year by himself had been indeed lonely. Reality had set in the day Kurt moved to dorm at campus, no more daily jam sessions or brunch dates.
Kurt had even missed his birthday for finals, though he made up for it with a surprise visit the weekend after. Sam had tackled him and refused to let go for 20 minutes, his heart racing in his chest from the sudden impact.
~
"KURT!KURT!KURT!" the younger man yelled excitedly into the phone, nearly jumping in joy as he clutched the acceptance papers in his hands. He was fist pumping the air and babbling on quickly, the only thing the older word caught by the older man was 'Yale'.
"Really? That's great! I didn't even know you applied!"
"It was a long shot, but I made it. I did it all on my own!" both young men talked throughout the night, catching up and discussing campus. It felt like old times for Sam, as if life was falling back into place again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pulse racing, Sam smiled as Kurt helped him move everything into his 'suite'. Everything was in perfect place and he couldn't imagine life getting better.
Kurt gave him a broad smile, glad that he got the dean to arrange Sam as his room mate this semester. It had taken a great deal of pleading and negotiation but he had gotten the room arrangements and everything worked out.
The younger man had done his research, he knew Yale's student population wasn't prejudice and the environment was safe. He knew he'd feel that pang of homesickness every once in a while, but he wouldn't be alone. In fact, he had already been introduced to a majority of Kurt's floormates in his short arrival to the campus.
The people were kind and social, the professors seemed decent, Sam could imagine the next 4 years of his life to be some of his best already.
Actually, the only issue he was truly worried about was Kurt. It's been over four years since he had come to terms with his sexuality, never confirming nor denying whether he was gay or straight. Now that they were officially living together, he assumed it wouldn't be the wisest idea to mention he was gay, hell. He knew Kurt couldn't be homophobic after all those rumors back in high school clouding Sam, he had never asked for any confirmation. The older teen never took that into consideration as their friendship grew, Sam never understand why or how he deserved such a great friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam is deathly afraid of thunder storms, a fear he thought he had overcome in his elementary school days.
Then again, this might have been one of the worst storms he's ever gone through in his life. Kurt is in the bed near the door, sleeping like the dead after hours of studying for his last final. The latter hates how he pushes himself so hard, still making time so they could jam every now and then.
Staring at the older man's face in the darkness, he whimpers as a particularly loud clap of thunder nearly causes him to fall of bed. His body forces him to hide, anywhere away from the window his bed resides under. Not caring if he was loud anymore, he tries to make his way towards the bathroom and trips over something just feet away from his bed.
"Shit-" he curses in annoyance, a light from Kurt’s side of the room flicks on as soon as he stands up.
"Sam?"
"..Uh. Sorry, couldn’t sleep." Running his hand through his bed hair, staring anywhere but at his friend.
"Astraphobia?"
“What?”
"Fear of thunder. I didn’t know, we could have gotten you some earmuffs or something.."
"Nah, I’ll be fine. Sorry I-" a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder take place simultaniously, the younger nearly ducking under the sheets again and breathing erratically.
Kurt looks at him in pity, the light having gone out from an assumed power outage. The smaller man curled up in a corner on his bed, easliy gathering the pillows around him to make a protective fort.
Grabbing his pillow, the older simply sighs and plops down on the bed and makes himself comfortable. Sam pops his head from under the covers and stares with wide eyes at the back facing him.
"Kurt? I’m still scared.." he says in a quiet voice, as if the people in the room next door were evesdropping on them.
The man flips over and wraps an arm around the younger, pulling him close as if this would shut him up. The smaller body tensed and relaxed just as quickly, knowing that he was safe now. Kurt would never think of Sam like that and take advantage of him. He cared about his bestfriend, that’s all this would ever be.
Best friends, at least he had a friend that cared about his existance. A single tear running down his cheek at the thought, letting loose all the pain he’d been holding in from his one sided crush all these years.
"Sam?" the voice above him asked tiredly.
"Yeah Kurt?"
"We’ll keep this between us."
"Of course, and thanks bro."
If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me? Cause you feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that night, Kurt never slept in his bed again. They never spoke of it, even when they were alone.
It was an unspoken act of one friend looking out for the other, nothing more, nothing less. Those hugs that lasted a second longer then they should have, the smiles they gave eachother when they passed by eachother on campus for the briefest of seconds, it didn’t mean anything anymore.
Gradually, they drifted apart little by little as Sam’s graduation approached and Kurt was holding a steady job of his own.
No more jam sessions, Sam occupied the piano room on his own. He had finished one song in all the afternoons spent there, one he had left alone since that fateful day of his junior year in high school. Fingers simply skimming the keys, he feels his heart start to shatter again as he sits on the bench.
"And as the years slip past us
If we lose track or lose the fight
I will search forever to find a back
To tonight, where it's just you and me
And honestly, that's everything I need"
There was no point in searching, he knew what he wanted and that he could never have it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grabbing his guitar, he strums a few chords and hums a random melody to take his thoughts elsewhere. All this time he was confused and had no answers to the endless questions that ran through his mind when he was with the younger man. Before meeting Sam, he had never felt such intense feelings for anyone else. He didn't tolerate anyone who messed with his best friend, the older man has assumed he was simply over protective.
Sam was an amazing person and didn't deserve any of the shit he had gone through in high school. Kurt found nothing wrong with guys being feminine, it didn't even matter if he was gay like everyone said.
Kurt felt like he had pushed one too many boundaries now, friendly hugs became a little too intimate for 'just friends' just as warm smiles in the hallways began to seem a little needier.
Once he graduated, he'd try to distance himself and give the younger man some space. He couldn't always depend on the other man.. he needed room to grow and branch out to other people.
Kurt felt so selfish trying to make sure that they'd spend nearly all their free time jamming out and all, though they practically lived together for three years as it was.
Did Sam feel as suffocated as Kurt believed? It never really crossed his mind to ask since the older man had never asked anything of his friend in the past. He had always assumed, saving them from awkward rejections or anything of the sort.
He'd be at Sam's graduation, if not to say goodbye and wish the younger man a good life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He must have been hallucinating, he couldn't have seen that oh so familiar face in the crowd.
"Mom?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Did you invite Kurt to the ceremony?"
"No, I don't think anyone did. Did you see him?"
"I thought I did... never mind."
~~~
Sam began to pile the boxes of stuff he had accumulated over the years as Yale student, a little surprised at how much of a pack rat he'd become without realizing it. Old comic books, sheet music he never looked at twice, a few guitar picks Kurt had left behind...
Running a hand through his hair, he nearly threw them to the bushes in frustration. The thought of the older man merely irritated him further, he was already leaving more behind... he needed to move on and forget about the past.
A hand had grabbed his wrist and turned him around before he could flick his wrist though.
"Hey, I could use those again. That'd be a bit of waste now..." dusty green eyes met Sam's own brown eyes, surprised like a deer in headlights.
"What the fuck are you doing here-"
"I thought you'd be glad to see me after a year bro..." light grip suddenly released, the latter pulling away as if his wrist had been burned from the touch.
Sam had paced a few steps back, expression a mix of hurt, distrust, remorse, nothing of the same man Kurt once knew. A second later, he shot Kurt an icy look before taking a deep breath to keep his voice level.
"You left and didn't even bother. I was alone and I didn't even get a fucking text from you! I get it. You graduate and move onto bigger things, I'm not worth your time anymore. Nothing special about me that keeps anyone around for long and-" he's cut off by a hand on his mouth, shutting up with a squeak, wide eyes looking up at the former. Still so damn tall, having about a foot over the younger.
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT. Sam! I- I just thought we needed time apart.. that you were going to get sick of me eventually. Don't you ever feel like I've held you back? I just wanted you to do better without me..."
The former suddenly pinned the latter, back facing the campus wall. As far as they could tell, there was enough brush and trees blocking anyone's view of the two.
Sam didn't dare to breath as Kurt's face stopped nearly inches away from his own, eyes hazy yet somewhat focused on the ones in front of him now.
The younger pushed him away somewhat forcefully, having bulked up slightly since the two had last met. This felt so wrong yet so right in so many ways, torn into two directions from the look of hurt in his best friend's eyes.
"Last I checked, you were straight as a stick. If this is some sort of sick joke... just drop it and leave. I trusted you... I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!" voice raising at this point, not caring who heard as long as his message got across.
Kurt couldn't take it any longer, grabbing the man by both sides of his face and kissing him, albeit a little forcefully.
Sam was frozen in his touch, head spinning like no other from the sensation bombarding his mind. He only knew that he wanted this, had been craving this moment for so long and was finally here.
Kurt was kissing him, nothing stopping Sam from returning it.
The former smiled into the kiss as soon as he felt Sam finally kissing him back, a reassurance that he was forgiven for his mistake.
It was far from perfect, teeth clashing awkwardly and noses bumping, but being imperfect made it feel so real they didn't care. Pulling away for air, the latter looks up and gives Kurt a smile that finally reaches his eyes.
"I'm sorry... I never asked. I'm glad I know though."
"I'm glad you know, too. It's my fault though... took me long enough to realize it." cupping the side of the younger man's face, he can't help but smile when he melts into the touch.
It was Kurt, he trusted him. It wasn't too late to start again, he could finally believe it.
-dies- finally. ;A; I'll never find any other Kurt x Sam shippers that aren't gleeks... though those are quite lovely<3 aha. Enjoy anyways!