(no subject)
It's been a long time since I've actually bothered to write a serious journal entry. However, I felt it was about time to. So many things have changed, for better and for worse. I look back at when I first started keeping a journal and I laugh at myself. It's been less than a year, and I already feel like I've gotten much older and more mature. When I first started keeping this journal, one of my biggest frustrations was the fact that I was being put in command positions despite being a rookie chuunin, and not being taken seriously by others because of my rookie status and age.
After going on a mission with Tenten, and Kurenai, my sister's jounin-sensei, I reflected on the fact that I lack the ability to be comforting to others, and to say the right thing at the right time. That was a fairly intense mission, and the people we had rescued that nobleman's daughter from were of the worst sort. Tsunade-sama prepared us the best that she could for the mission, but it's something that I think you need to have life experience for in order to really be ready for it. And even then, my Byakugan told me that Tenten and Kurenai-san were still troubled by it. They simply had more experience with dealing with the depths that people can sink to, and with the victims of those depraved sorts of people.
Most of the things that happened to me after the mission were things I couldn't have predicted. In Konoha, I have always been regarded as advanced for my age. Despite being five years younger, by the time I was seven years old, I could defeat my sister in sparring. I was at the top of my class at the Academy, with the notable exception of performing rather poorly in the kunoichi-only classes, such as flower arrangement. Despite these things, I didn't expect to catch the attention of the legendary Sannin, Orochimaru. Especially not when he still had to catch Uchiha Sasuke. Unfortunately, I got the dubious honor of that snake bastard's interest in my talent, and that's been a problem for me ever since.
The curse seal was, decidedly, the single most terrifying experience of my life. The curse seal, and everything surrounding it. I will never forget that day, no matter how hard I try. To this day, I think I was an idiot for trusting Gaara of Suna village. He exhibited warning signs, and I should have been more suspicious about him wanting to talk to me privately about something pertaining to my sister. I trusted him because he was her patient. I should have paid more attention to his body language, and not cared about the diplomatic relations between Konoha and Suna. Every time I think back about Gaara's betrayal, I think how I could have at least gotten away from him. I've concluded that I'd need a water jutsu or something of the sort to have a chance at beating him, but had I used my acceleration jutsu and focused on running away instead of winning, I wouldn't have been caught and brought to Orochimaru.
I'm still ashamed of the fact that I wasn't even strong enough to escape, no matter what words of comfort other people have offered me. Even understanding how incredibly powerful Orochimaru is, it's still not enough. I should have been able to escape. However, I must admit to a hint of pride that he underestimated me. Hyuugas are proud people, and I'm no exception, and it seems that it never occurred to him that I might call for help, much less with a massive signal flare and fireworks display that pointed out our location to the entire village in the night sky.
For the period of time between me recovering from the curse seal and discovering the Nexus, I was sheltered. Father refused to allow me to go anywhere without an escort, and it took a lot of effort to even persuade him to allow me to train a bit with Jiraiya-sama and learn to keep the seal under control instead of letting it control me.
It was interesting discovering an alt of myself in the Nexus, and I've befriended an alt of Naruto, as well an alternate version of Kabuto. However, the closest friend I've made so far has been a user of earth related techniques - an earthbender named Toph. It's amazing how much alike we are in some ways, and how very different we are in others. It was flattering that she voluntarily came to me for help when she was injured, because pride and hatred of seeming weak are traits we most definitely share. I'm glad that I learned that one medical jutsu from Kabuto. She had some very nasty injuries, and I have a feeling this won't be the last time that knowing how to heal will come in handy.