It seems like everyone but Gina had their memories wiped. She seems to understand that she's come across something profoundly dangerous and powerful, but if I'd known her, I wouldn't have thought her so willing to let it go after this encounter. Maybe it bound her in a contract of words or perhaps she has another plan.
Your protagonists are usually fully capable of handling your antagonists, such that character relationships usually drive the story. Now it seems like we're moving from "monster of the week" to "big bad." Or perhaps that's just my desire to know more about this particular enemy.
"Its expressionless features were bland and generic, like something an artist would sketch as a placeholder before filling in the details later. Yet they made him feel like a mouse in a field hearing the screech of an owl."
It's simile synesthesia, and a damn good reason to give me more of this monster.
Keep in mind that, unlike her cousin, Gina's not so used to getting her butt kicked while confronting monsters. Rafaela would have come up with a way to deal with this while she was crumpled on the floor, gasping. Gina doesn't know yet how to take a hit.
It doesn't sound like the kind of thing that just stops frightening little girls and their mothers, and more of the kind of thing that has to be stopped.
How creepy! I feel bad for the team. I enjoy reading their (sometimes grudging) rapport very much!
One thing that would have made this piece even more enjoyable, would be if you had included a few character drawings along with the text. I want to say you've sometimes done that in the past and it helped plunge me in among your characters. I would even enjoy seeing pics that you'd already run if they were still appropriate.
Huh. That's an interesting thought. I had never thought too much about the illustrations before--some were made ahead of time when I was brainstorming the characters, and some were made because I had time and very specific images in my head. Maybe I'll try to put some more effort into putting them in.
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"Trying it out," she replied. "What do you think?"
"I kind of hate it."
"Harsh," she admitted, "but fair."
I love this. You layer your characters in such a way that they feel 100% real.
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Your protagonists are usually fully capable of handling your antagonists, such that character relationships usually drive the story. Now it seems like we're moving from "monster of the week" to "big bad." Or perhaps that's just my desire to know more about this particular enemy.
"Its expressionless features were bland and generic, like something an artist would sketch as a placeholder before filling in the details later. Yet they made him feel like a mouse in a field hearing the screech of an owl."
It's simile synesthesia, and a damn good reason to give me more of this monster.
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Keep up the good work. :-)
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One thing that would have made this piece even more enjoyable, would be if you had included a few character drawings along with the text. I want to say you've sometimes done that in the past and it helped plunge me in among your characters. I would even enjoy seeing pics that you'd already run if they were still appropriate.
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