you find you must make yourself uninteresting. why are you looking at me here? now? I am fat, my thoughts are heavy and immobile. let me sit here waiting to die. the more people avoided the better. no posturing, just a dull look channeling sadness, disinterest, hate.

I am organizing bits somewhere. freebits. paid for already. I a'm ornzginzginz ibtz mushhair. ubdits. tipp yu llirdy.

I lay on the floor. yaaghh. yarr. rrr. rolly. uhh eeeek unghh stretch. mummer. mmmbbllleesss mmmsummansic. uggghhh. mmaughhlll. mm. satttisfaction. fatt. ttttchhhkussss. stand up. I am standing up. doople dip deedle doo dip dee

walk around empy house. phone noise of low battery almost feels like someone calling, someone wanting you. realize cannot be still in love, motionless, the amount of detachment is fierce in the face of it/alternatively cowardly. some of us cannot love practical and we will be in much trouble, it is all we have and all we can hope for, it is all we ( Read more... )

another advanced lazy day of listing. accomplishment: I put pants on. regret: I put pants on. feeling sxxy for a while with just a tshirt. balls contracted in the cool room weather. legs tight about the pistol of ass, chaps and shoestrings, autoeroticasphyxiation. tight pants and chopped balls. running the length of my hood-lit sweater, I wear in ( Read more... )

Itll b anymous face cover up
pay and get over with
this job is just for some not all

it's good to have a breakdown before a buildup, steady moments of truth, brash rare realizations, infrequent directions of motion available, ambient fundability, book titles, aphorisms, 10hour rampaging lovemaking sessions, seasons of absolute weather, droughts of unreasonable doubts, mushy yummy warm things, a tomato, laps on foot, laps on bicycle ( Read more... )

I don't have beliefs. I don't have views. I don't have an ethical framework. I don't talk honest, all I want to do is steal and kill and fuck and smoke. like a rap song. all day I watched videos of people getting high on youtube. and did not get high. last night we made a gravity bong. boring. I consider myself an activist, really just to f*** ( Read more... )

eyes and head lower. shoulders slant, pool in focused points on body. legs tense for release. energy. heart drops to heat of foot, swing up. suck air under move side side low high jump bricks, give clicks, clap. head side show shoulders rotate chest spin feet, gyrating ( Read more... )

"what is emptiness father ( Read more... )

to step out of fiction is to step into failure. to steep in strong juices and sharp flavors. to feel the pain of everything, and then again feel nothing. to describe the several pseudo-lives will is spread in, doing so miserably and lonely, but strong and teetering near the edge of zen, which may be a total detachment when realized and would ( Read more... )