This is a long one.

[i_am_murphy]

With a big fat exhale, I'll just say that I have needed to get a lot out of my system for a pretty long time. Nothing fancy here. Just a big vent. There have been a couple of times where I have said to myself, "I need to go document this." or "I should go write down how I am feeling." Well, here it is

Comments

[plasmaslinger]

When you called me right after school that one day to talk to me about what had been happening, I sort of saw this coming and could have let you know that I understood what you were going to end up doing to yourself, but didn't want to spoil it for you or rush it. These moments of clarity are the cusp of human reason and experience, and sometimes can only be reached through emotional purging and examination. I get the feeling I should have talked to you about it earlier, but what is done is done. I hope you're doing just fine and I also hope that I see you again before Christmas. Have a good time span.

[plasmaslinger]

Indeed? I didn't know. If, perhaps, you know the situation I was speaking of, then I wouldn't really care about posting this on the internet, since it is such an ohsovery convinient way to slander a person. I was actually talking about not backstabbing a backstabber, as it's a bad habit one can fall into and it's not exactly gratifying. High horses are pretty things that shimmer when looked at from above, I'm sure. You're saying the same things I tried to say when you left a comment below. Matt is a great person, a great friend, and a good heart. Because he does not want to be a shitty person, a shitty friend, or cold-hearted, he elected not to bitch and moan to someone to cause more conflict. I suppose, according to you, it is not the right course of action to restrain yourself from being an asshole. Though I suppose I must be in the right, then, for being such a giant dick. For telling my friend to not be one. A catch-22 and a damn good one, it seems.

apologies to ghandi and chuck e cheese

[mynameischarlie]

oh, I didn't mean it at all, it was arbitrary actually. I don't know the situation and don't really care. Don't take my insults seriously, they are more tongue and cheek (except when i called that other kid lame... I really do think he is). I knew it would be misinterpreted and I have no ill will, that's why I had deleted the comment earlier in the day.
ACTUALLY it's quite the opposite. Looking at your Live Journal, it affirmed the suspiscion that you are a good writer. Now, as I wipe the shit off my nose I come to you with a proposition:
you write a poem/short story, whatever tickles your fancy, and I "illustrate" it. I am using illustrate very liberally here since I don't mean a direct literal illustration of your imagery but basically creating art on the same terms as your poem/short story whatever. You interpret an issue/idea as _____. I read it and interpret the issue/idea with the same colored goggles... you dig? contact me at weezinrcm3@yahoo.com if you are interested. I am not sure if it will work but it sounds fun.

[mynewway]

WOULD YOU STOP IT MATT
EVERY LIVE JOURNAL I HEPPN TO COME ACCROSS FROM YOU IS HOW YOU HURT THE WORLD
THEN STOP IT
MAKE YOUR CHANGE I KNOW THERE SOMETHING IN YOU
AND MY GOD BOY DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
ITS THE MOST BEATIFUL HEART I HAVE EVER SEEN
SO WHY AND THE HELL ARE YOU BEING SO GREEDY AND NOT SHARING IT WITH OTHERS.
YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
BECOME MATT AGAIN.
I MISS YOU.
AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE YOU FOR REAL
NO MORE HIS IN THE HALL WAY
I WANT A HUG INFRONT OF STARBUCKS AND AHND SHAKE GOOD BYE
I LOVE YOU.
A FREIND,
KYLE

[mynameischarlie]

this kid is lame. ignore him

[mynewway]

no

[mynameischarlie]

yes.

The universe is blowing my mind lately.

[mynameischarlie]

matt, i hate to break it to you, but you are fooling yourself. It seems to me, while I observe you from Live Journal, that you strive to be the person you actually are trying not to be. You have a peculiar way of beating on yourself; you make a flaw seem like a fixable obstacle. Well Matt, here is a little bit of wisdom coming from the not too wise: just fucking roll with it. All of this attitude shaping and (sometimes sickening) positive perkiness is fake as hell, it's not you. A dirty joke and lude conversational is in fact part of life. No, it's not scholarly, but I bet Einstein, Emerson, or any other "heavy thinker" type loved a good dirty joke or lude innuendo. And I am not prying simply on this one little instance in your entries where you comment about raunchy or "low" commentary but it is indictive to much larger circumstances. Look back at all your entries. How many are about how you need to shape up and start caring and start smiling blah blah blah cheap zen blah blah blah self help section blah blah description of sky

Re: The universe is blowing my mind lately.

[i_am_murphy]

I get the point, Ralph. Am I the only one who calls you that anymore? Maybe I should start calling you Charlie. Who knows? Anyway. Maybe we should hang out and talk about this. I think there is a lot of misconception going on here. About 2% of this has to do with vulgarity and crude humor. That might be deceiving in my entry, and I apologize for that. You have made many good points, but I don't try to be holy. That is not a goal of mine. I do need to loosen up about some things, you are right. All I know is that I have sunk, and I don't feel as much joy as I could feel. So I am doing my best to change that.

Please call me. I don't want to force you to hang out with someone with whom you do not want to hang out. But if you want to hang out and chat, the pleasure would be all mine. Thanks for your wisdom. I look up to you, and everything you say does have meaning to me. However, this is not something about which I want to talk with you over the internet. It deserves more than that. I need to see you.