It's all too common

[i_ate_my_crusts]

[trigger warning for sexual assault/touching]

Back when I was in high school, David Polini stood behind me during a chemistry demonstration. Very close. For a moment, I was thinking "quit pushing me". But he kept pushing me. Pushing himself into my butt. And then the slow creeping realisation hit me. Oh my god. That's his penis. Why is he pressing

Comments

[murasaki_1966]

I understand. I'd had my experiences too, but never so bad as actual rape (although one was a close run thing). It's far too common, and no, we should not forget. One thing I will be trying to teach my little niece, never let anyone touch you if you feel uncomfortable, and if they do, like that dick in your glass, bugger decorum, and make a fuss. These bastards thrive on our silence.

[i_ate_my_crusts]

Have you seen the blog/tumblr that's a series of photos of women, who have been sexually abused in the past, holding up signs of what their abuser said? It's confronting, but a reminder that it most definitely is silence that this thrives on, such as "it's our little secret", etc.

[alexmc]

Speaking as a man who was abused I find the silence to be the scariest thing. No one wants to discuss it even to listen to me and say "that wasn't abuse".

Personally I find the silence means that I can't get closure and i guess that it might be similar for women who aren't believed.

(and I am lucky enough to afford counselling. I pay a professional to listen to me - but my biggest problem is that 'friends' don't )

[purplecthulhu]

Ick. That's so unpleasant!

I can understand what you're feeling.

Something like this happened to me some time back. The man I was sitting next to on a long flight reached over and squeezed my balls, after saying something similar to your assailant. Beyond being very clear that it wasn't wanted, I didn't make a fuss. Maybe I should have.

[i_ate_my_crusts]

Oh how awful. =/

That not making a fuss is the thing that comes back to remind you later. I can only imagine how much worse that gets.

[purplecthulhu]

I tell myself that he was making an honest mistake - we had benn chatting a bit, as you do at the start of a long flight, and he must ave misunderstood completely. But if I found out he'd done something worse, later, then I'd feel bad about not calling him out.

And then I hear stories like yours and realise firstly there's so much more of this for women and secondly, the need to say, as you said, yes, me too, even me.

[murasaki_1966]

After the high school sexual bullying I went through, I decide I bloody well would make a fuss, and I have.

[drjon]

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE BLOODY MEN???!!!!

[i_ate_my_crusts]

I think the problem is perhaps that they are all too normal. Or at least normalised.

I don't want to give the impression that I am traumatised by any of this. On the contrary, I forget it, all too often. Then someone posts something that reminds me that I should stand up and say "Hey, yes, me too. Even me. Especially me."

[jack_ryder]

I think the problem is perhaps that they are all too normal. Or at least normalised.

That fills me with horror.

Respect for other people should be what's normal. I mean, I feel uncomfortable when friends who are pregnant find that their belly is fair game - even if permission is begrudgingly given, but the behaviour you (and others, including my wife) describe sickens me.

By labelling it as "normal" it raises the concern that I may have witnessed it, but filtered it out, and not challenged the "normalcy".

[murasaki_1966]

You know my stories, darling, and you have always treated me with respect. Just one of the many reasons I love you.

[alexmc]

Thank you for telling us these experiences without resorting to the "all men are crap" rhetoric. I hope that discussion like this can convince people that it *isn't* normal (even if it appears to be now)... And it isn't acceptable because it isn't consensual.

[purpletigress]

I think the confusion comes because some people believe that if there isn't a no, there's consent. In the stories above there's only one no and a lot of silence. We know there was discomfort. We know there are certain lines you just don't cross in society. Yet there it all is.

I also want to thank you for sharing your stories.

[madwriter]

"Can I kick your penis? But it's ugly."

I'm a guy and I STILL don't understand the entitlement issues so many males have.