(Untitled)

[i_conduit]

I've recently been communicating with a "women only" spa. I'm often read as male (though I don't identify as such) and I enquired ahead of time to find out whether or not I'd be welcomed there by the establishment. As their policy is to ensure the comfort of their patrons, they eventually implied that I shouldn't come (without literally saying that

Comments

[kits_meow]

wowzers.

1. I thought you did identify as male. Weren't you calling yourself a boy(i) in the recent past?

2. Why didn't you just present yourself instead of calling ahead (or did you, and is that what you mean by "communicating")?

3. The situation is tricksy. I am a huge fan of whazzat called, not "special interest space" or "community space"...uhh...apparently I need more coffee, but anyway, I absolutely believe that "women's only" "people of colour only" "queer only" "lesbian only" etc. space is desperately needed.

If you presented yourself at the spa and said "Hi I want to join" and they said "Sorry we're women only", and you said "I am a woman", and they said "Sorry you can't join" - that's totally different than your calling and sayingj "Hi, I want to join your spa, I am a woman, but I look like a man, is that okay?". The latter is a set up, the former is them being asshats all by themselves. So, er, before I comment on this, which one is it?

[chelseyl]

i think if you want to go maybe going with another woman (feminist, dyke, maybe? you need some bitch who will stand up to any employee/other patron at the spa who may question your presence there so you dont necessarily have to-i would go if you want im always up for the spa)

[i_conduit]

Thanks, Chelsey. I appreciate that. :)

[i_conduit]

I do identify as a (queer) boi, but not as (a) male. I don't exclusively claim either a male or female identity.

OK, when it comes down to it, I do identify as a woman, but not neatly or by the rules that the society in which I live, plays. It would be great to not give a flying fuck, but I still need to function in this world. I find that existing within that dichotomous world is more manageable for me at this point if I agree that I don't fit neatly into one of the two pre-constructed boxes and play on the side-lines than to trounce out onto the field wearing this big sign around my neck that announces YOUR SYSTEM SUCKS, NOW LET'S PLAY BY MY RULES!

So, I don't change my concept of self to play the game, but I've changed how I engage with the game and sometimes the language I use, depending on the environment I'm in and the people I'm interacting with...even though it's still outside the bounds of the accepted.

For ME, personally (using language that seems to make sense to others), being a boi seems kind of a composition of