(no subject)
bballinbassboy07: hey
SquatingLlama: hey
bballinbassboy07: doing better?
SquatingLlama: no
bballinbassboy07: anything i can do to help?
SquatingLlama: no I"m sorry everyone keeps trying but ther's nothing that can be done
bballinbassboy07: i talked to him today
SquatingLlama: collin??
SquatingLlama: did y'all talk about me?
bballinbassboy07: a little bit
SquatingLlama: what about?
bballinbassboy07: just why he broke up with you
SquatingLlama: why??
bballinbassboy07: i was curious
SquatingLlama: no i mean what did he say
bballinbassboy07: he said that yall were getting to distant and that he didn't really want to make you sad and he felt badly about that
SquatingLlama: I don't understand how he thought we were distant..
SquatingLlama: I mean..I know we didn't see each other allt he time..but that wasn't my choice
SquatingLlama: I was constantly wanting to be with him and constantly thinking about him
SquatingLlama: does he think we're less distant now?
SquatingLlama: I mean...now I may never see him again until school
SquatingLlama: this is killing me
bballinbassboy07: yeah i think that he is just too busy right now but i bet hed like to get back together during the school year cause i think he is just to busy
SquatingLlama: ok well that's not right....I don't want to get together with him when school starts...it shouldn't take that
SquatingLlama: he said we would have a "long lazy summer together"
SquatingLlama: this hurts.....really bad
SquatingLlama: because I am willing to try anything to be with him and it seems like he doesn't care
SquatingLlama: he hasn't talked to me since we broke up and it's killing me
SquatingLlama: I miss him
bballinbassboy07: i think his job is getting in the way
SquatingLlama: I know and it always worried me
SquatingLlama: but I didn't think that would matter...I alwys thought if he loved me it wouldn't matter..b/c I love him and I never let it bother me too much
bballinbassboy07: well i can tell you one thing for sure
SquatingLlama: what?
bballinbassboy07: he didn't break up with you to be with someone else
SquatingLlama: well that's good but that doesn't change the fact that I Love him and can't breathe just thinking about him
SquatingLlama: I miss EVERYTHING about him
SquatingLlama: it's killing me....really
SquatingLlama: and I need so badly to tell him all this
SquatingLlama: but I don't want to call him and bother him
SquatingLlama: and I keep hoping that if I just give him time he'll realize that he does love me
SquatingLlama: Michael, you've known me long enough to know that I am almost alwasy happy....I have NEVER been this upset in my life
bballinbassboy07: you definitely need to tell him all of this
SquatingLlama: I just don't see how you can have moments like we had...and him not love me
SquatingLlama: I could just...FEEL the love that he had...and I don't understand how it can just disappear
SquatingLlama: I missed him when he worked, but at least I had the comfort of knowing that I would be refreshed when I got to see him..but now....I have nothing. I can't see him at all..you can't get more distant than that
SquatingLlama: what would you do?
SquatingLlama: I mean...I don't want to call him and bother him. I don't want that to make him more distant from me.
SquatingLlama: but I NEED to talk to him...I just want to hear his voice
bballinbassboy07: you need to talk to him and still try to hang out with him so that he can see whats he is missing and so that you can keep your releationship healty
SquatingLlama: but michael do you know how much that will kill me to be with him and know that i can't hold his hand or hold him or kiss him
SquatingLlama: that would kill me
SquatingLlama: i've never been more confused
SquatingLlama: I need to try to forget him....because this is killing me..but I don't want to forget him...it was too beautiful. when you love something and when something/someone makes you this happy, you don't want to forget
bballinbassboy07: he still loves you i sure he just can't be with you now
SquatingLlama: but it hurts
SquatingLlama: and why can't he tell me this? i tried to talk to him but he didn't say ANYTHING
SquatingLlama: do you know how stupid and helpless that made me feel?
SquatingLlama: I was crying my eyes out to someone that just sat in silence
bballinbassboy07: he was probably at a loss of words
SquatingLlama: there is nothing more painful than having all sorts of feelings inside and not knowing if you should spill them or if they'll even care
bballinbassboy07: now thats a feeling i know
SquatingLlama: I don't know what to do
SquatingLlama: I'm so helpless
SquatingLlama: I love him michael
SquatingLlama: I wish I could just hold him and tell him I'm sorry and everything will be ok
SquatingLlama: I keep hoping he'll call me or email me or something...but he doesn't
bballinbassboy07: i know you need to talk to him it will make you feel better and i'm sure that he didn't break up with you because of something you did
SquatingLlama: I know I didn't do anything..but I don't care...I feel so helpless...this sucks
SquatingLlama: that is the only word for it
SquatingLlama: I love him and I want him and I can't have him
SquatingLlama: do you know how much torture that is? to have something? and to think that they have you and they want you? and to find out that they don't want you afterall? and all of your happiness is just taken away and you have everything to lose? and nothing left? and there's nothign you can do about it?
SquatingLlama: I hope no one ever has to feel this
SquatingLlama: and I'm glad that it's me that ended up hurt in this relationship
SquatingLlama: but I'm worried about him because I don't see how he will EVER find someone that loves him as much as I do
bballinbassboy07: you need to tell him this
SquatingLlama: but HOW
SquatingLlama: I don't want to call him....I feel intimidated and I feel like he's just sitting there like "shut up I don't want anything to do with you"
bballinbassboy07: he doesn't feel that way and if you don't call him you should at least email him
SquatingLlama: but he doesn't check his email, does he?
bballinbassboy07: i don't know
SquatingLlama: and what if he doesn't reply?
SquatingLlama: I Just want to hear his voice or see him or something even if it will make me feel worse
SquatingLlama: I need to see him....I love him
SquatingLlama: I'm almost thinking about sending him this convo
SquatingLlama: just b/c I'll never know what to say to him
bballinbassboy07: i know that this isn't a good time but i have to leave now, just call him it will make everything better i promise
bballinbassboy07: and tell him how you feel
SquatingLlama: but what if I end up more hurt
SquatingLlama: ok...well bye thanks for talking to me
bballinbassboy07: the way i see it that isn't possible
bballinbassboy07: you getting more hurt that is
SquatingLlama: that's true..what have I got to lose?
SquatingLlama: all I have is my love for him...and that isn't going anywhere