Being Gay and Going Gray: A Look at Homosexuality in the Aging Population of America
With some three million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender senior citizens nationwide, it is important that this surprisingly large group of already fragile people receives the highest standard of care and compassion. Unfortunately, this is frequently not the case. This essay will describe why this is, explain why it is such a large problem, and examine American culture to determine what steps need to be taken to combat the problem of misinformation and homophobia in our society.
The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force has already determined that there are approximately three million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) senior citizens in the United States alone, and has estimated that by the year 2030 that number will have increased to four million (http://www.gay.com). Linda M. Woolf, a professor at Webster University, compares the current number to the number of senior citizens living in nursing homes or extended care facilities: the number of LGBT seniors is nearly twice as great as the number of seniors in extended care (1998, ¶ 1).
Many, if not most, of these people do not have spouses or children, say researchers at the Williams Institute at the University of California at Los Angeles’ law school (2006, ¶ 2) - and how could they? The concept of same-sex marriage is a relatively new development, and was completely unheard of at the time that most of today’s senior citizens were getting married. Even now, it is an issue that is the subject of heavy controversy and is often fraught with anger and resentment by people who believe that marriage is a union only between a man and a woman. There are only two states in which same-sex marriage is legal, and even then, it is usually more of a civil union than a marriage. Furthermore, it is very difficult for same-sex couples to have children; there are barriers to cross both with adoption and with artificial insemination. These complications were not even up for discussion as recently as twenty years ago, and so as a consequence, most homosexual people above the age of sixty are unmarried and childless. This leaves limited options when it comes to caregiving. Most older citizens rely on their spouses or adult children to take care of them when they can no longer care for themselves, and without this network of people, the homosexual elderly are left to turn to family members - family who may very well have disowned them or cut off contact with them after they came out as homosexual.
Worse still is that twenty percent of people in same-sex couples do not have health insurance, compared to the ten percent of heterosexual couples who lack it (2006, ¶ 3). Also, they are more likely than their heterosexual cohorts to be financially unstable, as they usually cannot be granted access to their partners’ social security, insurance, or pension funds (2006, ¶ 4) - these are things that only legal spouses can access. This can lead to legal battles ranging in proportion from benign to catastrophic. For example, if one member of a lesbian couple suddenly dies, her partner can most likely not gain access to her insurance or pension money, and so she is left with nothing with which to provide for herself. These problems also come in the form of medical orders, deeds to houses or real estate, child custody, taxes, and wills.
Sadly, financial and legal matters are only the tip of the iceberg. LGBT senior citizens are put at a higher risk for isolation and loneliness (2006, ¶ 7), not only because they are often unmarried, but because they are often uncomfortable disclosing their sexual orientation due to a certain close-mindedness and level of discomfort with homosexuality in their generation. Therefore, if they are unable or unwilling to come to terms with their sexuality because of feelings of shame and embarrassment, they will not go out and find other people like themselves with whom to socialize. This is especially problematic for older citizens who come out as homosexual in their later lives, Woolf says, because there are simply fewer resources available for older people (1998, ¶ 9). Today’s LGBT community is often catered toward people around the age of thirty or younger - ages at which it is easier to reach out to people, easier to mobilize, and easier to stick a young face on the population and call it fresh and trendy.
While there is a large population of LGBT senior citizens, there is also an even larger population of heterosexual senior citizens, many of whom are uncomfortable with the concept of homosexuality because it is a taboo for their generation. Up until the 1960s, homosexuality was a mental disorder; a person could be institutionalized for being gay. These are people who, for the most part, grew up with the notion that loving a person of the same sex was unacceptable. Some of these people are quiet about their discomfort; others are more vocal. Jane Gross, a reporter with the New York Times, reports that a lesbian checking into a room at a rehabilitation center in Chicago was greeted by her roommate with “Get the man out of here!” (2007, ¶ 12.) With this in mind, it can be seen that isolation and stigmatization can occur even within a community. Eighty-one-year-old Gloria Donadello, reporting to Gross of the Times, remembers sitting with friends at a retirement community in New Mexico who were making homophobic jokes. When Donadello asked them to stop because she herself was a lesbian and felt uncomfortable with their remarks, they were all shocked - “They looked horrified,” Donadello recalls. “I felt like a pariah,” she continues, remarking that from then on she was no longer included in conversation or welcome at meals. She soon plunged into a depression that even medication could not cure (2007, ¶ 1-3). Donadello was eventually moved to another facility, but she was virtually alone until then. She did not have family to support her. This is just one way in which homophobia can hurt the aging population. Another example, also cited by the Times, describes an elderly gay man, with no family or friends, who was moved off of his floor in the nursing home where he was living to stop the angry protests from other residents. The floor where he was moved was reserved for residents with severe dementia and other disabilities. A senior strategist from the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was called in to try to find a more humane way to combat the problem, but despite her attempts to help the man, he committed suicide by hanging himself in the nursing home (2007, ¶ 13).
As if it weren’t bad enough to be shunned by members of their own community - the aging community, that is - many homosexual seniors are also met with prejudice and discrimination by caregivers and medical professionals. The stigma that homosexuals have H.I.V., for example, is unfortunately one that some doctors and nurses still believe. And because so many LGBT seniors are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, they are not comfortable talking about it to their doctors - which can be detrimental to their health. Dr. Melinda Lantz, chief of geriatric psychiatry at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York, says that “there is something special about having to hide this part of your identity when your entire identity is threatened. That’s a faster pathway to depression, failure to thrive and even premature death.” (2007, ¶ 16.) Indeed, when people avoid seeking medical attention because they are afraid of the prejudice and mistreatment they will receive, this not only makes a sad statement about society but is also a dangerous way to live. If a gay man has a serious medical issue that he isn’t treating simply because he feels that he cannot go to a doctor, he could very well die sooner than he would have otherwise.
Aging is hard enough without having to worry about being discriminated because of sexuality, and ageism is enough of a problem in today’s society without adding homophobia to the mix. Currently, California is the only state in the U.S. that recognizes that the gay elderly have special needs of their own, and it is nationally true that federal law does not provide any antidiscrimination practices to homosexual citizens (2007, ¶ 18). Homophobia, which usually stems from a lack of information and understanding of LGBT people, runs rampant in society; too often people are fired from jobs, kicked out of their homes, and even killed, simply for loving a person of the same sex. In the aging community, this is an especially important thing to remember: many of these people came out as LGBT when it was even less socially acceptable than it is now. They have likely bore incredibly heavy burdens and the struggles associated with their sexuality are memories they have had to carry with them their whole lives. By the time a person gets to be a senior citizen - the longer they have had to bear the weight of it all - this is extremely taxing, emotionally and physically - stress can prematurely age a person and cause fatigue and frequent illness. This is only exacerbated if the majority of these battles have been internal; if these people have had no one to talk to about what they have gone through in their lives, it would only exacerbate their feelings of loneliness and isolation.
What needs to be done is to make LGBT senior citizens feel like they belong in the world and in the elder community. In some larger, urban cities, LGBT aging projects, which aim to educate caregivers to the special needs of the gay elderly, are taking shape (2007, ¶ 20). Lisa Krinsky, who directs the LGBT aging project in Massachusetts, has been training employees of elder-care agencies for the past two years, and so far she has trained over two thousand. She suggests solutions such as adding questions to admissions forms for extended care facilities to follow next-of-kin questions, such as “who is important in your life?” She says that “we need to be open and sensitive, but not wrap them in a rainbow flag and make them march in a parade.” (2007, ¶ 22.) Krinsky acknowledges that these people need special care, but at the same time would most likely be uncomfortable if their homosexuality were flaunted and treated as a device with which to gain attention for the cause.
The most important tool in combating intolerance is education, both of the elderly community, as they most likely know little about what their sexuality really entails, and of the community at large. By addressing the fact that homosexuality is acceptable and that anyone can be gay, this opens the doors for discussion of the different sub-communities - such as senior citizens - in which LGBT people exist. This allows for a more subtle discussion of who is gay and what needs to be done to make life easier for them.
With the face of America changing rapidly every day, it won’t be long until today’s LGBT youth are tomorrow’s LGBT senior citizens. This is why it is especially important to address the issues faced by gay seniors now and to make it known that it is perfectly acceptable to be gay - and gray - in the United States.
Bibliography
Bagby, Dyana (2007, November 2). ‘Rainbow Trainers’ educate senior centers on gay issues. Retrieved November 27, 2007 from http://www.sovo.com
Gross, Jane (2007). Aging and Gay, and Facing Problem in Twilight. The New York Times. Retrieved November 25, 2007, from http://www.nytimes.com
Groups Push for Help for LGBT Senior Citizens (2006, October 20). The Advocate. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://www.gay.com
Kanapaux, William (2003, November/December). Homosexual Seniors Face Stigma. Geriatric Times (Vol. IV). Retrieved December 1, 2007 from http://www.cmellc.com
Woolf, Linda M. (1998, May). Gay and Lesbian Aging. Webester University. Retrieved November 27, 2007 from http://www.webster.edu
--December 2007
The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force has already determined that there are approximately three million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) senior citizens in the United States alone, and has estimated that by the year 2030 that number will have increased to four million (http://www.gay.com). Linda M. Woolf, a professor at Webster University, compares the current number to the number of senior citizens living in nursing homes or extended care facilities: the number of LGBT seniors is nearly twice as great as the number of seniors in extended care (1998, ¶ 1).
Many, if not most, of these people do not have spouses or children, say researchers at the Williams Institute at the University of California at Los Angeles’ law school (2006, ¶ 2) - and how could they? The concept of same-sex marriage is a relatively new development, and was completely unheard of at the time that most of today’s senior citizens were getting married. Even now, it is an issue that is the subject of heavy controversy and is often fraught with anger and resentment by people who believe that marriage is a union only between a man and a woman. There are only two states in which same-sex marriage is legal, and even then, it is usually more of a civil union than a marriage. Furthermore, it is very difficult for same-sex couples to have children; there are barriers to cross both with adoption and with artificial insemination. These complications were not even up for discussion as recently as twenty years ago, and so as a consequence, most homosexual people above the age of sixty are unmarried and childless. This leaves limited options when it comes to caregiving. Most older citizens rely on their spouses or adult children to take care of them when they can no longer care for themselves, and without this network of people, the homosexual elderly are left to turn to family members - family who may very well have disowned them or cut off contact with them after they came out as homosexual.
Worse still is that twenty percent of people in same-sex couples do not have health insurance, compared to the ten percent of heterosexual couples who lack it (2006, ¶ 3). Also, they are more likely than their heterosexual cohorts to be financially unstable, as they usually cannot be granted access to their partners’ social security, insurance, or pension funds (2006, ¶ 4) - these are things that only legal spouses can access. This can lead to legal battles ranging in proportion from benign to catastrophic. For example, if one member of a lesbian couple suddenly dies, her partner can most likely not gain access to her insurance or pension money, and so she is left with nothing with which to provide for herself. These problems also come in the form of medical orders, deeds to houses or real estate, child custody, taxes, and wills.
Sadly, financial and legal matters are only the tip of the iceberg. LGBT senior citizens are put at a higher risk for isolation and loneliness (2006, ¶ 7), not only because they are often unmarried, but because they are often uncomfortable disclosing their sexual orientation due to a certain close-mindedness and level of discomfort with homosexuality in their generation. Therefore, if they are unable or unwilling to come to terms with their sexuality because of feelings of shame and embarrassment, they will not go out and find other people like themselves with whom to socialize. This is especially problematic for older citizens who come out as homosexual in their later lives, Woolf says, because there are simply fewer resources available for older people (1998, ¶ 9). Today’s LGBT community is often catered toward people around the age of thirty or younger - ages at which it is easier to reach out to people, easier to mobilize, and easier to stick a young face on the population and call it fresh and trendy.
While there is a large population of LGBT senior citizens, there is also an even larger population of heterosexual senior citizens, many of whom are uncomfortable with the concept of homosexuality because it is a taboo for their generation. Up until the 1960s, homosexuality was a mental disorder; a person could be institutionalized for being gay. These are people who, for the most part, grew up with the notion that loving a person of the same sex was unacceptable. Some of these people are quiet about their discomfort; others are more vocal. Jane Gross, a reporter with the New York Times, reports that a lesbian checking into a room at a rehabilitation center in Chicago was greeted by her roommate with “Get the man out of here!” (2007, ¶ 12.) With this in mind, it can be seen that isolation and stigmatization can occur even within a community. Eighty-one-year-old Gloria Donadello, reporting to Gross of the Times, remembers sitting with friends at a retirement community in New Mexico who were making homophobic jokes. When Donadello asked them to stop because she herself was a lesbian and felt uncomfortable with their remarks, they were all shocked - “They looked horrified,” Donadello recalls. “I felt like a pariah,” she continues, remarking that from then on she was no longer included in conversation or welcome at meals. She soon plunged into a depression that even medication could not cure (2007, ¶ 1-3). Donadello was eventually moved to another facility, but she was virtually alone until then. She did not have family to support her. This is just one way in which homophobia can hurt the aging population. Another example, also cited by the Times, describes an elderly gay man, with no family or friends, who was moved off of his floor in the nursing home where he was living to stop the angry protests from other residents. The floor where he was moved was reserved for residents with severe dementia and other disabilities. A senior strategist from the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was called in to try to find a more humane way to combat the problem, but despite her attempts to help the man, he committed suicide by hanging himself in the nursing home (2007, ¶ 13).
As if it weren’t bad enough to be shunned by members of their own community - the aging community, that is - many homosexual seniors are also met with prejudice and discrimination by caregivers and medical professionals. The stigma that homosexuals have H.I.V., for example, is unfortunately one that some doctors and nurses still believe. And because so many LGBT seniors are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, they are not comfortable talking about it to their doctors - which can be detrimental to their health. Dr. Melinda Lantz, chief of geriatric psychiatry at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York, says that “there is something special about having to hide this part of your identity when your entire identity is threatened. That’s a faster pathway to depression, failure to thrive and even premature death.” (2007, ¶ 16.) Indeed, when people avoid seeking medical attention because they are afraid of the prejudice and mistreatment they will receive, this not only makes a sad statement about society but is also a dangerous way to live. If a gay man has a serious medical issue that he isn’t treating simply because he feels that he cannot go to a doctor, he could very well die sooner than he would have otherwise.
Aging is hard enough without having to worry about being discriminated because of sexuality, and ageism is enough of a problem in today’s society without adding homophobia to the mix. Currently, California is the only state in the U.S. that recognizes that the gay elderly have special needs of their own, and it is nationally true that federal law does not provide any antidiscrimination practices to homosexual citizens (2007, ¶ 18). Homophobia, which usually stems from a lack of information and understanding of LGBT people, runs rampant in society; too often people are fired from jobs, kicked out of their homes, and even killed, simply for loving a person of the same sex. In the aging community, this is an especially important thing to remember: many of these people came out as LGBT when it was even less socially acceptable than it is now. They have likely bore incredibly heavy burdens and the struggles associated with their sexuality are memories they have had to carry with them their whole lives. By the time a person gets to be a senior citizen - the longer they have had to bear the weight of it all - this is extremely taxing, emotionally and physically - stress can prematurely age a person and cause fatigue and frequent illness. This is only exacerbated if the majority of these battles have been internal; if these people have had no one to talk to about what they have gone through in their lives, it would only exacerbate their feelings of loneliness and isolation.
What needs to be done is to make LGBT senior citizens feel like they belong in the world and in the elder community. In some larger, urban cities, LGBT aging projects, which aim to educate caregivers to the special needs of the gay elderly, are taking shape (2007, ¶ 20). Lisa Krinsky, who directs the LGBT aging project in Massachusetts, has been training employees of elder-care agencies for the past two years, and so far she has trained over two thousand. She suggests solutions such as adding questions to admissions forms for extended care facilities to follow next-of-kin questions, such as “who is important in your life?” She says that “we need to be open and sensitive, but not wrap them in a rainbow flag and make them march in a parade.” (2007, ¶ 22.) Krinsky acknowledges that these people need special care, but at the same time would most likely be uncomfortable if their homosexuality were flaunted and treated as a device with which to gain attention for the cause.
The most important tool in combating intolerance is education, both of the elderly community, as they most likely know little about what their sexuality really entails, and of the community at large. By addressing the fact that homosexuality is acceptable and that anyone can be gay, this opens the doors for discussion of the different sub-communities - such as senior citizens - in which LGBT people exist. This allows for a more subtle discussion of who is gay and what needs to be done to make life easier for them.
With the face of America changing rapidly every day, it won’t be long until today’s LGBT youth are tomorrow’s LGBT senior citizens. This is why it is especially important to address the issues faced by gay seniors now and to make it known that it is perfectly acceptable to be gay - and gray - in the United States.
Bibliography
Bagby, Dyana (2007, November 2). ‘Rainbow Trainers’ educate senior centers on gay issues. Retrieved November 27, 2007 from http://www.sovo.com
Gross, Jane (2007). Aging and Gay, and Facing Problem in Twilight. The New York Times. Retrieved November 25, 2007, from http://www.nytimes.com
Groups Push for Help for LGBT Senior Citizens (2006, October 20). The Advocate. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://www.gay.com
Kanapaux, William (2003, November/December). Homosexual Seniors Face Stigma. Geriatric Times (Vol. IV). Retrieved December 1, 2007 from http://www.cmellc.com
Woolf, Linda M. (1998, May). Gay and Lesbian Aging. Webester University. Retrieved November 27, 2007 from http://www.webster.edu
--December 2007