I fell from the moutain
Sometimes I feel like nothing in this world is real, like it is all some sort of joke, a twisted holodeck in which things that can happen for others cannot happen for me because those things are not real and go beyond what its programming can give to me. Sometimes it seems like the only reason I am exposed to things that could so much improve my life is so I can be disappointed at what I can not have. I feel so beaten down right now. Why can't anything go well for me? Am I not worthy of a happy life? Am I to be doomed to servitude throughout my days? I just don't understand why things are so much harder for me. I am a good person. I am willing to do the work that is required to set me free, but it seems that is not enough. What did I do? What CAN I do? Do others want to see me fail or do they simply not care enough to take any interest in me at all. Often it seems as though people like me as long as I am not around too long and they don't have to put forth any effort, but as soon as either of those things change my use is gone. It's always what I can do for them, but who cares to do for me? I'm tired! I've given of myself and seen so little in return. Words, shells of promises with no substance to them. Is it all a facade? Is this my Hell? I don't know what to do. All I know is I can't continue on this course much longer. Something's got to give, and I am beginning to feel that it will be me. Crushing under the pressure of the world on top of me. My knees are buckling. As people walk by they don't take any of the weight, most ask me what more I can hold. I have boulders, but their pebbles are getting them down. Does anyone really care? I just can't tell anymore...