I think I'm depressed.
Well, this is bizarre to come to this admission.
For the past couple of weeks, I've just been feeling...not very engaged and kind of disinterested in everything. Even stuff that I like doing or need to do doesn't really make me feel much of anything - like a sense of pervasive ennui. I was over at my friend Vicki's house for her holiday party, and while I appreciated it, to be honest...I might as well have been washing my hair.
Same for my job's holiday party. Same for nearly everything else I've done. It's like everything is colored in gray, and even when I try to add color to it, nothing happens.
But...I think the last time I had a major depressive episode, I didn't really pick up on it. I just holed myself up and played on RO and Gaia for a couple of years. I'm worried that since I'm like, "Okay, I must be depressed..." it means that I'm doing it to myself.
And I don't want to go back on antidepressants again, because shit sucks, you know?
Maybe it's just a phase, I hope. Will definitely bring it up with my therapist when I see her next.
For the past couple of weeks, I've just been feeling...not very engaged and kind of disinterested in everything. Even stuff that I like doing or need to do doesn't really make me feel much of anything - like a sense of pervasive ennui. I was over at my friend Vicki's house for her holiday party, and while I appreciated it, to be honest...I might as well have been washing my hair.
Same for my job's holiday party. Same for nearly everything else I've done. It's like everything is colored in gray, and even when I try to add color to it, nothing happens.
But...I think the last time I had a major depressive episode, I didn't really pick up on it. I just holed myself up and played on RO and Gaia for a couple of years. I'm worried that since I'm like, "Okay, I must be depressed..." it means that I'm doing it to myself.
And I don't want to go back on antidepressants again, because shit sucks, you know?
Maybe it's just a phase, I hope. Will definitely bring it up with my therapist when I see her next.