Not even bothering to rank.
So I'm just going down the list of semis:
-The lead singer of Max Jason Mai (Slovakia) and Tooji (Norway) seriously need voice lessons. OH MY GOD THAT WAS PAINFUL.
They could both be good songs - the preview for "Don't Close Your Eyes" was good, and "Stay" is catchy, if very dated (like, I could see N*Sync in their heyday singing that), but oh my god. Slovakia was mildly bad, but JESUS CHRIST NORWAY. NEVER DO THE LAST THIRTY SECONDS OF THAT AGAIN. My eardrums will never recover.
-Those voice lessons should be administered by Filipa Sousa (Portugal). Woman has TALENT. Her production sucked, though - the stage drowned her and her backup out visually.
-If I had to play MFK with Eurovision, Donny Martell (Lithuania) would so be the MARRY. I don't know if I'd fuck him. I'd just stare into his eyes.
Dude is athletic, though. He deserved to be in the finals for that flip alone, which was the single most Eurovision moment in Eurovision. This includes Anri Jokhadze (Georgia) and Gaitana (Ukraine). LET US DISSECT:
1) Start singing in a sequined blindfold. Lull all of the Caucasus into a sense of complacency.
2) RIP OFF SEQUINED BLINDFOLD.
3) DO A ONE-HANDED FLIP.
4) PLAY MOTHERFUCKING AIR GUITAR.
I mean, he needed to bring it harder for the rest of it (rewarmed George Michael, SERIOUSLY? And no backup dancers in silver bodysuits to go along with the shadow dancers?), but that move will not be topped this year and may never be topped for the most awesome 5 seconds in Eurovision.
-WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF GEORGIA: I AM SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT SURE THAT THE BACKUP SINGERS/DANCERS WERE SPACE HOOKER DRAG QUEENS. IF I AM CORRECT, THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING EUROVISION RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
This deserved to go to the finals. This is a tragedy that it didn't.
-...was the theme of this year's Eurovision "rip off other things?" Because I swear to God, if you translated "Nebo" by Nina Badric (actual Croatia) into Japanese, it would fit in perfectly as the theme song to an early '00's/late '90's anime drama.
-The lead singer of Max Jason Mai (Slovakia) and Tooji (Norway) seriously need voice lessons. OH MY GOD THAT WAS PAINFUL.
They could both be good songs - the preview for "Don't Close Your Eyes" was good, and "Stay" is catchy, if very dated (like, I could see N*Sync in their heyday singing that), but oh my god. Slovakia was mildly bad, but JESUS CHRIST NORWAY. NEVER DO THE LAST THIRTY SECONDS OF THAT AGAIN. My eardrums will never recover.
-Those voice lessons should be administered by Filipa Sousa (Portugal). Woman has TALENT. Her production sucked, though - the stage drowned her and her backup out visually.
-If I had to play MFK with Eurovision, Donny Martell (Lithuania) would so be the MARRY. I don't know if I'd fuck him. I'd just stare into his eyes.
Dude is athletic, though. He deserved to be in the finals for that flip alone, which was the single most Eurovision moment in Eurovision. This includes Anri Jokhadze (Georgia) and Gaitana (Ukraine). LET US DISSECT:
1) Start singing in a sequined blindfold. Lull all of the Caucasus into a sense of complacency.
2) RIP OFF SEQUINED BLINDFOLD.
3) DO A ONE-HANDED FLIP.
4) PLAY MOTHERFUCKING AIR GUITAR.
I mean, he needed to bring it harder for the rest of it (rewarmed George Michael, SERIOUSLY? And no backup dancers in silver bodysuits to go along with the shadow dancers?), but that move will not be topped this year and may never be topped for the most awesome 5 seconds in Eurovision.
-WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF GEORGIA: I AM SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT SURE THAT THE BACKUP SINGERS/DANCERS WERE SPACE HOOKER DRAG QUEENS. IF I AM CORRECT, THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING EUROVISION RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
This deserved to go to the finals. This is a tragedy that it didn't.
-...was the theme of this year's Eurovision "rip off other things?" Because I swear to God, if you translated "Nebo" by Nina Badric (actual Croatia) into Japanese, it would fit in perfectly as the theme song to an early '00's/late '90's anime drama.