(no subject)
terrible week ;; even worse night. but of course, that would be whos fault? yeah .. mine of course. it always is // i was born a fucking screw up.
so basically i messed everything up again. something must be wrong with me. this week i realized how much i really do miss things - family in georgia, lisa, brooke, him, being in love.
You see, my mom asked and asked and asked if i really did want to make the move from atlanta to cape coral. i could have so easily said no.But i wanted to make my mom be happy. i would be back with my family, my dad, lisa and brooke if i had just said something, but that would make me selfish =\ so then i move down here and decided to fall straight head over heals. DUMB IDEA SHELBY! i broke up with him + he knows two of the reasons. but he doesnt know this third one. i thought he didnt want to be with me. i thought he had either stopped likeing me or didnt think i was pretty, or thought the relationship would be totally different. i dont know. so i broke up with him so he wouldnt really have to be with someone he didnt want to be with. and that was stupid of me becuase well . if he didnt want to be with me then he would have broke up with me. oh wait, he had broke up with me two days before. but he asked me back out. and now you guys know why i thought he didnt want to be with me anymore =\
i disappoint myself plus so many other people. and im sorry, im really sorry . if all im going to do is keep on dissappointing people for my whole like, someone just shoot me now! i manage to fuck up almost everything. i never wanted things to be how they are. i just wish things were different, or i was different, or i just wasnt here anymore. or i wasnt here in the first place. i dont know. im confused and sad and agh - i feel like im complaining way too much. but its my journal. i can complain and bitch and moan as much as i was right? nobody can say anything because its my journal. and i guess if they have a problem then they can just stop reading it =\
xOox. but all these tears dont mean a thing ____x3