101. weird, USA.
“Hey, have you ever seen this show before?”
Ben looked up, arms already full of discounted DVDs. He peered at Olivia nearsightedly, and she made a mental note to make an eye appointment soon-he clearly needed a new prescription. “…The Middleman. Huh, no, I haven’t. Cover looks interesting. What’s it about?”
“A clandestined organization that fights crime-so you don’t have to! Temp worker and struggling artist Wendy Watson finds herself recruited to be the Middleman’s new partner, and has to face everything from alien boy bands to vampire puppets and flying zombie fish. Wow-this is so up your alley.”
“How have I never heard about this before?” Ben squawked indignantly, dropping his armload back into the sale bin. “All twelve episodes-ABC Family-aw man, this is gonna be Firefly-level heartbreak all over again.”
“It’ll hurt,” Olivia agreed. “But some pain is worth it, right?”
*****
“Oh my God.”
“What?”
“You don’t see it?”
“See what?”
“Liv. That actress could be your doppelganger.”
“…You think so?”
“And Lacey’s even an artist! This is seriously weird.”
“I dunno-is my nose that big?”
“Not quite. But the resemblance is downright uncanny.”
*****
“You’d make a great Middleman.”
“Yeah?”
“Totally. I can just hear you shouting things like, ‘Sands of Zanzibar!’-even after a lifetime of Charlie’s influence, you’re just not one for the constant profanity.”
“I am rather fond of milk.”
“You have an encyclopedic knowledge of strange and obscure subjects.”
“The fun I’d have with those gadgets. And a curmudgeonly robot assistant that looks like a lunch lady.”
“And think of how hot you’d be in that uniform.”
“…Really?”
“Really.”
An hour was gone before they looked at the clock again, and Olivia had to skip back to the beginning of the episode they’d entirely missed.
*****
“Next time we pick Charlie and Robbie up at the airport, I dare you to give them Sensei Ping’s most hallowed verse of greeting.”
“What’ll I get for it?”
“I’ll make you my Grandma’s Secret Recipe Apple Pie and you’ll get to pick the movies for a straight week.”
“Done and done.”
“…But you would have down it without any of that to sweeten the pot, right?”
“Oh, absolutely.”
*****
“I’m going to be the Middleman for Halloween. I’ve decided.”
“…What if I went as Ida?”
“We’d inspire some very weird fanfics.”
“Let’s do it.”
*****
“Can we save the rest for tomorrow?”
“There’s only one episode left.”
“I know. I just don’t want it to end yet.”
“Want to savor it just a bit longer?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re too cute.”
“Charlie would say I’m disgustingly sentimental.”
“I think it’s cute. Alright. We can pretend like the show isn’t over for tonight. I’m going to hop in the shower-and don’t you dare get on Amazon!”
“Huh?”
“No, that innocent look won’t play with me. I know you plan on ordering every last Middle-thing you can-and I still need to get you something for Christmas. So you hold off on getting the graphic novels just yet, okay?”
“Okay, okay….”
“Aw, and no grumpy-facing tonight, either! Come on-why don’t you help me scrub my back, hmm?”
“Your plan is sheer elegance in its simplicity-how can I possibly resist?”