Comments | i_will: (без темы)

i_will

(Untitled)

Feb 17, 2010 19:07

Tell me something. Post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love: anything you want. Something about you, something about me, anything at all.

Be sure to post honestly. Post as many times as you want.

meme

Comments 21

anonymous February 18 2010, 07:15:58 UTC

I just want to sleep but I caaaaaaaan't for some reason.

i_will February 18 2010, 11:50:28 UTC

lol i know how that is. lying in bed with my eyes closed going SLEEP DAMN YOU orz there has to be a better way >:

anonymous February 18 2010, 17:46:34 UTC

oh my gosh anon are you me?!

captcha: unrest stare FFFFFFUUUUUDGE

anonymous February 18 2010, 21:05:56 UTC

computer has died cant log in

ps saw a guy dressed as a bear line at mint too long aboriginal village boring

nanaimo bars are good

-fishies

i_will February 19 2010, 00:10:35 UTC

lol this comment is adorable ♥

anonymous February 18 2010, 23:31:37 UTC

There are these times I get really disjointed about my love life. I'm bi enough to believe guys assume I'm a lesbian, but on the flip side there aren't any girls I'd date. Or if there are, they're straight. The older I get, the more girls I think are hot, and while the really mature people I know are mostly guys, I mean mature in the way I want (I assume this will change in college) I don't like guys that way. I don't want to have sex with a guy, ever.

And it's like, god, I'm a senior, and man, here I am still not knowing what my sexuality is (given the above, I assume bi. I've asked out guys before and everything but...) Sometimes I think maybe I just want to be bi/lesbian to fit in with all the LGBT affairs and other times I just don't. know ( ... )

SORRY FOR THE TL;DR THIS IS 1 OF 3 I THINK? i_will February 19 2010, 01:46:42 UTC

i didn't have anyone i could actually say i was dating until i was 19, and even then it was only online. i'd been kissed when i was 13 during spin-the-bottle, but that doesn't count. it was at my friend's birthday party. we also played seven minutes in heaven, and i remember just standing in her bathroom with one of her male friends just waiting for the clock to run out. he was a nice guy, but we were both awkward and had no interest in each other. i had crushes all through school, on boys and girls alike (my earliest was on a girl, around 7. my hardest was on a different girl, from 15 to 18. the most disappointing was on a boy, i think perhaps because i knew a crush on a boy had the most potential to actually happen, and when it didn't it stung, because i couldn't even get what i didn't really want ( ... )

i_will February 19 2010, 01:47:23 UTC

my best friend was pretty much painfully straight. she got a boyfriend and i immediately hated him and later destroyed his academic career after they broke up (he plagiarized it's not like i made something up okay). we were inseparable and i felt i could trust her with anything. around senior year, i thought i could tell her my secret. i wasn't out to anyone but my sister, and i really wanted to tell someone, but she stopped me in my tracks one day. she came from a big irish catholic family and two of her sisters were in college. one was going to a liberal arts college in north carolina, the kind full of patchouli-scented hippies and hairy-legged feminists. my friend had recently found out that her sister's roommate and close friend was a lesbian. i had always known her to be very accepting, and she said she had no problems with lesbians, but... wouldn't it be weird if the roommate had had a crush on her sister at some point? i decided after that conversation that i couldn't tell her, especially since i'd had a crush on her for years ( ... )

i_will February 19 2010, 01:47:31 UTC

i didn't have to deal with my (later crippling) social anxiety. i didn't have to worry about meeting people at certain times or getting stood up. they were easy to manage; less work than real life relationships. i started to value my online friends more than my offline ones. i started to get crushes on them. there wasn't a body to deal with, either. in one arena (rp) we were both men, and in another (chat) we were both women. it didn't matter. i felt less afraid of it; less need to hide it or run from it. i eventually gathered the courage to tell the beast i had a crush on her. it was reciprocated. we became a couple ( ... )

anonymous February 18 2010, 23:53:15 UTC

I can't believe that I'll never see him again. He's gone. When I go home and visit the debate team, he won't be there. I won't pass him in the halls and mix up his name with his brother's/random names that come to my mind. I won't get to poke fun at him or watch him debate. He won't be overdressed at tournaments anymore, and I'll never get to see him in that suit again. I won't get to see him smile and do that sarcastic laugh and just be like, "Oh, Alexa." with that hilarious dry sense of humor.

We weren't best friends. We weren't friend-friends. I never had his phone number. Never knew where he lived. Never knew that he was a hard-core Christian. He was two years younger than me. But he was a good guy. He was a good guy, and the world lost something precious.

Two years younger than me, and he hit some black ice while driving home from a debate tournament. That's so fucking unfair. That's so fucking terrifyingHe was a better person than I am. Than most people are. His mother mentioned reading his Bible and finding his writing on ( ... )

i_will February 19 2010, 02:47:14 UTC

my experiences with death are (fortunately) very few. when i was in high school, two girls in my grade died on christmas eve senior year. they were racing, going over 80 in a 55mph zone. their male friend was driving, and he missed a turn and hit a brick wall head on. he was wearing a seat belt and lived. the girls weren't and died on impact ( ... )

anonymous February 19 2010, 05:38:34 UTC

I don't want the hole to get smaller. I don't want to stop missing him. I don't want to get used to him being gone.

If you can't tell, I don't handle things like this well at all. I still haven't gotten over my cat who died this summer. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can see her, breathing her last, watching the iris relax and the pupil expand. I can fucking see it. I can smell it.

Before my cat died, I guess I could be classified as an agnostic. I wasn't sure what to believe. I figured that I'd have the time to sort things out eventually.

After she died, it felt like... I don't know. It feels like time is empty. Every second, every minute-- it's empty. There's no meaning to it. There's no reason for it. It just... Happens. No matter what I do, or what I say, or what I believe, it'll just keep going, because nothing matters. It's empty of meaning. There is no reason for me to be here right now.

None whatsoever.

What reason was there for him to die? Why did he die? Why did my cat die? Why do people die? Why do people feel ( ... )

anonymous February 19 2010, 01:58:16 UTC

wahoo