Why Me? (Part 6)
Title: Why me?
Author: IAdoreCallie
Pairing:Arizona/Callie Callie/Erica
Rating: Adult themes
Summary: Callie's day started so well. Will it end that way?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, nor do I have any rights in regards to them
“I missed you Callie. It was like I was missing a part of me that made everything else work. But there was no point in me being the same way as I left… I made things hard for you. Being so hostile and cold to everyone in your life. I’m different now. I don’t need to be hostile, I have nothing left to need to make people keep their distance. Everything about me is out there for anyone who wants to know.” This was so hard to hear. Erica’s last outpouring of feelings had left an awkward tension between them. Callie was resolved to not leave as rudely as she did that time. She had to intervene however before Erica said what Callie could feel was coming, but would make this even worse. She opened her mouth to speak but froze as two of Erica’s fingers softly touched her lips. This wasn’t good, she needed to speak… Now. But Erica had continued…
“I want to win you back Callie. I know what I did was wrong. We were rocky to start with, but I know we can work it out. I start back at the hospital on Monday so I can see you all the time, we can start over. When we figured it all out we were so good. We shouldn’t give up on that.” This was brutal. But Erica had paused long enough to let Callie stutter enough to compose her thoughts
“Look.. Uh… God where do I start. Firstly, you didn’t call at all. You could have been dead for all I know. If you give a damn about anyone you don’t leave like that. Secondly, you come back here a changed woman and expect me to just forgive and forget?” She was getting angry, and in the moment she paused to regain her breathing to an acceptable volume, Erica had spoken again.
“I was wrong Callie, I am sorry. Apologies can never make up for that. All I can do is prove to you that I’m different. Prove that we can be so good together.” Callie couldn’t deny that when it was good, it was very very good. But that was the past. Her present and future wasn’t Erica. She had to make her understand that. Even though Arizona and Callie had not yet moved onto sex, it was still a mystery to them both as to how it would go, the rest of their relationship was so much easier and natural than it was with Erica. Callie was herself with Arizona, no lies, or secrets. Erica was never that straightforward. Callie placed her coffee cup down on the table, and leaned back in her armchair.
“Erica, there is something I need to tell you. I’m seeing someone. Someone who I know I couldn’t be without.” Erica’s face was unreadable. Callie took the opportunity to carry on. “When you left I was broken. Arizona gave me a reason to be whole again. She is kind, gentle, wonderful. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but there isn’t a decision to make for me. She is all I want.” As Callie said the words she knew they were true. Even now, only minutes away, she felt too far away from where Arizona was. She missed her smile, her touch. It made her smile to think about her. She wasn’t falling anymore, she had fallen… “I love her Erica.”
To Callie’s bemusement Erica looked like she wanted to laugh. This wasn’t funny. Callie was telling Erica something she should have been saying to Arizona, nothing could be less funny.
“Callie, I’m not adverse to fighting for what I want. I know that you love me too. We were one another’s guides into our new lives. You can’t just forget that sort of bond. It leaves a mark on the heart.” Callie struggled to come to terms with hearing Erica say such profound things. It wasn’t her usual bluntness. And yes, she would always feel something for Erica. But it wasn’t enough. Erica wasn’t Arizona. “Is her name really Arizona?” The smirk that followed that question infuriated Callie.
“I think we are done here. You fight all you want Erica, I have chosen the winner already. You are wasting your own time not mine. Leave us at friends. Its better than nothing ok.” As her statement ended Callie rose from her seat and reached for her coat. Erica’s hand caught hers and Callie was surprised by the shiver it gave her. It wasn’t enough. It was never enough.
“Callie please don’t go. I’m sorry.” Erica’s eyes were pleading and it tugged at Callie’s heart. But the pull from beyond Erica’s gaze was far stronger.
“No more apologies Erica, just be happy for me and let me go.” Callie’s eyes met Erica’s as she slipped her coat on. Erica was shaking her head.
“I can’t do that Callie.”
Callie didn’t need to hear anymore. She turned away and walked towards the door and out into the street. She didn’t need to look back, forwards was where she needed to be. Out in the street, if anything, it was colder still. The wind was fiercer, and so was Callie’s determination. She had to find Arizona. She had to tell her those three words. She needed to be wrapped in her arms and feel the world slipping away. The walk back to the hospital took longer than Callie wanted. Though the distance was the same, the wind pushed her back almost doubling the journey time.
Finally within the lobby of the hospital, she unwrapped her coat and headed for the elevators. Her face felt raw from the wind and snow which had blasted her, but it didn’t matter. Callie’s mind raced as she waited for the elevator. She wasn’t rushing into anything right? When people know its right it doesn’t matter how long it takes them to know.. Does it? What if Arizona thinks this is just me being a newborn and getting all caught up in the moment? She would just have to speak from the heart and hope that Arizona knew it as surely as she did. Can this elevator be any slower? Finally the ding announced the arrival of the elevator. Callie flew through the doors and hit the button for the Peds ward, Arizona had to be up there if she had such a big case. Callie had never felt so clear before. It was a very liberating feeling, and made her feel warmer than any fire would.
Callie picked the first nurse she came across and asked where Dr Robbins was treating her case, as her name wasn‘t on the surgery board. The confused look on the nurses face was not a good sign.
“She hasn’t been in since the surgery on the assault case, with you.” That couldn’t be right, Arizona had said she would be here...