The Healing Power of Alcohol
Title: The Healing Power of Alcohol
Author: LittleD
Pairing: Yongguk/Daehyun
Rating: R
Length: 3461
Summary: Daehyun has a drinking problem. Yongguk wants to help.
My best friend had been asking me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous for months. I had been certain that I didn’t need any help but after waking up on the side of the road and in strange men’s beds too many times he finally convinced me that something was wrong. I knew that I drank too much, but I still wasn’t sure that AA was really the place for me. I didn’t feel any surer of that when I walked in to see a group of people sitting in a large circle, all avoiding eye contact with each other. A promise had been made though.
I sat in the only empty seat, hoping that I wouldn’t be yelled at for taking someone else’s seat, and tried to be invisible so I wouldn’t have to speak. Despite my best attempts I was noticed after an attractive man named Yongguk - but really how someone as attractive as him be an alcoholic was beyond me - opened the meeting by thanking all of the returning members and praising the two new members - because it really is hard to admit you need help.
I was forced to my feet and instructed not to use my last name before getting shoved to the middle of the circle. “Uhm, hi?” I mumbled, staring directly at Yongguk because his name was the only one I knew. “My name is Daehyun and I guess I’m an alcoholic?” They hadn’t exactly given me any guidelines. “My roommate says I am at least and made me promise to get help.” I shrugged. This wasn’t what I wanted to be doing on a Wednesday evening. I’d rather be eating, or - even more preferably - being highly intoxicated. “I don’t know what to say?”
Yongguk smiled at me slightly making the situation even more awkward. “Do you know what we do here Daehyun?” It seemed like he was the one in charge, or at least he was the least shy person in the room. I shook my head and he sighed, acting as though he had told me what I was supposed to do in the first place. “We’re all here because we lost control over our lives to alcohol and we look to God to help us regain that control.”
I clicked my tongue; Youngjae hadn’t told me this was a crazy cult. He would have his dues later. “I don’t believe in God.” I shrugged again. Looking to a being I didn’t believe in, and had no desire to believe in, certainly wouldn’t help me regain control of my life. “Even if I did I assume he’d have better shit to do than help a bunch of drunks stop drinking.”
Yongguk opened his mouth to speak again but I grabbed my coat and left before he could explain to me the power of God the saviour. If I needed to stop drinking I could do it without a circle of crazies praying to an imaginary man in the sky rather than making the changes in their lives.
After a failed attempt to sneak into my apartment I found myself sitting on the couch - beer in hand - with a less than pleased best friend staring at me. “You’re home early. The meeting isn’t supposed to end for thirty more minutes and you’re already home.” He grabbed my beer, shooting me a dirty look before I could manage to open it. “You promised.”
“You didn’t tell me it was a religious group. Not doing that shit.” I shrugged, I wasn’t an alcoholic and I didn’t need to give my life over to religion. “I’ll look for something different in the morning. I’ll just quit on my own.”
I did plan to quit, at least for a while, but then work had been a bitch and the next thing I knew I was in the bathroom at the bar with a man’s cock in my mouth. Youngjae didn’t have to know, I certainly wouldn’t tell him. A particularly hard tug on my hair brought me out of my thoughts and I turned my attentions back to the action I was being paid for. The better I did at this the more money I had to spend on booze.
Somehow between giving a stranger head and waking up the next morning I ended up in a strange bed in a room I had never been in. I did a quick once over to check my state of undress and to make sure I wasn’t in the hospital or actually dead. When I realised that I was still clothed and not dead I whined softly, the night had been unsuccessful.
“So the Godless one had a blackout.” I cursed my very existence; of course I would go home with the leader of the AA meeting I had fled from. I buried my face in his pillow in hopes that I would suffocate before he could start proselytising. “Ever think that, maybe, you do need help?”
“Right now the only things I need are a beer and a good dicking. I doubt I’ll get either here so I’m going to leave before you go all crazy and lock me in the basement until I find God.” I rolled out of bed, frowning a bit when I realised I was still completely dressed. He hadn’t even felt me up a little bit. I usually did better at picking men who would take advantage of me than this. “I know how you people are. I’d rather not get eaten.”
Yongguk sighed, clearly not finding me amusing at all. Fortunately, for me, I didn’t care what he thought and if he did think I was a raging asshole he would be more than willing to let me out of the apartment. “Want breakfast first? Or do you think I laced it with cyanide?”
After a few seconds of thought I agreed to his offer, I was more likely to get murdered if I went home to see Youngjae if I was honest with myself. “Do you make a habit of picking up drunk guys and trying to get them to get help? I think that might be against the rules.”
“It’s not a habit, but I pity bastards pissing on cars.” He walked out of the room before I could protest his statement. I probably had pissed on a car but that didn’t mean I had to admit to it. “You don’t have to accept the religion.” He started once I sat down at his table. “But I highly advise accepting the help. Life is better when you aren’t hungover and living from drink to drink.”
He smiled at me - showing an impressive amount of gums - as he served up breakfast for me. He was being far nicer than any of the other men I had gone home with up to this point. “I don’t feel comfortable with it.” I chewed my lip as I looked up at him. His hair was darker than it had been at the meeting and it certainly looked nicer all messy than it did styled. “The God stuff.” I added as a second thought so he didn’t think I was uncomfortable with the idea of being sober. “If I decide I need help I can find it somewhere else.”
Yongguk sighed again but it didn’t seem like he was going to question my decision. “Why does it make you uncomfortable?” I rolled my eyes at his question. Religious people could never accept that not everyone believed like that it seemed. Every time anyone found out I didn’t believe in their god they questioned my choices and tried to save me. Up to this point I had never met someone who simply accepted it and left me to it.
I shrugged, taking my first bite of food. It was a bit undercooked but free food was free food and I wasn’t about to complain about it. “Do I have to have a reason? If being naked made me feel uncomfortable would you expect me to explain that to you? Is this just special since it’s your god? I just don’t like it.”
We sat in silence for a while, the only sounds in the room came from out chopsticks, before he decided to break it again. “I didn’t believe in God either.” I tried to ignore him because, to be honest, I didn’t care how getting sober helped him find God and how much better it made his life. “I’m not saying you’ll suddenly become a religious man if you stop drinking, but I understand where you’re coming from. You don’t want it shoved down your throat.”
I want other things shoved down my throat. I glared at him, not at all liking where this conversation was going. I wasn’t an alcoholic and just because he’d - allegedly - caught me with my dick out pissing on a car didn’t mean he knew me. Plenty of people accidentally drank a little bit too much and went home with a stranger. It didn’t make me an alcoholic.
I chose not to respond to his desperate attempts to make me join his little group of God searchers and instead finished my meal. I knew I needed to get home eventually, and I would, but I figured I could grab something to drink first. Quitting could start another day when I didn’t have such a bad headache. Once the food was gone I stood up and gave Yongguk a pat on the shoulder. “By the way. It’s not God that makes me uncomfortable. It’s the people who believe in him.” I gave him a quick smile, grabbed my phone off of his counter, and made my escape.
I made it home after a quick stop at the liquor store to stock up for the weekend. I didn’t want to leave the apartment again in fear that Yongguk would be stalking me so I needed to ensure I wouldn’t run out of things to drink. Youngjae didn’t seem to approve of this plan at all and tried to take my supplies away the second I walked in the door. “I called you ten times. I needed you.”
I shrugged. It wasn’t my job to take care of him. “I went home with the leader of that meeting you sent me to. He didn’t touch me.” I quickly added the second half when he opened his mouth to scold me and lecture me about sexually transmitted diseases again. “I didn’t get any.” I pouted just because I knew it would piss him off. He was in some sort of long-term committed relationship and still hadn’t given it up. I pitied his boyfriend.
His shoulders slumped forward when I pulled one of the drinks out of my bag and took a sip. I hadn’t noticed that before, I wondered if he really thought I had a problem. “Channie got in a car accident last night.” He flopped down on the couch and looked up at me. I took another sip from the bottle in my hand. “He’s fine, but it would have been nice if you were here.”
“Well I wasn’t.” I didn’t know what my presence would have done to change the situation. His boyfriend was fine anyway, everything worked out. It wasn’t as though I had caused the accident. “I’m glad he’s fine though.” I added. I knew how fond he was of his boyfriend and how much it would crush him if something bad had happened to him.
“He was hit by a drunk driver.” He glared at me when I took another sip of my drink. I wasn’t sure I should believe his statement or if he was simply trying to guilt me into putting the alcohol down. I didn’t even own a car so there was no way I could ever be a drunk driver.
I put the bottle down - watching as Youngjae became visibly more comfortable with my presence. I didn’t understand why he thought my drinking was such a problem but in my sober state I didn’t see any problem with doing it a little bit less around him. I wasn’t an alcoholic. I didn’t need to drink and I could prove that too.
It took less than a day for me to decide that maybe I had a little bit of a problem. Not drinking was a lot harder than I had anticipated. I was able to make it a few hours without a drink the first day under Youngjae’s watchful eye. It wasn’t that hard to go through the day without a drink. I did that every day at work.
By that night though I realised that just stopping was going to be a lot harder than I had anticipated. After Youngjae had fed me dinner I started feeling sick. I knew exactly what would fix it but I had too much pride to say anything and instead chose to sit there shaking, sweating, and completely miserable. “Are you okay Daehyun?” Youngjae sat next to me, wiping my forehead gently with a rag. I figured he would be gloating, at least on the inside, because if I wasn’t an alcoholic I wouldn’t be behaving this way.
I shrugged my shoulders. The truth was that I felt like I was about to die but I wasn’t about to tell him that. I had a point to prove. If I could quit without help then I wasn’t an alcoholic. I didn’t have a problem. “I’m fine Jae.” I shot him a smile and only received a sigh in response. I didn’t understand why he was acting unhappy. This was what he wanted.
He left the towel on my forehead and I smiled a bit at how nice it felt. I hadn’t even noticed that I felt like burning up until the towel cooled me down slightly. Other than the headaches I was sure this would be okay. I could do this. “Maybe you should ask a doctor before you quit? I looked it up and the internet says quitting can be really dangerous.”
I shot him a glare. I wasn’t an alcoholic so his concerns had nothing to do with my situation. “It’s just a bad hangover. That’s all it is.” I whined when he put a blanket over me, he was treating me like I was sick. “I’m not going to drink anymore. I don’t need it.”
Youngjae smiled at me and patted my stomach. “I’m glad. Alcohol doesn’t fix anything anyway.” I frowned at him, earning myself an even brighter smile. I didn’t know how he could be so happy about this situation. I’m sure that I didn’t look too well, and I knew he hated taking care of me, but for some reason me going a day without a drink made him happy. I decided that might be worth giving this a real try. “Another group is meeting today, we could go together?”
I sighed at his suggestion. I felt terrible and he thought sending back to church would help. “Do I really need to go?” I knew what he was going to say so before he could answer I sat up. I figured it would be better to go now so he wouldn’t make me go again the following Wednesday. I really didn’t want to see Yongguk again. I wasn’t interested in listening to his stupidly deep voice. Even if it did send blood rushing south. “Might as well.”
I ignored the way that Youngjae cheered and went to put on clean clothing. It was a little harder to ignore how unsteady my legs felt, but I did my best. It took me an embarrassingly long time to pull on a pair of jeans and a presentable shirt, and I pretended not to notice Youngjae standing in my doorway. I figured he didn’t need to be scolded for acting like a babysitter even though I didn’t need one. “I’m proud of you Daehyun.” He told me as I tried to button up my shirt, my hands were shaking a little more than I thought they were and the buttons just didn’t want to go in the holes. “It’s hard to ask for help.”
I chose not to tell him that I wasn’t asking for help, I was being thrown into a figurative pool of help - I wondered if now would be a good time to tell him that I actually couldn’t swim. “I do what I can.” I mumbled as I finally got the final button to go through its hole. “Let’s just go. You owe me dinner after this.”
Youngjae was more than willing to agree to my terms as he pushed me out of the apartment and dragged me down to the hospital where the meeting would take place. He was moving far too fast and my legs protested the entire way. We arrived early and I dropped myself down into a chair, watching as he gracefully placed himself next to me like the princess he was. “This is good for you.” He told me again as though I didn’t already know what he thought.
I nodded a bit, deciding I might as well just agree with him since I didn’t have a choice, but before I could let myself relax the man I had no desire to see walked into the room. “I want to go home. I changed my mind.”
Before Youngjae could respond, Yongguk noticed me. “So you came back.” He smiled and I wanted to punch him in his self-congratulating face. It had nothing to do with him and his stupid offer. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks, you bastard.” I shot him a glare. Insulting me certainly wasn’t going to make me want to accept the help I was being forced to take. “Don’t you have a life? Or do you just hang out at AA meetings all the time?”
Yongguk didn’t seem to care that I was insulting him and he continued laying papers out on each seat in the circle. I wondered how he even knew how many people would be coming to each meeting or if he just printed a bunch of papers out and assumed there would be enough.
“We’re going to read passages out of the Bible tonight, Daehyun. Are you going to feel uncomfortable with that?” I shrugged my shoulders, I had to stay regardless of how I felt so I figured I could just tune out that section of the meeting. “People who come here are usually more open to religion.”
I didn’t really care what other people were open to, I had no intentions of finding God and coming to a few of these meetings wasn’t going to change my mind. “Well, I’m not. Jae here is though.” Bringing my friend was turning out to be a fantastic idea, this way I could get Yongguk’s attentions off of me and onto Youngjae. “He has a Jesus in his room. His boyfriend has a bunch of Jesuses in his apartment.”
Youngjae shoved at me, nearly throwing me to the ground because my equilibrium was off. “Himchan has one Jesus.” He had more than that but I didn’t correct him. Himchan was a bit crazy and we both knew it; I also knew that he was going to come over and demand that we thank God for protecting him once he was over the shock of his crash. “Who cares how many he has? We’re not talking about him.”
Yongguk didn’t seem to care about how religious Youngjae’s boyfriend was either. He continued putting out paper, not looking at us until he had finished. “There should only be four or five other people here tonight. Friday meetings are usually pretty small.” He handed several sheets of paper to both Youngjae and I, smiling a bit when Youngjae started reading over them. I sighed and pretended to read them, I really didn’t care what they had to say. “I looked up some different options for you.” He told me. “If you want help but you don’t want the religion there’s a couple of places that might interest you.”
Youngjae looked at me expectantly as Yongguk offered me a sheet of paper. I took it from him just to humour the two of them. “There’s only one thing on this.” I told him, confused. He said he had looked up options but this was only one thing. I read it and raised my eyebrow. “My place is always open?”
Yongguk smiled at me. “My phone number is on the back.” He patted me on the shoulder and then greeted a newcomer as they walked into the room. I decided that, maybe, there was nothing wrong with getting a little bit of extra help.
Author: LittleD
Pairing: Yongguk/Daehyun
Rating: R
Length: 3461
Summary: Daehyun has a drinking problem. Yongguk wants to help.
My best friend had been asking me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous for months. I had been certain that I didn’t need any help but after waking up on the side of the road and in strange men’s beds too many times he finally convinced me that something was wrong. I knew that I drank too much, but I still wasn’t sure that AA was really the place for me. I didn’t feel any surer of that when I walked in to see a group of people sitting in a large circle, all avoiding eye contact with each other. A promise had been made though.
I sat in the only empty seat, hoping that I wouldn’t be yelled at for taking someone else’s seat, and tried to be invisible so I wouldn’t have to speak. Despite my best attempts I was noticed after an attractive man named Yongguk - but really how someone as attractive as him be an alcoholic was beyond me - opened the meeting by thanking all of the returning members and praising the two new members - because it really is hard to admit you need help.
I was forced to my feet and instructed not to use my last name before getting shoved to the middle of the circle. “Uhm, hi?” I mumbled, staring directly at Yongguk because his name was the only one I knew. “My name is Daehyun and I guess I’m an alcoholic?” They hadn’t exactly given me any guidelines. “My roommate says I am at least and made me promise to get help.” I shrugged. This wasn’t what I wanted to be doing on a Wednesday evening. I’d rather be eating, or - even more preferably - being highly intoxicated. “I don’t know what to say?”
Yongguk smiled at me slightly making the situation even more awkward. “Do you know what we do here Daehyun?” It seemed like he was the one in charge, or at least he was the least shy person in the room. I shook my head and he sighed, acting as though he had told me what I was supposed to do in the first place. “We’re all here because we lost control over our lives to alcohol and we look to God to help us regain that control.”
I clicked my tongue; Youngjae hadn’t told me this was a crazy cult. He would have his dues later. “I don’t believe in God.” I shrugged again. Looking to a being I didn’t believe in, and had no desire to believe in, certainly wouldn’t help me regain control of my life. “Even if I did I assume he’d have better shit to do than help a bunch of drunks stop drinking.”
Yongguk opened his mouth to speak again but I grabbed my coat and left before he could explain to me the power of God the saviour. If I needed to stop drinking I could do it without a circle of crazies praying to an imaginary man in the sky rather than making the changes in their lives.
After a failed attempt to sneak into my apartment I found myself sitting on the couch - beer in hand - with a less than pleased best friend staring at me. “You’re home early. The meeting isn’t supposed to end for thirty more minutes and you’re already home.” He grabbed my beer, shooting me a dirty look before I could manage to open it. “You promised.”
“You didn’t tell me it was a religious group. Not doing that shit.” I shrugged, I wasn’t an alcoholic and I didn’t need to give my life over to religion. “I’ll look for something different in the morning. I’ll just quit on my own.”
I did plan to quit, at least for a while, but then work had been a bitch and the next thing I knew I was in the bathroom at the bar with a man’s cock in my mouth. Youngjae didn’t have to know, I certainly wouldn’t tell him. A particularly hard tug on my hair brought me out of my thoughts and I turned my attentions back to the action I was being paid for. The better I did at this the more money I had to spend on booze.
Somehow between giving a stranger head and waking up the next morning I ended up in a strange bed in a room I had never been in. I did a quick once over to check my state of undress and to make sure I wasn’t in the hospital or actually dead. When I realised that I was still clothed and not dead I whined softly, the night had been unsuccessful.
“So the Godless one had a blackout.” I cursed my very existence; of course I would go home with the leader of the AA meeting I had fled from. I buried my face in his pillow in hopes that I would suffocate before he could start proselytising. “Ever think that, maybe, you do need help?”
“Right now the only things I need are a beer and a good dicking. I doubt I’ll get either here so I’m going to leave before you go all crazy and lock me in the basement until I find God.” I rolled out of bed, frowning a bit when I realised I was still completely dressed. He hadn’t even felt me up a little bit. I usually did better at picking men who would take advantage of me than this. “I know how you people are. I’d rather not get eaten.”
Yongguk sighed, clearly not finding me amusing at all. Fortunately, for me, I didn’t care what he thought and if he did think I was a raging asshole he would be more than willing to let me out of the apartment. “Want breakfast first? Or do you think I laced it with cyanide?”
After a few seconds of thought I agreed to his offer, I was more likely to get murdered if I went home to see Youngjae if I was honest with myself. “Do you make a habit of picking up drunk guys and trying to get them to get help? I think that might be against the rules.”
“It’s not a habit, but I pity bastards pissing on cars.” He walked out of the room before I could protest his statement. I probably had pissed on a car but that didn’t mean I had to admit to it. “You don’t have to accept the religion.” He started once I sat down at his table. “But I highly advise accepting the help. Life is better when you aren’t hungover and living from drink to drink.”
He smiled at me - showing an impressive amount of gums - as he served up breakfast for me. He was being far nicer than any of the other men I had gone home with up to this point. “I don’t feel comfortable with it.” I chewed my lip as I looked up at him. His hair was darker than it had been at the meeting and it certainly looked nicer all messy than it did styled. “The God stuff.” I added as a second thought so he didn’t think I was uncomfortable with the idea of being sober. “If I decide I need help I can find it somewhere else.”
Yongguk sighed again but it didn’t seem like he was going to question my decision. “Why does it make you uncomfortable?” I rolled my eyes at his question. Religious people could never accept that not everyone believed like that it seemed. Every time anyone found out I didn’t believe in their god they questioned my choices and tried to save me. Up to this point I had never met someone who simply accepted it and left me to it.
I shrugged, taking my first bite of food. It was a bit undercooked but free food was free food and I wasn’t about to complain about it. “Do I have to have a reason? If being naked made me feel uncomfortable would you expect me to explain that to you? Is this just special since it’s your god? I just don’t like it.”
We sat in silence for a while, the only sounds in the room came from out chopsticks, before he decided to break it again. “I didn’t believe in God either.” I tried to ignore him because, to be honest, I didn’t care how getting sober helped him find God and how much better it made his life. “I’m not saying you’ll suddenly become a religious man if you stop drinking, but I understand where you’re coming from. You don’t want it shoved down your throat.”
I want other things shoved down my throat. I glared at him, not at all liking where this conversation was going. I wasn’t an alcoholic and just because he’d - allegedly - caught me with my dick out pissing on a car didn’t mean he knew me. Plenty of people accidentally drank a little bit too much and went home with a stranger. It didn’t make me an alcoholic.
I chose not to respond to his desperate attempts to make me join his little group of God searchers and instead finished my meal. I knew I needed to get home eventually, and I would, but I figured I could grab something to drink first. Quitting could start another day when I didn’t have such a bad headache. Once the food was gone I stood up and gave Yongguk a pat on the shoulder. “By the way. It’s not God that makes me uncomfortable. It’s the people who believe in him.” I gave him a quick smile, grabbed my phone off of his counter, and made my escape.
I made it home after a quick stop at the liquor store to stock up for the weekend. I didn’t want to leave the apartment again in fear that Yongguk would be stalking me so I needed to ensure I wouldn’t run out of things to drink. Youngjae didn’t seem to approve of this plan at all and tried to take my supplies away the second I walked in the door. “I called you ten times. I needed you.”
I shrugged. It wasn’t my job to take care of him. “I went home with the leader of that meeting you sent me to. He didn’t touch me.” I quickly added the second half when he opened his mouth to scold me and lecture me about sexually transmitted diseases again. “I didn’t get any.” I pouted just because I knew it would piss him off. He was in some sort of long-term committed relationship and still hadn’t given it up. I pitied his boyfriend.
His shoulders slumped forward when I pulled one of the drinks out of my bag and took a sip. I hadn’t noticed that before, I wondered if he really thought I had a problem. “Channie got in a car accident last night.” He flopped down on the couch and looked up at me. I took another sip from the bottle in my hand. “He’s fine, but it would have been nice if you were here.”
“Well I wasn’t.” I didn’t know what my presence would have done to change the situation. His boyfriend was fine anyway, everything worked out. It wasn’t as though I had caused the accident. “I’m glad he’s fine though.” I added. I knew how fond he was of his boyfriend and how much it would crush him if something bad had happened to him.
“He was hit by a drunk driver.” He glared at me when I took another sip of my drink. I wasn’t sure I should believe his statement or if he was simply trying to guilt me into putting the alcohol down. I didn’t even own a car so there was no way I could ever be a drunk driver.
I put the bottle down - watching as Youngjae became visibly more comfortable with my presence. I didn’t understand why he thought my drinking was such a problem but in my sober state I didn’t see any problem with doing it a little bit less around him. I wasn’t an alcoholic. I didn’t need to drink and I could prove that too.
It took less than a day for me to decide that maybe I had a little bit of a problem. Not drinking was a lot harder than I had anticipated. I was able to make it a few hours without a drink the first day under Youngjae’s watchful eye. It wasn’t that hard to go through the day without a drink. I did that every day at work.
By that night though I realised that just stopping was going to be a lot harder than I had anticipated. After Youngjae had fed me dinner I started feeling sick. I knew exactly what would fix it but I had too much pride to say anything and instead chose to sit there shaking, sweating, and completely miserable. “Are you okay Daehyun?” Youngjae sat next to me, wiping my forehead gently with a rag. I figured he would be gloating, at least on the inside, because if I wasn’t an alcoholic I wouldn’t be behaving this way.
I shrugged my shoulders. The truth was that I felt like I was about to die but I wasn’t about to tell him that. I had a point to prove. If I could quit without help then I wasn’t an alcoholic. I didn’t have a problem. “I’m fine Jae.” I shot him a smile and only received a sigh in response. I didn’t understand why he was acting unhappy. This was what he wanted.
He left the towel on my forehead and I smiled a bit at how nice it felt. I hadn’t even noticed that I felt like burning up until the towel cooled me down slightly. Other than the headaches I was sure this would be okay. I could do this. “Maybe you should ask a doctor before you quit? I looked it up and the internet says quitting can be really dangerous.”
I shot him a glare. I wasn’t an alcoholic so his concerns had nothing to do with my situation. “It’s just a bad hangover. That’s all it is.” I whined when he put a blanket over me, he was treating me like I was sick. “I’m not going to drink anymore. I don’t need it.”
Youngjae smiled at me and patted my stomach. “I’m glad. Alcohol doesn’t fix anything anyway.” I frowned at him, earning myself an even brighter smile. I didn’t know how he could be so happy about this situation. I’m sure that I didn’t look too well, and I knew he hated taking care of me, but for some reason me going a day without a drink made him happy. I decided that might be worth giving this a real try. “Another group is meeting today, we could go together?”
I sighed at his suggestion. I felt terrible and he thought sending back to church would help. “Do I really need to go?” I knew what he was going to say so before he could answer I sat up. I figured it would be better to go now so he wouldn’t make me go again the following Wednesday. I really didn’t want to see Yongguk again. I wasn’t interested in listening to his stupidly deep voice. Even if it did send blood rushing south. “Might as well.”
I ignored the way that Youngjae cheered and went to put on clean clothing. It was a little harder to ignore how unsteady my legs felt, but I did my best. It took me an embarrassingly long time to pull on a pair of jeans and a presentable shirt, and I pretended not to notice Youngjae standing in my doorway. I figured he didn’t need to be scolded for acting like a babysitter even though I didn’t need one. “I’m proud of you Daehyun.” He told me as I tried to button up my shirt, my hands were shaking a little more than I thought they were and the buttons just didn’t want to go in the holes. “It’s hard to ask for help.”
I chose not to tell him that I wasn’t asking for help, I was being thrown into a figurative pool of help - I wondered if now would be a good time to tell him that I actually couldn’t swim. “I do what I can.” I mumbled as I finally got the final button to go through its hole. “Let’s just go. You owe me dinner after this.”
Youngjae was more than willing to agree to my terms as he pushed me out of the apartment and dragged me down to the hospital where the meeting would take place. He was moving far too fast and my legs protested the entire way. We arrived early and I dropped myself down into a chair, watching as he gracefully placed himself next to me like the princess he was. “This is good for you.” He told me again as though I didn’t already know what he thought.
I nodded a bit, deciding I might as well just agree with him since I didn’t have a choice, but before I could let myself relax the man I had no desire to see walked into the room. “I want to go home. I changed my mind.”
Before Youngjae could respond, Yongguk noticed me. “So you came back.” He smiled and I wanted to punch him in his self-congratulating face. It had nothing to do with him and his stupid offer. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks, you bastard.” I shot him a glare. Insulting me certainly wasn’t going to make me want to accept the help I was being forced to take. “Don’t you have a life? Or do you just hang out at AA meetings all the time?”
Yongguk didn’t seem to care that I was insulting him and he continued laying papers out on each seat in the circle. I wondered how he even knew how many people would be coming to each meeting or if he just printed a bunch of papers out and assumed there would be enough.
“We’re going to read passages out of the Bible tonight, Daehyun. Are you going to feel uncomfortable with that?” I shrugged my shoulders, I had to stay regardless of how I felt so I figured I could just tune out that section of the meeting. “People who come here are usually more open to religion.”
I didn’t really care what other people were open to, I had no intentions of finding God and coming to a few of these meetings wasn’t going to change my mind. “Well, I’m not. Jae here is though.” Bringing my friend was turning out to be a fantastic idea, this way I could get Yongguk’s attentions off of me and onto Youngjae. “He has a Jesus in his room. His boyfriend has a bunch of Jesuses in his apartment.”
Youngjae shoved at me, nearly throwing me to the ground because my equilibrium was off. “Himchan has one Jesus.” He had more than that but I didn’t correct him. Himchan was a bit crazy and we both knew it; I also knew that he was going to come over and demand that we thank God for protecting him once he was over the shock of his crash. “Who cares how many he has? We’re not talking about him.”
Yongguk didn’t seem to care about how religious Youngjae’s boyfriend was either. He continued putting out paper, not looking at us until he had finished. “There should only be four or five other people here tonight. Friday meetings are usually pretty small.” He handed several sheets of paper to both Youngjae and I, smiling a bit when Youngjae started reading over them. I sighed and pretended to read them, I really didn’t care what they had to say. “I looked up some different options for you.” He told me. “If you want help but you don’t want the religion there’s a couple of places that might interest you.”
Youngjae looked at me expectantly as Yongguk offered me a sheet of paper. I took it from him just to humour the two of them. “There’s only one thing on this.” I told him, confused. He said he had looked up options but this was only one thing. I read it and raised my eyebrow. “My place is always open?”
Yongguk smiled at me. “My phone number is on the back.” He patted me on the shoulder and then greeted a newcomer as they walked into the room. I decided that, maybe, there was nothing wrong with getting a little bit of extra help.