(no subject)
Behind The Door
One cloudy Tuesday at Franklin high school while all the teachers were off in their classes enjoying the suffering looks on their student’s faces as they gave them their finals. There was a door, (Purple mixed with gray) that only the teachers could get into with a key...no one new just what was in this room, no one that is but the teachers Mr. Sours, Mr. Holte, Mr. G, and Mr. Neal. They were the ones, who made this room, when you looked at it from the outside it looked like a normal every day door. Once you stepped inside of it and turned right, then you fall down a slide, down, down, down, you go the very bottom until *wham* you hit the floor with a loud *thud*. You get up to look around and your eyes are greeted by the worst sight ever...so sad, so horrible it makes you want to scream!
“NO!” All around you see them, lying on the floor, stuffed in the walls, and hanging on hooks from the ceiling so that their feet dangled just above your head as you walk below them, hoping and praying that this is just a nightmare that will end! As you walk up close to get a better look at one; you realize that there are not just normal dead humans, but half human, and half animal. There all dead, covered in tons of blood, millions of them, blood everywhere dripping off the walls, and on your finger, and coming out your eyes, and nose.
“No make it stop!” you shout as you curl yourself against a wall, making sure that nothing could touch you. Just then when you think it is all safe *wham* something lands on your head. You scream in fright.
“No, Get off, Go away”
“Sally, Sally its okay, its all right, it’s just me, wake up you little brat!” Said Sally’s older brother Mike.
“What” yelled Sally.
“You had a bad dream! You loser!” said Mike throwing more water on his sister.
Once you get up you start beating Mike with your pillow.
“Ouch, Ouch, stop it!” he cries, “I just was going to tell you its 7:30”
Your eyes widen “Ugh! Mike why didn’t you tell me sooner, I’m late!” You get dressed, eat, rush outside and hop on your moped to go to school. On the way you almost hit a squirrel but you swerve. As you drive past the squirrel screams, “Hey watch it, you dumbass human!”
You look back in surprise. “What the Fu--” right when you almost say the F-Word. You hit your friend from school. *Wham! * You ran over Brandon. You look down at the front tire on the moped to see Brandon’s crumpled body turning with it. Peeling him off you blow air back into him until (Pop!) he’s back to his regular shape.
“Sally,” he says in his loud girlish voice. “You broke my saxophone. Now Mr. Sours will get mad at me. You better come with me and explain”
You point to the back of the moped “Okay, get on”
Unfortunately when Brandon gets on his pant leg cached in the spokes. So, when you drive he falls off and gets dragged behind. OOPS
When you get to school Brandon pulls you to Mr. Sours class. He’s teaching new notes so you wait, but not Brandon. He rushes up to Mr. Sours and waves the Saxophone in front of his face.
“Look what that banshee did to my instrument!” Brandon cries
Mr. Sours eyes bug out “WHAT THE FUCK,” he screams scarring everyone in the class. “Lets go in the back, I have to ...talk to Sally...” You’re frightened when he said, “Talk to Sally” he had a weird look in his eyes. What was he planning?
Once Mr. Sours takes you into the back room, he heads over to the Ax.
“Erg...Mr. sours...What are you going to do with that Ax?” You ask staying positioned by the door.
“Why kill you, Duh!” Says Mr. Sours as if it should be totally obvious to everyone as to what he was planning. Yours eyes grow wider as Mr. Sours takes the Ax out and begins to sharpen it. “Look” Says Mr. Sours, turning around to show you how sharp it is. Glancing up and catching a look in Mr. Sour’s eyes, you notice that they look different then they had a moment ago.
“ Mr. Sours, You’re eyes are ice blue. You look...Well...Insane. Like a hyper, psycho who is a threat to yourself and society. Do you have an obsession with imaginary penguins and hippos? And did your parents lock you in your attic as a child?” You ask.
“Yes, you pathetic little girl, now you shall soon bow down before me in respect and fear, MWHAHAHA! “ Says Mr. Sours looking evil again.
Reaching into your bag you pull out a teddy bear and held it out for Mr. Sours, who takes it looking at you all, confused.
“What would you do if I gave you that teddy bear?” You ask.
“Ahhh! I’d mutilate the cuddly beast!” reply's Mr. Sours ripping off the head of the bear. You turn to run and knock yourself out by running into the door.
You wake up to find someone tapping your shoulder. It’s Eddie! Franklin’s security dude.
“What are you doing back here?” He asks. “School has been out for 5 hours!” You look at him confused.
“Five hours...” You say, then compose yourself. “Mr. Sours brought be here. He...he showed me something.” You turn to point at the Ax but it was gone! In its place was a picture with of a guy with a giraffe’s head. You look back at Eddie to see him look at you like your crazy.
“I’m telling the truth! Listen...” You start telling him everything that happened so far.
When you finish telling Eddie all that happened you are greeted by him snorting a laugh and saying “Like I care, I’ve got humans and cuddly puppies to kill!” As he walk you outside, and leaves to go to his car.
Once he is gone you hear a noise *BANG* making you jump. You turn to see 8 kids dressed like giant spoons fire a gun, killing Chad Ackerman, who’s body falls to the ground next to Ben Hartvedt, who is already laying on the ground, your guess is dead.
“Finally someone killed that bastard!” You mutter to yourself, as another gun shot sounds *BANG* killing Jesse Beck.
“Ahhh! Everybody run for your lives! The spoons are murdering everyone! Ahhh! You yell as you take off running towards Powell.
As you zoom away to Powell Screaming, you see Burger King fly by (Literally). With your mouth hanging open in amazement you turn swiftly and look at Burger King which had miraculously grown wings and was floating along about 1 inch from the ground.
You shrug. “Oh well, I’m hungry!” and jump in through the takeout window.
Once you get into Burger King’s takeout window, you walk up to the counter
“Can I get a bacon Cheese Burger to go please?” You say as you pay the casher, and move off to the side as you wait for your food.
“Sally?” You turn to see your good friend Rosie standing behind you.
“Rosie, Hi,” You say smiling “Did you see all the freshmen dressed as spoons killing everyone?” You ask.
“Yeah, I saw them, right before I left to come here. got to see them kill Justin Stanfill!” She says grinning (everyone knew she hated him). Grabbing your food you start to leave, but stop right before you got to the door.
“Hey Rosie, want to go to Brandon’s house with me, so we can find a way to stop the freshmen class from killing everyone in the school!?” You ask.
“Sure,” reply's Rosie as she follows you to the door which has a slide attached so you can get safely down to the ground.
As you slide down you hear a noise. It goes, ‘Tralalalalalala, Woo-oo, Woo-oo, Neoowwy, clunk-a-punk-plunk’.
Before you can even ask Rosie, you reach the end and hit...water?! You start sinking but all of a sudden you feel something pull you up. You glance down to see your boobs swelling to size 36M! They are pulling you to the surface like huge buoys. You grab for Rosie dragging her upwards. When you break the surface you look around slowly. Your in the Atlantic Ocean!
“Whaaa?!” you yell “Where in the flying crack monkeys are we?!”
You and Rosie glance around looking at the serene surface of the water when behind you the water blasts up in the air 2,000 feet. You look around for whatever broke the water but your boobs get in the way.
“Uh...Rosie?” You ask embarrassed, “Um...can you push these down for me?”
She gives you an interesting look. (Can it be that she wants to?) and reaches her hands above your gigantic boobs to push them down. You cringe ‘Think of Johnny Depp, Think of Johnny Depp’ You mentally scold yourself.
“Uh, Sally?” Rosie asks. “They aren’t going down. There Alive!!!” She’s interrupted by a clicking noise behind the two of you.
“Oh crap! We forgot to check behind us! Rosie push my boobs to the side so that I’ll turn. Hurry, hurry, hurry!” Quickly she turns you just to shut you up.
Well, you find out what made the 2,000 foot splash...It was a tiny baby dolphin.
“Chck, Chck, Click-a-Chck. Churk, Churk”. It says
“Huh?” you yell.
Rosie pushes you aside saying, “Get out of the way, I speak fluent dolphin.” She turns toward the dolphin ready to talk but she is interrupted.
“Churk. Click,” it begins. “Clickrrr, ahem, hem *cough* Sorry ‘bout that, I have a cold”. Yours mouth drops open which is unfortunate since your floating in the ocean but you just cough up saltwater. “Hello, I am a bottle-nosed dolphin and my name is Annamarlea-Poopdeck, and I want you to come with me.”
“Where are we going?” Rosie asks.
“Why, down, down to the bottom of the sea, come on.”
“Um...” You point out your boobs.
“Oh yes, that” He takes his nose and bursts your boobs. Then he grabs you and Rosie and drags both of you down, down to the bottom.
Once you get down, down to the bottom, you are greeted by the most amazing sight that you have ever seen...
You see a bar, your guess is it’s where all the fish go to get drunk. Following Annamarlea-Poopdeck you and Rosie enter the bar (which name is “The deep Blue”) Once you three get in, Annamarlea-Poopdeck leads you to a small table in the far corner.
Once seated you glance around the room to see a table not to far from your with a group of electric eels doing the electric slide. Glancing at Rosie the two of you burst out laughing, as the waitress comes swimming over.
“What can I get you?” She says.
After placing you order and eating your food (which is a little watered down). You glance at your watch (Which is water proof).
“Wow, it’s already 7pm. Rosie we should be going” You say getting up and allowing Annamarlea-Poopdeck to lead you back to the surface.
“Need some help up?” Asks the harbor master who helps you and Rosie out of the water.
“Thanks,” you say as you flash him a smile “My names Sally, and this is my friend Rosie,” You say as you extend your hand to shake his.
“Hi Sally, Rosie. My name is Orlando Bloom, and this is my good buddy Johnny Depp,” he says as he reaches to shake your hand, and nods to his friend, who walks over to the three of you.
“Hi,” Says Rosie strolling up to Johnny “Your kinda cute! Has anyone ever told you that?” She asks as she bats her eyes.
“Yeah, I get that all the time, say you wouldn’t want to go and check out my collection of balls would you?” (His collection of “balls” eh’?) He asks Rosie who nods in reply allowing herself to be lead away my Johnny. Leaving you all alone with Orlando (Hmm I wonder what will happen next!)
You frown slightly. “Aww, I like balls! Big balls, Small balls. Some as big as your head...I’ve seen orange balls, purple balls...even rainbow calls! Do you have rainbow balls? I like -”
Orlando cuts you off by putting a finger on your lips “Shhh” He breathed. “You talk to much” He looks around suspiciously. “Someone’s listening in on us”
“Well, why don’t we hide?” You ask scared. Your face lights up. “I know!, I have a hole! Let’s hide there!”
You show him your hole and he pushes himself in. You climb in after. It’s a small hole so both of you are very close. Face to face. Being so close you can’t help but notice that Orlando has long nose hairs.
You think to yourself ‘eww!’
After hours of just lying in your accommodating hole, Mr. Bloom speaks with a slightly irritated voice, “Where are they?”
“Huh?” You ask sounding like a maroon.
“The Spoons!!” He yells jumping out of the hole. “The spoons were watching us!” While you are trying to pull yourself out, you hear him start yelling “Eeeyaaah!! They have me! Sally, Help!! The spoons are taking me!!”
You finally tear yourself out but Orlando’s gone. “Orlando? Rosie? Johnny?! Where are you? Is this a joke?”
All of a sudden Orlando runs up to you. “The spoons have me, Idiot!” Then he turns and skips back in the direction he came from to let the spoons grab him again.
“Alas!” You cry throwing you hand across your eyes melodramatically. “I am all alone!” You get on your knees. “Woe is me!”
You feel a light weight land on your shoulder. You slowly uncover your eyes looking at what was on your shoulder. It was the squirrel that yell at you while you were riding the moped.
“Hey, Hey, Hey!” he chatters wildly “What’s wrong, human? Wait don’t answer, I know and I’m hear to help! A human and a squirr-diddly-el pairing together to rid the world of spoons” He shrikes a heroic pose then flutters his eyelashes. “And then falling helplessly in love”. You stand up swiftly.
“Crap” You walk off taking him with you because you know you need him. Indeed, it’s an amazing thing to see a human and a squirrel paired up. Amazing indeed. And then he shits on your shoulder.
After what seems like forever searching for your friends you sigh.
“It’s no use Edgar” you say looking at the squirrel who looks just as tired as you feel.
“I know let’s rest for the night and continue looking in the morning” said Edgar.
“Good thinking” You say as you yawn “I think there's a motel at the end of this block” Sure enough there is!
“Yes we would like a room please” You say smiling to the worker as you pay him, and take the key to your room.
Opening the door and flopping on the bed you say “Okay, here are the rules, I get the bed, you get the floor, you try to tough me in any way and I’ll eat you for dinner!” You grumble as you turn off the lights and crawl into the bed.
The next morning you wake up to find the room empty. You crawl out of bed and notice a sign on the bathroom door.
“Enter If You Dare!” It reads.
Slowly you open the bathroom door to find the squirrel and the motel worker in a rather compromising position.
“Sorry, but since you shot me down, I had to get my needs from someone else” said Edgar.
“What about finding my friends!?” you ask.
“Sorry, my schedule is full, oh and could you close the door before you leave? Thanks!” says Edgar turning his attention back to the motel worker.
You sigh as you close the door and gather your things, and set off to find your friends again.
“Ahhh, So relaxing” you say stretching your arms as you walk along in a deep forest. You’ve been searching all day but you still feel calm. Your eyebrows lower in a contemplative frown. “I wonder whether or not Edgar is done screwing that motel worker” you shrug “Oh well, He was bloody annoying, I’m glade he’s gone” Your voice turns into a growling mumble “Stupid, Horny Squirrel! I hope he never comes back!”
Uh-Oh! Shouldn’t have said that! Plop! Edgar lands in front of you chattering angrily, “Why You! I’ve been waiting at the door for hours! dumb piss pot wench!”
You stand up straight to give him the best answer you could ever make up: “Huh?”
However, your pathetic answer only enrages him even more.
“ ‘Huh?’ What do you mean ‘Huh?’” he stamps his foot and clenched his fuzzy little paws, which you notice are very cute.
You kneel down interrupting him. With compassion in your voice you hug Edgar to your chest, saying, “Oh you have such cute little paws, and soft brown eyes, I could just hug you, and -”
You notice he got quiet so you look down. Nestled tightly against your boobs, Edgar had a dreamy look on his face and he was even (Oddly enough) blushing. Her eyes drifted a little lover and you noticed his “Acorn” was a little happy.
“EWW!” standing up you send Edgar flying head over bushy tail “Ugh” you say in a disgusting trying to wipe off the squirrel germs.
Looking over in the direction you tossed Edgar, you see him leaning against a tall elm tree with his arms crossed. An extremely offended look crosses his face as he chips out mini-sunglasses from his brush tail and plants them on his nose. A big pimpin’ squirrel. With his tail twitching angrily he starts stalking off into the forest but suddenly stops.
“Well? Come on!” he says irritated.
You look on perplexed “Come on? What? Where?”
Edgar sighs impatiently, setting his paws on his hips. “Where? Where are going to the place where the spoons took Orlando! THE DOOR!” With those two words lightening crashes, the world shakes, the skies rumble! And oddly enough you hear yelling coming from above you.
“Yaahh!!” *Splat!* Brandon lands in front of you. Unsteadily he stands up looking dazed and confused.
“B-Brandon?” you bluster “How? When? Where’d you -? Huh?!”
With his eyes he squinted shut and his hand running through his long, black, silky hair he answers, “Sally? Oh God! I’ve been following your trail cuz I needed to speak to you about something. But I ran into that friend of yours, Anna-moomoo-, or something like that, and she whacked me with her tail and, well, here I am”
“So what’d you want to tell me?” you ask quickly.
He opens his mouth and big gust of wind comes through, pucks him up and flies him away.
“Hello! Is it ignore Edgar day?!”
You look down at Edgar just as he yells “Follow me!” Then charged off into the trees.
“Hey slow down Edgar!” you shout as you squeeze past a bush of thorns, and come to a clearing. Glancing around you notice that your in the parking lot of Franklin High School.
“Well come on, lets not waste any time, we have people to save!” said Edgar holding the outside door open for you. As you walk in, you are greeted by Brandon standing outside of the door staring at it intently.
“Brandon? What, how did you get here?” you ask.
“The big gust of wind that came brought me here” Said Brandon
“What was it you wanted to tell me?” You asked as you suddenly remembered about the thing he wanted to ask you.
“Huh, oh yeah that, it can wait a little” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Come on, you loser humans stop staring at each other!” Said Edgar walking up to the door and opening it causing loud dramatic music began playing.
As you begin to follow Edgar through the door your stopped by Brandon grabbing you by the arm and turning you around to surprise you with a deep passionate kiss. As you both pull back you give him an odd look.
“What was that for?” You question.
“In case I don’t get another chance” He says as he leads you by the hand through the door causing you both to fall down, down, down to the bottom, landing with a thud. on top of Edgar.
“Hey get off me!” he squeals.
“What, is someone there?” Asks a voice down a hall, the three of you get up and walk down the hall to see who’s voice it was. You are surprised to see Orlando, Johnny, and Rosie.
“Get us out of here!” they say.
“How?” you question looking for something to open the lock with.
“With the key, duh!” Says Orlando pointing to a key hanging on a hook on the wall. Grabbing the key and opening the jail door, you let them out.
“Yay we’re free! shouted Johnny giving Orlando a big French kiss.
“Sally who’s your cute pet friend?” Asks Rosie glancing at Edgar who started blushing again. All of a sudden everyone hears noises coming from above them...What was the noise? Why does Rosie think Edgar is cute? and mostly why did Orlando, and Johnny make out, and when will they do it again!
Orlando and Johnny hug each other in terror.
“Damn!” Johnny curses. “It’s that noise again!”
You look at Johnny perplexed. “Again?”
Orlando steps up pushing Johnny to the side “Yeah! We’ve been hearing it since the spoons brought us here”
Swiftly, you slide up close to Mr. Bloom so your noses almost touch. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened with you and the spoo-”
Smack! Brandon hits you in the back of the head. You whirl around with your arms outstretched so you “Accidentally” smacking everyone near you.
“Brandon, you jerk!” you scream “What was that for?”
Looking at you with an expression like a sad puppy he whimpers “But don’t you wanna know what that noise is?”
You calm down and lean back blinking “Oh...yeah!”
“Well, there is a trap door heading upward right there” He says pointing at a door in the ceiling.
While standing around for a moment wondering how the hell you were gonna get up there you get an idea. Turning towards your friends, who had started square dancing to the noise that had finally turned to a steady thumping, you squeal, “I have an idea!” Trotting over to a spot under the trap door you point at the spotless dungeon floor. “Alright! Everyone get in a line starting here!” They all stopped dancing and they got in a like Brandon first.
Push! You knocked over Brandon. Shove! There goes Johnny on top of Brandon. Tip! Over goes Orlando. Tilt! Over goes Rosie, and finally...Plapp! Edgar on top.
Standing up to your fill height and holding your head regally you walk up the tower of bodies ignoring the squeaks coming from under you.
Once you reach the top of Mt. Horney you push open the door. Without a thought you thrust your head through the hole. You look around the large room your head stuck into. The room has a red dull light pulsing in it. Your eyes take a while to adjust but eventually you see where the light was coming from. It was coming from a large smoking cauldron that had four people standing around it. The four people moved closer to the pot and pushed their hoods back to reveal to you faces. GASP! It was Mr. Sours, Mr. G, Mr. Holte, and Mr. Neal.
Mr. G looks around with an evil grin. “Heh, heh. Those fools in the dungeon will be the next of our experiments”
Mr. Holte glances at Mr. G “What about Edgar?”
“He’s done his job. He’s assured me that Sally is coming and once she does we’ll Kill her!!”
Your eyes bug out at the thought of the teachers killing you, but you stay to listen with morbid curiosity.
Mr. Neal looks up from the cauldron in rage “Kill Sally! Why?”
Finally speaking Mr. Sours stares at Mr. Neal with his sinister blue eyes. “Because, she will resurrect the spork’s army and the spatula king, and that's something we cannot allow” His eyes narrow into dangerous slits. “Why do you care?”
Mr. Neal slowly steps back as the other three advance upon him menacingly:
“Because...I...I,” he shutters “I love her!”
“EEEWWW!” you scream. “That’s icky!”
Quicker then it took for you to think up how stupid you were, Mr. Sours charges at you and grabs you. He smiles at you evilly and greets you.
“Sally, dear, it’s nice of you to drop by” He pulls you through the door and slams it shut behind you.
One cloudy Tuesday at Franklin high school while all the teachers were off in their classes enjoying the suffering looks on their student’s faces as they gave them their finals. There was a door, (Purple mixed with gray) that only the teachers could get into with a key...no one new just what was in this room, no one that is but the teachers Mr. Sours, Mr. Holte, Mr. G, and Mr. Neal. They were the ones, who made this room, when you looked at it from the outside it looked like a normal every day door. Once you stepped inside of it and turned right, then you fall down a slide, down, down, down, you go the very bottom until *wham* you hit the floor with a loud *thud*. You get up to look around and your eyes are greeted by the worst sight ever...so sad, so horrible it makes you want to scream!
“NO!” All around you see them, lying on the floor, stuffed in the walls, and hanging on hooks from the ceiling so that their feet dangled just above your head as you walk below them, hoping and praying that this is just a nightmare that will end! As you walk up close to get a better look at one; you realize that there are not just normal dead humans, but half human, and half animal. There all dead, covered in tons of blood, millions of them, blood everywhere dripping off the walls, and on your finger, and coming out your eyes, and nose.
“No make it stop!” you shout as you curl yourself against a wall, making sure that nothing could touch you. Just then when you think it is all safe *wham* something lands on your head. You scream in fright.
“No, Get off, Go away”
“Sally, Sally its okay, its all right, it’s just me, wake up you little brat!” Said Sally’s older brother Mike.
“What” yelled Sally.
“You had a bad dream! You loser!” said Mike throwing more water on his sister.
Once you get up you start beating Mike with your pillow.
“Ouch, Ouch, stop it!” he cries, “I just was going to tell you its 7:30”
Your eyes widen “Ugh! Mike why didn’t you tell me sooner, I’m late!” You get dressed, eat, rush outside and hop on your moped to go to school. On the way you almost hit a squirrel but you swerve. As you drive past the squirrel screams, “Hey watch it, you dumbass human!”
You look back in surprise. “What the Fu--” right when you almost say the F-Word. You hit your friend from school. *Wham! * You ran over Brandon. You look down at the front tire on the moped to see Brandon’s crumpled body turning with it. Peeling him off you blow air back into him until (Pop!) he’s back to his regular shape.
“Sally,” he says in his loud girlish voice. “You broke my saxophone. Now Mr. Sours will get mad at me. You better come with me and explain”
You point to the back of the moped “Okay, get on”
Unfortunately when Brandon gets on his pant leg cached in the spokes. So, when you drive he falls off and gets dragged behind. OOPS
When you get to school Brandon pulls you to Mr. Sours class. He’s teaching new notes so you wait, but not Brandon. He rushes up to Mr. Sours and waves the Saxophone in front of his face.
“Look what that banshee did to my instrument!” Brandon cries
Mr. Sours eyes bug out “WHAT THE FUCK,” he screams scarring everyone in the class. “Lets go in the back, I have to ...talk to Sally...” You’re frightened when he said, “Talk to Sally” he had a weird look in his eyes. What was he planning?
Once Mr. Sours takes you into the back room, he heads over to the Ax.
“Erg...Mr. sours...What are you going to do with that Ax?” You ask staying positioned by the door.
“Why kill you, Duh!” Says Mr. Sours as if it should be totally obvious to everyone as to what he was planning. Yours eyes grow wider as Mr. Sours takes the Ax out and begins to sharpen it. “Look” Says Mr. Sours, turning around to show you how sharp it is. Glancing up and catching a look in Mr. Sour’s eyes, you notice that they look different then they had a moment ago.
“ Mr. Sours, You’re eyes are ice blue. You look...Well...Insane. Like a hyper, psycho who is a threat to yourself and society. Do you have an obsession with imaginary penguins and hippos? And did your parents lock you in your attic as a child?” You ask.
“Yes, you pathetic little girl, now you shall soon bow down before me in respect and fear, MWHAHAHA! “ Says Mr. Sours looking evil again.
Reaching into your bag you pull out a teddy bear and held it out for Mr. Sours, who takes it looking at you all, confused.
“What would you do if I gave you that teddy bear?” You ask.
“Ahhh! I’d mutilate the cuddly beast!” reply's Mr. Sours ripping off the head of the bear. You turn to run and knock yourself out by running into the door.
You wake up to find someone tapping your shoulder. It’s Eddie! Franklin’s security dude.
“What are you doing back here?” He asks. “School has been out for 5 hours!” You look at him confused.
“Five hours...” You say, then compose yourself. “Mr. Sours brought be here. He...he showed me something.” You turn to point at the Ax but it was gone! In its place was a picture with of a guy with a giraffe’s head. You look back at Eddie to see him look at you like your crazy.
“I’m telling the truth! Listen...” You start telling him everything that happened so far.
When you finish telling Eddie all that happened you are greeted by him snorting a laugh and saying “Like I care, I’ve got humans and cuddly puppies to kill!” As he walk you outside, and leaves to go to his car.
Once he is gone you hear a noise *BANG* making you jump. You turn to see 8 kids dressed like giant spoons fire a gun, killing Chad Ackerman, who’s body falls to the ground next to Ben Hartvedt, who is already laying on the ground, your guess is dead.
“Finally someone killed that bastard!” You mutter to yourself, as another gun shot sounds *BANG* killing Jesse Beck.
“Ahhh! Everybody run for your lives! The spoons are murdering everyone! Ahhh! You yell as you take off running towards Powell.
As you zoom away to Powell Screaming, you see Burger King fly by (Literally). With your mouth hanging open in amazement you turn swiftly and look at Burger King which had miraculously grown wings and was floating along about 1 inch from the ground.
You shrug. “Oh well, I’m hungry!” and jump in through the takeout window.
Once you get into Burger King’s takeout window, you walk up to the counter
“Can I get a bacon Cheese Burger to go please?” You say as you pay the casher, and move off to the side as you wait for your food.
“Sally?” You turn to see your good friend Rosie standing behind you.
“Rosie, Hi,” You say smiling “Did you see all the freshmen dressed as spoons killing everyone?” You ask.
“Yeah, I saw them, right before I left to come here. got to see them kill Justin Stanfill!” She says grinning (everyone knew she hated him). Grabbing your food you start to leave, but stop right before you got to the door.
“Hey Rosie, want to go to Brandon’s house with me, so we can find a way to stop the freshmen class from killing everyone in the school!?” You ask.
“Sure,” reply's Rosie as she follows you to the door which has a slide attached so you can get safely down to the ground.
As you slide down you hear a noise. It goes, ‘Tralalalalalala, Woo-oo, Woo-oo, Neoowwy, clunk-a-punk-plunk’.
Before you can even ask Rosie, you reach the end and hit...water?! You start sinking but all of a sudden you feel something pull you up. You glance down to see your boobs swelling to size 36M! They are pulling you to the surface like huge buoys. You grab for Rosie dragging her upwards. When you break the surface you look around slowly. Your in the Atlantic Ocean!
“Whaaa?!” you yell “Where in the flying crack monkeys are we?!”
You and Rosie glance around looking at the serene surface of the water when behind you the water blasts up in the air 2,000 feet. You look around for whatever broke the water but your boobs get in the way.
“Uh...Rosie?” You ask embarrassed, “Um...can you push these down for me?”
She gives you an interesting look. (Can it be that she wants to?) and reaches her hands above your gigantic boobs to push them down. You cringe ‘Think of Johnny Depp, Think of Johnny Depp’ You mentally scold yourself.
“Uh, Sally?” Rosie asks. “They aren’t going down. There Alive!!!” She’s interrupted by a clicking noise behind the two of you.
“Oh crap! We forgot to check behind us! Rosie push my boobs to the side so that I’ll turn. Hurry, hurry, hurry!” Quickly she turns you just to shut you up.
Well, you find out what made the 2,000 foot splash...It was a tiny baby dolphin.
“Chck, Chck, Click-a-Chck. Churk, Churk”. It says
“Huh?” you yell.
Rosie pushes you aside saying, “Get out of the way, I speak fluent dolphin.” She turns toward the dolphin ready to talk but she is interrupted.
“Churk. Click,” it begins. “Clickrrr, ahem, hem *cough* Sorry ‘bout that, I have a cold”. Yours mouth drops open which is unfortunate since your floating in the ocean but you just cough up saltwater. “Hello, I am a bottle-nosed dolphin and my name is Annamarlea-Poopdeck, and I want you to come with me.”
“Where are we going?” Rosie asks.
“Why, down, down to the bottom of the sea, come on.”
“Um...” You point out your boobs.
“Oh yes, that” He takes his nose and bursts your boobs. Then he grabs you and Rosie and drags both of you down, down to the bottom.
Once you get down, down to the bottom, you are greeted by the most amazing sight that you have ever seen...
You see a bar, your guess is it’s where all the fish go to get drunk. Following Annamarlea-Poopdeck you and Rosie enter the bar (which name is “The deep Blue”) Once you three get in, Annamarlea-Poopdeck leads you to a small table in the far corner.
Once seated you glance around the room to see a table not to far from your with a group of electric eels doing the electric slide. Glancing at Rosie the two of you burst out laughing, as the waitress comes swimming over.
“What can I get you?” She says.
After placing you order and eating your food (which is a little watered down). You glance at your watch (Which is water proof).
“Wow, it’s already 7pm. Rosie we should be going” You say getting up and allowing Annamarlea-Poopdeck to lead you back to the surface.
“Need some help up?” Asks the harbor master who helps you and Rosie out of the water.
“Thanks,” you say as you flash him a smile “My names Sally, and this is my friend Rosie,” You say as you extend your hand to shake his.
“Hi Sally, Rosie. My name is Orlando Bloom, and this is my good buddy Johnny Depp,” he says as he reaches to shake your hand, and nods to his friend, who walks over to the three of you.
“Hi,” Says Rosie strolling up to Johnny “Your kinda cute! Has anyone ever told you that?” She asks as she bats her eyes.
“Yeah, I get that all the time, say you wouldn’t want to go and check out my collection of balls would you?” (His collection of “balls” eh’?) He asks Rosie who nods in reply allowing herself to be lead away my Johnny. Leaving you all alone with Orlando (Hmm I wonder what will happen next!)
You frown slightly. “Aww, I like balls! Big balls, Small balls. Some as big as your head...I’ve seen orange balls, purple balls...even rainbow calls! Do you have rainbow balls? I like -”
Orlando cuts you off by putting a finger on your lips “Shhh” He breathed. “You talk to much” He looks around suspiciously. “Someone’s listening in on us”
“Well, why don’t we hide?” You ask scared. Your face lights up. “I know!, I have a hole! Let’s hide there!”
You show him your hole and he pushes himself in. You climb in after. It’s a small hole so both of you are very close. Face to face. Being so close you can’t help but notice that Orlando has long nose hairs.
You think to yourself ‘eww!’
After hours of just lying in your accommodating hole, Mr. Bloom speaks with a slightly irritated voice, “Where are they?”
“Huh?” You ask sounding like a maroon.
“The Spoons!!” He yells jumping out of the hole. “The spoons were watching us!” While you are trying to pull yourself out, you hear him start yelling “Eeeyaaah!! They have me! Sally, Help!! The spoons are taking me!!”
You finally tear yourself out but Orlando’s gone. “Orlando? Rosie? Johnny?! Where are you? Is this a joke?”
All of a sudden Orlando runs up to you. “The spoons have me, Idiot!” Then he turns and skips back in the direction he came from to let the spoons grab him again.
“Alas!” You cry throwing you hand across your eyes melodramatically. “I am all alone!” You get on your knees. “Woe is me!”
You feel a light weight land on your shoulder. You slowly uncover your eyes looking at what was on your shoulder. It was the squirrel that yell at you while you were riding the moped.
“Hey, Hey, Hey!” he chatters wildly “What’s wrong, human? Wait don’t answer, I know and I’m hear to help! A human and a squirr-diddly-el pairing together to rid the world of spoons” He shrikes a heroic pose then flutters his eyelashes. “And then falling helplessly in love”. You stand up swiftly.
“Crap” You walk off taking him with you because you know you need him. Indeed, it’s an amazing thing to see a human and a squirrel paired up. Amazing indeed. And then he shits on your shoulder.
After what seems like forever searching for your friends you sigh.
“It’s no use Edgar” you say looking at the squirrel who looks just as tired as you feel.
“I know let’s rest for the night and continue looking in the morning” said Edgar.
“Good thinking” You say as you yawn “I think there's a motel at the end of this block” Sure enough there is!
“Yes we would like a room please” You say smiling to the worker as you pay him, and take the key to your room.
Opening the door and flopping on the bed you say “Okay, here are the rules, I get the bed, you get the floor, you try to tough me in any way and I’ll eat you for dinner!” You grumble as you turn off the lights and crawl into the bed.
The next morning you wake up to find the room empty. You crawl out of bed and notice a sign on the bathroom door.
“Enter If You Dare!” It reads.
Slowly you open the bathroom door to find the squirrel and the motel worker in a rather compromising position.
“Sorry, but since you shot me down, I had to get my needs from someone else” said Edgar.
“What about finding my friends!?” you ask.
“Sorry, my schedule is full, oh and could you close the door before you leave? Thanks!” says Edgar turning his attention back to the motel worker.
You sigh as you close the door and gather your things, and set off to find your friends again.
“Ahhh, So relaxing” you say stretching your arms as you walk along in a deep forest. You’ve been searching all day but you still feel calm. Your eyebrows lower in a contemplative frown. “I wonder whether or not Edgar is done screwing that motel worker” you shrug “Oh well, He was bloody annoying, I’m glade he’s gone” Your voice turns into a growling mumble “Stupid, Horny Squirrel! I hope he never comes back!”
Uh-Oh! Shouldn’t have said that! Plop! Edgar lands in front of you chattering angrily, “Why You! I’ve been waiting at the door for hours! dumb piss pot wench!”
You stand up straight to give him the best answer you could ever make up: “Huh?”
However, your pathetic answer only enrages him even more.
“ ‘Huh?’ What do you mean ‘Huh?’” he stamps his foot and clenched his fuzzy little paws, which you notice are very cute.
You kneel down interrupting him. With compassion in your voice you hug Edgar to your chest, saying, “Oh you have such cute little paws, and soft brown eyes, I could just hug you, and -”
You notice he got quiet so you look down. Nestled tightly against your boobs, Edgar had a dreamy look on his face and he was even (Oddly enough) blushing. Her eyes drifted a little lover and you noticed his “Acorn” was a little happy.
“EWW!” standing up you send Edgar flying head over bushy tail “Ugh” you say in a disgusting trying to wipe off the squirrel germs.
Looking over in the direction you tossed Edgar, you see him leaning against a tall elm tree with his arms crossed. An extremely offended look crosses his face as he chips out mini-sunglasses from his brush tail and plants them on his nose. A big pimpin’ squirrel. With his tail twitching angrily he starts stalking off into the forest but suddenly stops.
“Well? Come on!” he says irritated.
You look on perplexed “Come on? What? Where?”
Edgar sighs impatiently, setting his paws on his hips. “Where? Where are going to the place where the spoons took Orlando! THE DOOR!” With those two words lightening crashes, the world shakes, the skies rumble! And oddly enough you hear yelling coming from above you.
“Yaahh!!” *Splat!* Brandon lands in front of you. Unsteadily he stands up looking dazed and confused.
“B-Brandon?” you bluster “How? When? Where’d you -? Huh?!”
With his eyes he squinted shut and his hand running through his long, black, silky hair he answers, “Sally? Oh God! I’ve been following your trail cuz I needed to speak to you about something. But I ran into that friend of yours, Anna-moomoo-, or something like that, and she whacked me with her tail and, well, here I am”
“So what’d you want to tell me?” you ask quickly.
He opens his mouth and big gust of wind comes through, pucks him up and flies him away.
“Hello! Is it ignore Edgar day?!”
You look down at Edgar just as he yells “Follow me!” Then charged off into the trees.
“Hey slow down Edgar!” you shout as you squeeze past a bush of thorns, and come to a clearing. Glancing around you notice that your in the parking lot of Franklin High School.
“Well come on, lets not waste any time, we have people to save!” said Edgar holding the outside door open for you. As you walk in, you are greeted by Brandon standing outside of the door staring at it intently.
“Brandon? What, how did you get here?” you ask.
“The big gust of wind that came brought me here” Said Brandon
“What was it you wanted to tell me?” You asked as you suddenly remembered about the thing he wanted to ask you.
“Huh, oh yeah that, it can wait a little” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Come on, you loser humans stop staring at each other!” Said Edgar walking up to the door and opening it causing loud dramatic music began playing.
As you begin to follow Edgar through the door your stopped by Brandon grabbing you by the arm and turning you around to surprise you with a deep passionate kiss. As you both pull back you give him an odd look.
“What was that for?” You question.
“In case I don’t get another chance” He says as he leads you by the hand through the door causing you both to fall down, down, down to the bottom, landing with a thud. on top of Edgar.
“Hey get off me!” he squeals.
“What, is someone there?” Asks a voice down a hall, the three of you get up and walk down the hall to see who’s voice it was. You are surprised to see Orlando, Johnny, and Rosie.
“Get us out of here!” they say.
“How?” you question looking for something to open the lock with.
“With the key, duh!” Says Orlando pointing to a key hanging on a hook on the wall. Grabbing the key and opening the jail door, you let them out.
“Yay we’re free! shouted Johnny giving Orlando a big French kiss.
“Sally who’s your cute pet friend?” Asks Rosie glancing at Edgar who started blushing again. All of a sudden everyone hears noises coming from above them...What was the noise? Why does Rosie think Edgar is cute? and mostly why did Orlando, and Johnny make out, and when will they do it again!
Orlando and Johnny hug each other in terror.
“Damn!” Johnny curses. “It’s that noise again!”
You look at Johnny perplexed. “Again?”
Orlando steps up pushing Johnny to the side “Yeah! We’ve been hearing it since the spoons brought us here”
Swiftly, you slide up close to Mr. Bloom so your noses almost touch. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened with you and the spoo-”
Smack! Brandon hits you in the back of the head. You whirl around with your arms outstretched so you “Accidentally” smacking everyone near you.
“Brandon, you jerk!” you scream “What was that for?”
Looking at you with an expression like a sad puppy he whimpers “But don’t you wanna know what that noise is?”
You calm down and lean back blinking “Oh...yeah!”
“Well, there is a trap door heading upward right there” He says pointing at a door in the ceiling.
While standing around for a moment wondering how the hell you were gonna get up there you get an idea. Turning towards your friends, who had started square dancing to the noise that had finally turned to a steady thumping, you squeal, “I have an idea!” Trotting over to a spot under the trap door you point at the spotless dungeon floor. “Alright! Everyone get in a line starting here!” They all stopped dancing and they got in a like Brandon first.
Push! You knocked over Brandon. Shove! There goes Johnny on top of Brandon. Tip! Over goes Orlando. Tilt! Over goes Rosie, and finally...Plapp! Edgar on top.
Standing up to your fill height and holding your head regally you walk up the tower of bodies ignoring the squeaks coming from under you.
Once you reach the top of Mt. Horney you push open the door. Without a thought you thrust your head through the hole. You look around the large room your head stuck into. The room has a red dull light pulsing in it. Your eyes take a while to adjust but eventually you see where the light was coming from. It was coming from a large smoking cauldron that had four people standing around it. The four people moved closer to the pot and pushed their hoods back to reveal to you faces. GASP! It was Mr. Sours, Mr. G, Mr. Holte, and Mr. Neal.
Mr. G looks around with an evil grin. “Heh, heh. Those fools in the dungeon will be the next of our experiments”
Mr. Holte glances at Mr. G “What about Edgar?”
“He’s done his job. He’s assured me that Sally is coming and once she does we’ll Kill her!!”
Your eyes bug out at the thought of the teachers killing you, but you stay to listen with morbid curiosity.
Mr. Neal looks up from the cauldron in rage “Kill Sally! Why?”
Finally speaking Mr. Sours stares at Mr. Neal with his sinister blue eyes. “Because, she will resurrect the spork’s army and the spatula king, and that's something we cannot allow” His eyes narrow into dangerous slits. “Why do you care?”
Mr. Neal slowly steps back as the other three advance upon him menacingly:
“Because...I...I,” he shutters “I love her!”
“EEEWWW!” you scream. “That’s icky!”
Quicker then it took for you to think up how stupid you were, Mr. Sours charges at you and grabs you. He smiles at you evilly and greets you.
“Sally, dear, it’s nice of you to drop by” He pulls you through the door and slams it shut behind you.