jersey jumpsuits
so, we graduated.
man, it is so weird to be existing in one of the most pivotal points of your life.
i keep imagining my life years from now, my children sitting on the couch together, having just found the same high school yearbook i was issued a couple of weeks ago, wondering what theyre going to think of the various signatures and sass (when i looked through my moms high school yearbook everybody seemed so much more formal and polite--weird). sometimes i find myself acting on impulses or making decisions with the primary impetus being how i might want to remember these last few weeks years from now or what stories i will be able to tell future friends and family that have yet to exist.
its sort of hard to be "in the moment" lately. i dont think i have ever been able to feel the entire spectrum of my life (past, present, future) all at once like this before. its like its all been laid out on the table in front of me and i can see a big picture that hasnt been available for viewing up until now.
maybe such a panoramic perspective is why i feel so completely removed from this situation, why i cant find it in myself to feel all that is happening around me. its all just so big. sitting up on that stage on thursday night felt completely unreal, like we were still in rehearsal or something. i was really proud of silvia, though. when she started to choke up toward the end of her speech was probably the first time i even considered crying. little, unexpected things like that have punctuated this sort of numbness ive fallen into. when i saw the wall of portraits at the visual arts senior show i think i felt reality sink in a little more. and then later as we were all out to dinner, highlighting colleges of interest in julies little book and eating lobster bisque, i felt it too. but most of the time, it hasnt really hit me, and i dont think it will until next year when i find myself unpacking my things in a high-ceilinged dorm in milwaukee rather than pulling into the dreyfoos parking lot with jessica listening to bojangles (in keeping with tradition).
in the end (at the risk of sounding sappy), i am actually really proud to have been apart of the class of 2008, and am especially proud to have been apart of this years class of graduating visual arts seniors. admittedly, ive been pretty open about my aversion for plenty of happenings/individuals/policies at dreyfoos and my extreme desire to move up, out, and on to college, but i think, in the end, that this was a really really good thing.
since signing out, i havent spent much time at home (obviously ive already adopted the extreme party lifestyle i was always meant to live). i am glad to be spending so much time with people i love in a more pure set of circumstances. its nice to be able to enjoy other peoples company free of any ulterior undertones of stress, anxiety or tension.
and now, i am sick with a head cold.
its raining pretty hard outside.
ive been asleep most of the day.
no hannahs or olivias parties for me.
(JUST MODEST MOUSE ON JUNE 23rd)
man, it is so weird to be existing in one of the most pivotal points of your life.
i keep imagining my life years from now, my children sitting on the couch together, having just found the same high school yearbook i was issued a couple of weeks ago, wondering what theyre going to think of the various signatures and sass (when i looked through my moms high school yearbook everybody seemed so much more formal and polite--weird). sometimes i find myself acting on impulses or making decisions with the primary impetus being how i might want to remember these last few weeks years from now or what stories i will be able to tell future friends and family that have yet to exist.
its sort of hard to be "in the moment" lately. i dont think i have ever been able to feel the entire spectrum of my life (past, present, future) all at once like this before. its like its all been laid out on the table in front of me and i can see a big picture that hasnt been available for viewing up until now.
maybe such a panoramic perspective is why i feel so completely removed from this situation, why i cant find it in myself to feel all that is happening around me. its all just so big. sitting up on that stage on thursday night felt completely unreal, like we were still in rehearsal or something. i was really proud of silvia, though. when she started to choke up toward the end of her speech was probably the first time i even considered crying. little, unexpected things like that have punctuated this sort of numbness ive fallen into. when i saw the wall of portraits at the visual arts senior show i think i felt reality sink in a little more. and then later as we were all out to dinner, highlighting colleges of interest in julies little book and eating lobster bisque, i felt it too. but most of the time, it hasnt really hit me, and i dont think it will until next year when i find myself unpacking my things in a high-ceilinged dorm in milwaukee rather than pulling into the dreyfoos parking lot with jessica listening to bojangles (in keeping with tradition).
in the end (at the risk of sounding sappy), i am actually really proud to have been apart of the class of 2008, and am especially proud to have been apart of this years class of graduating visual arts seniors. admittedly, ive been pretty open about my aversion for plenty of happenings/individuals/policies at dreyfoos and my extreme desire to move up, out, and on to college, but i think, in the end, that this was a really really good thing.
since signing out, i havent spent much time at home (obviously ive already adopted the extreme party lifestyle i was always meant to live). i am glad to be spending so much time with people i love in a more pure set of circumstances. its nice to be able to enjoy other peoples company free of any ulterior undertones of stress, anxiety or tension.
and now, i am sick with a head cold.
its raining pretty hard outside.
ive been asleep most of the day.
no hannahs or olivias parties for me.
(JUST MODEST MOUSE ON JUNE 23rd)