(no subject)
Today I feel very plugged in, and not in good ways. I've been poring over books and the internet and more books all day, and I just want to look someone in the eyes, to dance around at parties, to draw in crayon and take a lot of pictures, to have an I-You encounter instead of the I-It that this paper writing bullshit business seems to bring. (And yes, that business with the hyphens is from said paper writing business. I am forcing Martin Buber's philosophy on you AND not explaining it in full.) I was reading over some old livejournal posts from May and June of last year just now, and it made me sort of wish that I was still the person I was then, but not in the fucked up ways. I was a lot more idealistic then, I still thought I could save the world single handedly, I thought things were more beautiful than I do lately.
There's a paragraph writing itself in my head that I won't type in full about how people have brought out different things in me at different points in my life, and I want some of the ways I used to be and the people who used to make me them back. Yes, there is one person in particular, and it won't take you much to figure out who. I'm not typing it out loud, though.
I think I watch too much TV.
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Wrote this last Wednesday. Livejournal saved it, and I don't want to throw it away, even though it ends abruptly:
Didn't learn jack shit from my seminar just now, but sitting there for two and a half hours lost in my own thoughts opened my brain up to some ideas of things that I want out of life(!). I have no idea if I should actually pursue any of them, but I like where my mind is, I like that is it thinking in the positive and not the negative, even if these positivities are scaring the living fuck out of me.
Speaking of terrifying things, Caitlin comes home in two and a half weeks. I'm excited and I'm scared and I think once she's here even more will become clearer to me. Am I being vague? Yes, yes I am.
I want to join the peace corps after college, and I want to learn more languages, and I want to learn them fluently, and I want to be a writer, and I don't want to be living in the United States five years from now.
There's a paragraph writing itself in my head that I won't type in full about how people have brought out different things in me at different points in my life, and I want some of the ways I used to be and the people who used to make me them back. Yes, there is one person in particular, and it won't take you much to figure out who. I'm not typing it out loud, though.
I think I watch too much TV.
----------------------------
Wrote this last Wednesday. Livejournal saved it, and I don't want to throw it away, even though it ends abruptly:
Didn't learn jack shit from my seminar just now, but sitting there for two and a half hours lost in my own thoughts opened my brain up to some ideas of things that I want out of life(!). I have no idea if I should actually pursue any of them, but I like where my mind is, I like that is it thinking in the positive and not the negative, even if these positivities are scaring the living fuck out of me.
Speaking of terrifying things, Caitlin comes home in two and a half weeks. I'm excited and I'm scared and I think once she's here even more will become clearer to me. Am I being vague? Yes, yes I am.
I want to join the peace corps after college, and I want to learn more languages, and I want to learn them fluently, and I want to be a writer, and I don't want to be living in the United States five years from now.