Struggling with feelings of hurt, betrayel, and anger...all part of this silly 'healing' process. I hate that sometimes I get mad...it's so juvenile. I guess this time though, I'll take some advice from a friend of mine and not belabor myself for the stupidity of natural feelings. I'll just recognize that they are dumb and let them run their ( Read more... )

For once in my life the situation is reversed, and I'm finding it quite...unpleasant. Everyone close to me is gone. Everything is leaving. I'm leaving too, but always before the seperation came on my terms, in my time. Now I'm still here but I'm alone before I expected it. Before I prepared for it. I really don't have any close friends left ( Read more... )

I feel drunk but I'm sober ( Read more... )

I'm here. And pretty good. Things are good. Mmhmm.

I can't remember if I updated today...after thinking about it for a few minutes i think i did...because of all my bad dreams...i think that was it. I'm so foggy right now...foggy, dizzy, exhausted...walking very far wears me out. I think I must be sick. My hands keep going numb, maybe it is just nerves...nobody, nobody ( Read more... )

For the most part lately I have been able to put all my cares, stress, and fears aside during the day. But at night they haunt me...they haunt me terribly. I've been sleeping the whole night through for the past week, which is something I haven't done in a very long time...but the night is filled with restless, anxious bad dreams. I wake up in ( Read more... )

So lonely tonight. You know...for a while...almost three months, I had this amazing companionship with Nick. The kind of thing that exists rarely in life, the friendship between the closest people, often just between a man and his wife. And maybe we weren't all the way there, but I have never been that close to anyone. Now...now I long for that ( Read more... )

I had to, just two pictures...from the wedding, of course.

Here's my family now. Left to right, it goes Becki, Marvin (my dad), Steve, Jan, Sandy (my mom), and, of course, me...looking silly, as I always do.


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I love you, but it doesn't bring a pang to my heart.
I want to be around you, but not with you ( Read more... )

Things that I love ( Read more... )