BACKSTAGE - Chatper 1
Chapter 1
“When are you going to look for a proper job?”
“Fuck Alison, I’ve got a proper job. I’m out four nights a week playing with the band, and we get paid for it.” Tommy had had this conversation several times recently and was now sick of saying the same things over again.
“You know I want us to be a proper family and have kids, but Tommy how can you bring up kids on the kind of job you do? I’m not going to be able to work once we have a child.”
“Stop right there, who’s idea was it to have a kid and where was I when all this was decided?”
“We’ve talked about this before.”
“No Alison, you’ve talked I had to listen. When I wanted to say anything you’ve always stopped me or you’ve just ignored me. I’m sick of being told what to do. You’re not my mother and we’re certainly not married.”
“But you do want to get married and have kids don’t you?”
Tommy sighed, when he was younger he’d always dreamed of a family, but then he’d had a couple of relationships that had ended badly and they had put him off. Now this one was looking at going the same way and there was no way he wanted to bring a child into the equation only to have it shifted from pillar to post between the parents.
“Yes, I eventually would like a family but….”
“But what Tommy? You don’t want kids with me, is that it?”
“I didn’t say that, I was going to say you’re only 27, I’m only 29 so I think we have a bit of time yet before we tie….”
“I get it you don’t want me to tie you down. You’re trying to be a teenager again. That’s it. You’re out partying with your friends and you’d rather do that at night than spend time with me….your girlfriend.”
“Alison, shut up!” Tommy didn’t like raising his voice, he was a quiet guy but Alison seemed to know all the wrong buttons to press. “Who pays the bills?”
“You do.”
“Right, and who pays the rent on this apartment?”
“You do. But Tommy who buys the food, cooks it, cleans up and….”
“And nothing, you do that, what I’m saying is we’re….”
“You want me to leave”
"No! I am not saying that at all, it's just....."
"It's just you don't want to marry me and have kids with me?"
Tommy sighed "we're just going through a rough patch. We've got to find a new singer for the band, Chrissie has told us that she's leaving to move to the UK. We're getting more gigs and well.... I really don't know...."
"Oh I get it now, you want to go with Chrissie."
"What! Where the fuck did that come from?"
"I see you watching her when you're playing. I can see the look...."
"For fuck sake she has a girlfriend Alison, she'd be more interested in you than she would be in me. So no, I don't fancy her." He watched as Alison’s shoulders slumped. He knew what was coming, it was the same after every argument and if he was truthful he was fed up with her insecurities and her pressure on him to get married.
"I'm sorry baby, it's just I'm not getting any younger and I don't know how long I can keep going without some committment from you."
"I committed myself to you when we moved in together, isn't that enough?"
"It was, oh Tommy.." she moved to wrap her arms around him but he stepped back. "It's just all my friends are married or are getting married or have kids, and I.... well I just feel left out."
"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to get married just yet. Maybe in a couple of years when we've saved enough money. I want to see how far the band goes and.... oh I don't know.... I dream of a recording contract."
"Your mother was right," she'd raised her voice again, "she always said you had your head in the clouds and I'd have to be the one to make sure you did the right thing."
"Oh I see where this is going. No I'm not just getting married because neither you nor my mother like my job. I will marry for love."
"So you're saying you don't love me anymore?"
Tommy looked at Alison and in that fleeting moment, hearing her saying it loud, he realised that no, maybe he didn't love her anymore. "I'm sorry Ali, I.... thought I loved you, but...."
"Well the truth’s coming out now."
He didn't feel anything, he supposed he should feel bad for letting it get this far, but in truth he kind of felt relieved that it was out in the open. "I'm sorry. Look you deserve to be happy and if that's not with me, then...."
"Tommy I love you, I don't want us to break up. I...."
"No Ali, for the first time in a long while I feel relieved. Relieved that I can finally admit that we are not going anywhere. Look I'm going to go out for a ride."
"Fuck you Thomas Joseph Ratliff, you think more of that bike than you do of me and our relationship.”
Tommy remained calm, he knew that wound Alison up more than if he shouted at her. “I’m going for a ride. And….” He picked his coat and keys up, “and I’d like you gone by the time I get back….say two hours.”
“But….what about my stuff?”
“Take with you what you need, then at the weekend when the band are away you can come and collect the rest.” He looked at her noticing tears forming. “I’m sorry we got this far Alison, but me and you, will never work, we want different things.”
She went to hug him but he stepped away again.
“I’ll give you time to leave. Take care of yourself and I hope you meet someone who will give you what you want.” He took one last look then left.
Closing the door he sighed. He felt a weight had lifted off his shoulders. He felt bad for telling Alison that she had to leave, but he did pay the rent. Ok he would have to find something else to do, the band would be playing for the next couple of months but then without their singer he didn’t know how long they’d get gigs.
Climbing on his bike he headed for town realizing he’d not eaten that morning. Alison was a great girl but he wasn’t ready to settle down, he needed to see if his music would take him anywhere. It had been his dream and he wasn’t going to give up on it now.
Chapter 2 - http://iantosdreamer46.livejournal.com/56241.html
“When are you going to look for a proper job?”
“Fuck Alison, I’ve got a proper job. I’m out four nights a week playing with the band, and we get paid for it.” Tommy had had this conversation several times recently and was now sick of saying the same things over again.
“You know I want us to be a proper family and have kids, but Tommy how can you bring up kids on the kind of job you do? I’m not going to be able to work once we have a child.”
“Stop right there, who’s idea was it to have a kid and where was I when all this was decided?”
“We’ve talked about this before.”
“No Alison, you’ve talked I had to listen. When I wanted to say anything you’ve always stopped me or you’ve just ignored me. I’m sick of being told what to do. You’re not my mother and we’re certainly not married.”
“But you do want to get married and have kids don’t you?”
Tommy sighed, when he was younger he’d always dreamed of a family, but then he’d had a couple of relationships that had ended badly and they had put him off. Now this one was looking at going the same way and there was no way he wanted to bring a child into the equation only to have it shifted from pillar to post between the parents.
“Yes, I eventually would like a family but….”
“But what Tommy? You don’t want kids with me, is that it?”
“I didn’t say that, I was going to say you’re only 27, I’m only 29 so I think we have a bit of time yet before we tie….”
“I get it you don’t want me to tie you down. You’re trying to be a teenager again. That’s it. You’re out partying with your friends and you’d rather do that at night than spend time with me….your girlfriend.”
“Alison, shut up!” Tommy didn’t like raising his voice, he was a quiet guy but Alison seemed to know all the wrong buttons to press. “Who pays the bills?”
“You do.”
“Right, and who pays the rent on this apartment?”
“You do. But Tommy who buys the food, cooks it, cleans up and….”
“And nothing, you do that, what I’m saying is we’re….”
“You want me to leave”
"No! I am not saying that at all, it's just....."
"It's just you don't want to marry me and have kids with me?"
Tommy sighed "we're just going through a rough patch. We've got to find a new singer for the band, Chrissie has told us that she's leaving to move to the UK. We're getting more gigs and well.... I really don't know...."
"Oh I get it now, you want to go with Chrissie."
"What! Where the fuck did that come from?"
"I see you watching her when you're playing. I can see the look...."
"For fuck sake she has a girlfriend Alison, she'd be more interested in you than she would be in me. So no, I don't fancy her." He watched as Alison’s shoulders slumped. He knew what was coming, it was the same after every argument and if he was truthful he was fed up with her insecurities and her pressure on him to get married.
"I'm sorry baby, it's just I'm not getting any younger and I don't know how long I can keep going without some committment from you."
"I committed myself to you when we moved in together, isn't that enough?"
"It was, oh Tommy.." she moved to wrap her arms around him but he stepped back. "It's just all my friends are married or are getting married or have kids, and I.... well I just feel left out."
"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to get married just yet. Maybe in a couple of years when we've saved enough money. I want to see how far the band goes and.... oh I don't know.... I dream of a recording contract."
"Your mother was right," she'd raised her voice again, "she always said you had your head in the clouds and I'd have to be the one to make sure you did the right thing."
"Oh I see where this is going. No I'm not just getting married because neither you nor my mother like my job. I will marry for love."
"So you're saying you don't love me anymore?"
Tommy looked at Alison and in that fleeting moment, hearing her saying it loud, he realised that no, maybe he didn't love her anymore. "I'm sorry Ali, I.... thought I loved you, but...."
"Well the truth’s coming out now."
He didn't feel anything, he supposed he should feel bad for letting it get this far, but in truth he kind of felt relieved that it was out in the open. "I'm sorry. Look you deserve to be happy and if that's not with me, then...."
"Tommy I love you, I don't want us to break up. I...."
"No Ali, for the first time in a long while I feel relieved. Relieved that I can finally admit that we are not going anywhere. Look I'm going to go out for a ride."
"Fuck you Thomas Joseph Ratliff, you think more of that bike than you do of me and our relationship.”
Tommy remained calm, he knew that wound Alison up more than if he shouted at her. “I’m going for a ride. And….” He picked his coat and keys up, “and I’d like you gone by the time I get back….say two hours.”
“But….what about my stuff?”
“Take with you what you need, then at the weekend when the band are away you can come and collect the rest.” He looked at her noticing tears forming. “I’m sorry we got this far Alison, but me and you, will never work, we want different things.”
She went to hug him but he stepped away again.
“I’ll give you time to leave. Take care of yourself and I hope you meet someone who will give you what you want.” He took one last look then left.
Closing the door he sighed. He felt a weight had lifted off his shoulders. He felt bad for telling Alison that she had to leave, but he did pay the rent. Ok he would have to find something else to do, the band would be playing for the next couple of months but then without their singer he didn’t know how long they’d get gigs.
Climbing on his bike he headed for town realizing he’d not eaten that morning. Alison was a great girl but he wasn’t ready to settle down, he needed to see if his music would take him anywhere. It had been his dream and he wasn’t going to give up on it now.
Chapter 2 - http://iantosdreamer46.livejournal.com/56241.html