The Other Christmas Carole
(all spelling and grammer mistakes are suposto be there!)
The Other Christmas Carole
Fairy of Christmas Past……………………………….Anthony Wilcox
Demon of Christmas Present and/or Past……………………..Terron Something or other
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come…………………………Sean Daugherty
Eddie Stooge……………………………Zack Keys
Setting- Volcano, somewhere near Seattle. Now! Yesterday! Then!
Plot- Thickens
E- Eddie
Pa- Fairy of Christmas Past
Pr-Ghost of Christmas Present and/of Past
Pr2- Terron
F-Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Act 1- Volcano near Seattle
E- Bah! Humbug! Why are we in a volcano?
Pa-Volcano’s have Christmas Pasts too!
E-Oh, is it dormant?
Pa- No, it’s active. Run for your life mortal! (Maniacal Laugh)
E-I’m pretty sure it’s dormant, there are kids in there.
Pa- No they’re demons.
E- But I was here yesterday!
Pa-How do you know but where we are? Mortal!
E-Seattle’s over there, and there’s a sign with the date on it.
Pa-It could be wrong….we could be millions of years into the future where electricity has died.
E- But you’re the Ghost of Christmas past.
Pa- Shut up mortal!
E- and you’re a fairy.
Pa- Run the volcano is exploding! Die Mortal!
(E runs of stage and Pa casually walks off)
Act 2-
(E goes back on stage as Pa leaves. Lies on bed and looks at audience and delivers the following lines)
E- You’ve made it, didn’t think you would show. (Looks at watch) You’re like 20 minutes late. You missed the whole first half. Let me give you the first act. Umm…non-dormant volcano…thrown in, burning, dying, sizzling. Now we may continue.
Pr- (Walks quietly on stage and state matter-of-factly) it’s called active you Engrish piece of chocolate colon.
E- What?
Pr- It’s called active not non-dormant. That’s just bad grammar.
E- Oh? Really? Who…where. What……who are you?
Pr-I’m the demon of Christmas Present and/or Past.
E-Then who was the other guy.
Pr. An imposter!
E-How did he get me to yesterday? Seattle? Volcano?
Pr- You really are a simple creature. That was a sandbox, that’s why there was kids there. They now think you’re a priest.
E-What about the spewing lava? And all the burning the sizzling, and the dying?
Pr- Don‘t worry, the burning sensation is normal. (Shakes head) I don’t have time for this, I have to teach you some stuff then go over to someone else’s house and kick the stupid out of them too. I have an afterlife too ya know, and I don’t get paid overtime.
E- Okay then, Where are we going?
Pr- A magical far away place with things…….FLASH!!
E- Where are we?
Pr- Seattle
E-But it’s sunny.
Pr- It’s Christmas. You got to appreciate Christmas Ebenezer.
E- But I’m Eddie! And it’s May.
PR- Right that was yesteryear. Anyway you need to appreciate Christmas because you get presents and you have to love people. If you don’t love people you don’t get presents.
E- Christmas can’t be all about presents, can it?
Pr- Take it easy Eddie, one step at a time. I’m just trying to appeal to your greedy, selfish nature which makes it easier to get through to you.
E- But I’m not greedy. I buy girl scout cookies.
Pr- Just to look at the girls you sick f-BEEP-ker.
E-No I don’t! They’re young and disgusting!
Pr-So are you!
E- Can you just teach me what you cam to teach me?
Pr- Right! (Incoherent noise) Feast you eyes on what’s under my robes! (Pulls out 2 sock puppets from robes) Behold ignorance and stupidity! Fear them!
E-Isn’t suppose to be ignorance and poverty?
Pr- Fear them! Ebe-Eddie.
E-I fear them Aaaaah (With emotion)
Pr- Good cause they’re scary.
E- Put them awaaaay! Under your roooobes? I don’t want to gaze upon them any loooonger!
Pr-Why are you talking like thiiis?
E- I have no idea. Why are you here?
Pr-Don’t be ignorant
E- Wait hold on….what?
Pr- Don’t be stupid or ignorant..
E-Just leave
Pr-fear them? FLASH!
(Pr runs off stage. Comes back on without cloak)
Pr2- Oh, my scene’s over. (Moves downstage, curtain closes.)
Intermission-Terron sings for a while.
Act 3-
E- I’m still at the volcano, again!
Pr2- there are 3 ghosts duh! Fear ignorance, no one learns. (Exit)
E- great, 3rd ghost come out.
F- No.
E- What do you mean no?
F-No, I’m not running according to your schedule.
E-I want to go home, and I want to sleep.
F- But I stole your teddy!
E- You stole my teddy? Why did you steal me teddy?
F- I will kill you. (Enter)
E-Can I help you?
F- (Arms are hanging at head level.) Blasted cob-webs. (Shakes himself)
E-What do you want?
F- (Walks really close to E.) Is that Old Spice?
E-No its…hey, you’re not supposed to be talking. You’re the ghost of Christmas yet to come. You’re supposed to show me my grave and all that bad stuff!
F- How do you know all this? For surely you are the son of God?
E- Wha….(Robe descends on him. Then thrown back up as Ahhhh’s are being sung)
F-Heretic! So my brother of large stature tells me that you’re greedy and selfish.
E- That’s not true. I give turkeys to local families and the cripple kid that lives down the street.
F- I want a turkey, what about me!
E-You don’t get a turkey! What does a turkey have to do with anything?
F-I’m hungry.
E-Well I guess that does make….no!
F-So have you learned your lesson?
E-Yes! I will spend my vast amount of fortune on kids in Spain.
F-Really?
E-No! (smile happily)
F- How bout Poland?
E-Yes!
F-Aren’t you from London though?
E- I’m from Utah!
F- Oh, I didn’t get the memo. Well I need to go so be good and be happy about Christmas and such.
E- Aren’t you going to show me my grave?
F- You’re going to die? Well that sucks.
E-What?
F-(Cocks head) I think I hear the tooth fairy calling!
E-Wha….?
F- (Checks for rain then runs off stage screaming) The Sky Is Falling!
E-(Shrugs and walks off stage)
ZE END!!!!