On wenesday, i took the ib test. I felt broken ( Read more... )

Have you ever taken one of those really big steps, those steps that you know you can't take back? It's like breaking up with your first boyfriend, or jumping over a bridge that's collapsing. Well, i just took one of those steps. I called Paul St. John at fullerton college, and talked to him, essentially signing myself up to go to france in ( Read more... )

I have to call my new psychologist and my new psychiatrist tonight, and i start taking the sample pack of zoloft. wheeeeeee. fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I used up all my sick days so i called in crazy.

Do you ever look at the world and see that all the color is gone? What if you blink and it doesn't come back? Am i dead? Probably not. But it's very sad to look at a sky which you know is blue, and see only another shade of gray. When i get migraines, i lose color, and only see in black and white, so along with the pain and the hallucinations, the ( Read more... )

It feels good. It feels really good. School got out hours ago, in a sudden rush like blood from a wound. It's Friday night, and we don't have to see those cretins we sit in class with for forty eight blissful hours. Saturday night wouldn't do the same thing, but Friday, when we are still intoxicated from freedom, and as the voices of the teachers ( Read more... )

You know that feeling, when the phone rings, and you go to pick it up, but just at the time you put your hand on it, the ringing stops, and you hear the voice of someone else in your house talking, and you know it's not for you, but you knew it wasn't for you to begin with ... that dumb feeling of intangible loss, that sinking soft feeling of

Sometimes I really hate myself.
I think i'm going to go set something on fire now.
fuck.
fuck fuck fuck fuck.
fuck.

So i ditched a class on thursday too. Yeah, instead of going to my fifth period (sorry bauer, it's only journalism) i went with a friend to get coffee. we sat outside of sweet daddy's for an hour just watching north glendora pass by, and talking about the world. It was really rather nice. i'm always happy to hang out with this friend; he's one of ( Read more... )

So today i went to the career fair, and that sucked. I mean, figure if they lock you into a gym to keep you there, it's gotta blow some pretty hard shit. I did not enjoy. After i got away from the job fair, my day started for real ( Read more... )

My aunt died, the one who i wrote about last night. She died this morning at about nine fifty. I'm like uber depressed, because i was just talking about her today, and i was joking around about her smoking, and her attitudes. she's just gone. It's so stupid. I'm kinda freaking out a little. i don't know what the hell i'll do tomorrow. see ya later.